Though I had slept badly, I was far too nervous to rest as I waited. Instead I tried to read one of Jaime’s books. It seemed years since we had first argued over me being allowed to do just this. I had had no idea what had lain behind his attitude, of course. So much had changed since then. I’d thought I’d been pretty worldly when I’d come to Egin. I’d known nothing really—certainly nothing of just how cruel men could be, how dishonest and evil. But also I had not seen how the strength of a truly beautiful spirit could overcome the worst of all of that. I was glad to have known Jaime. I just hope Seve really was worthy of him.
The book could not hold my interest, and the hours dragged painfully slowly. But at last I heard the faint deep sound of the supper bell. I wrapped my cloak about me and walked out as calmly as I could to the front of the temple. I showed my collar to the guard. “Out again in this weather?” he said.
“
When is there a better time to enjoy a good beer by an open fire?” I said cheerfully. I was a little surprised to see that the traffic in and out of the temple was as busy as ever—ah, but of course, there was some sacrifice or other going on tonight, one of the major rituals. People were streaming in, shaking water off their cloaks and cursing. I turned to go, but cursed in turn as I was bumped by a large man, who then compounded his clumsiness by making me trip on the wet marble floor and sending me skidding on my arse.
He cried out in apology and hurried over to help me up. He held out his hand and unthinking, I took it—then realised I had bared my naked wrist. I tried to cover it—but it was too late. The guards were already moving towards me.
I let myself be hauled up, my missing bracelet discovered, and my person taken in charge. I knew it was too late for me then, but as I was dragged away, I just prayed with all my heart that Jaime would keep his word and get away safely. He had to do that, or all of it would have been a waste.
Don’t let me die in vain, Jaime.
~~~~~~~~
Minas was furious, and this time it was for real. Even as I was being bound to a bench, he was slapping and punching my face in his fury—the perverseness in me was glad to have frustrated him to this extent, though I could have done without the abuse. That perversity gave me a strength I’d never suspected in myself to resist his questioning. I bore his beatings, I bore the rapes of the guards while he screamed at me over and over to tell him where Jaime and Seve had gone. I passed out a couple of times when he got too enthusiastic, which infuriated him more. I even managed to hold on when they broke my hands and feet—it was then I knew I was lost without hope of salvation because a locksmith with crippled hands could never work. I was already as good as dead. In a strange way, that made it all easier. I didn’t have false hope. I just wanted it to be quick.
Unfortunately, it was anything but, and as time went on, the torture went on and on, I found it harder and harder to be resolute, to tell myself that all I had to do was wait until they killed me and my suffering would be over. When they hauled me up by my arms on ropes so that my damaged feet could reach the floor, I screamed as they took my weight, and screamed again as I tried to use my hands to relieve the burden. Minas let me shout myself hoarse, and then he brought out the wire whip....
I’m sorry, Jaime. I tried so hard to be strong. I choked back the words over and over, yelling abuse at Minas as he demanded to know where you were, but I was losing strength with every blow. I lost all concept of time. I couldn’t tell how long I’d been there and when I finally mumbled the answer he wanted, I didn’t know if I had just condemned you to your death too. I wept as much for that as I did for the agony in my body.
Minas and Senku left to hunt you down. The guards stayed to torment me, but I guess I wasn’t so much fun as they had to keep reviving me. Finally they left me hanging there, bleeding, barely conscious. I passed out again not long after.
How long did I hang there? I didn’t know why they were keeping me alive. Maybe they were waiting until they had you and Seve. Maybe they’d forgotten about me. Maybe this was how I was supposed to die. I was close to death, I knew. I was so cold. I had lost so much blood—it lay in a sticky pool around my broken feet. I could really feel them any more, nor my hands. I couldn’t see much either though swollen lids. I prayed to die. I deserve to die for my betrayal.
I’m sorry, Jaime.
