Off the Cuff (2 page)

Ultimately, I became a stylist in the advertising division. That meant that when Ralph Lauren clothing was advertised in a catalog, I was the fashion police officer styling the clothes, selecting the models, helping with the locations. A stylist is not a designer, and that's what I love about it—it's all about tweaking. It's mixing up the pieces and putting them on a real person to bring them to life. I got really in tune with how you customize looks for different people and different settings. I started doing freelance styling for celebrities. I worked with department stores, helping them lay out their catalogs and style their clothes, putting it all together so it was fresh and fun and inventive.

 

I still don't claim to be the world's foremost expert on fashion—shocking, I know. But I have had a unique opportunity to get a real education in clothes. I have an inherent ability to say, “That won't look good on you” and “This will look great on you.” You may be a software engineer or a waiter or an insurance salesman. There are tax accountants who know every single law and loophole, God bless them. I know all the tricks of the fashion trade. That's my job.

 

One day in 2002, I was doing a catalog shoot in the Florida Keys, when one of the photo producers said she'd heard something on the radio about this new TV show that was looking for all these gay professionals with different areas of expertise. The only thing I knew was that it was being done by Bravo. At that point, I thought Bravo was a nonstick cooking spray. I was like, “Hmmm. I think I have some Bravo from when I made muffins last . . .” Fast forward two years, and now I've made a new career of helping clueless straight men dress better.

 

Which brings me to this book. This book is an easy, step-by-step guide to help you know what to wear and when, what to get rid of, and how you can shop—whether it's at Neiman Marcus or T.J.Maxx—with the confidence to know what you're looking for. Men's style books tend to be dry and stuffy and serious. I won't go there. You don't need to know who the Glen in Glen plaid is and why he's so fond of this plaid of his. You don't need to know the history of tweed. You just need to know what looks good on you, what makes you feel good, and what helps you get from point A to point B.

 

I wrote this book for straight men who need it and for the women who love them, but, lest we not forget, also for my gay brethren. Because we all know that bad taste does not discriminate. I don't care if you're gay, straight, or bi, just get some good clothes for God's sake.

 

Let's get one thing out of the way, shall we? There's nothing wrong with caring about how you look and dress. It's not at all superficial. To me, that's like saying it's superficial to care about having clean underwear. Or taking care of your teeth. Or going to the doctor. It's just what you should do.

 

A lot of straight men have been afraid to care too much about how they looked, for fear that they'd be perceived as being gay. But now everyone wants to be a metrosexual. Gay is good! We live at a time when the average straight guy has permission to ask questions that he normally felt uncomfortable asking, like, “Does my butt look big in these pants?” and “Are these pleats okay?” (No, by the way) and “Should I get a manicure or highlights?” Questions that guys never would have uttered, they're now asking me at the TGI Friday's in LAX airport. In front of their wives, no less! Times have changed. And I am personally writing you a permission slip to your principal or supervisor or whomever to look good and feel good.

 

You do have to tread that fine line, though. It
is
superficial to think that if your teeth are whiter and your shirt fits better, you'll be happier. Those things might give you that extra little bit of confidence that will inspire you to achieve. A little taste of looking good can be very inspirational. Suddenly you want to be better the next day, and the next, for the rest of your life. Looking good is just the first step in empowering yourself. And further down the line, everything comes together in a package where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It's like my career in math in elementary school: 2 + 2 = 5. Oh my God, I feel
just
like Tony Robbins.

 

By the way, looking good has nothing to do with how much money you spend or what designer labels you wear. It's not someone coming up to you and saying, “Oh my God! That's a really expensive shirt!” or “Oh my God! Are those Gucci loafers?” It's people coming up to you and saying, “You look fantastic. Did you trim your ear hair?”

 

Looking good is also not about being “fashionable.” When I'm told I'm so “fashionable,” it means, “You're so trendy and of the moment.” Wrong answer. It shouldn't be about what's hot now and what the newest thing is. It's about feeling confident, and for you, that might mean disregarding what's trendy and “in.” Classic personal style is building a wardrobe that suits you and your life and sets you apart from the crowd. It doesn't have to be edgy or wild or look like it comes off a runway. And it shouldn't be dictated by what looks good on models, or what a certain designer says, or even, to a degree, what I say, because it's so very personal. I'm really just a guide, an educator, a medium.

 

So why
should
straight men take fashion advice from a gay man? Because gay men are generally just a little more sensitive to aesthetics. We pay attention to details. We have all this free time when we're not watching
SportsCenter
or having sex with women. I think that improves our clarity. Just kidding!

 

Seriously, though, all those years on the playground when all the other boys were making fun of me, I thought, “Oh my God! If only we had something in common!” And now here I am, building bridges, one manicure or trip to Barneys at a time. This book is just my way of reaching out and saying, “This comes from a place of love.” Or maybe it's severe adolescent rejection. We're going to get through this just fine if you just hold my hand, and step away from the pleated khakis.

We're talking jobs, girlfriends, respect. What you have on your feet can make or break any look ... and break your toes. Spend some money and get the best shoes you can afford. And for Gucci's sake, make sure that they're comfortable.

Because as much as I love sassy shoes, bunions are a real bee-atch, people. Ending up in the podiatric emergency room can ruin Kwanzaa for everyone.

With shoes, it's all about quality, quality, quality. It's better to have two or three pairs of good shoes that will last a long time than to have twenty-five pairs of generic-looking bargain brands. That's especially true of your dress shoes, but you can slide a little on casual shoes and sneakers.

Why does quality matter? Because your shoes are the first thing that women look at, and women (and gay men) know good footwear. You might be wearing the most amazing suit in the universe, but if you're wearing bad shoes, you might as well be wearing a sticker on your forehead that says “LOSER.”

High-quality shoes are all about construction, and there are a few basic things to look for.

Your shoes should be made of real leather and have leather soles as well.

If you buy quality leather shoes, they can be refurbished a number of times and will last forever, which is ultimately going to be less expensive than having to replace crappy, poorly made shoes every few months. For those of you animal lovers out there who won't wear leather, I admire your principles, I just don't admire your shoes. Vegetarian leather is like nonfat ice cream. Why bother?

 

The soles of well-made shoes will be
stitched
, not glued, to the bottom of the shoe. Also, the lining in better shoes is made of high-quality calfskin or natural leather, not synthetic materials. Finally, check out the stitching. It should be neat and should be barely noticeable.

 

Okay, so now that you know what quality shoes look like, I bet you want to know what
styles
of shoes you should have. The good news is that there really aren't too many options. (Yes, occasionally that can be a
good
thing.) For women, shoes are more of an accessory, like jewelry, that comes in 95 million different shapes, colors, varieties, and textures. But good-looking,
stylish
, conservative shoes are an absolute necessity for any man's wardrobe, and there are really just a few basic options for you to choose from.