The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (31 page)

If you wear a harness with a center strap, you can add a harness cuff to hold a dildo or butt plug—and you can even slip a vibrating dildo or butt plug inside the harness cuff for added stimulation.

Some women like to play with double dildos—you can penetrate your partner
and
yourself simultaneously. Designs such as Vixen Creations’ Nexus are angled for easy use.

Handheld dildos are great for G-spot stimulation; some, such as the
S
-shaped Crystal Wand, are designed for just that purpose. You can find a large variety of battery-operated vibrators designed for penetrative sex. (See chapter 17, Sex Toys and Accoutrements, for more information.)

Vaginal Penetration—Safely

While penetration with fingers, hands, and dildos is considered very low risk for transmission of HIV, there has been at least on documented case of HIV transmission via shared sex toys. Unprotected penetrative sex can transmit STDs such as herpes, HPV, and chlamydia from woman to woman. Shared dildos can also lead to vaginal infections. Use a condom and clean your dildos with antibacterial soap.

Ungloved hands make finger-fucking and fisting risky. Your fingernails can scratch the lining of your partner’s vagina, providing a transmission route for bacteria and STDs. Ragged cuticles or small cuts on your hand can provide a transmission route for STDs that may be present in your partner’s menstrual blood or vaginal secretions.

Herpes, HPV, and bacteria can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact. If you touch your partner’s genitals and then touch your own, you can transmit bacteria or a virus. You need not have visible lesions or warts to transmit herpes or HPV, and you need not have visible breaks in the skin to acquire it. You can also transmit bacteria from the anus to the vagina; change gloves or thoroughly wash your hands when changing activities.

Safer Vaginal Penetration

• Get a manicure. Make sure your nails are smoothly filed.

• Use latex, nitrile, or vinyl gloves.

• Use water-based lube.

• Put on a fresh glove when you switch activities or partners.

• Don’t share dildos and vibrators without cleaning between uses.

• Use condoms on your dildos. Always use a fresh condom when switching sexual activities or partners.

• Don’t allow bacteria from the anus to enter the vagina.

Even if you’re monogamous and don’t use latex barriers with your partner, some safer-sex considerations still apply.

First, keep your hands clean. Not just lather-and-rinse clean, but seriously clean. Make sure there’s no grime around the nails—if you choose not to wear gloves for sex, perhaps you should consider wearing them for work. Don’t touch yourself and then your partner without washing your hands.

Second, get a manicure. Trim your nails as closely as possible, until there’s no white showing. Make sure your cuticles are smooth. Remove hangnails. Does that mean that femmes with fabulous nails are prohibited entry? No way! Here are a few precautions: File the nails until smooth, making sure there are no jagged edges or sharp points. Before you slip on that latex glove, grab some cotton balls. Place bits of cotton padding over the sharp ends of your nails—then pull on the latex glove. Voilà! If you don’t use gloves, you must be very conscious of the location of your nails. Make sure that only the pads of your fingers make contact with the vaginal walls. Fisting may be easier for you than finger-fucking—you can tuck your nails into your palm.

Finally, don’t forget to urinate before and after vaginal penetration. Emptying your bladder before penetrative sex will help make room for a dildo or your partner’s hand. Peeing after sex can also help prevent urinary tract infections. (See chapter 18, Safer Sex and Gynecological Health, for more information.)

Where to Learn More

You’ll find workshops on strap-on sex, fisting, and other techniques at some sex boutiques. In San Francisco, Karlyn Lotney (aka Fairy Butch) offers classes that cover the basics of strap-on sex. Other dyke sex educators teach ongoing classes in their cities through their local queer center or sex toy store. Most of the sex toy stores listed in the resources section offer workshops on a variety of penetrative techniques, including G-spot play and vaginal fisting.

