Finding Home (21 page)

Twenty-Three

We returned to Carver a few hours later.  Thankfully, Brandon knew me well enough not to press me about my decision any further.  There were obviously a million things to discuss, but I’d only just verbalized my choice and Brandon knew that was enough for us to digest.  My parents didn’t seem the wiser when I returned.  For all they knew, I’d been keeping Riley company all night, not sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time or deciding what I was going to do with my unborn child.  Life was just as it’d always been to them, but little did they know, I spent my evening locked in my room, scouring the internet to learn more about adoptions. 

I read story after story, plea after plea from childless couples that brought tears of sadness and tears of happiness as I read about different people and their experiences.  I found myself holding my stomach, second guessing myself.  Could I really carry a baby inside of me for nine months just to give it away to someone else?  I’d never been known as a strong person.  It was assumed I was weak and delicate, mostly because I was known for being flighty, and because of that, I thought of myself as fragile, but I wasn’t fragile.  I could be strong and I had to be strong to give this baby the life it deserved.  Two parents that loved it and could take care of it and could give it the world.  I wasn’t that person.  This baby didn’t need me for a mother…someone who still hadn’t found herself and this baby sure as hell didn’t need Derek in its life, at all…ever. 

I read more and more stories over the next few nights, but Brandon and I didn’t talk much about it.  He’d come over and we’d watch a movie or just talk.  I even went over to his house a couple of times for dinner.  It felt strange keeping such a big secret from everyone, knowing besides Shay and Derek, we were the only two people who knew about this.  I felt like a fraud when Melissa took me into her welcoming embrace or when my parents asked me how my days were and I told them everything was fine.  I knew I had to tell them, but I wasn’t ready yet.

Even though my mind was always thinking about the baby, I had to go on about my life like everything was okay.  I’d been a terrible friend though, even before finding out I was pregnant.  My relationship with Brandon had practically consumed me so much that I’d barely spoken to Riley and Jesse.  I doubted they even cared though.  They were going through their own drama.  We’d all hung out one night and Riley learned something from Jesse’s past that had pissed her off.  We weren’t sure exactly what had happened.  All I knew was it had involved Laura and it appeared that Jesse had some major groveling to do if Riley was ever going to speak to him again.  I’d texted her a few times, letting her know I was there for her if she needed me.  She hadn’t responded with much more than a “thank you” and that she was “fine”, even though I knew she probably wasn’t.  I took it as Riley being strong, the way she always was.  Brandon told me Jesse had made a trip to North Carolina to finalize things with the Marines, but that he’d be back soon.  I wondered if that meant Jesse planned to stay in Carver for a while.  I thought for sure he’d have left for good by now, especially after the blow up he and Riley had, but I’d been wrong about a lot of things lately.  Maybe this was just one more thing. 

I was surprised when Riley called asking if Brandon and I wanted to hang out about a week after our time at the cabin.  I agreed right away.  I would welcome another distraction from my real life and time with my friends would be perfect.

Brandon picked me up after I got home from work and we headed over to Riley’s.  I found us both looking at each other curiously when we saw the big silver truck parked out front.  Brandon’s eyebrow was raised and a smirk slowly spread across his face.

“I didn’t know Jesse was back in town,” I said and the smirk on his face grew wider.

“Neither did I,” he said and I knew what he was thinking.  If truth be told, similar thoughts were running through my mind. “C’mon.  Let’s go check it out.”

We climbed up the porch steps and then Brandon rang the doorbell.  A moment later, the door swung open and Riley greeted us with an unusually wide smile.  A smile like that had been missing from her face since Jesse left town three years ago. 

“Hey!” she exclaimed, opening the door and ushering us inside.  We walked in, the door shutting behind us, but then we stopped when we saw Jesse sitting on the couch, a curiously happy smile on his face as well.  Brandon and I glanced at each other and I couldn’t help but notice the smug look on his face that he always got when he was right about something. 

“Back from North Carolina already?” Brandon asked and Jesse just nodded.

“Yeah.  Got back a few days ago,” Jesse answered.

“Good trip?” Brandon continued and I knew he was fishing for information.

