Something Worth Fighting For (38 page)

Despite Atlas’ protest about me needing rest, I dressed, and we headed over to my dad’s house. I climbed the stairs with Atlas behind me and walked in to find him sitting on the couch deep in conversation on his cell phone. His head popped up when we came around into view. “They’re here actually. I’ll talk to them. Thanks, Chad.” He hung up, walking right by me and hugging Atlas. “You don’t know how good it is to see you.” Clapping his back, he kissed my cheek next.

“Yeah, good to see you too, dad. Geez, walk right past me like I’m not even here.” I teased as we sat down.

“I see you all the time Ellie Belle. Actually I was going to have to come talk to you guys but you showed up first.” Dad looked at Atlas then down at me. The corner of his mouth turned down as he cleared his throat. “I have some good and some bad news.” I reached over grabbing Atlas’ hand far too tight. “They want to give you a medal.”

“No shit?” Atlas eyebrows raised skyward as I smiled at him. “Wow, that’s really not necessary.”

“It is. I would like to do the ceremony myself, if that’s okay with you?” Dad looked at me with worried eyes.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else to, sir.”

“What’s the bad news?” I prompted, holding my breath.

“I’m stalling because I don’t know how to tell you.” He admitted, as he stared at his clasped hands.

“Spit it out, Ben.” Atlas’ knees were bouncing up and down nervously.

“Adam didn’t make it. A blood clot broke loose and he died in his sleep last night.”

Atlas’ hand was squeezing mine so hard it hurt. I felt like all the air had been sucked from my lungs. “Oh my God...” I put my head on my hand, shaking. We didn’t need this, Atlas and Darcy didn’t deserve this.

“Goddammit!” Atlas yelled jerking up suddenly. “Just... Fuck!” He paced back and forth, clenching his fists as the tears once again fell down his face. He swung his fist, hitting the beam in between the kitchen and living room.

“Atlas...” My voice was cautious as he looked at me. His eyes were wild, lost, like he didn’t know what to do next. Without a word he walked out of the house. I watched him from the window, holding myself as he fell to his knees, punching the sand over and over.

He was a shell of a broken man. The wind was whipping around him, blowing his clothes, as his head fell back, he howled with the physical pain of losing his brother.

“Go to him, before he hurts himself.” Dad urged me. I nodded as I walked down the stairs and out to where he still remained on his knees in the sand. Without a word I sat down in front of him, taking his face in my hands. His own larger ones covered mine as he openly wept for his best friend.

“You fought for me and now it’s my turn to fight for you because you Atlas Ryker, you are something worth fighting for.” I jabbed my finger into his chest, as I fought to control myself. Without a word he pulled me to him, kissing me hard, a mix of sadness and desparate need for connection.

“We’re going to get through this. I promise you, we will.” I assured him.

“I could have--- But I could have done more. I could have done something.”

“No baby, you couldn’t have. You did everything you could have done. You did more than you were even supposed to do. You went back for him when no one else would.”

“He said he hated me...” Atlas hiccuped as his forehead rested against mine.

“He didn’t hate you, baby. You were his best friend.” I rubbed his back, crying right along with him. “I think it’s time for you to go talk to my dad. You really need to, I think now more than ever.” Atlas nodded agreeing without protest, he got to his feet and helped me up off the ground.

“Atlas?” I pulled his hand, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I love you.”

“You’re the only thing that still keeps me here.” It was an honest answer that sent chills down my spine. “You’re my whole world.” He kissed me and left me standing at the water’s edge while he went back inside to face his demons.

❋❋❋

“Darcy?” I called out softly as I walked into her apartment. “Where are you, baby girl?” I didn’t see her curled up on the couch in a ball with the blanket pulled up to her neck. “Oh sweetheart,” I tossed my bag onto the couch and sat down, pulling her head into my lap. Running my fingers through her hair, she laid there without a word, clutching the fabric of my dress.

“It’s not fair.” Her voice was hoarse. “How come Atlas and Caleb get to come home but Adam doesn’t? How come they are the only damn ones that gets to come home? Where is he? I want to know why.” She demanded, her voice rising as she drew near hysterical.

“Atlas didn’t do anything wrong, Darcy. It’s just how things happen sometimes. He just got lucky.”

“Bullshit!” She yelled at me, sitting up. “I don’t believe that. Why is he so damn special?”

“Sweetie, I know you’re hurting...”

“You don’t know shit about hurting, Ellie.”

“We didn’t do anything to you, why don’t you just talk to Atlas? He can tell you more about what happened. He’s been talking to my dad all day and--”

“Just get out.” Darcy cut me off. “Get the fuck out!” She pointed at the door, her swollen eyes crying once again. “Don’t come back, Ellie.”

“Darcy....”

“Leave.” She bit the word out as I stood up, picking up my bag.

“I’m only a phone call away.”

“Go!” I shut the door as she threw the remote and hit behind me.

Sometimes it actually is possible for the world to fall apart even when you have everything you always wanted.

❋❋❋

“How was she?” Atlas asked concerned. I had been driving around for a few hours, not sure what to do with myself. I finally ended up back at my dad’s house with an ice cream cone. He sat down next to me on the porch as I stared past him out at the ocean.

“She kicked me out and told me to not come back. She’s angry, hurt, pissed off, irate, those words don’t seem to cover it. She’s mad at me because you came home and says I don’t know a damn thing about hurting. I asked her to talk to you but she flat out refused. Apparently I’m the bad person.” I took a bite of the cone much to Atlas’ amusement. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. It’ll take some time but Ben said to come talk to him whenever I needed to. He’s really helping so thank you for suggesting we come today. I’m going to try and work toward positive things. The babies, the promotion I want, the new job, just a little bit of everything. I don’t think Adam would want me to stop my life just because his ended.”

