Finding Home (24 page)

“You’re so good,” he said with a laugh and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “We need to solve this though because I want you beside me every night.  Let’s look for a place tomorrow.”

“You really wanna live with me?”

“I want nothing more.”

“Then, let’s do it,” I said, the excitement swimming in my stomach.  It felt good to look forward to something again.

It was quiet and his fingertips started moving against my skin.  We lay back down and I rested my head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart and I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting to what he was feeling.  It’d all been about me lately.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah.  I’m fine.”

“This isn’t what you signed up for.  This wasn’t in the cards for you.”

“Same could be said for you,” he said. “But, we play the cards we’re dealt and I’m glad you’re in my hand.” His words made me smile and he kissed the top of my head.

“I don’t wanna be nosey,” I began with quiet hesitation.

“It’s never stopped you before,” he said and we both laughed a little.

“That’s true, and I guess it’s not gonna stop me now,” I continued. “What were you and your dad talking about?”

He didn’t answer right away and that worried me.

“He just wanted to make sure you were okay and that…and that I was okay.”

“He thinks you’re crazy, doesn’t he?” I interrupted. 

“He already knows I’m crazy.  He’s known that since I was five,” he laughed.

“What’d you tell him then?”

“That I love you and I’m seeing you through this.”

“And what’d he say to that?” I asked, my heart beating a little faster.

“He told me he was proud of me.”  Tears sprung to my eyes when I thought of Mr. Seaver saying those words to his son.  Of course they proud of him, even if he was crazy. “Tomorrow’s a new day and it’ll be a good one.” He kissed me again and then climbed out of the bed, smiling down on me.

“I hope so,” I answered.

“Get some sleep…or try to anyway,” he added, knowing my mind wasn’t going to rest easy.  Then I saw his eyes move up and down my body as a playful smile spread on his face.  “Those are the ugliest pajamas I’ve ever seen.”

I glanced down at the hideous pink frill and busted up laughing.

“Yeah, they are.”

“But you still look fuckin’ hot,” he grinned and I just laughed, my cheeks flushing red. 

“Good night, Brandon.”

“Night, Mandy.” He leaned down, kissing me again before turning and walking out.  I reached over and turned out the light before curling up under the covers, closing my eyes, praying somehow I’d find peace tonight. 

Twenty-Six

When my sister showed up the next morning with a duffle bag full of clothes and my make-up, I hugged her and never wanted to let go.  I’d always thought Shay was a self-absorbed teenager, but the way she’d treated me over the last couple of weeks had shown me she was anything but that.  She told me my parents hadn’t mentioned me during breakfast and they were acting as if nothing was going on.  She told me I should come home and talk to them, but I knew that was out of the question.  The pit in my stomach told me I might never speak to my parents again.

When I’d changed into the clothes Shay had brought me, a pair of jeans and a white tee, and tamed the mane that was my hair, Brandon was waiting for me downstairs. 

“I was thinking we could head out and look at some places,” he said when I met him.

“Yeah, sounds good,” I said, stuffing my hands in my pocket.

“You sure?  You look nervous or something,” he said, his hand resting on my arm.

“I guess I just have a hard time believing you actually wanna live me…especially now.”

My eyes rose to meet his and there was a little smile on his face.

“What else do I have to do to make you believe me?”

“I know.  I’m being stupid,” I said, shaking my head and looking away again.  I felt his lips on mine then and I knew I had to stop doubting what he told me.  He’d gone to great lengths to show me he supported me and if I kept it up, he’d probably get sick of it and realize how much better he could do than me.

Brandon’s parents were both at work, so the house was quiet.  I was glad they weren’t there though.  Last night had been a lot to digest and I knew Melissa would fawn over me, making sure I’d slept okay.  Part of me thought that sounded good though.  In a way, I liked when she mothered me.  Still, it was good to be alone with just Brandon.

“Wanna head out then?” he asked, grabbing his keys and I nodded, following him outside. 

The sky was cloud covered as we drove and the gray day seemed appropriate for my mood, but when Brandon reached over and took my hand, the day seemed to brighten. 

“I couldn’t really sleep last night so I found some different places to check out today.”

“You couldn’t sleep last night?” I asked and he turned his eyes from the road for a second to look at me.

“I was worried about you,” he said and even though I knew I shouldn’t enjoy the fact that he hadn’t slept because of me, I found it sweet that he was worried about me. 

“I’m sorry you lost sleep over me.”

“Me too, which is why this problem is getting solved today.”

I started to laugh and a few minutes later he was pulling in front of a small house on the outskirts of town.  The weeds in the front were overgrown and the screen in the front window was torn.  I stared over at Brandon who was looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“I swear it looked better online,” he said with a laugh.

“C’mon,” I said cheerfully, climbing out of the truck and meeting Brandon outside. “It’s worth a shot.  I mean, it doesn’t really matter what it looks like.  It’s what we make it.”