If you can’t find a workshop or class, you can view lesbian, bisexual, and queer women having penetrative sex by renting a lesbian sex video or DVD. The
San Francisco Lesbians
series features numerous scenes of strap-on sex. (See the resources.) You can also read online advice columns geared toward lesbians, such as “Ask Fairy Butch.”

Suggested Web Link

ASK FAIRY BUTCH

www.fairybutch.com

chapter thirteen

Anal Penetration

Anal penetration is very intimate sex play for me. I love the whole process of building trust, and the slowness of it.

ANAL SEX IS DELICIOUS. The delicate folds of the anus and the tender lining of the rectum are rich in nerve endings and transmit very subtle sensations. Even a slender fingertip can produce enormous anal pleasure.

Many women say they experience their most intense orgasms through anal penetration, especially when combined with clitoral stimulation. Perhaps you like anal penetration because you experience indirect G-spot stimulation through pressure on the walls of the rectum. You may relish the naughty thrill of engaging in a form of sexuality that’s so taboo.

The three keys to pleasurable anal sex are communication, relaxation, and lubrication. The women of Toys in Babeland call them their butt-play mantra: “You can never have too much of any of those three, so talk about it, breathe deep, slap on more lube than you think is necessary, start slow, and have fun!”
¹

Take a Tour

Make yourself comfortable—take a hot bath, put on some relaxing music, light some candles, and unplug the phone. Grab a hand mirror and your favorite lube. Slip on a latex glove. (If you’d rather not use a glove, make sure your nails are smoothly filed and your hands clean and soft. See “Basic Preparations,” below.)

You can sit on the bed or lean back in a plush chair. Hold the mirror between your legs; or, for an even better view, kneel or squat over the mirror. Viewing the puckered folds of the anus, you can appreciate how delicate it is. We’re often so crass in how we refer to our asses that we forget how tender we are there.

Rub a lubed finger over the opening. Get used to the feeling of your anus being stimulated. Slip just the tip of your lubed finger inside. Notice the heat you generate, the firm grip of your sphincter muscles on your finger, and the pulsing sensation as the anus becomes aroused and the tissues engorge with blood.

You have two muscles at the opening of your anus: the external and internal sphincters. The external sphincter is a voluntary muscle—you can flex the external sphincter as you squeeze your PC muscles. The internal sphincter is involuntary—it reacts automatically to stimuli like pleasure or fear. However, like other involuntary muscles, it can be trained.

If you poke directly at the anus, the sphincter muscles will clamp down in an automatic response much like the blinking of an eye. This response, which some sex educators call the “anal wink,”
²
explains many bad anal sex experiences. Someone attempts to enter you by poking a finger or toy into your anus. Your internal sphincter closes against the intrusion. It hurts. You tell the errant partner to remove the finger, butt plug, or dildo. Next time a finger, dildo, or butt plug nears your anus, your unforgiving sphincter clamps down against the memory of that painful intrusion.

Rather than condition your anus for pain, you can condition it for sexual enjoyment. With relaxation, communication, and lots of lube, you can teach your sphincters to anticipate pleasure.

The anus opens into the anal canal, which is only an inch or two long. If you reach a lubed finger a bit deeper inside your anus, you can feel the tight anal canal opening into the roomier rectum. The rectum is 4 to 6 inches long and curves in a gentle
S
shape. The rectum ends in the rectosigmoidal junction (the top of the
S),
which leads to the colon. When you feel the need to defecate, you are feeling feces pressing on the rectosigmoidal junction. (Unlike the vagina, there’s no “end” to your rectum; objects really
can
get lost in there. See the guidelines later in this chapter for selecting anal toys.)

The lower portion of the rectum curves toward the front of your body; the upper portion curves back toward your spine. Your fingers are probably not long enough to follow these curves, but you can use a slender dildo to find the point at which your rectum curves forward. Of course, each person’s anus and rectum are unique.

