Affliction (Finding Solace) (2 page)

Chapter 3

I thought we could start with the first time I saw her
after leaving her shop that night. Come on, I know you all remember when she
humiliated me in front of everybody. It was the night we were all hanging out at
Dave's house for Mike’s Pay Per View fight. I deserved everything she said and
did to me. She never had given me any reason to not just be honest and upfront
with her from the beginning. After never contacting her that night I went up to
her work and a couple of days had passed, I convinced myself I was better for
walking away from her. Periodically she would cross my mind but I had made
myself believe we were both much better off apart. That was until I saw her at
that party. Complete and utter shame took over me. She was just as amazing, if
not more beautiful than I had been picturing her in my dreams. When I saw her
walk in through the door, one look at her and I knew I had fucked up. So
instead of apologizing like a real man, I found a girl to take my mind off of
her for the millionth time. It never worked. I think that one’s name was Trina
or Tina? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Every room I walked into, she showed up
or was already in. I couldn’t seem to escape the pull I had to her or her to
me. When I finally found a place she wasn’t, I had to hear the guys all talking
about her ass. If she wasn’t in the room she was still the topic of
conversation. Well it wasn’t really her so much as the thong strings that were
showing and what they wanted to do to her. I hated that I was getting jealous.
I hated how after meeting her, my whole plan was falling apart. I left the room
and was on a mission to find Heather. I told her about Sadie’s underwear and
begged her to take care of it. When I couldn’t get a grip on my jealousy, I went
to look for another much needed distraction. I grabbed whatever her name was
and headed to the closest room. Not even fucking that girl was working. I got
dressed and was walking out of the bedroom when Sadie shoved me hard in the
chest, knocking me off my balance. She hit me one more time before she started
screaming, “How dare you! How fucking dare you give yourself that much credit.
To think I am chasing after you, that you’re worth the chase. I called you
once, one fucking time. It’s been weeks. Did you really think you were so
special that I would be pining after you? You’ve lost your fucking mind. I’m
not one of them. I never will be. I didn’t deserve this and you know it you
piece of shit. Fuck you Colt! Go to hell!” Damn was she pissed and guilt washed
over me. I could have handled the whole thing so much better. She just made it
so easy to fall right back into relationship mode and I was determined to see
those few years through a single man.  When she and Heather left, I knew I had
to fix what I had done, I just wasn’t sure how. I ran after her but they drove
off. I called her repeatedly but she wouldn’t answer. I even called Heather and
finally she picked up the phone. I begged her to talk to Sadie for me, to
explain why she should forgive me. Heather just told me that it wasn’t her
place and she wouldn’t do it. All hope was lost until I heard Sadie in the
background say, “Go Back!” My heart rate doubled instantly. They were coming
back, which meant I still had a chance to talk to her, reason with her. When
they walked back through the door of the house, immediately it was like a
weight bore down on me. I needed her to understand and that bothered me the
most. Why was she so different from all the other girls I had been with, and
why did I need her so badly to except my reasoning? I walked over to where she
stood and swept the hair off of her shoulder. When I saw her body react to that
one simple movement, I knew she was going to have to understand, because there
was no way in hell I was done with Sadie Warren. I was just getting started. I
asked if we could talk, hoping she would say yes. She didn’t. She was never one
to make things easy but that was what attracted me most to her at first.

I finally got her outside but that was when it got
harder. She didn’t say anything and I could see her brain working overtime.

 “Really?
Is that what I’m doing?”

“Well,
I can see it all turning in your head.”

“If
you’re so wise, then tell me what I was thinking.”

Now
was my chance, so I did my best.

“Well for starters, you are thinking I’m a dick, that I
never should have started something that I didn’t want to finish and that only
a chicken shit would take the way out that I took.”

“Keep
going.”

“That
you never gave me reason to believe I needed to run.”

“Not that I wanted to give you any credit, but you’re
pretty spot on.”

“Sadie” was all I could get out. The need to explain,
plead if need be, for her to understand what was going on with me was killing
me but I couldn’t find the words.

“Colt
just talk to me. Since when did you feel you couldn’t?”

"You are right. You’re so right. That's part of the
reason behind all of this. Sadie, you took me by storm. I know I told you all
about Jamie. What I think, is I left the most important part out. When you’re
in love it never feels wrong. You hear people tell you you’re too young, that
you need to experience life before you settle down. But you think they all are
full of shit. If they could feel what you’re feeling, they would know that it
would be foolish to give that up. Well, in hind sight I see now that they were
partially right. I wouldn't trade what Jamie and I shared or made for that
matter, for the world. But I didn't get to experience anything other than us or
what we had. I met her young. I never dated other people. I never just had me
to worry about. I know that really, I will never have that again because I will
always have Maddie. But I came here thinking, this is my second chance. This is
my opportunity to live my life. I know that sounds so fucking selfish. But when
I met you, God Sadie! You have no idea what was happening to me. I was falling,
so fast and so hard. I'm not ready to do that again.”

She was quiet for so long I thought for sure she was going
to tell me to go to hell. That she didn’t care what reasons I had, she wasn’t
on board. Then…

“Did I say I wanted more? Did I give you any reason to
think I wanted anything more than for us to hang out and have a good time?
Colt, I'm twenty years old. I don't want serious. I just liked spending time
with you."

I damn near tackled her to the ground, I grabbed her and
picked her up and spun her around screaming at the top of my lungs, “Thank God!
Thank You!”

I had no control left in me, I grabbed her and kissed the
living shit out of her. Once she and I had been able to talk about everything,
it made me feel so much better. She understood, or so I thought.

