The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (28 page)

Sometimes while I’m getting sucked off, I’ll put a pocket rocket on my clit and visualize myself shooting down her throat.

Some women combine fellatio with vaginal penetration. Vixen Creations, the San Francisco-based toy company, makes a double-headed dildo angled just right for cocksucking. You can insert one end of the double-headed dildo into your vagina and offer up the other to be sucked. (See chapter 17, Sex Toys and Accoutrements.)

Illustration 8. (Detachable) Cocksucking

Vaginal penetration and cocksucking can be a confusing mix. Some who enjoy receiving fellatio with dildos don’t want attention paid to their vagina. How their female sexual anatomy fits with their gender identity is nuanced. Then again, your partner may like your fingers inside her vagina as you lean over to lick the tip of the dildo. Ask your partner what she likes.

How to Suck (Detachable) Cock

• Lick and nibble your partner’s thighs and belly. Show what a tease you can be.

• Slip an unlubed condom into your mouth. Roll it onto your partner’s dildo.

• Hold the base of her dildo in your hand; this will help you control your partner’s thrusts into your mouth.

• Push the base of the dildo into her mons and clitoris.

• Circle the head of the dildo with your tongue.

• Grab a glove and slip your fingers behind the harness. You can stroke her clit as you suck the head of her cock.

• You can slide two fingers inside her vagina and stimulate her G-spot in rhythm to the thrusts of the dildo in your mouth.

• Keep a dental dam handy—while you’re nibbling at her balls (featured on realistic models) or at the base of her dildo, you can lick your way to her vulva or anus.

• Alternate sucking on the tip of the dildo with slowly sliding the dildo into your mouth, taking more in each time.

• You can learn to relax your throat so that you can take more of her without gagging. You can practice in advance on your own dildo—or rent a how-to video or DVD, such as Nina Hartley’s
Advanced Guide to Oral Sex.

Oral Sex—Safely

Even if you don’t believe that women can transmit HIV via oral sex—and there simply haven’t been enough studies to date to know for sure—we do know that other STDs
can
be transmitted through cunnilingus and analingus.

Safer Oral Sex

• Use dental dams, Saran wrap, or a cut-up glove or condom as a protective barrier for cunnilingus and analingus.

• Put a dab of water-based lube on the genital side of the barrier.

• Mark your side of the dental dam with a pen—so that if the dam slips you’ll know which side’s which.

• Always use a new dam or other barrier when you switch from rimming to cunnilingus, to reduce the risk of infection from anal bacteria.

• If you’re allergic to latex, use plastic wrap or cut up a vinyl or nitrile glove.

• Use unlubed condoms on your dildos—always use a fresh condom when switching sexual activities or partners.

• If you enjoy rimming, consider getting a hepatitis A vaccination.

• Don’t allow bacteria from the anus to enter the vagina.

• After unprotected rimming, rinse with antibacterial mouthwash before licking your partner’s clitoris.

While the risk for transmitting HIV through unprotected cunnilingus (when no blood is present) is considered low, oral sex can transmit herpes and HPV (a virus linked to cervical cancer). Remember that if you like rough sex, with lots of biting, you may come in contact with blood even if your partner isn’t menstruating.

When blood is present, the risk increases to include not only herpes and HPV, but also possible transmission of HIV, hepatitis C, and hepatitis B.

Analingus can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, parasites, and possibly HIV. Many health advocates strongly recommend that you get a hepatitis A vaccine if you engage in unprotected rimming.

I contracted genital herpes from a girlfriend. I didn’t know about safer sex. I was young, in love, and invincible. None of these things protected me. My girlfriend’s pleasuring me orally was all it took. It is still a very sad thing for me. I do a lot of HIV/STD work. The ignorance among other young people is very scary. Lots of lesbians don’t even know what a dental dam is.

Of all these STD risks, the most common story is that women routinely transmit herpes, HPV, and bacterial infections to each other through cunnilingus. Given the prevalence of these STDs, you’d think we’d all be stocking up on Saran wrap and dental dams. But while many lesbian and bisexual women use latex barriers for oral sex, many do not. When lesbians let safer-sex practices lapse, odds are they’re going down.

Mmmmmmm, I love rimming. I don’t take any precautions, and I know that I should. This is the one risky behavior I won’t forgo.

So What’s a Girl to Do?

The whole dental dam thing is a drag—if I can’t go “down” naturally…then I don’t bother.

For some, STD risks are reason enough to opt out of oral sex. They don’t want to risk transmitting or getting herpes and other STDs, but the thought of licking latex is unappealing.

Oral sex is not part of my sex life at all. My current partner will not engage in it with me due to the risks (I have had herpes since I first had sex!) and doesn’t like dams or plastic wrap. In my professional life, I insist on dams or plastic wrap, and so most people decline!

Many women think barriers for oral sex will be awful, without even trying them. Gather some supplies (and your favorite sex partner) and give them a whirl in the spirit of experimentation. You may surprise yourself.

Dental dams were designed to be used by dentists, of course, to keep your tongue and saliva out of the way while working on your teeth. The small squares of latex are thought to be effective barriers in preventing transmission of STDs during oral sex.