“And that is why I love you,” he said, kissing me before taking my hand and leading me to the front door.

~~~

The morning was an exhausting one and we’d passed immediately on the first house, which when Brandon and I went inside, were convinced used to be a crack house.  I might’ve thought we only needed each other to make it our home, but even that house wasn’t salvageable.  The rest of day was better though and the moment we walked into the apartment on E Street, we both knew it was perfect.  It was small, only one bedroom and one bathroom with a tiny kitchen and living room, but it was all we needed, plus the rent was beyond affordable and when we stood in the living room, looking out the window, overlooking the front yard, it felt right.  Brandon had written a check for the security deposit on the spot and the landlord said we could move in whenever we wanted.  We both looked at each other and decided today was as good a time as any.  It wasn’t even noon when we got the keys and we swung by Brandon’s to grab some cleaning supplies.  By one o’clock, Brandon was busy scrubbing the bathroom, insisting he didn’t want me breathing in the fumes.  I busied myself in the kitchen, dusting out the cabinets. 

“Need some help?” We hadn’t been working long when Jesse’s voice echoed throughout the empty apartment.  I put the rag down and looked up from the cabinet I was working on.  Jesse was standing in the living room and Riley was beside him. 

“Hey!” I said cheerfully.

“Brandon told us you guys had decided on a place,” Jesse began. “Thought you could use some help.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You guys don’t need to waste your day doing this though.”

“We want to,” Riley interrupted. “What can we do?”

“Brandon’s cleaning the bathroom right now.  He won’t let me come near it.  He’s afraid the chemicals will hurt the baby or something.”

“As least someone’s looking out for you,” Riley said, smiling over to me and then joining me in the kitchen while Jesse disappeared toward the bathroom.  Riley looked around the tiny kitchen and picked up the rag I’d been using. “This place is adorable.”

“By adorable you mean small.”

“No, I don’t mean that.  It’s so cute and…” she said, grinning over at me. “This whole thing with you and Brandon is very romantic.  I can’t believe you’re moving in together.”

“You think it’s too soon?” I asked nervously.  I don’t know what it was about Riley, but I’d always cared too much what she thought and now wasn’t any different.

“No.  Not at all.”

“I mean, who’d’ve thought Brandon and I would be moving in together before you and Jesse,” I said and she laughed a little. “What?” I asked and she shrugged her shoulders. “You and Jesse are the epitome of romance.  You’re what everyone wants to be.”

“I think you’re thinking of the Jesse and Riley from high school. Things are different now.”

I felt my back stiffen at her words and I don’t know why they worried me.

“Everything’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, obviously keeping her voice down.  Our new apartment didn’t offer a lot of space for privacy.  She set the rag down and leaned against the counter, looking at me.  She looked a little sad or nervous or something I couldn’t put my finger on. 

“What’s going on, Riley?” I asked, stepping closer to her.

“I guess I’m still a little scared.”

“Of what?”

“Jesse leaving again,” she said and I thought I saw her eyes start to water.

“He’s not going anywhere,” I said adamantly because I knew I was right.

“I know he’s not, but he hasn’t been home that long and I still…I still remember what it felt like when he was gone.  And now that he’s back…I don’t want to remember that anymore.”

“Riley,” I said, giving her a quick hug. “I’ve never seen someone love another person the way Jesse’s always loved you.  I’ve known him forever and he loves you so much.  He realizes how stupid he was for leaving and he knows how lucky he is you took him back.  He’ll follow you to the ends of the earth and then some.”

“I’m so glad I know you, Mandy,” she said, pulling back and holding me at arm’s length and she waited a few seconds before continuing. “How’re you doing?  Are you feeling okay?”

Last night seemed so long ago.  It was hard to believe Riley had just found out twenty-four hours before.  It was all a whirl and the excitement of today, of finding my new home with Brandon, made it easier to forget just how terrible the night had gone and the horrible way my parents had made me feel.  It was rushing back to me now though and I didn’t like remembering.

“My parents kicked me out,” I said bluntly and I saw her mouth open.

“What?” she gasped.

“Yeah.  I finally got the guts to tell them and they kicked me out.”

“Omigosh, Mandy.” Her hand was over her mouth now. “Is this why you guys did this?  Move in?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “We’d talked about it before and Brandon’s parents would let me stay with them, but we’re both ready to be out…away from our houses…together,” I began. “My parents’ reaction just made it more urgent.”

“I’m so sorry, Mandy.”

“It’s gonna be okay,” I said, trying to shrug it off, but I could tell by the way she looked at me, she wasn’t buying my optimism. 

“Hey!  Mandy!” Brandon’s voice shouted and then he and Jesse appeared a second later. “Jesse said we could have the bed in his guest room.”

“Really, Jesse?” I asked, his generosity warming my heart.

“I don’t need it,” he said. “I need to start downsizing anyway for when I sell the house.”

“You’re selling the house?” I jumped in, my heart sinking a little at the thought of the familiar blue house and giant shed belonging to someone else.

“Eventually,” he said and something told me he didn’t really want to talk about it.

“Thank you, Jesse,” I said, walking over and hugging him, his strong arms wrapping around me and even though my parents had thrown me away, it meant so much to know my friends had not.

