Who Moved My Blackberry? (24 page)

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Thelma Dowd

Hi Thelma—I've got a lot to do trying to sort my package today. Various members of my team want to talk to me … can you keep them all away?

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

You ask what would money give me that I don't have already? Easy! I'd like an Aston Martin DB9. I'd also like to upscale my real estate. A substantial residence in Atlanta, with smaller pads in London, Antigua and Aspen, Colorado. I am not into being flash with money—I certainly would never want my own plane. But I think I would like my own art collection, or something classy like that, which was as much about taste as money.

22.5 percent better than my bestest

Martin

PS Re Executive Platinum, I strongly agree, though I think the best strategy is to get my package sorted first, and then to ask for extras. Sure it won't be a problemo.

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Martin—

I'm a teensy bit disappointed that you haven't grasped what this exercise is all about. I was asking what emotions—happiness, security, freedom—you thought money would get you.

Think again: why do you want more money?

The reason, Martin, has got to be: BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!!

If you don't believe that, you can throw away all your hopes of getting the package of your dreams. What is money? Money is a symbol of someone's confidence in you! If you want more money you are going to have to have Extraordinary Confidence in yourself, so that others will have Extraordinary Confidence in you!

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri darling

I've been thinking about this, and I know I said I wanted us to be together. I do, obviously. But I don't think it would be a good idea if you come to Atlanta with me unless you have a job. Not earning would be bad for your self-esteem. And if you had a job, if anything happened between us, you'd still have an income.

My plan is to import you as my PA. I'm sure I could wangle you more money and a grand title—something like Senior Administrative Assistant to Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman. I'm going to need some people on my side, it's a vipers' nest out there.

Love you M xxx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Max Lukes

Max old man

I hope school is going well—well done for coming top in the Latin test!

I don't know if mum has said anything to you about me, but I thought you had a right to know that she's a tad miffed with me at the moment. To be perfectly honest, she's gone on a bit of a bender and chucked me out (!), so I'm presently living with a friend. I do hope that this is a temporary situation and that she'll come to her senses and won't break up our fantastic family. Might help if you put in a word for your old dad next time you talk to her?

The other big news item is that I've been offered a really wicked job in the US with loads of money—I'll have a ginormous house with pool and private golf course. I hope you'll spend your Christmas holidays with me—you can have all the burgers and skateboards and iPods you ever dreamed of …

Love, Dad

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi, Barry

As you know I am blown away with excitement about my new position. I can't get started soon enough!

However, there are just a couple of details that I think we should iron out re package.

We haven't talked numbers, but I'm assuming that my pay would be in line with comparable senior executives. I would see myself coming in slightly north of Keith and Cindy, but not out of the ballpark. In addition, 100 percent housing allowance, school fees, cars for myself, my ladywife and my older son and all the other usual perks.

I understand that the job will not initially be a main board position, but that this would happen in the fullness of time. Could we nail down when that would be? I am also assuming that I can bring my PA, Keri Tartt, with me. A small pay raise for her would send a highly motivational message.

As I think I may have told you, there are some issues around the relocation of my spouse. At present she is in External Relations in London. To facilitate her transition I would like some career coaching and psychological counseling. Can we discuss these matters soonest?

My best, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri—Sorry darling, I'm going to be late back—am working flat out on package negotiations.

I'm absolutely starving. Can you order a takeout curry for about 9:30—and I'd also like some Ben and Jerry's (Cherry Garcia if poss, otherwise Chubby Hubby) for afters.

Love P xx

PS should be no prob at all getting you a great new job in Atlanta … but I'm insisting on monster raise for you.

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Contacts

Hi everyone!

Apologies for not reaching out to each of you personally, but I wanted to tell everyone who I have had the pleasure of working in partnership with these last few years that I am moving on to pastures new!

From October 15 I shall be transferring to Atlanta to become Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman. This is obviously a pivotal position, and I will be working directly with the legendary Barry S. Malone, who was recently named by Fortune as the 7th most respected business leader in the world.

It has been a great pleasure working with you in the past, and thank you for the deep interest you have always shown in my career. I hope you will feel able to continue your relationship with a-b glöbâl (UK) going forward.

