Authors: Lisa Wilde
H
ENRY called in sick to work the next day. The night before had been emotionally exhausting. He wasn’t sure he could handle even a simple conversation at the moment. After calling, he noticed that he had a new voice mail. It was from Annie.
Hey Henry, I have the day off and I’m so damn hungover. I can’t handle the hard shit anymore. I’m such a lightweight in my old age. Anyway, I’ll be by tonight or tomorrow morning to get my car. Can you just check on it please? I hope you’re doing okay. Call me, I’m here if you need me. Love you.
Henry got up long enough to relive himself, get some aspirin and a glass of water. He went back to bed and slept off and on throughout the day. When he was awake he just got lost in his thoughts, cried and went back to sleep, completely spent. He didn’t even bother getting up to eat. When he finally decided to get out of bed it was dusk, still emotionally exhausted from the night before. Annie and Pat had both called him; he texted them each to say that he was okay and just needed some time to himself.
Henry thought a lot that day, about everything. He thought about all that he had pushed himself to believe and do over the years. He’d thought that he’d made himself impenetrable but that simply wasn’t true. He knew that he wouldn’t come out of this unscathed, all of his insecurities on display for his siblings to see. He was so foolish, for a few beats he thought he could have the best of both worlds. He’d gotten a little over-zealous. He knew something like this would happen, his pessimism driven by years of seeing the damage that he had caused. His siblings didn’t believe it, but he knew it. He’d been so oblivious; Pat had known, Annie had suspected, she really hadn’t said as much but he believed it.
Henry was at a crossroads. His siblings had given him an out, so to speak. He should feel relieved and want to run out and live a new life but he was more terrified of that prospect than anything else. It had been easier to hide and lie and pretend. Being who he wanted to be, who he truly was; what the hell did that even mean?
He contemplated texting or emailing Ryan. He wanted to tell him what had happened, maybe ask his advice. There was no one else to ask, though he probably wouldn’t get a response and he really didn’t deserve one. Granted, he wasn’t entirely to blame but he knew that he could have made better choices when Ryan was still around.
The growl of Henry’s stomach interrupted his thoughts. He reluctantly pulled himself out of bed and threw on some sweatpants and t-shirt. He went to the kitchen and looked for something edible but there wasn’t much there. He settled for making a peanut butter and Fluff sandwich. He was flipping through the channels when his attention went to the bottle of Jameson from the night before was still sitting on the coffee table, the bottle was less than half full. Henry laughed,
half full or half empty?
Henry picked it up, took the cover off and took a large gulp. He didn’t bother with a glass and he didn’t put the bottle back on the table either.
Henry kept drinking and flipping through the channels, stopping on a rerun of
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
It kept him semi-amused as he worked on polishing off the bottle of whiskey. Several episodes later, Henry was feeling no pain and made his way to the bathroom to piss. As he walked back to the living room, there was a knock at the door. He was confused for a minute, and then he remembered that Annie had said that she was coming over to get her car. She probably wanted to check on him. He didn’t feel like talking yet but he loved her for checking in. Henry had a quick fantasy of finding Ryan on the other side of the door.
Yeah right, keep dreaming.
Henry unlocked the door and pulled it open. No one was there. He looked to the left and to the right, before looking down. There on his door step was a large pizza box and six pack of Heineken. Henry’s heart skipped a beat. He looked up and down the hall again before bending down to pick the pizza and beer up. He almost tipped over face first; he’d drunk more than his fair share of whiskey. Henry stood back up and turned to go back into his kitchen. He had only taken a few steps before there was another knock at the door. He put the stuff on the counter and walked back to the door. This time when he opened it, as if summoned from his thoughts, he found Ryan standing on the other side.
Henry wasn’t prepared for the emotional brick that slammed into him at the sight of Ryan on his door step. A Pandora's Box opened and so many different emotions poured out. It was so hard and so fast that he lost his breath for a moment. Everything that Henry had been holding onto so hard burst like a damn. He thought he’d let it all out last night, but seeing Ryan proved him wrong. Tears welled up in his eyes -the inner turmoil that had been plaguing him for months, years, was too much to try and contain any longer.