Like the clitoris, the tissues of the anus and rectum engorge with blood as you become aroused. Your mirror may reveal your anus opening as you get turned on. The rectum also expands—not as readily as your vagina, of course, but you can fit a finger, a dildo or penis, a butt plug, or even an entire hand inside your butt. Unlike the vagina, the rectum does not produce its own lubrication.

Ten Reasons to Have Anal Sex

1. Anal penetration feels fabulous!

2. Relaxation. Many of us hold tension in the anal area. Anal penetration provides a great way to get a massage—from the inside.

3. Anal penetration can help heal and even prevent hemorrhoids.
³

4. You can make friends with a part of your body you’ve been taught (at best) to ignore.

5. You can have it all. On your knees, with your partner penetrating you anally from behind, you can press a vibrator to your clit, reach your fingers inside your vagina, stimulate your G-spot, and even feel your partner’s fingers, dildo, or hand through the thin wall of tissue separating your vagina from your rectum.

6. Anal penetration can provide indirect G-spot and clitoral stimulation.

7. You can have mind-blowing orgasms.

8. Because anal penetration is associated so strongly with stereotypes about gender and power, it’s great for playing out many fantasies. You can be a submissive girl being taken by her dominant lover. With dildos and harnesses, you can pretend you’re gay boys in the backroom of a bar.

9. You can feel terribly naughty! Nothing like breaking a taboo to make you feel deliciously bold.

10. Anal penetration can create a sense of vulnerability and surrender. You can feel utterly taken. You can give it up in a big way.

The lining of the anus and rectum is very delicate and will tear easily—reasons to be extremely careful in choosing insertive anal toys and to tend to your manicure.

In biological males, the prostate gland, which is located on the front wall of the rectum, several inches in from the opening, can respond to stimulation similarly to the G-spot. If you play with a male-to-female transsexual (MTF), remember that she
has
a prostate gland. Ask her whether or not she finds prostate stimulation pleasurable.

Basic Preparations

I like giving myself an enema with a red rubber bottle and hose, but it must be private. I love the way it feels when the warm water goes inside me.

Here are some suggestions for preparing for anal penetration:

•
Get a manicure.
Even if your ultimate goal is to penetrate your partner with a dildo, you’ll most likely start with your hands. Trim your nails as closely as possible. File your nails until they feel smooth against the skin of your face. Remove hangnails. Use lotion to soften your cuticles. (If you want to keep your nails long, slip cotton balls over your nails before you put on a glove.)

•
Wear a glove.
Even if you and your partner are fluid-bonded, wearing a glove will enhance anal sex. Why? The glove will protect your partner from your nails and will provide a super-smooth surface.

•
Eat sensibly.
Make sure your diet includes plenty of fiber and whole foods. Avoid sesame seeds and strawberries—or any foods containing nuts or small seeds, which will scrape rectal tissue.

Anal penetration combined with clitoral stimulation will make me come like a freight train!

•
Empty your bowels
before you play.

•
Bathe.
Soaking in a hot tub will relax you as well as render you deliciously clean and pink.

•
Give yourself an enema.
Some people prefer to have an enema before anal penetration. Fisting experts recommend enemas before deep anal play. You’ll find detailed information on enemas in Tristan Taormino’s
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
. Here are some enema basics: You can find enema kits, bulb syringes, and enema bags in any pharmacy, and nozzles that attach to your showerhead in mail-order catalogs (see the resources chapter). For the novice, the simplest method will be to purchase a prepared enema kit, such as Fleet, empty out the solution, and rinse well. Commercial enema preparations contain laxatives and harsh chemicals that can irritate your rectum. Plain, filtered water heated to 100° F is the best choice. Gently squeeze the warm water into your rectum until you feel full. Wait a few minutes and evacuate the water and any feces in your bowels. Repeat until the water you expel is clean. Have your enema several hours prior to sex. Do not have an enema after sex. Frequent enemas can wash mucosa out of your rectum; do not do this daily. Never add stimulants like coffee or alcohol to enemas—you could become very ill. Never share enema equipment.