Affliction (Finding Solace) (8 page)

You know how the rest of that day went. She wasn't
changing her mind. I lost everything that I thought was still holding me
together. When she left, I tried to tell myself that he was going to screw
things up. Men are men after all. We always mess up. She was still going to be
mine, I just needed to wait it out.

The next thing I knew she was living with him and then
they were engaged. I went back to my old ways of having fun and hanging out
with friends but I never did turn back into the guy that wanted to sleep around
and use girls. I had plenty of offers but I didn't see the point. One woman
owned my heart and I was hell bent on waiting for her.

The kids I coached were actually very talented. I had
champion after champion in every weight class we have. I loved these kids and I
was respected in return. Not only by them but also the staff, so when I was
blessed by a visit from Mike, I couldn't wait to show him the team I had put
together. If anyone knew how to recognize what I was building it was him. The
kids were absolutely star struck which only cracked me up.

It was that weekend that all of my hopes were crushed.
You know I had to ask him how she was. I asked every chance I got. Sometimes he
would just offer the information, knowing the question was coming. This time I
found out they were getting married the following weekend and to just top the
whole fucking thing off, she was pregnant. I picked up the beer I had been
drinking and threw it against the wall. The bottle shattered on impact.

"Dude, you can't act like this is a surprise. I have
been telling you all along that this was coming. What part of engaged didn't
make you think a wedding was going to happen?" Mike always knew how to rub
alcohol in a wound.

"I'm an idiot!!! I had her and I didn't take care of
her. I didn't show her how special she was. I fucked up."

"And? You have always known what you were doing. You
kept her at a distance on purpose. Life doesn't wait around for any of us to
finally figure it out."

"Could you be any more of an asshole?"

"Actually yes, but I'm not going to beat a dead
horse. You lost her, give up and move on."

"I thought you said you were done?"

"Now I am. So let’s go get some drinks somewhere,
seeing as you threw your last beer at the wall."

I followed him out of my house, wanting to punch
something or someone. I didn't feel sorry for myself anymore, I was just so
pissed off at what an idiot I was. She was pregnant!?! It was time to give up
for good.

Well you would think I would take my own advise, but I am
glutton for punishment. It was the following weekend and I knew Mike was away
at a fight so he wouldn't be around to give me shit. As I pulled into the
parking lot I couldn't believe what I was doing. I had Googled where it would
be and I guess I thought I needed to see it for myself.

I was late on purpose. I snuck in quietly and didn't go
all the way in. I stayed back far enough to go unnoticed but could still see
what I came for and boy did I see. Sadie was the most breath stealing thing on
the planet. But it was who was next to her that made my whole body tense up. I
never wanted to know anything about the man that stole my girl’s heart away
from me. I shut down any conversation pertaining to him. Maybe I shouldn't have
because in that moment, I wanted to tear his fucking head off. It was the same
guy from that night up at the '51'! I really did do all of this to myself. Had
I never wanted any other woman and cherished Sadie the way she deserved, she
would never have met him. She would still be mine. In the middle of that
thought I heard her sweet voice say, "What I didn't know was that love
could feel like this. I didn't know that people had the right to be truly
happy, to not have to take the bad with the good." That was all I needed
to hear. She was gone from any possibility of ever being mine. I solidified
that.I turned and walked away from my forever girl, my future with her, my
world and was forced to start all over again.

Chapter 16

Over the next couple of months, I found it hard in the
beginning, but things seemed to get easier over time. Once I saw her getting
married it really did give me the closure that I needed, or that was what I
wanted to believe. I started to date again and even found a few that were
really fun to be around. Out of sight out of mind was the case for me. One girl
started to really stand out amongst the rest, her name is Sabrina. She looked
nothing like Sadie. She was tall, almost too thin and had short red hair. Her eyes
were a piercing green, which came from her Irish background, along with her
pale skin.

I had been walking with some of the guys on the team down
on the strip one night. Lewis, my captain, started to scream at one of the
girls walking across the street with a group of her friends. What shocked the
shit out of me was the fact that the girls actually started to approach us. I
expected them to flip him off or ignore him completely. Once all four of them
were close enough for me to see clearly, I noticed one of them stood out far
beyond the rest. She had sass and attitude pouring out of her and she hadn’t
spoken a word yet. While Lewis flirted and D.J. clammed up, I approached the
vixen.

“Can I ask your name?”

“You can ask all you want but it doesn’t mean I will give
it to you.”

“Wow, I didn’t expect that. Come on, now you have too.
Let me start, my name is Colton Jennings but my friends call me Colt.”

“Well Colton it’s nice to meet you. My name is Sabrina.”

“You can call me Colt you know, Colton is so formal.”

“Until you have earned my friendship, I think Colton is
best.”

“Why is that?”

“Because friendship isn’t something I just give away and
I don’t know you at all.”

That day started a whole new mission for me. I was going
to get to know the girl who challenged me and I was going to have fun doing it.
I found out from Lewis where she lived and left a Starbucks coffee at her door
on day one. On day two, two muffins and one coffee were left. On day three, I
left three Irish roses, two muffins and a coffee. On day four when I attempted
to leave four chocolate chips cookies, three Irish roses, two muffins and a
coffee, Sabrina was standing at the door.

“What are you doing?”

“Earning your friendship.”

“You can’t buy my friendship Colton.”

“No, but maybe one day you will invite me in to share all
of this. Until then…”

Sabrina grabbed me and pecked me on the lips, pulling
herself back with a huge smile on her face.