“Can I come in?” Ryan asked, voice desperate and breaking. He moved closer and Henry backed up. He wasn’t trying to get away from him but rather to let him into the house. Ryan moved forward reaching behind himself and closing the door.
Without another word he moved into Henry’s space and lightly put his hands on Henry’s biceps, like a question.
Yesss!
He reached for Ryan and wrapped him in a breathtaking hug. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there. Henry was sure, though, of how hard he was crying. His face and Ryan’s neck were soaked. He cried hard enough that his nose running and he attempted to pull away embarrassed. Ryan just held him tighter. Ryan moved his hands from Henry’s lower back and up under his shirt, it felt like an electric current. A feeling that he never thought he would feel again and yet here he was, his senses on overload and his emotions out of control. Once he had caught his breath. Henry attempted to pull away again; he wanted to go clean his face.
Henry backed up, keeping his gaze pointedly on the floor. He wanted to hide what a mess he was even though Ryan had heard it, felt, it and had Henry’s tears on his shoulder to prove it. Ryan stopped him with a hand to Henry’s chin, leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. Then he reached up and started wiping Henry’s tears and nose with the hem of his shirt. Henry wanted to laugh; the gesture was so sweet and reminded him of the way his mother used to do the same thing when he was a little boy. It was very comforting. It was also completely absurd because there were napkins, paper towels, tissues, hell even toilet paper, available for him to use, but for some reason he chose to use his shirt. And he knew how Ryan felt about his clothes.
They hadn’t said another word to each other since Ryan asked to come in; Henry had no idea what to say. It occurred to him that Ryan had never been in his apartment before. Ryan gave a quick look around and down the hallway, then took Henry’s hand in his and started walking. Henry stumbled along behind him, bumping into the wall a few times, between the alcohol and crying, his vision was blurry and his balance off. Ryan peered through the first doorway, Henry’s room. Henry’s heart rate quickened, he assumed that they were going in there. He was eager to go in there with Ryan. Henry was surprised when Ryan looked away and went for the next door, the bathroom? Maybe he wanted Henry to wash his face. He couldn’t help but remember the last time they were in a bathroom together. Ryan found the light switch and flipped it, pulling Henry along like a child. A drunken child.
Standing in front of Ryan in the bathroom, Henry wasn’t sure what to say or do. Ryan seemed to have an idea though. He ran his fingertips slowly up and down Henry’s arms then along the hem of his t-shirt. Ryan leaned in to give him a light kiss on the lips. He grabbed the bottom of the shirt and slowly pulled it up, pausing for Henry to lift his arms over his head. Ryan reached into the shower and turned it on. He turned back to Henry and dipped his fingers under the waistband of Henry’s low riding sweatpants. Henry watched as he tugged them down over his hips and legs. Still supported by the wall he lifted each foot in turn and let Ryan pull the pants off. Henry tried to rub the soreness from his eyes as Ryan stood up and checked the water. Ryan clasped his hand and led him toward the steaming shower. He kept his head down and climbed over the edge and into the shower.
~~~~~
Ryan undressed quickly to join Henry in the shower. He could smell the whiskey on him the moment he opened the door. Henry had also been really emotional and unsteady on his feet; it took a lot for Ryan to keep his own emotions in check. He wanted to talk to Henry and see if there was any hope for them. To tell him everything and then hopefully be fucked into oblivion. But given the state he’d found him in the plan had changed, for now anyway.
When Ryan stepped in and closed the curtain, he found Henry leaning against the tiled wall, the water doing nothing to hide his tears. He leaned in and caressed his face for a few second, before reaching over to grab the soap. Ryan washed Henry’s hair then pulled him forward to rinse. He kept one arm around Henry, not sure Henry realized just how off balance he actually was. Ryan took the loofah that was hanging from the faucet, washed Henry’s face and kneaded his neck and shoulders for a few minutes.
“You still awake?” He asked.
Henry just nodded.
“Is this okay?”
