The Beginning of Us (45 page)

Kelsey looks from me to Alexis and shrugs, ignoring Lex’s nasty snarl and tone. Kelsey, Cami, and Whit blow kisses toward Alexis and say their goodbyes without taking her credit card. I’m thrilled that I get to spoil this little lady. I’ve never wanted to spend my money on a dress and shoes before, but damn if this doesn’t feel great!

I walk past Lex to sit in the chair in the corner with my guitar case. She’s scowling at me, not nearly as happy as I am about me buying her a dress. She may be the only girl I’ve met who didn’t want me to buy her anything. She didn’t even want me picking up the tab at the bar last night. She knows how much money I make, and that I can afford to splurge on her a little. 

She’s frustrated and giving me this adorable little dirty scowl. I know she’s trying to intimidate me, but damn if she’s not making my cock twitch. She’s failing miserably at staying mad. She’s too damn cute for her own good. So, I just sit and smile at her. I can wait this out. I know she can’t stay mad. I’ve smiled more in the last twelve hours than I have in the last twelve days. She’s the only one I want right now, so I’ll take her happy, mad, frustrated, content, or any other way! I start playing the chords to the song and she finally relents.

“Garrett, you and I are going to come to some agreements. Got it?” she says, as I laugh. She’s just throwing a little fit because she didn’t win the argument of who’s paying for the dress. That’s okay. She can throw as big a fit as she wants, as long as she wears the dress I pay for.

“Whatever you say, lady,” I tell her. Knowing the bell for end of the round has been rung and my arm is held high!

We start rehearsing the song we’re singing at the wedding tonight. I feel pretty confident in her ability to wing it, but if this makes her more comfortable, and allows me more time in the same room with her, I’ll do whatever she wants. We sing in perfect harmony. I knew we would. Her voice is very well suited to the song. I think she could probably sing anything she wanted. She’s quite talented, but has no interest in pursuing music as a career. She never has.

Watching her sing to Sierra this morning just about brought me to my knees. The look on her face was one of great joy. You could hear so much love and pride in her voice. She would do anything for her child, and I suspect becoming a single parent hasn’t been easy. She is strong, though. I’m not sure there is much in this world she can’t overcome.

I overheard her talking to her brother about having to go to another parent/teacher conference alone. I wish she didn’t have another hurdle to overcome. It’s not like she’s led a charmed life. She’s always had struggles, but I’ve never heard her complain about them or make excuses because of them. Damn Jed, I didn’t want him to have Alexis all those years ago, but he got her, and now I’m pissed at him for not being here to go to that conference and hold her hand. Great, now I’m putting my frustrations on her dead husband. I’m an ass!

We sing together for a little while, and talk a lot about music. She still enjoys talking about music. She asks about my career, my writing, and touring. She’s under the impression that all artists love the fame, and is quite surprised when I tell her that’s my least favorite part of the job. If I could make music, perform, and have people leave me alone off stage, I would be so happy. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the fans. I do, I love them, I just don’t like the stalking and lack of privacy. I miss being able to sit in a restaurant, or take a walk in the park, without constantly looking over my shoulder for who’s snapping photos and what they’ll say when they’re posted online. The rumors are torture.

I heard Alexis talk to Sierra about going to Disney World. Will I ever have a life where doing something so public is possible? I haven’t been to Disney in years. I guess I didn’t know I wanted to go until I found out Alexis would be going with Sierra. Now, I want to go really bad, too.

Alexis thinks all my dreams have come true because I’m doing what I always strived for all those years. But I’m thirty-two, I want a family, I want my house to have handprints on the walls, and my swimming pool to be full of toys. I want to watch my kids hang on the fences as they watch horses in the pasture. I’m not sure any of those dreams will ever happen. Who would want to be part of a life where I can’t take them anywhere? Living a very public life is hard.

Alexis

Chapter 6

The girls are back from their shopping adventure. Although, I’m still pissed that they didn’t take my card and are walking in the door with
bags
and
bags
of crap. It was nice spending time with Garrett talking about music, life, and everything in between.

