To Love Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 1) (14 page)

“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare do that.” He turned away from her. His shoulders rose as he drew a deep breath. “You don’t get to turn this around on me. I’ve been honest with you from the very beginning. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else—because I trusted you. I knew it was foolish. That it was crazy and way too soon. I thought—” His voice caught.
 

“Gavin.” She ran a hand down over the slope of his back. “Please. I had no idea that you’d react so strongly to the fact that I have kids. If I’d thought that, I would have told you. I wish I would have told you, then we wouldn’t have even gotten so caught up, so carried away—”
 

He whirled around so fast that her hand snapped back to her side as she took a step back.

“You still think that’s what this is about? I have no problem with children, Nicole. If you’d told me that you had them, I would have been even more intrigued by you, not less. I just really can’t believe that you’ve kept such a big thing from me—that you lied to me.” He locked his eyes to hers. “I won’t be fooled. Not again. I’ve been through it once—the games, hiding feelings, expecting me to be a mind reader. Next, you’ll tell me that you’re not divorced at all—that you just wanted to take a little vacation from your husband.”
 

“No, that’s not true.” Nicole could barely recover from his reaction. Her mind spun with regret, fear—even a sense of grief that she couldn’t explain. “I am divorced. I didn’t lie about that. I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry. Gavin, I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”
 

“But it’s too late for that. Isn’t it?” He narrowed his eyes.
 

Nicole’s lips parted, her eyes opened wide. “Is it?”
 

“Yes.” His jaw clenched. “Yes, I think so.” He turned and started to walk away.

With every step he took, it felt as if her heart was being pulled from her chest. All of the dreams she’d begun to let herself start to have about a possible future crumbled. The man she’d let herself fall hard and fast for was not the happy ending to the fairytale that she’d somehow only recently created in her head.

Gavin now wanted nothing to do with her.

Chapter 29

With every step that Gavin took away from Nicole, his stomach ached with regret. His muscles tugged, as if begging him to turn back. But he ignored all of that. The fury that flooded him was an emotion he always tried to avoid. He didn’t trust himself to be in control when he’d already said so much that he wished he hadn’t.

Yes, it was a shock that she had children, but that wasn’t what upset him. He despised being lied to, especially by the people he cared about. If he couldn’t trust her, how could he be with her? All the time he spent with her felt tainted by her holding back such an important part of her life. He couldn’t conceive of why she’d felt the need to keep it from him. She obviously didn’t want to expose the truth about herself—her life—if she was unwilling to even reveal that she was a mother.
 

“Gavin, wait. Can’t we talk about this?”

He paused in reaction to her voice. His body yearned to turn back toward her, but with determination, he took another step. He didn’t trust himself to speak rationally, as the anger he felt raged through him in a way that left him feeling out of control.

He was alone in the world again. Though he’d been just fine before he’d met Nicole—had it really only been just a few short days ago?—she’d pulled him out of his detachment and into a place of wonder. Now he knew what he was missing.

He continued to walk until he reached the steps of the resort. Only then did he steal a look back over his shoulder. In the glow of the firelight, she stood there. She didn’t chase after him, she didn’t plead for him to come back. She clung to her purse and watched him as he walked away.

He turned back to the door and stepped inside. The scent of the smoke that lingered on his clothes made his head spin. Only moments before he’d held in his arms a woman he thought he’d never be without. Now all of that was gone.

He closed his eyes to hold back the wave of emotions that rushed through him. He had no idea how he was going to get through this, but one thing was certain, he was not going to risk his heart again. In his mind, he flashed back to Amy and the lies that she’d told him. And then to Nicole and how betrayed he felt that she’d not been more honest with him about such a huge part of her life—of who she was.

By the time he reached his room, his hurt had transformed back into fury once more. He grabbed his phone the moment his door slammed shut. There was one person to blame for all of this. It wasn’t him, and it wasn’t Nicole. It was Lance—for throwing him into such a ridiculous situation.

He punched the buttons on his phone and began to pace back and forth across the room. On the third ring, Lance answered.
 

“What is it, bud? I’m in the middle of dinner.”
 

“What is it? I want you to stay out of my life! Do you understand me?”
 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute—what happened?”
 

“It doesn’t matter what happened. I told you I didn’t want any of this and you didn’t listen. I can’t do this again, Lance—and you’re the one that put me here.”
 

“Gavin, slow down. Whatever happened, I’m sure it can be worked out. Calm down.”
 

“No, I won’t calm down.” Gavin slammed his foot into the side of his suitcase, which sent the hard-shell bag across the room and into the wall. “I’m done with all of this. You keep pushing me into things I have no business being involved in. I never should have gotten involved in any of this!”
 

“Gavin, what happened? What did she do?”
 

“It’s not her that’s the problem. I’m the problem. I can’t tolerate being lied to. Not after Amy. I just can’t handle this. I have no right to be in a relationship.”
 

“Take a breath. I’ll bet things aren’t as bad as they seem. You’ve got yourself worked up, but you’re forgetting one important thing.”
 

“What?” Gavin clutched the phone in his hand.
 

“She’s not Amy. This is an entirely different relationship. How it goes is up to you. What happened with you and Amy happened, there’s no changing that. You can’t fix it by trying to force some perfect union. Perfect relationships don’t exist. Except for mine, of course.”
 

“Shut up, Lance.”
 

“Shut up because you know I’m right?”
 

“Just shut up.” Gavin shook his head and closed his eyes. He sat down on the edge of his bed. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I was trying to make it perfect.”
 

“Is she hot? If she’s hot and willing, just—”
 

“Shut up, Lance! Don’t talk about her like that.”
 

