“You’re a good chef,” she said to him. “So how was training this week?”
“Bill about killed me. I don’t know what’s gotten into him, but I like the challenge. I worked on this take-down getting my shins around a guy’s neck and twisting until he’s down. It’s my first move involving a handstand. The first few times I tried it I fell on my ass,” he said laughing at himself. “I’m still working on moving fast enough to keep the guy down once I have him there. My poor sparing partners weren’t even allowed to fight back very much until I got it figured out.”
“Wow. That’s, uh, wow. I guess I never really knew much about cage fighting. It sounds intense.”
“Definitely, but that’s why I like it so much. It’s total release. I like the mental challenge, too. You need strategy, focus, and the balls to walk into the cage with no fear. You can’t go half-way, physically or mentally.”
“I believe it. So when’s your next fight?” she asked.
“I’m not sure. Bill likes to keep a few months between matches, so anytime now, really. I just get in the ring whenever he tells me to. He knows what he’s doing and I trust him.”
And Marcus meant every word. Bill was the father figure who cared for him and earned that trust. He had been the only person to break through Marcus’s hard exterior and find value in the person underneath. Bill cared about him and nurtured him in a way he’d never experienced before.
And now, Erin was doing the same. With her, Marcus was calm and could enjoy his time without worry of judgment. He wasn’t on his guard at all. Being around her was peaceful. No wonder Bill was worried about him going soft. He shouldn’t worry, though. Marcus still had rage to spare, he just didn’t notice around Erin.
“Ok, fortune cookie time,” Erin said with a grin. “Here’s mine. ‘Your aura glows with the brilliance of upcoming accomplishment’. Wow, look at me go. I have an upcoming accomplishment.”
He laughed at the look of over-exaggerated pride on her face. “Well, for me it’s…‘You are about to kick someone’s butt in Gin’.”
Erin laughed. “Wow, I never knew fortune cookies could be so inaccurate. It should have said the opposite, because that game is mine. I am the Gin conquistador.”
“You can’t throw down like that without backing it up,” he postured playfully. “I’ll clean up dinner and you get the cards. You are about to have your ego handed to you in shreds.”
“Bring it,” she said with her arms crossed over her chest, all attitude.
By the time they were back at the table, they had both declared themselves champion before the cards were even shuffled. Marcus loved the attitude she dished out and matched every ounce. He had so much fun being with her. They played hand after hand, keeping pace with each other on number of wins.
By the time they were played out, Erin had won four games and Marcus had taken five. He got up and danced around like a lunatic while she laughed.
“Ok, it’s your game again,” she admitted getting up to put the cards away while she laughed more at his ridiculous victory dance. “I’ll loan it back to you for a while.”
“Very thoughtful,” he said smiling and pulling her up from her chair and into his arms. “And now I want my victory prize.”
He leaned down to her and kissed her lovingly. He held her around her waist and with one hand up in her hair. He cradled her gently while he moved his lips and tongue with hers. The kiss lasted forever, it seemed, and she melted into his arms as he held her.
When he finally moved away from her lips, he saw her smiling. She hadn’t trembled and didn’t walk away. Erin didn’t even leave the circle of his arms. Rather, she got up on her toes to kiss him again.
This time, he walked her to the couch and pulled her to his lap, cradling her like had before. He spent as much time against her lips as she allowed. She didn’t back away once, and seemed to grow more confident and bold as they snuggled together.
As much as he loved kissing and holding her, he had to force himself to control his desire. His hands desperately wanted to feel more of her. The thought of roaming and exploring her body was beyond tempting, but he knew better than to try. Still, keeping himself in check was difficult. She was beautiful and sexy and responding to him. He only wanted more.
She eventually broke the kiss and rested her head down on his strong chest. He held her for a long, quiet time. Finally, he pulled her up into another sweet kiss and looked at her in the eyes before kissing her deeply again. When he let her go, he settled her on the couch beside him and laid them both down, spooning along the length of the cushions.
