Threesomes: For Couples Who Want to Know More (6 page)

So where do the two of you find a sexy, smart, good-looking, and disease-free playmate? One popular place is the Internet, although I wouldn’t recommend it. Sure, sites like craigslist.org have scads of ads from the horniest of the horny in its “Casual Encounters” section, but half of those ads are from imposters, nut jobs, hookers, head cases, and, of course, perverted men who are pretending to be women looking for a couple.

On the one hand, the Internet may be the right vehicle for the shy and those less inclined to go to a club or bar. But on the other hand, it will take a whole lot longer to make this happen, because you have to sift through a lot of sand to find your jewel. And in waiting and meeting a lot of weirdos, uglies, and skanks, and ugly, skanky weirdos, you will rapidly lose interest and just chalk it up to an idea that was hot in theory but not in reality.

So scrap the Internet idea because it’s a whole other world to enter and you’re already entering something that’s totally new to you. No need to complicate something that’s supposed to be purely for pleasure.

In today’s girl-on-girl friendly world, it’s not so shocking for the bi-curious young woman to actually select a friend of hers as the third bed partner. A good friend is someone you trust completely and know would never betray you, and someone you are genuinely fond of and perhaps have always been attracted to, enjoying long nights of dancing and laughing and sleeping over with a bit of cuddling.

Taking the friendship to another level with your man there to provide the penis could be the safest and most pleasurable option in the world. Girlfriends make reference to finding a man so hot they’d be willing to share—is your boyfriend perhaps that hot man? And this is a way for you to stay in complete control of the situation while satisfying your boyfriend and yourself at the same time. There’s also a good chance your boyfriend will jump at the opportunity to do that as well, which will shave off a lot of time and nervousness about your search. And it’s likely that your man will think it’s extremely erotic that you find one of your girlfriends hot enough to sleep with, and he may admit to finding her equally as attractive.

To see whether your girlfriend is up for the challenge, hang out with her over drinks during a fun night out and broach the subject—but do it lightly, in an ambiguous, joking way. Tell her that you and your boyfriend have talked about having a threesome with another woman, and you have to admit, you find the idea pretty arousing and wouldn’t mind giving it a go. See how she reacts. Your friend may reveal that she’s done it before and has enjoyed doing it herself. If this is the case, ask her for details, because if there’s one thing we women love to do it’s tell each other stories of our encounters without missing one detail.

The more she tells you, the more turned on you’ll both get. Sidle up to her while she tells you about her three-way encounter and sit closely, thigh to thigh, and smile and look into her eyes. She’ll get the idea that you, too, have ideas about her. Ask her as a friend whether she might show you and your man the ropes on how this is done. Tell her that she’s beautiful and you’d rather have an experience like this with someone you like and trust, someone who won’t be weird about it afterward, and someone who won’t try to call your boyfriend behind your back the next day.

If your girlfriend has never had a three-way before, that doesn’t mean the idea doesn’t sound intriguing and titillating to her. Having a hot ménage à trois would be another wild experience for the two of you to share together, no different than going hiking in the Mayan ruins or checking out that jazz club in a particularly dicey neighborhood in Harlem.

The two of you have done all kinds of things together so why not try screwing a guy together? If she knows you won’t freak out on her during the experience and if you talk thoroughly about what you have in mind, it could be just another naughty scheme the two of you have cooked up. The more you talk about the possibilities, the more exciting it will sound, and it will become less about her and your boyfriend sleeping together and more about the two of you doing something you both have never done before.

If you want a good girlfriend to join you and your boyfriend, think clearly about whether doing this will ruin your friendship. Will it be awkward the next time you go shopping because the last time you hung out you were both naked and playing with each other’s tits? If this makes you shudder in disgust rather than lust, then the answer is no, don’t try this. But if it’s something the two of you will laugh and talk about in the future as one of the many crazy things you’ve done together, then go for it.

Only after you feel this is a definite option should you mention it to your guy. Don’t worry about whether he finds your girlfriend attractive. Trust me, once you say, “Donna and I were talking about how much fun we could have taking turns on you and fooling around with each other,” he will not only get rock-hard, but will also say, “Are you serious? Really? Okay. I’m ready.” Men are a lot easier to please in matters of new sexual experiences than women are. In this case, use it to your advantage.

For your boyfriend, it will be about you allowing him this amazing treat, so you can call the shots and choose the woman. He will be most interested in how far you will go and how into it you will be. And the fact that the third party will be your friend will make it triple-hot for him: There’s the taboo factor that he will be allowed to fool around and hopefully hump your friend, then there will be his own imagination, in which you’ve always lusted after your girlfriend and that you’ve always wanted to ravage her body when you were both changing after a workout or in the dressing room at Macy’s.

Understandably, there could be too much of an “ick” factor in having a three-way with one of your girlfriends.

Such an act of sexual abandon may well be best shared with someone you’ve never seen and will never see again after it’s over. One-on-one sex with a stranger can be one of the most thrilling experiences you can have, making sure of course that you’re having safe sex and that you’ve picked a partner who isn’t a threat to your well-being.

Barring those factors, when you have sex with someone you don’t know, you can really let go and be whoever you want to be. You can do whatever you want to do and say whatever you’d like, because you’re not going to see this person ever again. You’ve already done a risky thing by taking her home, so you may as well go for broke and pull out all the crazy stops. You can be reckless and free-wheeling and experiment in whatever way you’d like. After safety and respect, anything goes and everything should.