Authors: Lisa Wilde
~ TWO WEEKS LATER ~
R
YAN HAD just gotten back from the last therapy appointment for his knee. He had showered and was getting ready to go meet Shay at the train station. She was coming to stay for a few days and he was ecstatic. He had spent some time with a few local friends and his parents had come to visit almost a week ago but he was still lonely. He had only seen Henry three times since the morning they’d had the most awkward breakfast imaginable. It hadn’t take Ryan long to figure out what was going on, especially after Henry shut him down when he asked to go to Henry’s house with him. He’d felt so stupid.
Henry had come to dinner one night, the Wednesday after that Sunday and Ryan had hoped that he would stay but he didn’t. Ryan didn’t push the issue. He’d come over that Friday as well but they went out to dinner instead of eating in. Henry hadn’t stayed that night either. Today was Thursday and he hadn’t seen Henry since Monday night. Ryan got it, he didn’t like it, but he got it, none the less. It made him feel shitty, he didn’t think that Henry was using him but he knew that Henry was trying to distance himself. Ryan had decided it was worth feeling shitty if it meant he got to see Henry, even just a little, before he left for good.
Now Ryan was getting ready to go get Shay and he knew for sure that she would force him to spill his guts, he kind of wanted her to, actually. He hadn’t talked to anyone about this, not that he couldn’t have. It was just so embarrassing, but he knew Shay would pass as little judgment as possible and knowing that made him less apprehensive.
He needed to figure things out; his life had pretty much been a cycle of arbitrary actions lately. He wanted to change that. He’d been entirely too confident in his belief that he could handle things on his own, that he had everything under control. It was almost comical to think about now. His inclination to self-destruction was weakening; he truly believed that. Just maybe not as quickly as he had hoped it would.
Ryan pulled out his favorite t-shirt. He had bought it when they were on the road, Vegas maybe? He pulled it over his head and looked at himself in the mirror; he’d always thought that this shirt was really funny. Today though, when he looked at it now while it was on him it made him…uncomfortable somehow. He ran his hands down the front of the shirt that read:
Aerialists Know How To Get High.
It was purple and white and had some stars and lines and on it, each word sporting its own font. Ryan kept the shirt on, reluctantly, and finished getting ready.
Shay would be there for three days and he’d pretty much planned them out entirely. He wanted to take her to all his favorite restaurants and a few clubs although he was starting to waver on that part of the plan. Tonight though, they were getting take out and cuddling on the sofa. The plan was to catch each other up, eat ice cream, and binge watch American Horror Story.
Ryan was happy, almost giddy with anticipation for the weekend. He grabbed his keys and headed off to meet Shay.
~~~~~
Henry walked around the Hallmark store, searching for something to give his mother for her birthday. It was Friday afternoon and he was expected to meet his family in a few hours. He had always been a last minute shopper; he wasn’t too worried though, shopping for his mom wasn’t so bad. She loved knick knacks, he’d learned that several years ago on a trip here with his sisters. This was the best place to get sentimental gifts that would make his mother smile.
He was looking at a shelf with a variety of different little figurines and plaques when one in particular caught his eye. It was shaped like an old stone tablet with cracks in it and curled edges like a scroll. It was sitting on a little stand; Henry picked it up, it was just about the size of his hand. The plaque read:
You Can’t Fall If You Don’t Climb.
But There’s No Joy
In Living Your Whole Life
On The Ground.
It reminded him of Ryan. He had every intention of putting it back down, but it never left his hand. As Henry continued to browse for his mother’s gift, he held onto the plaque.
After he had decided on a large Yankee candle that was called ‘Home Sweet Home’, Henry found a card and a decorative box that had a saying about mothers on it. He picked out a gift bag and some tissue paper and went to check out. While he waited for the cashier to ring up all of his items he kept the plaque in his hand. After everything else was totaled up she looked down at his hand.
“That as well, sir?”
Henry looked up at her, “Umm yeah. Yes, this too please.” He pushed the plaque in her direction and pulled out his wallet while she wrapped up his purchases.
Henry had no idea what he was going to do with the plaque. Would he give it to Ryan? Keep it, because it would remind him of Ryan? He had no idea. The last few weeks had sucked. He had only seen Ryan a few times and Ryan hadn’t pushed him to stay or spend more time with him. Though he had decided it was better this way, it still hurt. A part of him had hoped that Ryan would ask, because truth be told, he most likely would have caved on the whole distance thing. It made him question Ryan’s feelings for him, maybe he didn’t care as much as Henry’d thought. The very idea caused tightness in his chest. He had to shake it off, tonight they were going out to dinner since it was his mother’s birthday. She wanted to stay home because of Henry’s father but they had convinced her to come out; assuring her that the P.C.A would take good care of him and that he would want her to have a good time.
