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from the other side and one of the big things Jesus is doing in you now is to free you from the game, so that

you can live deeply in him rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks about you.”

“I’ve been tortured by that my whole life.”

“And as long as you need other people to understand you and to approve of what you’re doing, you are

owned by anyone willing to lie about you.”

“Am I just supposed to take it?”

“You’ll learn how best to handle it, but right now just know that your need to convince others how right you

are is your need. It’s not God’s. Did you ever notice how little attention Jesus paid to his public relations?

Even when people didn’t understand at all and accused him of horrific things, he never rose to his own

defense and he never let it deter him from what he knew Father had asked him to do.”

“He wouldn’t play the game.”

“That’s exactly right, Jake, and he’s helping you to stop playing it too. As he does, you won’t believe how

you’ll be able to help others find the same freedom.”

“Well, I’m done with it! I’m not playing the game anymore.”

John chuckled again. “How I wish it was that easy. You already knew they were wrong, but it still bothered

you. How are you just going to stop? Actually, this is going to be a bit of a process. Even the pain of feeling

rejected is part of it. He is using what’s going on around you to help you learn how to care more what Father

thinks of you than what anyone else does.”

“That’s why I’m excited about our new house church. We can deal with real issues like this.”

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I expected him to encourage me to go for it. Instead he just looked at me as if I hadn’t heard a word he’d

said.

It took me a moment to sort out why and then it dawned on me. “Is this that game, too?”

“It doesn’t have to be,” John answered, “but it could be, the way you’re going about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“If this is another place for you to find your identity and to bury your shame by thinking you’ve got a better

way to do it than anyone else, then you’re sating the same thirst, just from a different fountain. That’s what I

hear when you call it a great move of God. You’re still talking like you’re a competitor with other brothers

and sisters. You can’t love what you’re competing against and if you’re keeping score you can be sure you’re

competing.”

“So we shouldn’t do it?”

“I didn’t say that, Jake. What I hope you’ll do is simply let God connect you with those brothers and sisters

he wants you to walk with for now. Think less about ‘starting’ something than just learning to share your life

in God with others on a similar journey. Don’t feed off your need to be more right than others, then you’ll

know more clearly what he is doing in you.”

At that moment someone grabbed me from behind in a bear hug around my waist. My heart sank as I

wondered who it might be until I heard her words. “I wondered what happened to you.” It was my wife,

Laurie. “Where’s the popcorn and soda?”

I gave her a hug and realized the game was almost over. “I ran into someone and just got lost in the

conversation. Here, let me introduce you. This is John, the one I’ve been telling you about.”

“You’re kidding,” she said, leaning around me and sticking out her hand to shake John’s.

He took it and smiled. “It’s a real pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Well you don’t look 2,000 years old,” Laurie said, to my embarrassment, as she sized him up with a smirk

on her face. In my recent conversations with John our friendship had overshadowed my preoccupation

with whether or not he might somehow be the Apostle John.

I started to butt in, but John beat me to it. “Looks can be deceiving,” he smiled back with a wink. “I’d love to

talk some more, but I’ve got to meet up with some people before the game ends. I hope we’ll have time to

talk further, Laurie.”

“Oh no you don’t, I’ve got a lot I want to ask you.” Laurie said.

“Another time, I trust,” he said as the crowd across the way erupted again. I looked up to see a Blue Raider

score yet another touchdown. A quick glance at the scoreboard showed we were behind 24-10 with only a

minute remaining.

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“Don’t you hate that quarterback?” Laurie said, shaking her head.

“Not anymore,” I said.

Laurie looked at me surprised. “Who is in there?” she said probing my eyes.

By the time we turned around to talk to John again he was gone. We both looked through the crowd to see

which way he went, but we couldn’t spot him.

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- 8 -

Unplayable Lies

I didn’t have a clue what to do with the information I’d just been handed. I finally had the goods on my

former pastor but now I had no idea what to do with them. If I had known a year ago what I knew now, I

wouldn’t have had any question.

It all came out in a chance encounter at the mall. I had rushed in to pick up an anniversary present for my

wife and grab a quick lunch before a 1:30 appointment. My face was buried in a week-old news magazine

as I downed my cheeseburger at a table in the middle of the food court. When I looked up to turn the page,

I noticed a bright red dress in front of my table. Looking up I saw a familiar face, one I hadn’t seen in

awhile.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Diane asked, almost hyperventilating while she looked around as if the

police were about to close in on her.

“Sure, sit down.” I mumbled through a full mouth as I pushed my things aside to make room for her at the

tiny table. She sat down warily and I couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful young woman she was, her

long, dark hair spilled over her shoulders framing out her vivid blue eyes. But her furrowed brow, pursed

lips and sad eyes told me all wasn’t well. I had first known her as an exuberant, spunky young woman who

came to Kingston to attend the local state college. Immediately after she graduated she married a man who

began to abuse her as soon as they got married. She’d finally divorced him and our fellowship had stood by

her through the ugly process. That was almost three years ago. Then she faded out of sight and I had not

seen her since.

“Are you OK?” I asked

“I’m making it a day at a time, but it isn’t easy. But I came over here to check on you. How are you doing? I

heard what Jim did to you and I’ve been so concerned for you and Laurie. Are you two doing alright?”