Since dental dams have a certain medical aesthetic—they are unattractive, too small to handle easily, and a bit thick—sex toy entrepreneurs came up with alternatives designed specifically for sex. One of these is the Glyde Lollyes dam—a sheer, 10” x 6” sheet of vanilla-scented latex, designed for sex, not root canals. Glyde dams are lightly powdered with cornstarch (which can be rinsed off before use). These are more expensive, but also more appealing than actual dental dams. Good Vibrations designed a dam they call Slicks, which are individually wrapped in foil like a condom. Lixx makes flavored dams for cunnilingus.

Latex sorta tickles in a good way. Almost teasing, but I love being teased.

You can use plastic wrap—cheap and readily available. You can pull off as large a piece as you like and even wrap it around your partner like a loincloth. With plastic wrap, you can take a long forbidden lick from clit to vagina to butt and back again—without the worry of carrying bacteria from anus to vagina.

You can also cut up a latex glove or condom to use as a barrier. (See illustration, chapter 5, The Road to Heaven Leads to You.)

You may find rimming a more appealing practice when using a barrier. Try slipping an unlubed condom into your mouth, roll it over your tongue, and penetrate your partner as deeply as you desire. (Be aware that this technique works only if you keep your lips away from her exposed membranes.)

I’d never do rimming without a dental dam—I’ve known too many gay men who’ve suffered the medical repercussions of unprotected rimming.

Using a barrier, you can enjoy cunnilingus during menstruation without fear of blood contact. You can have oral sex with someone whom you may not feel you know well enough to put tongue to bare membrane.

You can even play with latex as a sex toy, creating sensations that might not be possible with your naked tongue. You can create a latex suction bubble, snap the latex against her genitals, put a dab of water-based lube on her side of the dam, and slide the latex over her clit. If you find direct clitoral stimulation to be too intense, latex can help by slightly decreasing sensation.

One complaint is that holding the dental dam in place occupies hands that could be put to better use elsewhere. The latex square tends to roll up. Holding it taut may require more effort than you care to devote to the task. You can buy a dental dam harness (JT’s Stockroom sells a leather model that looks much like a dildo harness) or modify a garter belt. Just shorten the garters to hold the latex square tightly against your vulva. If you sew on an extra set of fasteners, you can make a fashion statement with your Glyde dam and sheer black hose. Use your imagination—safer sex can become a fashion opportunity.

Is there a loss of intimacy in using dental dams and plastic wrap? Yes, many women find that licking and sucking a partner through a barrier diminishes taste, smell, texture, and that feeling of being so close to another’s body.

Sometimes using latex makes me feel like I am not close enough. Especially with oral sex, because it is the taste of a woman that I find so pleasurable and arousing.

On the other hand, there’s nothing like bonding over your mutual commitment to making healthy decisions. Talking about your sex histories, experimenting with safer-sex accoutrements, and laughing at your awkwardness can be very intimate. And while you’re exploring the lube-and-latex options, you may just discover your partner’s hottest fantasy of tongues and lips and her most tender places.

Suggested Web Links

GLYDE DAMS

www.sheerglydedams.com

THE SAFER SEX PAGES

www.safersex.org/women/lesbianss.html

chapter twelve

Vaginal Penetration

After a number of vaginal orgasms, I get this wonderful feeling that I can only describe as being thoroughly
done
.

PENETRATIVE SEX IS INTIMATE. With your fingers and hands, you can feel every pulse and contraction of your partner’s arousal and orgasm. With your partner’s hand or dildo inside you, you can enjoy a connection that is both immediate and emotionally powerful.

Penetration may be your preferred mode of reaching orgasm—you may enjoy multiple orgasms or wave upon wave of extended orgasm through vaginal penetration. Some women say they experience orgasms from vaginal penetration as deeper—“more bass than treble,” as one woman wrote. Many women come most reliably from vaginal penetration combined with clitoral stimulation—from fingers, a vibrator, or tongue. Even if you don’t reach orgasm through penetrative sex, you may crave that feeling of being filled. If it’s your goal to reach orgasm through penetration as either the insertive or the receptive partner, read on!

Take a Tour

A quick review of sexual anatomy will show that the clitoris is a system of engorging tissue—your clit isn’t just the externally visible glans, but rather a “pyramid-shaped mass of erectile tissue.”
²
Clitoral tissue cradles the urethra, and the crura extend back to the vaginal walls. During penetration, the clitoris is stimulated indirectly through the walls of the vagina.

Ten Myths About Vaginal Penetration

1.
If you want to be penetrated, you’re not really a lesbian.
As Susie Bright says, “fucking is no more heterosexual than kissing.”
¹
Penetrative sex stimulates the sensitive outer third of the vagina, including the G-spot, and provides a delicious source of indirect clitoral stimulation. That feeling of fullness is both emotionally satisfying and physically pleasurable. Contrary to myth, nerve endings have no identity politics.

2.
Hands and fingers are fine for foreplay, but if it ain’t a dick, it ain’t sex.
Behind this myth is the notion that pleasure we produce with our hands—whether “digital penetration,” “hand jobs,” or masturbation—doesn’t “count.” Hands are dexterous. Fingers bend. They can produce a limitless variety of touch and motion, and can reach the G-spot more easily than a penis.

3.
Dildos are imitations of the real thing.
No, that strap-on dildo is the real thing—it’s a real lesbian cock. Dildos have their own characteristics that make them uniquely well suited for sexual pleasure—even women who have sex with men at times prefer a dildo to a penis. You can pick dildos for size, shape, and texture. Dildos aim to please—they stay hard, long after either partner’s orgasm. Dildos go back into the drawer after sex.