“That’s a great way to look at it.”

“Can I have some?”

“Did you seriously just ask a pregnant girl if you can have some of her food?”

“Umm...”

“You’re lucky I love you.” I held out the cone for him to take a bite of as he grinned.

“It’s good, we should get more.”

“There is always ice cream in the Ryker house.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Do you know Adam’s parents? I think going to the funeral would be good for everyone.” I asked, taking another bite.

“Yeah, I was going to call Vincent later. Adam’s from Alabama but I’m not sure where they want to bury him. If they want to do it down there or at Arlington.”

“Either way, we’ll be there,” Atlas nodded solemnly. “Here,” I handed him the rest of my ice cream.” A little something sweet. Sometimes a band aid doesn’t cover the wounds people can’t see. But a little something sweet can make anything a little bit better.”

Arlington National Cemetery was nothing like I expected it to be. Despite the loss it held, it was beautiful. We were gathered next to Adam’s parents, Vincent, and Eleanor, his sister Amanda was clutching her boyfriend Greyson’s arm like her life depended on it.

“Glad you could be here, Atlas.” Vincent finally spoke as he reached out shaking his hand. Vincent looked like he had seen many better years and possibly aged ten in the last few weeks. Eleanor was undoubtedly on the verge of sedation, not that I could blame her.

“No where else I would be, sir.” Atlas’ voice was shaky as he looked straight ahead. He was watching the body bearers and color guard lineup to get ready to start the procession. The white casket was being removed from the hearse as the bearers place it carefully on the caisson. Eleanor was sobbing softly next to me as she saw her son’s flag draped casket for the first time.

We watched as the caisson started moving forward, the band was playing, marching behind the bearers as we took off through the cemetery. Vincent was gripping Eleanor as her grief poured like rain, he helped her get in the car with Amanda and Greyson

“You okay?” I whispered to Atlas who nodded sharply as we followed behind them in our car. We wound through the cemetery following the horse drawn carriage carrying Adam’s body. I silently wondered if Darcy was here. I had sent her a text to tell her when and where the funeral was but she still wasn’t speaking to me.

We came to a stop where the body bearers were to move the casket to the resting place. The band was lined up at the gravesite, playing as we exited the car to join Adam’s family. Standing still with Atlas at attention next to me we watched them lift and carry the casket to the grave. Following quietly we stood behind Adam’s parents and grandparents seated in front.

Without saying a word Atlas stepped around me and marched over to where his fellow brothers stood. Pulling down the coat of his Blues, he snapped to attention once again, and saluted his best friend. Tears welled in my eyes as a gentle hand on my arm caused me to jump. Darcy stood next to me, her eyes red and swollen as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her to me.

Silent tears ran down our faces as the chaplain began to speak.

“There is no greater loss than the loss of life. Sergeant Adam Vincent Thornbriar willingly risked his so we could have our freedoms. Adam died a hero and he leaves this Earth to go on to his next life, one of peace. And while we will miss him and recognize him today for his service, we will see him again when our time comes, and we too are called home. If you will all please bow your heads? Dear Heavenly Father, we are gathered here to remember a son, brother, loved one, who courageously and honorably served his country up until his last breath. We know he is now with you in Heaven above and watching over us in everything we do. Dear Lord now we pray for healing and understand for his friends and family. May they have your strength, guidance, and faith in all things you lead them to you will bring them through. In your Holy name we pray, Amen.”

“Amen.”

“Will the family please rise for honors?”

We watched the NCOIC in charge presented arms, jumping as the rifle volley sounded. My eyes went to Atlas who never moved, his back straight as he looked straight ahead. The bugler stepped forward and the haunting sounds of “
Taps
” began to echo through the cemetery. I could see the tears steadily streaming down Atlas’ stone hard face.

Darcy was holding my hand as the two men folded the flag, working together in an elegant precision. One stepped forward, handed the flag to Atlas in his left hand and saluted him. My heart was racing as Atlas stepped over to Vincent.

“On behalf of of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the United States Marine Corps, and a grateful Nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation of your son’s service to Country and Corps.” Atlas spoke clearly, showing no sign of his grief other than the tear stains down his cheeks.

“Thank you.” Vincent choked out as he clutched the flag to his chest. Atlas spun on his heel and marched back to his position. My heart swelled with pride as I watched him.

“He did good.” Darcy whispered in my ear as I nodded.

“The family wanted me to thank everyone for being here today.” The chaplain nodded as people behind us started leaving, heading back toward their cars. A quiet chatter spread through the family as I waited for Atlas. He stood still staring at the casket in a daze.

“Atlas, baby,” I walked over, placing my hand on his shoulder. “We have to go now.” I stepped back as Atlas saluted Adam’s casket one last time as they began to lower it into the ground.  His body went lax as he came to rest and turned toward me.

“Did I do okay?” He asked softly as he leaned down, pressing his face into my neck.

“You did perfect, Atlas.” I kissed the side of his head, rubbing his back. “Let’s go home.” Tugging on his hand, he followed with one last look over his shoulder. We walked over to where the Thornbriar family had gathered to say goodbye.

“Atlas, thank you.” Vincent extended his hand to him.

“Thank you for allowing me to, sir.”

“If you want to come to the apartment and get Adam’s things that is perfectly fine or we can have them shipped to you. I know Darcy would like to get a few personal things but that is for you guys to talk about when you’re ready. We’re in no hurry.” I smiled kindly at Eleanor who nodded, wiping her eyes and nose once again.