“See?” He cleared his throat. “You just made my point. Even as angry as you are right now, you want to protect her. That’s not something to toss out so easily. Think about it.”
 

“Maybe.” Gavin sighed. “Maybe.”

He hung up the phone and tossed it down on the bed beside him. He thought about going across the hall—to Nicole’s room. But what would he say? That it was okay?

It wasn’t okay. If she could lie to him about something so important, then she could lie to him about anything. That’s not what he wanted in his life. That’s not what he expected from her. So maybe he didn’t know anything about her at all. Maybe he’d fallen for a person he imagined in his mind—a perfect, harmless woman who would soothe all his wounds and give him the chance to hope again.

Chapter 30

As Nicole made her way back to her room, she had to stop several times to calm down. She was sick to her stomach with the emotions that churned within her. Had Gavin just shown her his true colors, or was she responsible for further damaging an already wounded man?

When she reached her door she could feel the ripple of longing that carried through her. Gavin was right across the hall. Maybe, if she just explained, he’d understand.

She took a step toward his door, raising her hand to knock. Before she could, she heard a loud thump as if something had been slammed down. She jerked back from the door and stared at it with wide eyes. Was he so angry that he was tearing the room apart? Was that the kind of man she wanted to be with? When she heard footsteps coming toward the door, she hurried across to her own.

She closed and locked the door behind her. As she stood in the middle of her room it struck her that she‘d brought all of this upon herself. It was foolish for her to even believe that she might be ready for a relationship. The entire world around her seemed to be spinning out of control. What had been a wonderful day had come to a crashing end in the span of a few minutes.
 

“I have no one to blame but myself.” She sat down on the edge of her bed. It was easy to believe that Gavin should have responded differently—that he should have understood why she’d kept her secrets. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry with him.

He was the one who’d asked for honesty from the start and she was the one who’d chosen to continue to keep her secrets. Maybe if she’d had the foresight to believe that Gavin was going to magically be this new and amazing man in her life, she would have been honest from the beginning. But maybe not. Maybe she was the liar he accused her of being.

Maybe her ex wasn’t so far off in his belief that Nicole wasn’t the type of woman who deserved to be loved.

As tears began to fall down her cheeks, her heart sank even lower. It was cruel of her to believe that she could ever have anything more than what she’d ended up with. She let herself imagine a fairytale romance, and she was angry at herself for ever believing in it. There was no question in her mind that the entire vacation had been a mistake.

She grabbed her phone and dialed the front desk.

Tony picked up on the second ring. “Hi, Nicole, what can I help you with?”
 

“I’d like to check out.”
 

“Check out? Are you sure about that?”
 

“Yes. As soon as possible, please.”
 

“Well, it would be best if you’d wait until morning, since most of the flights out won’t be until then. But is there anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable? Is there a reason that you want to leave?”
 

“Tony, please—I don’t want to talk about it. This resort sells fantasies, and I need to get back to my reality.”
 

“Okay. I’ll get things set up for you to check out in the morning. Try to have a good night, Nicole, and call me if you need anything.”
 

“Thanks, I will.” As she hung up the phone she wondered if it would be possible for him to rewind time so that she’d never met Gavin. Now that she knew what it was like to be loved by a man like him, she would never be able to forget it—or the fact that she was responsible for ruining it.

She flopped back onto the bed and began to cry again. Even her tears made her angry. She had no right to them, after all. She needed someone to vent to. With sharp gestures she wiped her eyes. Then she sat up.

She sent a message to Ella.
 

Ella,
 

I messed everything up. He hates me. Can you please call me?

Nicole
 

She sighed. She didn’t expect Ella to call. She was sure that her friend—who was her closest confidant despite the fact that they’d never met—was busy on some epic date. Within just a few minutes, her phone began to ring. When she saw that it was Ella she answered it right away.
 

“Oh, Ella, thanks for calling, I know you’re probably busy.”
 

“Stop it right now and tell me what happened.”
 

“I lied to him. I never told him I was a mother. When he found out he got upset and broke things off.”
 

“Wait a minute, how’d he find out?”
 

“He saw their picture in my wallet.”
 

“Well, he had no right to go in your wallet.”
 

“Ella, please, this is all my fault. I have nothing to be angry at him for.”
 

“Sweetie, this was your first trip into the dating world. It’s okay. There will be other opportunities.”
 

“No way. I’m not doing this again. It hurts too much.”
 

“Please tell me that you’re not going to sit there and wallow.”

 
“Why shouldn’t I?” Nicole wiped at her eyes. “I’m just not cut out for this. I don’t have the stamina. I just want to throw in the towel and go back home.”
 

“No. You can’t do that. Listen, Nicole, you weren’t completely honest with him. But so what? Who is ever completely honest about their lives? It’s not like you proposed to him and then mentioned the kids. You two barely know one another.”
 

“I know. But I feel awful. I never should have tried to be someone I’m not.”
 

“Being a mother has nothing to do with who you date. That’s the problem. So don’t let it be the problem. Okay, so this guy wants to throw a tantrum and back out on all the feelings you shared? You’re at a resort full of other men, you know. Did you forget that?”
 

“What are you suggesting? That I go on one of the matchmaking dates?”
 

“Why not?”
 

“Because I really care about Gavin. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
 

“Before you met Gavin, you didn’t want to be with him either. You didn’t want to be with anyone. He opened you up—which is great—but now you’ve got to ride that romance train out of single town.”
 

“This isn’t a joke, Ella! I mean it. I think what we had was—you know—that one-of-a-kind type of thing.”
 

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Well I can’t advise much on that. I’m not sure I buy into that fairytale once-in-a-lifetime deal. But if you really want him that bad, I can tell you how to get him back.”