He draped his arm over her and kissed her ear one quick time before settling his head down beside hers. She tensed a bit, but he wasn’t too concerned. He knew she trusted him and wasn’t scared. All of this was new for her; Marcus could only imagine what was going on in her mind. Regardless, he wanted to reassure her any way he could.
“Relax, baby. I just want to hold you,” he whispered as he laced his hand through hers over her abdomen. “Being near you is enough.”
Erin relaxed back into his chest and took a calming breath. She wasn’t scared with him. Not at all. But still, lying down in a man’s arms was intimidating and fear-provoking nonetheless.
She forced herself not to think about her fears from the past; she only wanted to focus on Marcus. Being in his arms was warm and secure. His words calmed her. She even liked that he called her
baby
…it made her feel sexy in the middle of all the sweetness.
She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the embrace. Her fingers started brushing against his while they laid together on the couch. He toyed with her fingers, too, and she smiled at his gentle touch. Such a simple gesture connected them on another level entirely. He genuinely cared about her and his every action demonstrated that.
Erin felt herself getting drowsy in the warm comfort of his arms, but she tried to fight the sleepiness. She couldn’t bring herself to stay the night with him. That would be too much for her. As much as she hated to, she pulled away from his embrace to sit up.
“I spent all that time on the cheesecake,” she said playfully. “I think I’ll have a piece. You want one?”
“Sounds great,” Marcus smiled. “We’ll see if you’re as good a cook as I am.”
Erin got up to get forks and plates and Marcus moved to sit at the table. They sat together to share dessert while Marcus told Erin more about his sister.
“Cassie’s a trip,” he said with a warm smile. His love for his sister was obvious. “She is taking her last class for her medical assistant’s associate’s degree right now and already has a job lined up when she’s done. She only has a week or two left.”
“That’s great,” Erin said. “Where’s she going to work?”
“She did some on-site work at a children’s clinic for one of her classes and the staff fell in love with her right away. They’re holding a position for her,” he said proudly.
“She must have made a good impression,” Erin said admiringly.
“Cassie makes an impression wherever she goes. I can honestly say I’ve never met another person quite like her.”
Erin smiled at his words. She knew the two of them were closer than most siblings. Between the twin-connection and the shared survival of their traumatic youth, the two were bonded tightly. Erin, as an only child, could only imagine what kind of relationship that would be.
“The two of you are lucky to have each other. I don’t have any siblings. As a kid I liked not having anyone annoying around, but now I wonder what it would be like,” she said.
“You haven’t told me much about your family yet. Where do your parents live?”
Erin told Marcus about growing up in Indiana with all the small-town traditional values the midwest had a reputation for. She grew up going to county fairs and a quaint little church. Her childhood was storybook cliché.
“My parents are still in the same house I grew up in. I only get to see them a few times a year because of the distance, but I love it in Atlanta. I couldn’t stand cold winters, so I enrolled at Emory. When I got a job offer down here, I jumped at it.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
Erin suddenly got quiet. She froze at the question but didn’t mean to. After what happened at the party in college, she had shut down completely, even from her family. She had been so embarrassed and ashamed at what had happened. She considered herself to blame for letting herself get into the situation at all. She couldn’t tell her parents so she hid from them as much as she did from everyone else.
She hadn’t missed them, really, because she had shut them out along with everyone and everything else. Now suddenly at his question, she realized how distant she had become from them. Missing her mom and dad hit her like a brick and she blinked back her tears.
“Yeah, I miss them,” she said in a shaky voice.
“Are you ok?” Marcus asked, concerned at her sudden shift in mood. “Erin?”
She looked up at his concerned eyes and broke down completely. He had helped her wake up to the world and again she was overwhelmed. But because she trusted him, she let herself rely on him. He walked around the table to her and pulled her into his arms. He stood holding her while she cried.