“Very good,” Jesse said and I saw the way his eyes drifted to Riley.  She had a delicate smile on her face and then I watched as she left Brandon and me standing by the door while she walked over to the couch, sitting down beside Jesse, so close their bodies were touching and she was leaning into him.

Brandon let out a deep chuckle.

“Well, it’s about damn time,” he said, leading me over to the loveseat.

“You mean?” I asked, always the last one to catch on as usual. “You two are back together?” Riley and Jesse both looked at each other and then looked back to me and nodded.

“Yeah, we are,” Riley answered and I noticed her voice sounded almost timid, but then she looked at Jesse again and I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on my face.  I don’t know what it was about the two of them, but I’d always thought the world wasn’t quite right when they weren’t together, and now that they were, it gave me a little hope.

“Are you serious?” I asked, not really understanding why I felt like crying.  They both just looked so happy.  Jesse hadn’t been the same since his dad died and Riley had never recovered from Jesse leaving, but together, they were going to be okay and I couldn’t be happier. “Wait,” I said suddenly, my happiness dampened momentarily. “What about Evan?” I asked, referring to Riley’s fiancé.

“Come help me in the kitchen, Mandy, okay?” Riley said, standing up and taking my arm, encouraging me off the couch and I noticed the way Jesse watched her as we walked toward the kitchen.

“So…you’ve gotta fill me in,” I said right away once we were alone.  Riley just turned and looked at me as she pulled out a pitcher of iced tea.  She had a shy smile on her face, but I hadn’t seen her look so peaceful or happy in a long time. “I mean…Brandon thought…he thought there might be something between the two of you still.  I told him he was crazy, but I mean…obviously he wasn’t so far off.”

Riley let out a light laugh, closing the door to the fridge behind her and walking over to me, reaching up into the cabinet for some glasses. 

“No, he wasn’t so far off,” she said softly and she began filling the glasses with ice.

“C’mon, Riley.  You’re not gonna give me anything else?”

Riley sighed, setting down the glass she was filling and turning her body so she was leaning against the counter.

“I still can’t wrap my head around it,” she said, crossing her arms and shaking her head, but I noticed the smile never left her face. “I mean…just last week I was engaged to Evan.  We were planning my wedding and now…I’m with Jesse again and…” she said, meeting my eyes, the smile growing even more. “I’m happy for the first time since he left.”

“I can see it in you, Ry.  You haven’t looked like this since before he left.”

“I thought I was over him, but…” she said stopping and inhaling slowly. “The moment I saw him again, I knew I wasn’t.  I wanted to be over him, Mandy.  I wanted it so badly, but it’s always been him.  Always.”

We were silent for a few moments and it looked as if Riley was trying not to cry.  I walked over and hugged her tightly.

“Are you okay?” I asked, pulling back a moment later.

“I am.  I have a really good feeling about this.  I mean…I feel awful hurting Evan.  I did love him once…I think,” she said softly and looked away as if doubting herself. “But, it feels right with Jesse.  It always has and he seems so much better now.  I think this could work.  I’m hopeful anyway.”

“I am too,” I said, smiling at my friend. “When you and Jesse broke up, I kinda lost faith in love.  I mean, if you two couldn’t make it, there wasn’t any hope for the rest of us.  But now…you guys are together and…” I said, but she cut me off.

“And you and Brandon are together,” Riley said, grinning at me. “And everything’s going okay?”

“Yeah,” I said quickly.  “Everything’s fine.  We’re great.” I wondered if she suspected anything from my lack of details.  Riley knew me well and she knew I loved to gush on and on about things, but I didn’t feel much like gushing now.

“Hey,” Jesse’s voice interrupted us, and I was grateful he’d come in.  I didn’t want to answer any of Riley’s questions that I knew were bound to come. “Have you poured any tea yet?”

“Just one glass,” Riley answered.

“Just go ahead and dump it out.  We’re gonna go get a drink.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.  Let’s go.”

“Alright then,” Riley said, dumping the glass into the sink and turning to me. “You okay with this?”

“I don’t really care what we do.  I just wanna be with you guys.”

