The No-cry Sleep Solution (46 page)

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Stop Feeding a Sleeping Baby

As with the writing of this book, learning how to break the association was a gradual, thoughtful process that required much self-examination. I found I was responding to Coleton so quickly and intuitively that I’d put him to the breast before he even made a real noise—he would just fidget, gurgle, or sniff and I would put him to the breast. I began to realize that, on so many of these occasions, he would have gone back to sleep without me.

As you know, I am a follower of the “never let your baby cry”

rule, and I took it very seriously. What I didn’t understand, though, is that babies make sounds
in their sleep
. And these sounds do
not
mean that Baby needs to nurse. Babies moan, grunt, snuffle, whimper, and even cry
in their sleep
. Babies can even nurse
in their sleep
.

The first step to helping your baby sleep longer is to determine the difference between sleeping noises and awake noises. When Baby makes a noise, stop. Listen. Wait. Peek. As you listen attentively to her noises and watch her, you will learn the difference between sleeping snorts and “I’m waking up and I need you now”

noises.

When I learned this eye-opening piece of information, I started “playing asleep” when Coleton made a nighttime noise. I
Mother-Speak

“Last night he was nursing and I pulled him off and put my finger under his chin like you suggested. I was thinking ‘this will never work, he’ll be mad!’—but it worked, he went to sleep!

The other trick is helpful too. When I take him off and then roll over, he thinks I’m asleep then he goes to sleep, too!”

Carol, mother of nine-month-old Ben

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

would just listen and watch—not moving a single muscle—until he began to make actual wakeful noises. Some of the time, he never did; he just went back to sleep!

Shorten Your Nighttime Nursing Times

You may be following the pattern that we were—putting your baby to the breast and then both of you falling back to sleep. It’s very easy to do, because the act of breastfeeding releases hormones that make Mommy sleepy, just as much as the milk makes Baby sleepy.

The problem is that your baby falls soundly asleep at the breast, and begins to believe that having the nipple in her mouth is the only way she
can
sleep. Therefore, every time she reaches a brief awakening, she looks to re-create her sleep-inducing condition.

You can help your baby learn to fall asleep without this aid by shortening your nighttime nursing intervals.

When you are sure your baby is awake and looking to nurse, go ahead and nurse him for a short time. Stay awake! And as soon as he slows his pace from the gulping, drinking mode to the slow fluttery comfort nursing, you can gently disengage him while patting him or rubbing him. (See Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan described on pages 126–129.)

Sometimes you can put your baby’s hand on your breast during the removal, since many babies will accept this touch as a substitute for nursing; it seems to keep you “connected,” and he knows that the milk is nearby if he needs it.

Another option is to make the latch-on a little less comfortable and convenient for your baby. So, instead of laying tummy to tummy with your baby cradled in your arm, shift yourself slightly onto your back so that he has to work a bit to keep the nipple in his mouth. Often he’ll decide it’s too much effort and he’ll let go and go back to sleep.

If your baby whimpers at any point during this removal process, or somehow lets you know he is up for real (by crawling onto

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your chest, for example!), go ahead and breastfeed him. Then repeat the process to keep the nursing session short, and disconnect him before he is deeply asleep.

Sometimes, it may take three to five times before your baby will settle into sleep. After a week of using this technique with Coleton, he began to disengage
himself
, turn over with his back to me, and fall asleep! It was wonderful; perhaps only a co-sleeping and breastfeeding mommy can understand just how sweet her baby’s backside can be at this time. In fact, Coleton (at this writing, eighteen months old)
still
does this; he nurses until he’s very comfortable, then rolls away from me and goes to sleep.

Now that he’s sleeping ten or so hours, I leave him in bed with his brother David in our sleeping room (see photo on page 3), and I am free to join my husband in our own bed for baby-free sleep and couple time.

Move the Milk

Here is another idea especially for co-sleepers. After you nurse your baby, scoot yourself away from her. If she is snuggled right up against you, she will awaken and want to nurse more often—

sometimes, as I mentioned earlier, even in her sleep. If your baby is used to feeling you against her, then you may want to try a tac-tile replacement. A small stuffed animal is perfect for the job.

(See pages 117–119.) Simply place the toy next to your baby’s body or legs (away from her face) when you move away, so that she feels something against her.

For those persistent night nursers, you may even want to change your sleeping arrangement for a few weeks until you get the frequent night waking under control. I put two mattresses on the floor next to each other in our sleeping room. During the period of change, I began to nurse Coleton on one bed; once he was asleep, I’d move over to the other. Granted, it was only five feet away, but it was far enough away that I did not cause any