“Seriously, I’m going to a wedding, not freaking getting married! What the hell is all that?” I ask as they walk into the room with huge smiles, completely ignoring me. Kelsey walks to Garrett and tells him he needs to get lost for a few hours. She returns his credit card, letting him know she did some real damage. He laughs, replying, “Glad to hear it!” Real damage…shit! What in the world are those idiot best friends of mine thinking? I know what I’m thinking. I’m going to kill them all with very little remorse! UGH…

He walks over to me, and bends to kiss my cheek. I feel the stampede again. “Don’t be mad, sweetheart. They want to spoil you and take care of you as much as I do. Humor us for a minute, okay?”

Okay, let me say when he looks at me like that, I think I’d agree to anything he wants. I lift my arms and wrap them around his shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze, before willing myself not to stay there too long. Embracing him is so comfortable it takes all I have not climb up his body and hoist myself into his arm. “Garrett, thank you for whatever’s in those bags,” I say, trying to appear nonchalant, “but mostly, thank you for hanging out with me all day instead of the other more important people you need to spend time with.” He sacrificed his day to be with me, and although, I do feel a bit guilty, I really am grateful. Today I forgot how hard the last eighteen months have been. I remembered myself, my hobbies, my friends. I saw more than just a glimmer of the old Alexis. She was here…front and center, hanging out. It was a great day!

After Garrett leaves, I not so successfully chastise my best friends for taking advantage of Garrett’s generosity and buying out Nordstrom. They must have spent thousands of dollars. There are multiple dresses, shoes, outfits, handbags, and all kinds of cosmetics. I don’t even wear much makeup, only a little gloss and some eye shadow. Ugh, these girls are going to be the death of me.

It doesn’t take long for me to get ready. If I must say, the girls chose the perfect lace, fitted and flared, sleeveless dress in taupe with a black velvet belt around the waist by Adrianna Papell. They bought a pair of Jimmy Choo wedge pumps in black. My hair is in soft curls, tied low, and draped over my shoulder with a beaded hair accessory. It’s all beautiful, comfortable, and I feel very pretty in it. It’s me, not too dressy, but girly and fun.

I make sure to call Sierra before leaving, since I’m not really sure when I’ll have a few minutes to talk to her later. I promised I would call. I’ll never break a promise to her.

Garrett knocks on the door to escort me down to the wedding ceremony, which is being held on the beach, while I’m still trying to calm myself in the bedroom. I’m really nervous. I’m not completely sure why, but part of me knows that I don’t come close to measuring up to the actresses and models I’ve seen him with in magazines. I’m not sure it matters. It’s not like he wants me beside him as anything more than a friend from the past. He’s definitely not charting a course to get in bed with me. I’d never compare in that way.

I walk out to the entry room where Kelsey and Cami are chatting with him about the events of the evening. Whit takes my arm and whispers in my ear, “Whatever happens tonight let it be. Don’t try to evade feelings and emotions you know you can’t avoid.”

I look to her and stop and whisper, “What are you talking about, Whitney?” What does she see? It’s obviously clear to her, yet not at all to me.

“Sweets, that man is all wrapped up in you, and you deserve to be happy and treated like a princess. Try not to overthink this. You have a tendency to self-destruct when you’re scared.”

Wrapped up in me? Doubtful. He needed a date. I happened to be here. We like talking and hanging out, but this is a friendly thing. I’m not sure my brain could handle if it were more, but my body is another story. It warms at the sight of him.

I walk over to Garrett, who looks at me with those beautiful gray eyes that light up the room when he smiles. “Look at you, beautiful girl. Wow. I guess I won’t have to be worried at cameras pointing at me tonight.” He says. The girls all laugh.

“You like, Garrett? Money well spent?” Cami asks, knowing he approves from the look on his face.

“Ladies, I’m pretty sure a hefty sack would look like a red carpet gown on this beautiful girl. Thanks for taking care of her today while she and I spent some time catching up,” he says to the girls, as he takes my hand and escorts me from the room.

