The Beginning of Us (31 page)

I angled my head upwards to meet Danny’s eyes and I had no further doubts. I saw the love he had for me reflected in his brown eyes. He loved me and I loved him. I kissed him with so much passion, I felt like I was transported to a different time. I was so lost in our kiss; I didn’t even realize that Danny had moved our half naked bodies on a blanket he laid in the sand for us. I was stripped bare, except for my underwear and Danny in his boxers.

“Mira, I love you so much. I never thought I would meet the person that I wanted for the rest of my life when I was 19. You are all I ever want. You are the smartest, kindest, and most beautiful woman I have ever seen. If you’re not ready, Pea, I can wait. I just want you to know that I am mesmerized by you and knowing one day that you will be mine, in all aspects, is enough to keep me patient.”

That was all I needed. It wasn’t that he just opened his heart completely to me, but the fact that he didn’t describe me by my physical attributes first. That melted my heart. He acknowledged the person I was on the inside before the person on the outside.

Pushing him backwards until he was no longer hovering over my body on his forearms, I slipped my panties from my body. Danny stood, taking his time, removing his boxers from his body. Setting them near my recently discarded panties, he laid back on the blanket, nestled between my legs and resting on his forearms. He wrapped the excess blanket around our bodies, protecting us from the late night chill in the air.

In that moment, it was just he and I. We were one. He made me his that night, on the beaches of Lake Michigan, on a blanket. I couldn’t have asked for a more memorable first time. I bet most girls would kill for a first time like that rather than in the back of a car or in their parent’s bed.

Waking up the next morning, naked with the man of my dreams, was such a wonderful experience. After we got up, we were dressed quickly and Danny walked to the bike and pulled out a few energy drinks and gave me one. We sat together, lost in the moment. As I thought about all of the things I would always remember, I knew that night would be at the top of the list forever. Leaning against Danny, I sighed, completely content on how my life was shaping up.

The rest of the weekend was spent in a nearby hotel room exploring each other and finding new ways to love one another.

Sometimes I really hate when memories of Danny seep into my mind when I’m with Skylar. I guess a part of it is that our lives were so intertwined. Without even realizing it, Skylar had become one of my best friends over the years. Skylar has not just crept into my mind, he’s also embedded in my heart and I love him. For the longest time, I didn’t realize what that love meant, but being here in this moment, content, much like I was that night with Danny, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. It might take us a while to get to the point of unconditional love, but this is a start. Now I just need to find a way to open myself back up to Skylar.

It seems that Skylar and I have a love and hate relationship. I love him and he hates me. At least this long ass ride is giving me time to clear my mind. I see why the boys always went for rides when they needed to clear their heads. This is not just exciting; it’s mind freeing.

Skylar inches toward the upcoming exit ramp on our right. Pulling off the highway, he maneuvers his bike into a parking lot of a gas station. Killing the engine, he motions for me to get off the bike.

“I’m going to grab a soda, do you want anything?” Skylar asks me as I’m pulling the helmet off my head.

“Uh, I guess. Cherry something, please.”

I don’t know if I have ever been this confused. He basically kidnapped me from his clubhouse to take me to a gas station to get soda? I wish I could read his mind. Ok, maybe not. He’s pretty pissed at me and the things he’s probably thinking of saying to me, I would rather be left unsaid, just the thought of the words he might cut me with sending a shiver of fear straight down my spine.

Skylar comes out of the gas station and hands me a can of Wild Cherry Pepsi and a straw. He remembered that I hate to drink of out the tin but can’t stand the taste of the soda when it’s sitting in the plastic bottles. I take a few sips and then move towards a parking block to sit down and stretch out my legs. I’m looking at my feet, rolling my ankles around, to regain feeling from being attached to the pegs for so long, when Skylar starts to speak.

“I’m sorry for how I acted tonight Mira. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and scared you.”

“I understand why you’re upset Skylar. I never thought you would react like that, but I understand. I really do hope we can move past it and become friends again.”

