Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad! (11 page)

• Get to know the best routes to the hospital you’ve chosen for your child’s birth. You never know where you might be when labor starts.
  
• Parents-to-be should strongly consider receiving infant medical training and purchasing infant first-aid kits for their home and vehicles.
  
• Attending birthing class and taking a tour of your hospital are great ways for parents to prepare themselves for the big day.
  
• Your birth plan will help you research and make important decisions about the birth of your child beforehand. When critical decision points come up during the pregnancy, you’ll be ready.
  
• There is a growing trend to preserve newborns' umbilical cord blood. Talk to a qualified health-care provider if this is something you’re considering.
  

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! Although, in reality, your BMP is doing most of the heavy lifting (no jokes, please). Now is the time to line up paternity leave, make sure those names are the right ones, and double-check the birth plan.

Although it doesn’t seem possible, doctor’s appointments will become even more frequent toward the end of the trimester. From week 32 forward, your woman may gain a pound a week. As the doctor will remind you, it’s important for your BMP to stay hydrated and stay diligent with her vitamins.

You are now on a collision course with delivery. Toward the end of the pregnancy, your exhausted partner will be hoping for the birth, and the sweet relief that follows, to mercifully come.

There is a growing trend today where the children are not only the focus of the family, but are the sole focus of the family. Parents cut back or cut out hobbies and social activities, and even spend the majority of the disposable income on the children. So while you shouldn’t get an iPad for yourself and tell your kids there will be no Christmas this year, the best way to maintain sanity is the lost art of balance.

“What is this ‘balance’ you speak of?” you might be muttering to yourself. It is the art form of giving attention to the important things in life and keeping yourself sane. This is a good chance to practice keeping a balance. Up until now it has been all about Junior, and he hasn’t even arrived yet. So make some time for yourselves.

You may want to squeeze in one last vacation during this last stanza of the pregnancy. As long as you get a permission slip signed by your doctor, you should be good to go. I’m assuming you’re with me here when I say the idea is for you to go with your BMP. So don’t be totally obtuse when it comes to selecting a destination. Mardi Gras, Vegas, and a tour of wine country = not the best destinations.

Of course, it may not be the pace you’ve been used to on past vacations. Keeping a flexible, lighter-than-usual schedule will help you handle whatever’s going on with her everchanging body. It’s a change for both of you, and a precursor to the not-being-able-to-get-away-on-a-moment’s-notice type of lifestyle that’s headed your way. Depending on how far out you’re planning, you may want to buy the much-maligned travel insurance. Then if she gets so sick you can’t go, you won’t be fuming over the lost funds.

As for eating on the road, try to have some sort of plan as to when, where, and what she can and wants to eat, as well as places that can accommodate her, especially if she’s still suffering from any morning sickness. In addition to avoiding exotic foods she can’t eat, you should probably avoid excessive walking, bungee jumping, helicopter rides (BMP will be shaken, not stirred), and deep-sea fishing (motion sickness plus diesel fumes equals . . .).

Unlike most civilized nations and third-world countries, Americans have no paid leave policy when it comes to having a baby. While some companies have policies in place to allow mothers a civilized period of time to welcome their child into the world, dads have no such luck. So save your vacation days, and check with your employer’s human resources department to see whether you have any chance to take an extended unpaid leave (if you can afford to take it).

Paternity leave is quite a nice little thing. You’re indirectly asking your employer to give you paid time off to be with your new baby. In the executive office, knowing they have to pay you for some period of time, even though you’re not ill and can still perform your duties, is probably as popular as poop sandwiches, underwater stock options, and male secretaries.

Needless to say, most companies don’t have overly extravagant policies. They may run from eight to twelve weeks on average, and often you’ll receive some portion of your compensation, but give up any bonuses or special pay you may have received. Do your homework and see what you should expect.

If your boss is reasonable, it may be a good idea to sit down with her and see what her general attitude is about the situation. This is important; in some cases you may discover how sympathetic an ear your boss has when it comes to matters of the family. There are bound to be a couple of occasions where you’ll need a little extra time to help with Junior, and it’s good to gauge just how that will be received. As with anything, the more planning the better. If you have extra vacation time available, you may want to bolt that onto your leave. If grandparents are interested in coming to lend a hand, plan around that as well. There’s no sense in having triple coverage when double coverage will do. Extend for as long as possible the time someone will be at home with the new mom — she’ll need all the help she can get. She isn’t going to be feeling 100 percent, and caring for and adjusting to this new child will prove to be slightly overwhelming for her and for you. The longer someone is there to help, the greater chance for all involved to maintain their sanity for a longer period of time (but not forever). So plan your time away from work in conjunction with any and all of the trustworthy help you can get.