Henry took his bags and left the store to head home and change for dinner. They were meeting at Legal Seafood, it was a family favorite. Henry hadn’t been in a while so he was looking forward to it. He had been on the cranky side recently and he wasn’t feeling up to socializing but he wouldn’t disappoint his mother for anything. So he would go and muster up the best fake smile that he was capable of, and pray for the night to end early. He was already looking ahead to lying in bed, miserable, and thinking about Ryan.
~~~~~
“Ryan, move your ass in there!” Shay was banging on the other side of the bathroom door. Ryan had planned to take Shay to dinner, but she had insisted they go to a fairly new night club someone had suggested to her. Ryan had been hesitant at first but Shay assured him that they would have a good time and that Ryan could handle himself. Ryan wished he had as much confidence in himself as she had in him.
“All right, all right! Give me two minutes!” He yelled through the door. As Ryan combed through his wet hair, he thought about the night before. They had done exactly as Ryan had planned, including lots of talking. He told her everything and she listened. She offered very little feedback, which was actually a good thing. She agreed that while it sucked, Ryan was doing the right thing by not pushing Henry. She knew him well enough to know better than to suggest that Ryan just stop seeing Henry altogether. Ryan had poured out the entire story and how he was feeling. Then they moved onto her and what she needed to vent. It was a great night and he was so thankful that she’d come to visit.
“There you go,” Ryan said when he opened the bathroom door, gesturing that it was all hers. She hadn’t told him much about the club, but by the address she gave him, he knew that it was downtown.
“Thanks, doll,” Shay smiled as she moved around Ryan and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
In the cab on the way to the club Ryan asked, “Shay, do you ever think about living anywhere else?”
She eyed him suspiciously, “You mean, would I be willing to leave New York?”
Ryan nodded. Something told him she knew he wasn’t really asking about her.
“To be honest, I love it there. But home is where ever the people you love are. Home is where you lay your head at night and can rest peacefully.”
Ryan stared out the window of the cab, watching the bright lights of Boston blur by him.
“Ry, if I ever find something or someone that I feel in my heart is what I want and it’s not in New York, I would leave. No doubt about it.”
“Yeah.” He continued to stare out the window. Did it make him a quitter or needy? He already felt weak on so many levels. He wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to want something different. Shay cut into his introspection.
“If I did leave and things didn’t work out, I could always go back. That’s the joy of being an adult; you can change your situation whenever you want. You can move forward without regret. I’d always be able to say I lived in the moment. I did what was right for me in that moment in time.”
Ryan turned his head as much as he could without pulling it away from the cool glass. He smiled at her. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “YOLO!” She yelled in his ear.
Ryan laughed, “YOLO!”
It wasn’t long before they were entering the club. The sign outside reminded Ryan of Cabaret, it was gold and purple:
Revue,
the sign glowed.
“What kind of club is this?” Ryan leaned in and asked Shay.
“You’ll see,” was all she offered in a singsong voice.
H
ENRY hadn’t seen Ryan since last Monday. Ten days, and it was killing him. He sat on his sofa sipping a beer and flipping his phone over and over in his hand. He wanted to call Ryan and as if he could come over, it had been too long. He had texted Ryan the weekend of his mother’s birthday but Ryan had told him that Shay was in town. Despite Ryan’s protest, Henry refused to go over there while he had company. Ryan had texted him when she left, but Henry had kept putting him off. Shay’s visit reminded Henry all over again that Ryan had another life and that he would be returning to that life soon. Henry polished off the rest of his beer, glaring at the phone.
Fuck it.
Henry:
hey
Ryan:
hey yourself
Henry:
how are you?
Ryan:
good. How about u?
Henry wanted to tell Ryan that he was miserable. Their messages were so formal; he missed Ryan’s constant innuendo…the way just some words on the phone could cause his cheeks to heat up and his groin to tighten.
Henry:
I’m good. Busy?
Ryan:
not really, need to leave the house really early tomorrow going to sleep soon
Henry looked at the time on the cable box, nine forty-six.
Henry:
ok I’ll let you go to bed then
Ryan:
k hey u want to come over Friday after work?
Henry:
sure
Ryan:
cool, c u then night xo
Henry:
night xo
Two days, he had to wait two days. Henry stared at the message for a few seconds longer before tossing on the sofa next to him. Scrubbing his hands over his face, Henry let out an exasperated sigh and went to the fridge for another beer.
Ryan had promised Henry dessert, so he was surprised when he walked back in from running out to get Ryan a pack of cigarettes. He didn’t see any dessert or any Ryan in the main part of the loft.