“I really don’t know how to be friends with you Mira. I have always been confident and sure of myself, but you seem to bring out the bad in me. I really would like to be your friend, but knowing that we made a child together, you lost it -- and didn’t tell me. I just don’t know how to process that right now. Maybe eventually we can become friends again, but I really don’t see that happening any time soon.”

Tears well in my eyes. My revelation of my love for Skylar and his hatred towards me was confirmed in a few minutes. I feel like my heart is literally breaking into tiny pieces with every word and every look. I am willing to forgive Skylar for all the hurt that he caused me and he can’t forgive me?

“Sky, you said you didn’t sleep with that Heather girl. Was that the truth or were you just trying to make me feel better?” I ask, looking for a reason to be mad at him again. I need to feel something other than this current pain.

“I swear to you Mira, I never slept with that girl. I wanted you to think I did. When you said Danny’s name instead of mine that hurt. Until a few hours ago, I didn’t know that anything could hurt worse. I remember that night like it was yesterday, Mira,” Skylar says as I put my head down in shame. When he puts his fingers under my chin to angle my face to look back into his eyes he says, “I remember asking you to open your eyes while I was buried balls deep inside of you. I needed to know that you were in that moment with me, and not a memory of your past. I needed you to know that it was me making you come. I saw your eyes, Mira. I thought you were with me, but I was wrong.  So fucking wrong. What happened in those last few moments will plague me the rest of my life. I was with you and nobody else. While you were looking into my eyes, you didn't see me, you were with a ghost and I can’t fucking compete with a ghost.” The dam burst and the tears start flowing freely. I put my head in my hands and continue to sob. There was nothing I could say to that. I lost him and he was never coming back to me.
“I’m sorry, Sky. You will never understand exactly how sorry I am. I was with you and you alone. Danny was the only man I had ever been with. He was the only one I gave my heart to, gave myself to. I wanted you, Sky. I didn’t want a ghost or a memory. It was you. It was probably always-” I stop myself. I can’t even complete that sentence without feeling guilty.

I had loved Danny unconditionally, but it’s Skylar that has a piece of me that Danny never did. The guilt is coming over me, making me sob even harder that I can’t catch my breath. This is too much for tonight. My brain is probably still clouded by the mass amounts of whiskey swishing through me. Oh my gosh, I am in love with Skylar and have been for a long time. Probably even before Danny died.

Skylar grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug to try to calm me. He walks back to the bike and puts the helmet on me.

“I should get you home. I’m sorry Mira; I didn’t mean to upset you more. I really needed to get that out. I wanted to tell you the next morning, but you left so fast I didn’t get a chance. Hop on,” he says climbing on the bike.

I slowly get on behind him. The bike roars to life and he pulls out of the parking lot and back to the highway. I hold onto him so tight, I’m surprised he allows it. He pulls up to my parent's house and Kylee’s car is already here. I climb off the back and Skylar turns the bike off but doesn’t follow me off to walk me to the door. I try to hand him back the helmet I am wearing.

“Just hold on to it, I’ll grab it another time. I don’t have anywhere to put it right now,” he says, turning his head back to the road.

That’s it. This is the end of Skyler and me. The end before it even really began. More tears well in my eyes and I throw myself on him in the tightest hug I have ever given anyone. Knowing that I won’t be able to hold onto him again set the tears free. I take a deep breath to remember the smell of this night. Skylar’s cologne mixed with the fumes of the bike will be permanently etched into my memory.

“Good night Skylar,” I say letting him free of my death grip.

“Goodnight Mira. Sleep well, okay,” he says as he fires the bike to life.

I stand in the street and watch Skylar pull off into the darkness. Once his taillights are out of sight, I walk slowly towards the house. I can hear him pull off the street and when I no longer hear the purr of Skylar’s bike, I walk through the front door.

Shutting the door behind me, I lean against the frame and slide down the wall and sit there and cry. Kylee comes down the stairs to find me in my misery. She comes and sits down next to me with her back to the door as well. She puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me down to lean against her while she strokes my hair, trying to calm me from my hysterical crying fit.