~~~~~~~~
The banging on the door woke me. It went on for a long time and I fainted before it stopped. When I woke again, I screamed in agony as my body was moved. It was so dark...so many angry voices, grabbing hands. “Please...let me die....” But no one answered, or if they did I couldn’t hear them...everything was so far away.
More sharp pain, flare of torchlight behind bruised eyelids, more sounds...movement...I was being carried? They were taking me to my death, and I was glad. Soon I would be free.
Something cold and sharp tasting was put in my mouth, liquid, not water, and I swallowed it, not caring if it was poison. Things faded after that.
I was so cold, though I seemed to be weighted down with blankets, too many blankets which I couldn’t throw off. I could hear someone screaming and moaning, and dimly I realised it was me. My body was on fire, I was being eaten by pain. Someone said ‘amputation’ and I struggled blindly, begging them not to. I begged them to allow me to die. Better death than mutilation.
People touched me and their touch hurt me. I begged them to stop and they did. Then it all went away.
~~~~~~~~
Something cold touched my face and I jerked a little. That made my whole body hurt, so I moaned. “Nikolas?”
Jaime. Gods, had he been captured like me? I opened my eyes. Everything was very dim. I guess my sight might have been damaged, not that I cared. “Nikolas, are you awake?”
“
Yes.” My voice sounded slurred, and it was an effort to talk. So was keeping my eyes open, so I didn’t bother.
“
It’s me, Jaime.”
“
...know.”
“
Oh. You’re safe, Nikolas. We’re in the palace.”
I felt so weak. I couldn’t open my eyes or move my.... Oh gods...my hands.... “Go...’way.”
Don’t look at me all maimed and weak, Jaime. Please go away.
“
Nikolas? What’s wrong?”
“
Go away. Please....”
I heard him stand and walk out of the room. I think I must have gone back to sleep then.
I couldn’t seem to stay awake, and my eyes just wouldn’t open enough for me to see if anyone was there when I did, although someone was occasionally giving me water, sips of soup. I felt so tired, my body ached, and my thoughts were all scattered and depressed. It made no sense that I was in the palace, but Jaime wouldn’t lie. But why was I here? Why was he here? Where was Seve?
I wanted to die. If they had taken my hands or my feet, I would be a cripple forever, and I couldn’t feel them or move them. I prayed for someone to come and put me out of my misery.
Despite that wish, I gradually spent more time awake, and my eyes seemed to improve. I realised that there was indeed someone with me, a stranger. When he saw I was awake and aware, he smiled. “I’ll fetch our physician. He wanted to see you when you woke up properly.”
I nodded a little then hissed at the pain it caused. I felt sore all over, and the slightest movement sent sharp agony through me, but I didn’t feel so cold or weak. My mind seemed clearer. How long had it been?
The stranger returned with an elderly man. When he spoke, I realised he was from Jendon. “Well, young man, how do you feel? I am Doctor Ivin, the king’s personal physician.” I stared at him in mute surprise. He sat down and looked into my eyes, felt the pulse in my neck. “You seem much better. Are you in pain?”
“
Yes.”
“
Ah. I’ll give you something for that but later—you’ve been so unwell, I didn’t want to risk the stronger drugs. They don’t go well with the fever you’ve had, or the blood loss. You’re a lucky lad. If it had taken much longer to find you in that temple, I wouldn’t be speaking to you now.”
I swallowed and wished I could have something to drink. “My...hands?”
“
Giving you pain, are they?” I stared. He raised my wrist carefully. I grunted as the movement hurt me, but then I realised that this hand, at least, was still attached. It was wrapped in bandages and splints—but it was there. Despite myself, tears started to fill my eyes. He didn’t notice. “We had to work very carefully with these. They’ll trouble you for a while, but you’re young and I believe they will heal well. You may have to have them massaged for a while after they mend if they still ache.”
Did that mean it was my feet they had cut off? “Am...am I a cripple?”