~~~

I thought Brandon had spoken to his parents in more detail about us moving in together than he actually had and I couldn’t get the look on Melissa’s face when he told her out of my mind.  She didn’t want him to leave.  She looked scared and worried and I understood her feelings.  She’d just gotten him back and now he was leaving again, even though it was only ten minutes away.  After he’d told her, she looked at me and it wasn’t like any way she’d ever looked at me before.  I felt like I was stealing her son away from her, but then she smiled and I knew all she wanted was for me to take care of him.

We had nothing in the apartment aside from the bed Jesse had given us, but Brandon insisted we spend the night in our new place.  Brandon and Jesse had gone and picked up the bed while Riley and I drove to Wal-Mart to get new sheets and a cute bedspread.  Riley helped me pick it out.  She had the best style so when she suggested the shabby chic quilt in light blues and creams, I trusted her.  We’d washed the sheets at Riley’s place and once it was all set up, Jesse and Riley left, leaving just Brandon and I alone in the apartment.  

“I’m a little tired.  What about you?” he asked me and I nodded, suddenly realizing how different it was now.  This was our home together and I still had a hard time wrapping my mind around that fact.

“Yeah.  It’s been a busy day.”

“Uh…do you want the bathroom first or should I go in?  I mean…I’m not exactly sure how this works,” he said with a soft chuckle. 

“Why don’t you go ahead?” I encouraged him softly and he nodded, seeming nervous, and then he disappeared into the bathroom.

I stood in the middle of our bare living room for a few moments, just looking around and then I decided I should get my pajamas on.  I wondered if Brandon would miss the hideous pink ruffles from the night before. 

I stepped into the bedroom…our bedroom and went to my duffle bag, rummaging through it until I found the pajamas Shay had thrown in.  I stripped out of my jeans and t-shirt and when I undid my bra, I was both a little afraid and excited that Brandon might come in and find me topless, now that this kind of openness was possible.  He didn’t though and soon my dirty clothes were in a pile on the floor and I was wearing the same black shorts and t-shirt I’d worn that night at the cabin. I grabbed my toothbrush and walked towards the bathroom.  I heard the water turn off and then the door opened.  Brandon stood there inside the bathroom while I stood just outside.  We looked at each other for a second and then he smiled, brushing by me so our bodies touched, that fresh scent that was all him washing over me and I was suddenly in a rush to get my teeth brushed and get back into the bedroom. 

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, telling myself not to be nervous.  I was though.  A good nervous though because I knew he was just a wall away and knowing he was so close and would be for the foreseeable future, made me feel like I could get through this. 

I brushed my teeth quickly and my heart beat a little faster when I opened the door.  I walked slowly to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway as I looked in.  He was already in bed, under the covers and he pulled the blanket down, patting the space on the new cotton sheets beside him.

“Is this side of the bed okay?  I just laid down.  We can switch if you want.”

“It’s fine,” I said, making my way over to him.  I was nervous, but anxious to climb in beside him, so when he held his hand out to me, I took it and slid into the soft sheets as he pulled the blanket over us.  He reached over and turned off the lights and the room seemed unnaturally dark for a few moments while my eyes adjusted.  When they finally did, there was enough light from the street lamps outside to allow me to see the shadows being cast in the room.

“Do you think you’re gonna like it here?” he asked after a few quiet moments.

“I’d be happy anywhere as long as you’re with me,” I said and I knew I’d never spoken more honest words. 

I felt Brandon adjusting by the way the mattress moved beneath us and I could tell he was looking down at me.  My eyes moved to his side of the bed and I saw his silhouette above me, propping himself up next to me.  His hand was on my stomach a second later and then I felt it slide beneath my thin t-shirt, his warm touch igniting my sensitive skin.  I turned on my side so we were facing each other and I didn’t wait for him.  I pushed my lips against his, kissing him slowly at first.  He reciprocated easily, pulling and biting gently on my lower lip as his hand continued to wander on my skin.  I prayed it would inch higher and I think he must’ve read my mind because it wasn’t long before he’d done exactly what I wanted him to do.  My shirt was off before I realized what was happening and then his was gone too, my fingers brushing over the tight muscles of his abdomen and chest.  It didn’t take long for our pants to join our shirts and I wondered why we’d even bothered putting our pajamas on.  I guess it was a formality.  Neither one of us wanted to be the one to admit we wanted nothing more than to jump each other’s bones the moment we got the chance.  We’d never had this freedom.  We’d never had our own space, but now we did.  We had this space.  Our space and we could do whatever we wanted.