“Yeah, me too,” she said with a smile and then we walked out into the living room.

“You guys ready?” Brandon asked us.

“Yeah.  Off to the bar,” I said, giving him a knowing look, but he just grinned.

“Well, when Jesse suggested it, I thought it might be fun.  It is karaoke night after all,” he grinned and I just smiled and nodded.

A few minutes later we climbed into Jesse’s truck, him and Riley up front with Brandon and I in the back. 

“Told you,” Brandon said, whispering into my ear as we drove to the other side of town.

“I never should’ve doubted you,” I whispered back.

We found a table near the stage when we got to Gentry’s and as I looked around the table at Jesse, Riley and Brandon, I felt good.  It almost felt like old times, but I knew despite appearances, things were very different now, even if I wanted to pretend like they weren’t.  The waitress came around to take our order and no one batted an eye when I asked for a Shirley Temple.  I’d never been a drinker so my lack of alcoholic indulgence didn’t make anyone look twice. 

“So, you’re officially a civilian again, Jesse, my friend.  How does it feel?” Brandon asked.

“It feels damn good,” he said, raising his beer and clinking it against Brandon’s bottle.  They both took a swig and I felt gratitude at that moment.  These two men, men who I’d known since they were boys, were both back in Carver and they were both safe.  I hadn’t always thought that would be the case. When Jesse left, I never thought he’d come back and when Brandon hit that IED, I didn’t know if he’d even live.  They’d come back though and we were together again.

“You okay, Mandy?” Riley asked, resting a hand over mine and it was then I realized I was staring across the table at Jesse and Brandon.

“Yeah,” I said, looking over to her. “I’m just thinking how great it is that they’re here.”

She just smiled at me.  No one was surprised by my sappiness and I didn’t care.  I needed something to be happy about and being with my best friends did that for me. 

“Seriously, that dude needs to get off the stage,” Brandon laughed, referring to the tone-deaf guy singing his heart out. “I mean, I know karaoke’s supposed to be fun, but this is torture.”

“And you think you can do better?” Riley scoffed, but Brandon just shrugged his shoulders and took another drink. 

“Yeah, douchebag,” Jesse laughed. “Show us what you can do.”

“So, you get your girl back and you turn into an arrogant son of a bitch?”

“If that’s how you see it,” Jesse returned and then Brandon stood up, winking at me and then headed toward the stage. 

“Is he really gonna get up there?” Riley asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, he is,” I said.

“Well, this should be good.  I’ve missed seeing Brandon make an ass of himself,” Jesse laughed, turning his chair so he could get a better shot of the stage. 

“Do I even wanna see this?” Riley asked, leaning into me, but I just shrugged my shoulders, knowing Brandon was going to surprise them, just as he’d surprised me.  It didn’t take long and the guy left the stage to half-hearted claps and then Brandon got up, the typical smug grin on his face as he walked over to the microphone.  I think a few people recognized him from the last time because he was immediately greeted with cheers and whistles.

“Thank you,” Brandon said with a hint of arrogance. “Obviously some of you were lucky enough to have been at my last performance.” Jesse and Riley both looked over to me in confusion, but I didn’t say anything and they looked back to the stage. “Well, I’m back again.  A lot’s changed since the last time I was up here though.  I’ve fallen in love,” he said with a playful grin and then took a bow when everyone cheered. “And the girl I’m in love with is sitting right there.”  He pointed to me and I felt my cheeks flaming red as everyone turned to stare at me. “Give everyone a wave, Mandy.” I meekly raised my hand while covering my face with the other one.  I wanted to die of embarrassment and Jesse and Riley were both cracking up when I finally uncovered my face. “You see, I’ve known Mandy since we were five, but it took me getting my leg blown off in Afghanistan to realize how amazing she is,” I thought his voice cracked as he spoke and he never stopped looking at me. “I love you, Mandy.  Every day I know you, I love you even more.” He stopped talking and just looked into my eyes.  It was as if everyone else in the room had disappeared and it was just the two of us. “I know sometimes everything feels like too much, but just remember I won’t let you go.”  He winked at me again before breaking our gaze and giving the signal for the music to begin.