Secrets (29 page)

He said nothing.

“I think we’d both be better off just going our separate ways, AJ.  This whole relationship has been one continuous stream of –“

“Don’t downplay what we had – no,
have
– with whatever you’re about to say.” 

I paused, hearing the anger in his voice.  “I’ll be the first to say that I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way about anyone else –“

“Then why would you risk that by moving to…to God knows where, when we could work this out!  And if you need to leave, with all that’s happened, I get that!  I’d go with you!”

“But I don’t
want
you to come with me, AJ!  That’s the point!” I admitted breathlessly.  He stared, but didn’t speak.  “As much as I love you, and as bad as I wish I still believed that that’s enough, I need to do this on my own! I’ve learned the hard way that, for whatever reason, us being together is toxic!”  I could tell by the look on his face that I’d cut him deep with that word, but it was too late to take it back.  “Leila, the accident, the baby, the lies, the secrets, Reina, Antonio…all of it!  You don’t see it because you’re NEVER on the receiving end of ANY of it!  You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to look at your own body in the mirror because when you do there’s enough pain and humiliation to stop your heart cold in your chest.  You don’t know what it was like having to have your child’s remains removed from your body because some selfish girl didn’t know how to deal with her issues.  You don’t know what it’s like having to piece your life back together every few months, AJ!”

“You think this has been easy for me?
  Sam…I’ve been there with you EVERY step of the way,”  He yelled back.  “And I don’t know if you realize this or not, but I was there during that procedure, too; you weren’t the only who felt that loss after the accident regardless of what you’ve convinced yourself of.”

He stood
from where he sat beside me on the bed, cursed under his breath, and I jumped when he tossed one of the dining chairs against the wall.  “So you’re just gonna walk away,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.  “After everything we’ve been through.”

“
Because
of everything we’ve been through,” I corrected. 

His shoulders heaved while he stood across the room, seething with anger.  “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

I lowered my head when his stare sent a jolt of guilt through me. 

“Sam, I swear…if you knew how much I love you…and how much you mean to me…”

A tear rolled down my face and I didn’t bother to wipe it away.  “I love you too, I just –“

“No you don’t.  You
couldn’t
.  If that was true, leaving wouldn’t even be an option.  Bottom line.”  He shook his head in exasperation.  “My
life
was in danger and I wouldn’t even
think
about leaving here without you.”

My heart felt so full and yet so empty all at the same time.  Of course I loved him – so much that it scared me!  But…I just wasn’t blind anymore.  What happened that night changed so much in
me.  If I sat around waiting for the next disaster or the next tragedy to take another piece of me, there wouldn’t be anything left!  I knew he’d react this way, but I couldn’t change my mind on this.

“AJ…whether you get it or not, I have to go.”

“Why would you make such a drastic decision
now?
  With everything you’ve been through, you’re not even thinking clearly!” He reasoned.

“That’s where you’re wrong.  I’m thinking clearer than I’ve thought in months.  The damage that’s been done to this relationship – it’s irreparable.”

“Why don’t you just say what’s
really
on your mind?  The damage that
I’ve
done to this relationship is irreparable.  Because deep down you blame me for all of it, don’t you?”

I took a deep breath
, trying to find the words to deny his accusation, but I couldn’t find them.  Maybe because, on some level….he was right.

“So all of this is my fault,” he said
defensively.

I shook my head.  “You’re missing the point!
  Us, you and me….we don’t work!”

The hurt expression returned.  “How the hell can you even say that?”

My heart twisted inside my chest.

“AJ…I think this
change’ll be good for both – “

“Just…don’t
even bother.  I don’t need you to coddle me,” he grumbled, snatching his jacket off the back of the chair and heading toward the door.  “You wanna do this on your own?  Fine.  You got it,” were his final words for me.  I stared at the back of that hotel room door and I can’t lie and say I didn’t question whether I’d done the right thing or now.  Sitting there alone in the silence, I considered chasing after him, but I didn’t.  This felt like the right thing to do.  This felt like the beginning of a healing process that I imagined would be the journey of a lifetime.

*****

When my phone rang, I automatically assumed that it was my parents letting me know that they’d made it; however, I didn’t recognize the number that flashed across my screen.

“Hello?” I answered hesitantly, honestly thinking that it could be Antonio calling from another line.

“Ms. Kelley?”

“This is she,” I replied.

“Hi, this is Detective Jimenez; we spoke the other night in the hospital. How are you? ”

I remembered her name from the business card that she gave me.  “I’m alright.  I was actually coming in to talk to you this afternoon once my parents got here.”

“Oh, ok.  Well, that’s good because I was just getting ready to see if you had some time to come down and have a chit chat with me about your case.”

I frowned.  “Oh….I’ll be there probably within the next hour or two.  Is that okay?”

“Sounds perfect.  Just ask for me when you get here.”

I agreed and then ended the call.  My heart raced in my chest at the thought of not only telling my parents what I’d been through, but also having the same conversation with the detective.

Not even ten minutes after getting the call, there was a knock at the hotel room door.  I peered out the peephole at my mother’s worried expression, and then disengaged the lock.  I kept my head down and hid the bruised side of my face hidden behind the door while they entered.

“Now tell me what’s going –
“ was as far as my mother got before placing her hand under my chin to take a closer look at the left side of my face.  My eye was still relatively swollen and the skin around it was a deep purple and burgundy.  She ran her thumb over the cut on the side of my mouth.  Without even asking what’d happened, tears welled in her eyes.  In my heart, I believe she knew.  Pulling me into her arms, she held me tight – like I’d longed for during my ordeal the other night.  My chest tightened and I hugged her back, crying on her shoulder. 