“Diane, thanks for asking. That means more to me than you know. It hasn’t been easy at all. I’ve had a hard

time getting back into real estate and there are lots of people we miss. Some of them still avoid us in public,

others are passing along horrible rumors about us.”

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Diane scanned the mall again and fidgeted with her hair. After an awkward silence she leaned forward and

spoke almost in a whisper. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this. I am so embarrassed by it and I swore

I’d never tell anyone.” She bit her lip and stared beyond me looking for the right words. “About Pastor

Jim...” She fought to hold back the sob that had already crested in her throat. “There’s something you don’t

know...” her voice trailed off.

I reached across to pat her hand that was resting on the table. “It’s OK, Diane. You don’t have to tell me if

you’re not comfortable.”

“He took advantage of me,” she blurted out suddenly while choking back a sob. I had no idea what she

meant and as I tried to figure out what question to ask she’d gathered herself enough to continue. “I’ve really

fought the urge to tell you this, but when I saw you here alone today, I just knew I had to.”

In measured words she told me that she’d had a three-month affair with Jim. During the divorce and for

almost a year afterwards she stayed in a spare room of their home. Toward the end of her time there they

had gotten involved and he told her he was willing to give up his wife for her. She was still deeply conflicted

about what had happened and alternated from blaming him to blaming herself. “I should not have stayed

there. I was just too much temptation for him, especially with the problems he was having with his wife.

They fought all the time. One morning I woke up, knowing this wasn’t the person I wanted to be and

moved out.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

I slumped back in my chair, uncertain what to say next. I thought of a conversation I’d had with Jim when

Diane stopped coming to our congregation after she moved out of his home. I asked him if something had

happened and he blew me off. “She just felt her needs would be met in a younger congregation.” I was

surprised to hear that, given their close friendship.

She started to get up from the table. “I haven’t told anyone about this and I’ll deny it if you do, but I thought

you needed to know.”

She stood up and I quickly joined her. “Wait,” I pleaded as she backed away. “I am so sorry for you. Is there

anything...?”

“Please, don’t even try,” she said, putting both hands up defensively, her voice breaking. “I’ve got to go. I’m

so sorry.”

She rushed away as I called again to her. I felt the eyes of a dozen folks nearby staring at me. I smiled

awkwardly and sat back down deep in thought. I’d always wondered how my relationship with Jim could

have changed so abruptly. But this news brought me no joy. I didn’t feel like eating the rest of my burger and

the longer I sat there the angrier I got. So the one who lied about me was living a lie himself.

As I got up to leave I found myself for the first time in recent memory scanning the mall for John’s familiar

figure. I hadn’t seen him since the football game almost four months earlier, and only thought about him

with great appreciation for the things he’d helped me see. This news made me want to talk to him again. I

remembered John asking me once what I thought Jim might be hiding. I’d had no idea.

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I didn’t see him on my first sweep and grew frustrated that he had never given me a way to get in touch with

him. I had no phone number or email address for him. I started to walk back through the mall, to get to my

car in the far parking lot. As I passed the fountain in the center of the mall, I saw him. He was sitting on a

bench with an infant playing in his lap and talking to a young man. I shook my head and smiled. John

always seemed to fit so naturally into his environment.

As I approached, the young man stood up, shook John’s hand, scooped up his child from John’s lap and put

him in a stroller. The little boy turned to wave a clumsy goodbye to John and as John returned it with a

smile, I slid in next to him. He turned, seemingly surprised to me. Then he broke into a bigger smile and

put his arm around my shoulder. “Jake, it’s good to see you.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I said. “I was just thinking about you.” Then motioning to the father and son

moving off, I asked, “Are they friends of yours?”

“They might be now. I just met him on the bench while he was waiting for his wife. We had a delightful

conversation as we played with Jason. He doesn’t think he knows God yet, but that’s just because he hasn’t

recognized his hand on his life. But that’s another story. How are you doing, Jake?”

“You won’t believe what I just heard.”

“About what?”

“Do you remember asking me what my former pastor had to hide when he grew distant from me? Well, I

just found out he had an affair a couple of years ago with a woman who was staying in his home while she

was going through a divorce.”

John’s smile quickly faded into pain as sorrow crept across his countenance. As tears pooled in his eyes, I

heard him sigh almost in a whisper, “Oh, God, forgive us.” Why was I so excited at that which brought him

such obvious pain?

“Do you know this for sure?” John asked.

“The woman involved just walked up to me a few minutes ago and told me. She said she thought I needed to

know.”

“How was she?”

“She didn’t look well, but she didn’t stay around to talk. She ran off as soon as she told me.”

I could see the pain in his eyes as he stared out across the mall. After an awkward silence, he finally spoke.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I wanted to talk with you. I’m sure he needs to be confronted. It will at least

vindicate me.”

“How will it do that?”

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“It proves he’s a fraud. Now everyone will know.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” I could see his eyes had filled with tears.

“No, I don’t want to,” I said, with less sincerity than I’d hoped to muster. “But shouldn’t someone?”

“That’s not yours to answer, really. You only need to answer for what you’re asked to do.”

“But no one else knows, John, except the woman. And I don’t think she’ll do anything.” John was silent

again for some time.

“What do you think I should do?” I finally asked him.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Jake, but I don’t think you should assume you know what’s best. Ask Father what

he would have you do. But this is certainly not something to triumph in.”