“What’s with the tears?” he asked gently. “I didn’t know you missed your parents that much. You never talk about them at all.”
He walked her to the couch and held her again.
“It’s the same thing, Marcus. I shut them out for the past five years, too. I never told them what happened. Now I feel so stupid for having done that. I barely even talk to them when I’m there. I didn’t even realize how much I’d been missing until you started writing to me. Now every little thing is hitting me hard. I’m so sorry you have to watch me cry again.”
“Don’t worry about it, baby. I’m sorry you’re so sad,” he said with a kiss on her forehead. “But you’re coming back from it, one challenge at a time. Look at everything you’ve gotten through so far. You are strong enough. Believe that.”
She nodded without really being convinced, and he saw right through her. He pulled her down beside him on the couch again, lying with her as he did before. He draped his arm over her and pulled her close. He whispered loving words to her while a few more tears seeped out of her eyes.
“I’m serious, Erin. You’ve got it in you. I promise. And if you need anything, I’m here. You’ll get through every bit of this and come out on the other side feeling better than you ever thought you would. I’ve been there. I know what I’m talking about. I’ll help you.”
She rested a long while in his arms, thinking through everything in her life she had been missing. She had shut out so much and now she experienced every emotion like it was new. All five years worth hit her at once and she was getting sick of crying, especially in front of Marcus. Still, she knew having Marcus with her was essential. She didn’t think she could have handled all this on her own.
“How did you get through it, Marcus?” she asked quietly, needing to know. She had to understand how this was going to work, because facing her past and the people she had shut out was daunting. Coming out of her isolation seemed a Herculean task.
“For me, it was Bill. I didn’t do it by myself. He took every bit of my anger and directed it into training. Then I had the gym to focus on and I didn’t worry too much about the rest. He talked me through it and picked me up every time I crashed.”
“Not by yourself?”
“No. I don’t think I could have. I was spiraling down before he found me. I wouldn’t be here now if not for him. I’d probably be in jail.”
“I had no idea.”
“Yeah,” Marcus said, a little quiet at his confession. “You’re not by yourself either, you know. I relied on him. You can rely on me.”
He pulled her tighter and kissed her ear. “I’ll pick you up every time you crash, too. It’s ok if you fall. I’ll catch you every time.”
She cried again. His loving support humbled her. She hadn’t had any emotional connection in years and his warm presence pressed in on her from all sides. He pulled her tight and held her hand.
“Thank you,” she said in a shaky, quiet voice. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You know I said that exact same thing to Bill,” Marcus chuckled.
“What did he say?”
“Nothing. He smacked me upside the head put a dumbbell in my hand,” he grinned. “But don’t worry. I won’t do that to you. I’ll just challenge you to another game of Gin. You’ve got me and I’m not going anywhere.”
Erin turned herself over to face him. She looked at him trying to figure out how so much understanding and comfort could come from someone who confessed rage beyond measure. He really did care about her and wanted to help her through everything. She didn’t understand why. All she could do was lean in and kiss him again.
He responded with the depth of emotion they shared through her tears. His hand reached around to her back and he pulled her tighter against him, kissing her intensely. The connection was strong.
Erin couldn’t separate her heart from her body in that moment and she wrapped her arm around him and pressed her entire frame into his without meaning to.
He hummed a sound of pleasure through his kiss when he felt her against him. His kissing grew even more passionate and he rolled her onto her back and settled half-way over her. He brought his hand to her face and held her to him. She rested her hand against his, keeping herself in the embrace.
His hand moved around to her back again, and then slowly down until it rested over her bottom. He gripped and pulled her hips against his. Right away Erin froze. This was too much. She wasn’t ok anymore. Marcus felt her tension and panicked.
“Damn it, I’m sorry,” Marcus blurted out, letting her go and leaning back away from her completely. His palm went to his forehead; his breathing was still a little heavy from his desire. “Erin, I’m so sorry.”