He called out to Ryan and walked toward the bedroom. When he turned the corner he found Ryan lying on the bed. His legs spread and hooked in silk, which was wrapped around his ankles. They were tied to the sides of his bed, leaving him spread wide open. But that wasn’t the kicker. Ryan had whip cream ruffled from one inner thigh, between his cheeks and across the other inner thigh. On top of the whip cream, all the way across, was a line of strawberries. The strawberries were all chocolate dipped with the one in the center white chocolate dipped.
Henry’s favorite.
Ryan was lying back with his hands clasped behind his head, smiling.
“I hope you’re up for something sweet Henry.”
Henry was speechless. For a minute all he could think about was how Ryan had managed this. He was momentarily jealous at the idea that someone might have helped him. He looked around the room.
“How did you-”
“Shhh…come, eat.”
He didn’t need to be told again and he wasn’t willing to ruin this moment; he could ask later. Henry stripped his clothes off as if they were on fire, when in actuality it was him that was on fire.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Henry reached out to slamming his hand down repeatedly on the night stand without actually opening his eyes. After the fourth strike, it shut up and actually went flying to the floor. He rolled, not quite ready to get up but feeling uncomfortable. It took a few minutes but as he emerged from unconsciousness, he remembered the dream, the apparently very
wet
dream that he had had about Ryan. It was detailed, so real, and so …
delicious
.
Fuck.
He needed to see Ryan, it was only Thursday though. One more night and day would be torture. Resigning himself to the cruelty of time, Henry got up and made his way to the bathroom to shower.
~~~~~
Friday afternoon Henry was an anxious mess. He couldn’t accomplish anything productive at work. He was distracted, checking the time on his phone every few minutes. When it was finally time to call it quits, he raced through rush hour traffic the best he could for a Friday evening. He stopped at home to shower and change; he was just about to walk out the door when he stopped himself. He turned around and went back to his bedroom to grab the small bag with the plaque in it.
Ryan was waiting at the door when Henry got upstairs.
“Hey,” was all Henry got out before Ryan’s lips were on his and he was dragging him into the loft by his leather jacket.
There weren’t many words spoken after that, outside of passionate pleas and lust infused declarations. With hurried movements, they started in the kitchen area, with Ryan backing Henry against the counter and riding his thigh as they kissed. They bit and sucked at each other’s mouths, jaws, and necks. Panting hard, both men started tearing at each other’s clothes. Still not speaking, they stripped. Once they were both naked, Henry reached out for Ryan, he wrapped his arms around Ryan under his ass and lifted him off the ground. He wrapped his legs around Henry’s waist and they kissed as Henry walked them to the bedroom.
Henry bent his knees down on to the edge of the mattress, not willing to let Ryan go. Ryan’s arms were wrapped around Henry’s neck as he lowered them both onto the mattress, scooting them up the bed. Ryan unlinked his hands from Henry to reach up over his head. Slipping his hand under the pillow he pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom and handed them to Henry. It didn’t take long for Henry to be pushing inside him, both men moaning in unison. Ryan kept his legs wrapped around him, Henry reached back to pull Ryan’s thigh up higher. He began to pound into him, not holding back anything.
Henry gripped Ryan’s thigh with one hand and hooked his other arm under and over Ryan’s shoulder. Resting most of his weight on Ryan, he went at him relentlessly. Ryan was urging him on, begging him not to stop. It wasn’t long before Henry came hard; convulsing and whimpering into the crook of Ryan’s neck. Ryan was still holding onto him as the aftershocks wore off. He could feel Ryan’s cock still hard pressed against his stomach. Releasing his hold on Ryan he pushed himself backward and bent over Ryan. Taking him into his mouth, Henry sucked him hard and fast, using his hands and moaning as he worked. He only slowed down when he felt Ryan begin to shake and the salty heat of him on his tongue.
Henry and Ryan had a late night of marathon sex,
everything
was sore. It was about 10:30 in the morning they were both still fast asleep. The buzzer woke Henry. The person must have lain on the buzzer at least two full minutes before Henry rolled off the bed, literally. He used the side of the mattress to pull himself up to his knees and looked over at Ryan, who was not budging, of course. He was lying on his stomach with his head partially covered by the pillow.
“Yeah, hold on,” Henry grumbled, despite the fact that the person couldn’t hear him.
Henry knew it would take a few minutes to get Ryan up so he didn’t even bother trying. He pulled the sheet off Ryan’s naked body and wrapped it around his middle. Ryan still didn’t move. Henry took a moment to admire the bare skin of the gorgeous man lying there.
The buzzer continued to shriek. “Yeah all right, all right.”
Henry rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he left the room. For some reason, he wasn’t quite sure why, he didn’t ask who was downstairs. He just hit the button that would unlock the door. Henry was at the sink drinking tap water from a coffee mug when the knock came at the door. He put the cup down and walked over to open it.