“
Good gods, no! Your feet are in a sorry state, I warn you. You’ll be limping a good while yet, and you won’t walk at all for a few weeks.” He laid his hand on my forehead. “Did you think that we had removed them? You can’t feel them because you’re not moving them and we’ve got them heavily bandaged. You’re a long way from well, young Nikolas. But you will recover. Now, don’t cry, lad,” he said gently. “You need to rest while you get your strength back. You’re quite safe. You’re under his majesty’s direct protection. Those bastards at the temple won’t hurt you again, you have his word on that.”
“
H...how?”
He smiled. “Ah, I think there are others who’d like to tell you that tale. I think it’ll do you good to see them when you’re ready. Let me fetch the pain drugs first.”
He came back a short time later and gave me the bitter liquid to drink that I remembered. I fell asleep almost immediately.
When I awoke, it was later, the light through the large windows coming in a different direction. The same servant who had been there earlier, was there again. He asked if I felt like visitors. I didn’t really, but I didn’t feel like arguing with him.
I still felt very weak and depressed, though perhaps I hurt somewhat less than before. I couldn’t blame my surroundings—I really was in the palace, and in a good room too. It was all very light and elegant, the decoration fit for someone far more illustrious than the likes of me. The bed I was resting on was soft and the pillows luxurious. I wished I felt less ill and tired so I could enjoy the novelty.
The door opened and in walked Jaime, looking rather nervous, but otherwise in perfect health. He was dressed in normal clothes of good quality—a welcome sign that his captivity was truly over. He had his hair pulled off his face in a short tail, which mean his features looked even more severely handsome. “Hello, Nikolas. May I sit down?” I nodded and he took a chair. “Are you still angry with me?”
I tried to speak, but I coughed. “Water?”
“
Yes, of course.” He got up and fetched a mug from somewhere, I couldn’t see where, and held it to my lips. I sipped it slowly - I hadn’t realised how desperately thirsty I was. When I was done, he put the mug aside, and looked at me with a worried frown. “I really tried to keep my promise. I’m glad I didn’t though because....” He drew a breath. “I’m sorry, please don’t be angry with me.”
I shook my head a little. “Not...angry.” I made myself smile reassuringly. My face ached—the bruises must still be bad. “Confused.”
“
I don’t understand.”
I forced my arms to move and lifted one of my heavily splinted hands, ignoring the pain of the movement. “I thought...they’d cut off my hands,” I said. “Didn’t want you to see me crippled.” I realised tears were beginning to run down my cheeks.
He raised a hand to my face and gently brushed the moisture from it. “Do you think I would care? That I would abandon you because of it?”
Tears began to well up in my eyes again. Why was I finding it so hard to control myself? “I failed,” I whispered. “I couldn’t...when they...I told them, Jaime. I tried, but I wasn’t strong enough....”
“
Shhhh, it’s all right,” he said, looking distressed as he brushed the tears away again. “It doesn’t matter.” He put his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. “They can’t have waited for you to...they were at the docks just after sunset, even before we were expecting to see you. And they were looking everywhere, not just the ships - the inns, Joa’s shop. If they had known where we were, they’d have come straight to us.” He stroked my face again - his hand felt so nice against my skin. His fingers rasped against a week’s worth of beard.
“
Joa sent his men to find us, and to tell us that if all else failed, we should go with them and tell our story to the watch. Which we did. The watch took us to the palace, and we told the king’s officers, who told the king. He insisted on meeting us both, then he ordered the temple taken under royal control. I’m afraid it all took longer than we hoped,” he said gently. “I’m sorry you were left as you were for so long. The king ordered his physicians to treat you as they would him. He owes us, you see. We’ve handed him just what he needed - solid proof of the temple’s corruption. Minas has been a thorn in his side for a long time and the devotees of the cult of the god incarnate have been behaving as if they were above the law but until now the king had nothing he could really use to crush them. The temple has been closed down, and the priests all arrested. It’s caused an enormous scandal in the city.”