“Skylar?” she asks.

Knowing that if I try to speak, nothing coherent would come out of my mouth, so I nod my head.

“I know honey. Don’t worry. Everything happens for a reason. If you want me to chop his dick off and throw it in the river, you know I will,” she says jokingly.

I give her a small smile and a little chuckle. I know that my best friend isn’t as crazy as she lets others believe, but I also know that she would do anything in world for me. The kind of calm that comes over me when I’m with Kylee is so weird. It’s like she knows exactly what to say and when to say it.

“He can keep his dick, Ky, but thanks for that. I know you would do it,” I say giving her a hug.

Standing up and heading towards the stairs, Kylee turns back towards me, “really Mira. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. We have been friends since forever; you’re pretty much my sister.”

I give her another hug and thank her for being such a wonderful friend. All I want now is a change of clothes and my bed.

“I wish you weren’t leaving Ky. I know you’re still here for another twelve days, but I really wish we could be together more. I miss you when you’re gone.”

“Want to know a secret?” Kylee asks me.

“I didn’t think we did secrets, of course I want to know,” I tell her giving her a little shove as she walks ahead of me up the stairs. We get to the top of the stairs and as she opens my bedroom door, she turns towards me. “I’m back to stay babe. I quit my job. Apartment hunting tomorrow afternoon?” she says with a huge grin.

“Hell yes,” I respond.

Everything for a reason I guess

Chapter Fifteen

Mira

Kylee and I sleep late the next morning. Waking up around eleven, we head downstairs for coffee and breakfast. My mom has already put the Sunday paper on the counter before leaving for church, and Kylee grabs it, searching the ‘apartments for rent’ section. She begins searching for a pen in the junk drawer. I don’t know about your house, but there are at least four places in my house that becomes a catch-all. A little bit of everything is in these drawers, cupboards or designated corners. After moving papers to the side and removing the can opener, she finds a large red pen and begins circling ads, that on paper, meet our criteria.

We really don’t need much. Two bedrooms, a large living space, open floor plan and preferably two bathrooms, but one would suffice. Something with assigned parking might be nice too. Looking for street parking during the summer is a lot easier than when classes are in session. Even though we typically try to stay off campus, as do most students so they can walk to classes, it can turn into a mess trying to carry in groceries from two blocks away.

Finishing our coffee and bagels, we go back upstairs to get ready for the day. Since we’re apartment hunting, I want to be comfortable but look professional as well. I really think that when looking for new home and meeting landlords, you want to look like you at least have your shit together. First impressions are everything.

I dress in black capris, a black blouse and black flats. I know it sounds boring, but I love how I look in black. It’s simple yet classy, which is exactly what I’m going for. My hair doesn’t look to bad for not washing it this morning, so I wear it down with a black headband to match my outfit.

Walking back downstairs, I find Kylee already dressed and on her phone.

“Is two okay with you? My roommate and I are looking to get something rather quickly,” Kylee says into her phone receiver. “Great, see you soon,” she says as she ends the call.

“I’ve been calling on a few of these ads and most don’t have Sunday appointments. I found this one, about six blocks from State Street, and he can meet us there today,” Kylee says.

“That’s really close to campus, Ky. Are you sure?”

“They’re condos and they have individual driveways and garages. I think we might’ve hit the jackpot with this one.”

“It’s a quarter after one, let’s just leave now so we can check out the area,” I say as I grab my purse and head out the door.

It’s only about a ten minute drive over to the condo that Kylee found for rent. The area looks nice. Attached two story condos, maybe newer construction, all with attached garages in the front and decks in the back, I think this might be something I can get used to.

We walk around the area and find a fenced area that housed a pool. SWEET! I love to swim and there is no better tan than a real one. The community looks great. If I have to give my honest opinion of this condo and the area I would have to say, oh em gee, this is a place for me!