Experts on adolescence have said that to be healthy, teenagers need to have a sense of belonging in three areas: home, school, and spirituality. We've delved deeply into family matters, so let's take a closer look at school and spirituality.
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First, take a few minutes and forget everything you know about family systems and addiction and look at your child separate from the family. Besides family issues, what has been bothering your child? What are your child's continuing obsessions? Animal rights? Pollution? A feeling of not fitting in? Worry about being good enough to get into college? Think about what you've head your child say, and try to remember if any sentences have been dominant, such as ''I'm so dumb.'' Take stock of what is happening in your child's life.
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Many adolescents feel pressured by school, by expectations about college, and by the pressures to conform that have always run rampant in American high schools. There's acute tension in almost every high school in this country to fit in, get high, dress the right way, wear your hair right, etc. As our therapist remarked, "It's a jungle out there." It's probably worse now than when we were in high school because the culture has become so much more materialistic, sexualized, and greedy.
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