My best regards

Martin Lukes

Marketing Director, a-b glöbâl (UK)

Chief of Staff, Chairman's Office (designate)

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Jens darling

I didn't appreciate it at all just now when I came to talk to you in your office and you went on talking to your PA as if I wasn't there. I know that you are upset. Rightly so, as I'd be the first to admit! But this is going too far.

I've been doing some digging about possible jobs for you in Atlanta, and there are two suitable openings in the press office—none with a grand title, but you'd be a big fish in a big pond!

I'm playing hardball re money, and looks like we'll be able to afford whatever we want accommodation-wise—I'm thinking enormous house, obviously with pool, in a gated community with its own golf course.

We must talk about this … time is running out.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Yes I know you don't play golf. And please don't accuse me of going behind your back with Max … I simply told him what his life would be like with me in Atlanta. M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jake Lukes

Jake—I think it is time for you and I to be highly honest with each other. I am still very angry at what you did. You are presently living with the consequences of your actions, and I hope you have come to experience some serious regrets.

That said, I am aware that you are going through a difficult patch in your life, and that you need the support of your father. How about a drink before I go to the US? I shall come and pick you up from the house at 7pm Thursday night.

Dad

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Jens—Before you bite my head off for contacting you again, this is a legit business e-mail!

I've decided to write a lighthearted Q&A press release that could work as a diary piece—Brit Hits the Big Time in the US. The business pages are always looking for something a bit different, a bit humorous!

I'm planning to take Jake out for a drink next week. He hasn't honored me with a reply. Can you make sure he is in, and ready on time? M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

What do you mean it's naff?? It's actually really funny and it helps people get to know me quickly. And what do you expect me to say: that my wife has kicked me out and is refusing to come to Atlanta with me???

M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Barry—I've just had a message from a Kimberly Warp in HR outlining my package. I have serious issues with some of the detail. She says the only benefit I am entitled to is healthcare insurance, and that I cannot bring my PA with me. I guess I can train up a local hire as a PA, but I need confirmation that she has made an error over the benefits question.

All my bestest, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi, Pandora

Alas, your technique isn't delivering the desired package. This isn't a confidence issue—I've got loads of that! The problem is that some idiot in HR begs to differ. Any advice?

Martin

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin

Can I share with you a little story about myself? When I was in my 30s, I was in debt, I was living in one room, and my self-worth was so low I could hardly get up in the mornings.

A few months later I began creating money everywhere I looked! Within a few years I had become a millionaire. Because I had changed myself and my perception of the world, money came flowing to me!

Your mind is like a magnet, Martin. You must create the millionaire's mind-set. Make a scrapbook and stick in it all the things you would like to own. Imagine you own them already and one day you will!

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Thelma Dowd

Hi Thelma—can you organize my leaving drinx for Thurs? Find out what Rog will swallow expense-wise—I don't want to be left with a sodding great bill!

Could you also reduce these Aston Martin pictures on the color printer so that they'll fit into this notebook? Then cut them out and stick them in.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Darling Pinky—going to be v late home—problems on the package front. Atlanta's playing silly buggers. There's been a hitch re yr job, but I'm fighting your corner—worry not! M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Phyllis Lukes

Dearest Mum—just a quick message to say I'm definitely coming on Saturday, and will bring Keri. She is very young, mum, and she's also a bit nervous about meeting you, as I've built you up into a bit of a wonderwoman! We'll try to arrive in good time for pre-prandial drinkies. Fraid she's a vegetarian, but don't go to any trouble.

Your loving son

Martie

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry

I wanted to share with you some creovative™ thinking I've been doing around Monday's Q3 results. My idea is a live webcam for staff and investors featuring you talking through the figures. But instead of seeing you in your office—been there, done that, got the T-shirt!—we could have you playing a few holes at your club. This would be visually sensational and the message would be unforgettable!

As you introduce yourself, you could be teeing off—you could then talk about the importance of winning, of playing the game, and having fun! As you discuss the hostile economic landscape, we could see the ball going into the sand—and so on, and so forth.

What do you think?

Cheers, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes