The No-cry Sleep Solution (48 page)

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animal, place it in your spot when you leave. Keep a baby monitor turned on, and when your baby wakes during the night, quickly go to him. He will discover that you’re never very far away and will begin to wake less at night.

The Traveling Crib

If you have a crib for your baby and would like him to sleep in his room, in his crib, try this step-by-step approach. Follow each step from two nights to a week or more, depending on how comfortable you and your baby are at each step.

1. Place the crib right next to your bed in a sidecar arrangement. You can keep the rail that faces your bed down to its lowest setting, or remove it all together. (Important: keep the crib tightly secured to your bed so that it doesn’t move and create a gap that could trap your baby.) Special cribs are available for this purpose—for example, the Arm’s Reach co-sleeper, available through many baby furniture sources.

If your baby has always slept nestled against you, you can make this transition a bit easier if you put your scent on the baby’s crib sheet. You can sleep on the crib sheet for a few nights, perhaps using it as a pillowcase, or tuck it inside your nightgown for a few hours before bedtime.

2. Once Baby is comfortable with this new arrangement, you can put the fourth side up on the crib and move it just a foot or two away from your bed. Your baby will hear, smell, and see you, but you won’t be waking each other with your nocturnal movements, and he will begin to get comfortable sleeping alone.

3. Move the crib to the other side of your bedroom, as far away from your bed as your room allows.

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4. Move the crib to baby’s bedroom, keeping a monitor turned on so that you can go to your baby quickly if she awakens.

After you do this the first few nights, she will be confident that you will be there if she needs you, and she will begin to sleep longer stretches.

The Sneaky Way

Let your baby fall asleep in your bed as always. As soon as she is completely asleep, carry her into her room and put her into her crib. Have a baby monitor turned on so that you can go to her quickly if she wakes up. When she wakes, nurse her in a chair, or bring her to bed to nurse, but then take her back to her crib when she is again asleep.

If you use this technique, you can expect to be traveling the hallway between rooms for a while until the transition is complete. Many babies will adjust rather quickly and will sleep much longer stretches than when they were in bed with another person whose night movements caused extra awakenings. You might even set a time that you’ll stop the transfer. For example, move baby to her crib for every awakening until 3:00 a.m., and then just keep her in bed with you after that time so you can get some sleep.

Like all of my ideas, this is not meant to be a rigid, do-it-or-else proposition. You can work with this idea for a few weeks, making the change more peaceful for both you and your baby.

(Of course, if you want baby moved pronto, you
could
be very persistent and move through the transition more quickly; that’s entirely up to you.)

This idea will work better if you can spend a few pleasant playtimes entertaining Baby while she lies in her crib during the day.

This will help her to be comfortable in her crib setting so that, when she wakes there during the night, it will be familiar to her.

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For Your Walking, Talking Toddler

If your little one is old enough to understand, and sleeps in a bed (rather than a crib), you can begin the night by putting your child to bed in her own room and explaining what will happen if she wakes up. Set up a “sleeping spot” in your room: a mattress or pad near your bed. Explain to your child that if she wakes up during the night, she can come to her special little bed and go right back to sleep. Explain that Mommy and Daddy need to sleep, so she should tiptoe in as quiet as a mouse and get herself settled without waking you. If she does succeed with this plan, make sure that you praise her a great deal the next morning.

When you use this idea, making a big production about setting up her “big girl” bedroom can be helpful. You may want to rearrange the room, buy new sheets or pillows, and line up lots of friendly stuffed animals. You can leave a sippy cup of water on her nightstand and a flashlight or anything else that might help or comfort her in the middle of the night.

As part of this process, make sure that your bedtime routine is long enough to be relaxing, and that it includes pleasant activities like book reading and a back rub. Your child should land in her bed feeling peaceful and ready to sleep, with the knowledge that she can come into your room if she needs to.

Some children can be convinced to stay in their own beds if promised a reward at the end of the week. For example, “If you stay in your bed all week, you can sleep with Mommy and Daddy on Saturday night.” Granted, like many parenting ideas, you need to think about this before you try it. This one may not work for you in particular, and may even backfire, causing your little one to crave the family bed every night. This is a good time for me to remind you that you should not only take into account your particular child’s disposition and family situation, but that you should feel free to take bits of my ideas here and formulate your

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own. Use your creativity. You know your own family best, and I know sleep—together, we can help your baby to sleep all night!

Create a Sibling Bed

If your baby is more than eighteen months old, and if you have an older child who would welcome the idea, move your baby from your bed to the sibling’s bed (being sure, of course, to take all safety precautions outlined in Chapter 1).

We’ve used the sibling bed idea in our family and find that our children truly enjoy sleeping together. Other parents who use this arrangement agree that it helps decrease sibling rivalry and fighting. I suspect that those late-night and early-morning cuddles and chats keep siblings close.

A sibling bed arrangement can also include some “bed hopping.” The kids can decide each night where they would like to sleep, taking turns being the host for the evening. If you do use the sibling bed idea, you’ll find that over time your children will begin to sleep separately—first one night, then two, and soon they’ll settle into their own beds, on their own. (Many will continue to have “sleepovers” in each other’s rooms for years after that, maintaining the special connection that a sibling bed creates.)

Help Your Baby Fall Back to Sleep with Another

Person’s Assistance

This idea may help breastfeeding and co-sleeping babies.

In most cases, breastfeeding and co-sleeping babies wake up because they love having access to Mommy all night long. Anytime they wake up, they see, hear, smell, and feel you and think,

“Aha! Lovely warm milk and a cozy mommy. Gotta have it!” So, if you have a husband, partner, mother, or someone else who is

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Rebecca, ten months old; Carolyn, three years old;

Patrick, five years old; Thomas, ten months old

willing and able to help for a week or so, you might want to ask that person to sleep near your baby in your stead.

If your baby is younger than about eighteen months, set up a crib, cradle, or mattress right next to the helper’s bed, as it’s
never
a good idea for someone other than Mom to sleep right next to a tiny baby; only Mom has that “mother’s instinct” that prevents rolling over on the baby. This should be a person your baby is very close to and comfortable with. If possible, have him or her start this process with naps for a few days first. (If not, that’s OK—start right in with bedtime.)

When Baby awakens, have your helper rock, walk with, hum to the baby—anything that helps her go back to sleep. Try to avoid using a bottle, as you’ll just substitute one “sleeping crutch”

for another. If your helper uses a pacifier to calm baby, keep in mind that at some point down the road you’ll probably have to