Chapter 4

With that conversation out of the way, I thought I had it
made. Life was good. I had a great job, school was a breeze and the girls were
everywhere. Then there was Sadie. Anytime she was within reach I wanted nothing
and no-one else. She just fit. I lived in two worlds but it was working out
like I had hoped. When we opened up to each other it was in ways that I had
never felt comfortable enough before with anyone. I eventually found one of the
reasons for the sadness I saw that very first night. She had been sleeping
around and felt shame from it. Personally I don’t really think it ever had to
do with the number. More so the reason she was doing it in the first place. It
killed me to see her beat herself up over her past, especially when all I saw
when I looked at her was the strongest woman I knew. She was not going to give
up on herself if I could help it.

Well, it all seemed to be perfect until the night came
that I didn't go to the alley with everyone. Yep, that would be the night that
Jason beat the shit out of Shawn. After I got the call, I drove straight over
to the hospital and found Dave, Bryan, Heather and Sadie in the parking lot.
Poor Heather was falling apart so I grabbed her in to a hug trying to comfort
her. At the same time I was avoiding having to meet Sadie’s eyes like the
plague. I knew she wanted to know where I was and why I wasn’t at the alley
like I should have been.

Shelly was her name. She was gorgeous and also the root
to a lot of my problems. Her and her friends had been hanging out at '51' a lot
back then and each time I would see her she got more brazen. That night she
trapped me in a corner and her hand grabbed my dick as she licked up my neck.
To say I was gone for would be an understatement. A sexy as hell women
propositions me for sex and you expect me to say no? Yeah, I probably should
have, because the look on Sadie's face when she heard made me feel like a piece
of shit. I never planned on hurting her, hell I would have killed anyone that
did.

Everyone was talking about the night at Dave’s trying to
piece together what really had happened. Once we figured out that nothing ever
did go on between Shawn and Heather, the tables got turned on to me, especially
after the guys were hounding me about not being there. Slowly I saw the wheels
churning and then out of Dave’s big fucking mouth came, “Shelly! You lucky
bastard, one smile from you tonight and you nail her. You suck!”  Alright I
know, it wasn't Dave's fault. I made the choice to sleep with her. But that's
the thing, I didn't know until after everything happened that I was making a
mistake.

All of you know Sadie's story already so you’re sitting
back thinking, asshole. At the time, I had known her for maybe two months. She
told me she was okay with it all, that it was what she wanted too. She never
told me what she told you. How was I to know that it was going to bother her?
But that night I saw her face and it became very clear that our arrangement
wasn’t working and something was going to need to change. I just still wasn’t
sure I wanted it to be me.

Chapter 5

With Shawn out of commission, work was a bitch. I loved
my job but it seemed to never end being that I was carrying all the weight. So
when Sadie called me from the hospital while visiting Shawn, bored or not, I
jumped at the chance to have a night off and spend it with her. Why did I one
minute say I needed space and the next say I couldn’t wait to see her? Your
guess is as good as mine. She was becoming more and more perfect for me. I was
losing what fight I had left, trying to hold on to a stupid idea, that
eventually cost me everything I had with her.

I picked a bar/ restaurant that had fantastic food. I
found a table and ordered a beer, while I waited for her. When she walked in, I
about fell out of my chair. She was what made men turn into walking hard-ons.
Every dude in the place needed to wipe their mouth at the mere site of her. My
chest puffed like an idiot, knowing she would be mine for the night and every one
of these guys were jealous. She was so mad at me for letting her walk around
for so long but I couldn’t help but take all of her in. Then I was cracking up
with how cute she was worrying about getting carded and caught for drinking
under age. Sadie had a mature face and body most girls dreamed they had. Hell,
I thought she was at least twenty three the first time I saw her, so she had
nothing to worry about. Eventually she relaxed and we were able to eat and
laugh. She joked about me being an old man again and that I wasn’t enough to
satisfy her, which only led to my need to prove just how well I could. Even
with all the teasing back and forth what we had was natural. There was just
something between us that I couldn’t let go or walk away from.

That night changed so much. She went from being a girl to
being possibly the girl. When we got back to my place, I wanted to prove to her
and myself that we could do normal. I held her hand as we walked into the
house, then we sat back on the couch and watched T.V. She eventually fell
asleep in my lap and I carried her to bed. I know she thought I was going to
follow through with all the threats I was making at the bar, but God, normal
felt even better with her in it and changing my mind wasn’t felling so scary
anymore.

The next morning as I was making breakfast all I could
think about was having her to myself and what it would feel like. I kept slipping
little hints her way to feel her out, but that wasn’t going so well. When she
asked me how I slept and I answered by saying, “With you, there is no better
way to sleep” then I told her I was making omelets. She skipped right over what
I said like she didn’t even hear me. Who would have ever thought someone could
get that excited over breakfast. ”When’s my food going to be ready? Smelling
all this is making me so hungry.”

“Always so impatient, the greatest things in life come to
those who wait. Ever heard that one? It was like she wasn’t hearing what I was
getting at.

“Then I will be waiting forever.”

 “You never know. Something pretty great is right in
front of you. You just have to open your eyes.”

After I made the food and we sat down to eat, I couldn’t
stop staring at her. She asked me, “Are you not hungry?”

 “No, I am. It’s just nice to sit and have breakfast with
you after having you all night. It feels good. Does that make sense?”

 I started to really get excited thinking that we were
both maybe wanting the same thing.

“I understand completely. And if you keep making me
breakfast after every time I sleep over, I might never leave.”