When he reached to pull the door open, the sheet began to slip. Someone pushed on the door from the outside as he was trying to re-wrap it as quickly as he could. Henry had barely been awake thirty seconds earlier and now the sight in front of him had worked like a bucket of ice water being dumped over his head.
He only knew who it was because of pictures he’d seen around the apartment -standing in the doorway and looking just as surprised as he was, stood Ryan’s sister Rena and one of her children.
“Oh, hi. I’m Ryan’s sister, can I come in? Is he here?”
“Oh yeah, come in, sorry.” Henry knew he was beet red, he could feel it. He held onto the sheet like a lifeline. “I’ll get him, he’s asleep.”
“Like waking the dead,” she said.
“Excuse me?”
“Ryan, he sleeps like the dead.”
“Oh yeah,” Henry was mortified; he didn’t know what to do. He knew that Ryan was out to his family but this was not how he wanted to be introduced to any of them. Henry hadn’t actually expected to meet any of them, given the circumstances. His embarrassment was doubled by the fact that Ryan’s nephew was staring at him, thank God he was covered up. He began walking backwards, the sheet catching under his foot and almost sending him to his ass. Henry’s grip on the sheet loosened as he tried to catch himself on the edge of the counter top, causing it to slip lower on his hips. Once he was able to catch himself he turned around to adjust the sheet. He could hear snickering behind him. Henry didn’t waste any more time, just raced off in the direction of the bedroom. Grabbing Ryan by the shoulders, he gave him a hard shake.
“What the hell!” Ryan grumbled.
“Ryan, wake up, your sister’s here with one of her kids.” Christ, the whole family could be here for all Henry knew.
“Rena’s here?” he didn’t sound like he was even awake, he barely even lifted his head.
“Yes, she is. You need to get up, now. Fuck, I went out there naked.”
Ryan opened one eye and looked him up and down.
Henry looked down at himself, “Well not completely but still. Come on you need to get up right now.”
“Okay I’m up, relax. It’s not a big deal.”
Henry looked at him like he was stupid.
“What? It’s not Henry, if you were naked maybe, but it’s fine.” Ryan talked while he pulled on sweats and a tank top.
Scowling, Henry looked around for his clothes when he realized they were strewn across the living room floor.
Dear God, could this get anymore humiliating?
“Rena, I’ll be out in a sec. Who’s with you?” Ryan called out to his sister.
A little voice yelled back, “It’s me, Uncle Ryan, Cooper.”
“Hey Coop, be right there!”
Ryan went over to Henry who was sitting on the edge of the bed and gave him a questioning look.
“I’m not going out there.” Henry crossed his arms and shook his head. He knew he sounded and probably looked childish but his embarrassment was too epic for words.
Ryan leaned down, placing his hands on Henry’s thighs so that they were eye to eye.
“Stop being a baby. Its fine, I swear.”
“Ryan, my fucking clothes are out there!” Henry pointed an arm in the direction of the living room.
Ryan bit his lip and laughed.
“I’m so glad this is amusing you,” Henry said giving him a dirty look.
Just then something flew into the room and dropped just over the thresh hold of the room.
Clothes.
When he realized what they were he groaned and fell back on to the bed with his hands covering his face.
“I want this bed to open up and swallow me whole, right now.”
Ryan was laughing hard but managed to speak, “Didn’t that happened to Johnny Depp in a Nightmare on Elm Street?”
Still laughing, he left the room without another word.
~~~~~
Ryan was still laughing when he hugged his sister and nephew.
“Let me go brush my teeth, you two. I’ll be right back. What are you doing here by the way?” Ryan said as he started to walk to the bathroom.
“Nice. No ‘happy to see you’?” Rena shot back at him, before cocking her head in the direction of the bedroom. “Is your friend not coming out?”
Ryan could tell that she was trying hard not to laugh.
“Don’t get me started,” he said under his breath. Or at least he thought it was.
Ryan saw it in her eyes when she caught onto what he was saying. “Oh, I see. But I meant out of the
room
. But let’s come back to that one.”
“Nope,” Ryan said giving her a stern look. “You totally embarrassed him.”
“What, because I showed up and caught a peek a boo scene with a sheet? Seriously, if he did ads for those sheets the company would sell out.” Rena quipped with the raise of an eyebrow.
Ryan had to smile at that. She wasn’t exaggerating on that one. Ryan looked over at his nephew who was sitting on the pillows, under the silks playing a video game.
“Hey now, back off -you have a husband,” Ryan pointed at her.
“What’s your point? He was the one flaunting it.”
“Now he’s in there trying to figure out an escape route.”
Boy, isn’t that familiar
.
“Wow, he’s really that upset?”
Ryan shrugged, “He can be a bit uptight … no, that sounds bad. He has really good manners and is pretty shy, so he’s freaking out a bit.”