My father was silent.  He stood there with his hand on my back, wearing a concerned look that seemed to be a mix of confusion and feat.

“Who?”  Was all my mother managed to whisper.

I held her tighter. 
“…..Antonio.”

She fell silent.  My father stopped rubbing my back and froze. 

“I’m okay, though,” I assured my mother when her soft cries transitioned into full-blown sobbing. 

“Where’s he live?”  My father
asked, keys already in hand.

“Daddy…I’m not letting you go over there.  I
wanna do this right; I’m going to the police station to tell the detective everything…I just didn’t want to go without you two.”

My mother backed away and dried her face with a tissue she grabbed from her purse.  “Whatever you need us to do.”

I took my copy of the keycard and followed them out to the car.  That was the longest, most silent drive I’ve ever taken in my life.  My mother kept her eyes trained out the passenger side window, swiping away tears every so often.  Daddy kept his hands firm on the steering wheel and his jaw was tense.  When we pulled into the parking lot, none of us got out right away.  It was my father who finally opened his door and took the lead.  My mother and I followed behind him, hand in hand.  She glanced at the damage done to my face when we reached the lobby, shaking her face in disbelief again.

“Hi, how can I help you,” the short, round officer behind the desk asked.

“I’m here for Detective Jimenez,” I said quietly.

He gave a polite smile. 
“Shouldn’t be long.  If you folks would just have a seat right over there, she’ll be right with you.”

I nodded and sat between my parents in the blue cushioned chairs on the other side of the room.  My father still hadn’t said a word.

“Where’s AJ?”  My mother asked.

I shook my head.  “He’s not…we’re not…”  It didn’t matter.  She didn’t pry.

“Ms. Kelley,” Detective Jimenez smiled.  I returned the gesture and motioned for my parents to come back with me.

“Is it okay if they come, too?” I asked, unashamed that I sounded like a child.  I felt like one.

Detective Jimenez nodded.  “That’s entirely up to you, but be aware that we do need to discuss some of the night’s events in detail.  If you’re comfortable with that, I don’t have a problem with it.

Hesitantly, I nodded. The detective led us to a small conference room where she closed the door before taking a seat across from us at the long, rectangular table.  “So…before we start, you mentioned that you were coming down here today to talk to me about a few things.  I’ll let you start.”

My hands were shaking so badly that my mother grabbed them in hers and tried to calm me.  It felt like my chest was going to cave in, but I had to do this.

“You asked me who my attacker was, and…I’m ready to give you his name now,” I forced out. 

With a sympathetic expression, Detective Jimenez gave an encouraging nod.

I blew all of the air out of my lungs and
had a flashback of that night, being trapped in his bed with his arm over me like we’d just made love.  “His name’s Antonio Martin.”

The detective gave a slow nod.  “And I’m assuming that you knew Mr. Martin prior to this incident, correct?”

I nodded.  “We went to high school together – dated for awhile.”

She nodded again and made notes in her notepad.

“And how did the evening play out?”

Again I sighed deeply and forced myself to think back to that night.  “We had plans to hang out that night.  I changed my mind at the last minute and went to his place to cancel because I thought it’d be better than doing it over the phone, and…”

My mother pulled my head down on her shoulder when I paused to quench my tears.  “He didn’t like that, in his eyes, I was rejecting him again.”

“Mm
hm… and what time was this?”

I thought back to the time I was supposed to meet AJ at the fountain. 
“Around 6:30.”

She made a few more notes.  “There was a young guy who the nurses said brought you to the hospital?”

I nodded.  “Yes…my ex.”  My chest ached when I had to refer to AJ that way.

“And his name?”

“Anthony Hahn.”

Her pencil went to work again.  “Was he with you at the hospital the entire time?”

Her question confused me.  What difference did that make?  “Yes, he stayed with me until I was released.  After that, he took me to get a room because I couldn’t go back to my dorm.”

Detective Jimenez’s eyes met mine.  “Why’s that?”

“Because my purse and keys are still in Antonio’s apartment.”

She made another note and then reached beneath the table. 
“This purse?”  She asked, sliding my black satchel bag across to me.  Confusion crossed my face.  How on Earth would she have my bag if I hadn’t told her who was responsible for this?

Detective Jimenez clasped her hands atop the table and met my gaze.  “
We found this tucked away in the closet of Mr. Martin’s apartment.  Imagine my surprise when we looked inside and found your license.”

I still didn’t understand.

“A frantic call came in from one of Mr. Martin’s neighbor’s last night.  Apparently someone broke into his apartment and nearly beat him half to death.  His phone and wallet were missing, so we thought that it was just a run of the mill breaking and entering gone wrong, but…that was until your purse became a factor.”

My heart was racing in my chest.  Now I knew where AJ had gone while I was asleep….

I couldn’t think straight.  “He’s not…I mean, you’re not gonna….he won’t have to go to
jail
or anything, right?  I mean…if he’s even the one who did this?”

“Calm down, Ms. Kell
ey.  As of right now, I’d just like to have a talk with him to find out what went on.  Like you said, we don’t even know if he’s responsible.  I’m just following protocol.  Mr. Martin was pretty bad off when we got there.  However, I believe whoever did this wanted someone to find him and call the police.”

I started doing a tailspin.  What if he got in trouble because of me?  If he went to jail trying to protect me, I’d –