Man, these babies can be expensive! But this is not the time to feed your inner CEO and look at your child-to-be with an eye on its ROI. Even so, you do have to plan for the baby’s expenses, just like you’ve planned everything else. Disposable diapers alone cost about $100 a month. Now, you need to feed and clothe this baby, because child-labor laws prevent you from sending babies out into the workforce for another few years. So there are a couple more things you’ll need to budget for:

• Special furniture, appliances, and transportation needs.
  Car seats, high chair, changing table, and stroller. Don’t forget to throw in a bouncy seat and toys. Oh, and the high-definition baby video monitor, complete with night vision! Try getting some of these items second-hand, as hand-me-downs from friends and family, from garage and yard sales, from Craigslist, or at consignment shops. Check the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s and manufacturers' websites to make sure anything you’ve purchased used hasn’t been recalled for containing lead paint or deadly metal spikes. Maybe you can space out your purchases and purchase items you won’t need right away further down the line.
  
• Baby clothes.
  Didn’t we just splurge on maternity clothes? Crap. Still, with all the stores out there, the law of averages means some baby clothes will be good enough for your baby. Another option is to find less expensive, “gently worn” clothes. This is code for used. Consignment stores can help clothe your newborn on the cheap. Unfortunately, working against you is the fact that these kids tend to grow. So as their size changes, you’ll need to buy new items. Depending on where you live, you may also need to buy seasonal items. Don’t forget, you’ll be in a perpetual cycle in which Baby outgrows his clothes and needs new ones. If you’re considering having more kids, box this stuff up.
  
• Education.
  Feeling like a go-getter? It’s never too early to put aside education funds. More parents are sending their kids to private schools across the United States. Oh, and don’t forget college. The cost of college tuition is rising faster and faster. The home-schooling trend seems to have some momentum these days, as parents save money. If private school is too expensive and the public school is unacceptable, this may be your only choice. (Just make sure your child is exposed to other children more frequently than once a month, or your son will end up being that guy in the office who doesn’t respect personal space and whose breathing is actually audible during meetings.)
  
• Life insurance.
  Do you have life insurance? If something happens to you, do you want your BMP to face a difficult choice such as going back to work, taking on a second job, or finding another breadwinner? At least discuss this one with your BMP. There is no magic formula. Simply figure out what exactly you would want the life insurance proceeds to cover, and calculate how much that would cost. If you want your BMP to have a paid-off house, some spending money, no debt, and Junior’s college all taken care of, I hope you’re a skinny nonsmoker. Oh, and God forbid something happens to Mom, but you’ll want to have insurance on her. You would be overwhelmed enough without having to take a second job at Red Lobster.
  
• Activities.
  Assuming you care about your creation and want her to actually have some sort of balance in life, you’ll want to find some activities your child can take part in. Gymnastics, tennis, karate, music lessons: your child is a blank slate. It’s okay, however, to allow for some unstructured play time (wait, can you plan unplanned play time?).
  
• Vacations.
  If you want to test your gag reflex, price out an elaborate family vacation. There’s a reason Disney allows you to book far in advance and make payments. As you add kids, you end up with bigger rooms and more mouths to feed.
  

It seems like you may have to hock your jewelry as well as one of your kidneys to be able to afford Junior and everything that comes with having a baby. You just might have to. The latest numbers compiled by the Families and Work Institute show that more than 75 percent of married couples have both parents in the workforce. Fortunately, parents have an uncanny way of making it all come together. Most of this magic comes from parents giving up stuff for themselves. It’s
okay
. What did your BMP need with that new Coach purse, anyway? It doesn’t hold things any better than her old one.

If you want to make a go as a single-income family, here are a few tips:

1. Don’t give up retirement savings to make it happen.
   Although those 401(k) dollars haven’t been growing lately, don’t think about discontinuing retirement-savings contributions as part of your plan to become a single-income family. You don’t want to count on social security alone, do you?
   
2. Make a strict budget.
   It’s pretty pedestrian advice, but let’s face it: most people don’t have a written budget. Know what your fixed costs are every month (car, mortgage, cell phone) and whether there are any places where you can cut back.
   
3. Practice.
   Before one of you boldly marches into your boss’s office and declares yourself free of his shackles of slavery, make sure this new financial picture is sustainable. Have the paycheck of the spouse who is going to quit working put into savings for a few months, and try to make it happen on a single income. Then you’ll know whether this is a realistic option for you.