“Get inside Colt, it’s getting cold out here.”

“I knew I’d get you to see it my way.”

Chapter 17

Sabrina and I really started to get close. I wanted to be
with her every chance I got. She was fun, always happy and made every minute
seem like it couldn’t be better. What I had with her started as a friendship. We
never pushed for anything to happen, it just did. Sabrina knew everything about
me, everything, and nothing about my past bothered her. I started to forget
about Sadie completely when I was with her, which definitely was not from
effort on my part. I stopped dating the few girls I had been seeing and focused
on what was happening with Sabrina and me. She stopped me from beating myself
up and gave me so many reasons to smile. I found that she became what I wanted
to hold onto at night and she was exactly what I wanted to see every morning
when I woke up. Everything with us was great.
Well, that was until
Jason and Heather's wedding drew closer. I began to pull away, imagine that. Sabrina,
knowing me all too well, understood my anxiety about who would be there and let
me. She told me that I needed to go, when all I really wanted to do was back
out. She forced me to face Sadie and make sure I was over her before there
would ever be any real chance between us.

The day of the wedding came and I still wanted to avoid
it. Sabrina had backed away from me, holding firm on the Sadie thing. I understood
and respected her for it. As I drove to the wedding I hated myself for always
either walking or running away from everything when things start getting rough.
I told myself that I was going to stop being a pussy and face her. She was
married and having his baby. What was it about her that still messed with my
head? When I finally got to the church, I couldn't help but laugh my ass off.
Of course Heather had to have the biggest, nicest church in town. I had gotten
there a little late but nothing had started yet. When I walked in, I
immediately found the gang. God, it had been too long. Shawn, Dave and Bryan
were sitting in a pew with their girls in tow. I felt kind of stupid coming by
myself but there was no way I was bringing Sabrina with me. The truth is, I
begged her, but she forced me to deal with this myself.

The wedding started and I watched as Megan and then Sadie
walked down the aisle. Megan looked good but Sadie completely stole the
spotlight. That purple dress made her look like Barney a little bit though. .I
laughed to myself, knowing Sadie probably wanted to kill Heather for picking
it. She was definitely showing now. In fact she looked like she was due any day,
but I would be lying if I said she lost any of her beauty. If anything she
gained some, which I wondered how it could even be possible. The ceremony was
good but my eye never left her. It all seemed so sad. A few different choices
and it all could have been different. She could have been mine.

After the wedding, we all decided to go back to '51' for
nostalgic purposes. When we got there, we lit the place up. All of us had
stories to tell. Such little time had passed but so much had changed. When we
all had reached the point of complete intoxication, Shawn let us know it was
time to go to the reception.

Once we all got there and found our table, we hit the bar
and then settled in. It wasn't long before they were announcing the wedding
party and Sadie was walking in with Tony. That is a whole different story. I
knew they had slept together. I could tell how everything changes between them
after the trip we all took. I am no fool, come on guys. I never once looked
down on her for it. She needed to experience life as we all did.

The toast came next and I just couldn't look away. She stole
my ability to focus on anything else. She looked so nervous, I wanted to just
go up there and save her. But in the end she finished as I knew she would.
Sadie had become so strong and independent. The woman I always knew she was.
When she sat back down her eyes scanned the room and landed on me. I couldn't
not smile. I was so proud of her. Our eyes locked for a little longer than I
think her husband cared for. All of a sudden Sadie looked shocked and then
anywhere but in my direction. I hated every minute after that, that I was
there. She looked tense and unhappy. I had managed to find another way to mess
with her and it was the last thing that she needed this late in her pregnancy.
I watched her dance with Tony and then basically beg her husband to talk out in
the hall and probably apologize for looking at me. Well I guessed that part but
they did go into the hall. I stood, ready to leave but Shawn pulled me back
down into my chair.

"You didn't come here for her. You came to see old
friends, so do it."

I tried my best to ignore the fact my actions caused more
drama for Sadie. I relished in the idea I made his life harder though. Come on,
like you wouldn't feel the same way about the person who got to have your
forever. All of the sudden movement caught my eye near the hallway they went
out of. It was him and she was walking in behind him, right toward me. Chills
ran through my body.

She didn't talk to me or look at me at first. Sadie did
what Sadie does best, she was being kind and caring toward all of our friends.
Once the updates were in on the who's doing what or who, everyone got up to
dance. Well, everyone accept for me. When she finally made eye contact with me
I asked “Care to take a walk?

She just smiled at me and said "I would love to, if
you don't mind that I waddle more than walk these days."

Like I could ever mind that, she was more beautiful now
than she ever could have been and that is saying something. When we got outside,
all I could think to ask was how she had been. She made me laugh when she
pointed out the obvious once again and said she had been busy. When she asked
me how I was, was exactly when I lost my shit, again.

At first it seemed I wanted her to feel bad for me but
then I changed over to how good things were going. I was all over the place and
feeling ridiculous. That was until she brought me out of my own thoughts,
telling me she quit her job. I knew how much she loved doing hair. It must have
been hard, but I respected her even more for caring more for her unborn children.
I always knew in my gut that she would make one hell of a mother. That's why it
was so hard to see her get all that from someone else. For so long I pictured
her as my forever girl. It was hard to really let that go. "I didn't think
it would hurt so bad, seeing you get those things from someone else. You are
that girl for me."