While walking down the hall toward the elevators, he looks over his shoulder to verify we’re alone. Then he sweeps me into a little hall off to side. “Lex, I can’t wait, not another minute. You’re beautiful and these lips…” he says, running the tip of his finger around the edge of my bottom lip as I’m pressed against the wall by his hips. “I’m going to kiss you now. Any objections?” he asks. But my voice box is broken. I can’t muster any words. So after several seconds he says, “I take that as acceptance.” And he launches an assault on my lips. It’s aggressive and fiery, but precious and tender at the same time. My body comes alive. Like it’s been comatose for years and is finally waking up. He’s makes me feel like a real woman, a little bit strong and more myself by the minute.

When he finally releases me from his captivating kiss, he brushes his finger down my face and looks me directly in the eye. “Lex, you’re amazing, but if I don’t put a little space between us for a second, I’m not sure we’ll make it to this wedding.” But he hasn’t stepped away. I’m still pressed firmly between his hips and the wall.

“Okay, that starts with taking a step back.” He does, but groans under his breath as he retreats. He takes my hand in his, kissing it, and we walk hand in hand toward the beach.

The ceremony was beautiful. Garrett’s family has been very nice and accommodating. His parents seem a bit over zealous, but it’s apparent their only child is the love of their lives. They ask a lot of questions about Sierra and me in a conversational way, not interrogating. I can tell they’re genuinely interested.

When we finally make it through the crowds of people waiting to say hello to Garrett, we go directly to the banquet room. Garrett and I are singing the song for the first dance, then we can enjoy the rest of the party with the other attendees. Although, I’d rather be alone with him. After that kiss, the one I knew I wanted, but hadn’t imagined how amazing it would actually feel, I can’t wait to be alone with him again.

This is my last night here. We’re packing up after brunch tomorrow and heading back home. It’s bittersweet. I can’t wait to get my hands on my little munchkin, but it’s been so nice reconnecting with Garrett, too. I’m not really ready to say goodbye for God knows how long.

I want to ask Garrett to keep in touch with me, but I don’t want him to feel the pressure of one more person wanting something from him, even if it is only a phone call or text every once in a while.

We perform the song. They’re all very pleased to hear Garrett sing, and they thank us, telling us how much they liked it as we work our way through the room to a table in the back. I suspect Garrett chose this table for a quick escape. I’m learning he doesn’t really like crowds, which is funny since he performs at venues with tens of thousands of people all the time.

The rest of the evening passes with us eating, drinking, and sometimes dancing. Garrett likes to slow dance. He’s not much for breaking it down with anything fast. That’s okay. I like dancing to the slower songs, with him holding me tight in his arms. I’m dying to lean up and kiss his face, but I know that’s not appropriate since there are so many eyes on us constantly. It’s been a long time since anyone has held me, dancing. Jed didn’t like to dance. He actually didn’t really like to listen to music, unless he was in the car. He preferred television, movies, and video games. I wasn’t much for that type of noise.

That’s one thing that has changed drastically in our house since Jed passed away. Now it’s always filled with all kinds of music. Sierra loves to sing and dance with me. She still watches her favorite shows, but mostly we like to listen to music and read.

The night is coming to an end. The girls don’t really expect me back early. I thought they might be upset with me for ditching them to hang out with Garrett all day, but they weren’t. They were happy to see me doing
‘something out of the ordinary’
, as Whit says. I guess this is yet one more glimmer of my real self coming back to life. It’s just something else to be grateful to Garrett for giving me.

It was really great singing with him again. I’m not really a fan of performing publicly, but it was worth it to be on stage with Garrett. I love singing, but I would never want it to be my life. I want a family life. Even after losing Jed and my happy ever after, I still see myself with more kids someday, and a husband who thinks the sun and moon rises and sets behind me. That dream is still there living vividly inside me. I know it sounds as farfetched as, ’I wear Cinderella’s slippers, have no wicked step-sisters, live in a big castle with prince charming, and we all live happily ever after.’ I need to lower my expectations on what my new life will really look like. Otherwise, I’ll be setting myself up for failure, and likely heartbreak, at my unachievable dreams.

We say our goodbyes to Garrett’s family and friends, leaving the party behind a bit earlier than I expected. I walk a couple steps ahead of Garret toward the elevators.