Henry nodded again before wrapping his hand around the back of Ryan’s neck and pulling him to his mouth. They kissed until they had to come up for air. Ryan was still clutching the sponge, he added more soap to it he continued to wash Henry. He washed his underarms and his chest. Ryan used his empty hand to use the suds dripping down Henry’s torso to wash his semi-hard dick.
Henry moaned and Ryan could feel him growing harder in his hand. The gentle cleansing was having a similar effect on him. Ryan leaned out of the shower and reached for the hand towel that he’d seen hanging on the rack by the sink. He folded it up and dropped it between them on the tub floor. Henry looked at him with a question in his eyes. Ryan kissed him, before dropping to his knees on the towel.
Ryan’s long, overgrown hair clung to his face and forehead and dripped down into his eyes. He looked up at Henry, blinking away the water droplets dripping from his eyelashes. He waited for Henry to make eye contact with him before he went any further. Henry reached for him and wiped away some of the water from Ryan’s eyes with the pad of one thumb.
“You’re so beautiful,” Henry told him.
Ryan didn’t know what to say. He smiled at Henry and began to massage and caress Henry’s thighs. His fingers curved around and under his ass, starting on the outside and moving inward. With some wordless encouragement from Ryan, Henry spread his legs a little, enabling Ryan to snake his hands around them to the back. Ryan leaned forward and kissed one of his inner thighs and then began to wash every part of him thoroughly.
He could feel the trembling in Henry’s thighs against his lips. Ryan knew he was self-conscious and wanted nothing more than to relieve that. Henry leaned his head back against the wall and braced his hands against the tiles. Ryan washed each of his legs then picked up Henry’s left foot and placed it on his right shoulder, washing his calf and foot. When he ran his soapy fingers between his toes, Henry moaned. Ryan repeated the process on Henry’s right side. Henry continued to moan, his breathing heavier.
Ryan put his hands on Henry’s hips and tugged on them, encouraging Henry to turn around. Henry did, crossing his arms and laying them on the wall. Henry rested his forehead against his arms. He had his head turned to the side slightly. Ryan could see that he was trying to watch him. Ryan stood and kissed the back of his neck, then used the soap and sponge to wash Henry’s back. Ryan ran the loofah and his hands over Henry’s ass cheeks. As soon as he began to drag the spongy material between his cheeks, Henry tensed. He had expected it, but Ryan didn’t plan to stop. When Henry began to turn toward him Ryan stayed him with a hand to the middle of his back.
Ryan washed him, leaning against his back and kissing his neck. He used a knee to get Henry to spread his legs further. When Ryan was done, he wrapped his arms around Henry’s chest and reached down to take hold of his dick and cradle his balls. Ryan slid his stiff cock along Henry’s crease, then slid his wet chest down Henry’s back, going back to his knees.
He felt Henry tense again, Ryan caressed his ass.
“It’s all right, baby,” he said, barely whispering. Henry didn’t reply, he was making noises that urged Ryan on. Ryan continued to rub his hands over Henry’s ass, then ran kisses over his cheeks. Ryan gripped his ass in both hands and squeezed. Henry arched backward, but Ryan didn’t let go. He leaned up, sticking his tongue out and starting at the top of Henry’s ass he trailed his tongue lightly down the middle. Ryan moved his hands down and hooked his thumbs under the curves of Henry’s cheeks, his fingers clutching his thighs. He followed the path back up then used one finger to follow it down again. On the way back down the second time Ryan pushed his finger between Henry’s cheeks and dragged it downward. Twisting his palm and pulling it back up, grazing his sensitive flesh.
Henry’s body was trembling and he was taking deep breaths, but he didn’t try to stop Ryan. Ryan was feeling both encouraged and totally turned on. He used both hands to spread Henry apart and push his face into snug space between his ass cheeks. He speared him with his tongue and Henry moaned loudly. Ryan rimmed him, focusing all his attention on what he was doing. When Henry began to curse and grunt, Ryan released his hold on one of Henry’s cheeks and slid his hand to the front of Henry’s body to jack him off. It didn’t take long before Henry was coming, crying out Ryan’s name.