The priests released Jaime from his bonds, but he didn’t get up—I wondered if he even could. Minas gestured at me. “You, get him out of here.” I was suddenly freed, then I could move to Jaime’s side.
Jaime’s face was smeary with sweat and tears in equal amounts, and he was shaking. I got my arms around him to help him stand—he groaned piteously as I touched the fresh welts, but he managed to get up, swaying a little. Walking was clearly agony for him and we could only hobble slowly towards the door which the guards opened for me. The door of the bathroom was also opened as I dragged Jaime into it, and then we were alone.
He collapsed almost immediately. I tried to get him over to the bath, but he just couldn’t—or wouldn’t—move. I gave up and fetched a wet cloth. He jerked away as I tried to wipe his face. “Jaime, let me help you. Please. You’re bleeding, and we need to get back to the rooms.”
He shook his head, and used my shoulder to help himself stand. “Clo’s” he slurred, as he stood there, swaying like a sapling in the wind. I’d have only had to tap him and he’d have fallen over again, I knew.
I handed him the cloth and hoped he would wipe a little of the marks of his torture from him while I dressed quickly and brought his clothes over to him. Despite his stubbornness, I had to help him dress—blood began to seep onto his trousers immediately. I pulled his cloak around him and then put my arm under his. “Lean on me. I think I know the way now.”
He really could hardly walk at all, although whether it was the pain in his beaten feet or from his torn anus, I didn’t know. I managed fairly well, although he had to correct my direction once. It was the only sign he was paying any attention to our movements at all. The stairs were very cruel to him, and he had to stop more than once and get his breath back, the pain was so bad. “Just a little further,” I murmured to encourage him. “Come on, you’ll be safe soon.”
He lifted his head and sneered at me out of his tear-streaked, miserable face. “Safe,” he whispered and the sarcasm was obvious.
“
Come on,” I said, ignoring the bitterness. He had every right to it, I knew.
I was more or less carrying him by the time we got back to his rooms and he made no more movement than a sack of wheat would have done when I laid him on the bed. He didn’t protest when I removed his bloodied clothes—I knew then he was probably close to unconsciousness. I fetched several wet towels, laying the cold material against his shoulders and thighs, wrapping more around his poor damaged hands and feet. I wiped his buttocks clear of blood, although he continued to bleed, then used the soothing ointment which I had not yet needed because he was always so gentle. He made no sound, didn’t try to stop me even though this was the first time I had ever touched him in this intimate fashion. I knew he must hate that I was, but I had to try and ease his pain, even if just a little.
“
Why? Why would they do this?” I asked him.
He looked at me blearily. “Sur’gate,” he whispered. Then he closed his eyes again.
Surrogate? For what? The god? When did priests presume to punish a god, even by proxy? This made no sense at all.
I watched over him until he fell into a troubled sleep. I changed the clothes several times, hoping they would reduce the swelling and the pain. Finally I lay down beside him, and brushed his silky hair away from his damp cheek. “I can’t watch that again,” I told him, though I knew he could not hear.
I think that was really when I decided I wouldn’t leave, not unless Jaime could too. I wouldn’t walk away to leave anyone—even someone as bad-tempered as him—to face this alone.
~~~~~~~~
His sleep was broken by nightmares and pain, calling out to someone called Seve, and weeping until he fell quiet again to get a little more rest. I watched over him, though I didn’t touch him after the first time—he became distressed, moaning piteously. It wasn’t worth the pain it was causing him.
I saw him wake, eyes clouded with agony, and he groaned as he tried to get up. “No, don’t, Jaime. Lie still, and let me fetch what you want.” Stubbornly he persisted, but he couldn’t manage, just as I thought. He curled a little around his hands which he clutched close to his chest. “Would you like some of your tea?” He had a small stock of tea that I didn’t care for, but which he liked to drink occasionally. I thought it stank like piss, but he seemed to like it.
“
Leave me alone.”
“
Jaime, I’m not trying to pester you. You’re injured, and what happened...how could someone do that to anyone? And it wasn’t even your fault! It was the god’s....”
“
No. Not...him.”
“
Huh, well, then it was no one’s. It wasn’t yours, I know that much.” He refused to answer or look at me. “I put some salve on your...your arse, I know you don’t want me touching you,” I added in a rush, “but it was really bad. I should put some more on, and cold water on your hands.”
He just ignored me, his hair falling over his face. Unthinking, I brushed it back and he froze, his eyes now wide and staring—he looked terrified. I took my hand away. “I’m sorry. Jaime, I won’t hurt you. Please just let me help?”
“
You can’t.”
I wanted to wipe the misery away from his voice. “Listen, I’ve got a plan. When I get my two months’ money, why don’t you and I pool our funds, split it evenly and you can get out of here. You can go a long way with a hundred silver coins. Far away that no one ever needs to know you or what you did, where no one believes in Paon.”
“
I can’t leave.”
“
Why? I’ll help, I swear I will, we could go to the watch and the king won’t let you be kill....”
“
No. Nikolas, go away.”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t. Jaime, I’m not made of stone, damn it! How can you expect me to watch you be attacked like that? It’s inhumane, it’s unfair...I know we’ve been at odds, but do you think I could really let that happen to you again and not say something?”
He moved a little, though it clearly hurt, so more of his face was exposed. “This is why I wanted you to leave,” he whispered. “The others....” He clenched his jaw. “They didn’t care. You’re different. Please, just take my money, all of it, and leave today.”
“
My friend, right now leaving you is the very last thing I could do. You can’t even walk. I’ll wait until you’re well before I mention it again, but I will mention it, mark my words. Now, I’m going to make you your tea, and bring some food and you’re going to eat it.”
He just closed his eyes. I sighed. Such a stubborn bastard.
But right now, a very vulnerable and sad one, and he had every reason for being so difficult. How could he trust anyone if the people he had devoted himself to serving, could do this to him for no reason at all? I hoped the damn god was pleased with himself, causing such agony. Jaime wasn’t a bad person, just an annoying one. We’d never be friends, I supposed, but I didn’t hate him. I was determined to help him even if he was going to be as uncooperative as I expected.
I made the tea, sliced a couple of pieces of bread and spread butter over them, and poured him a little milk. I brought the tray back into the bedroom, and realised there was a real problem—he wouldn’t be able to sit, not on his poor abused bottom. “Jaime, you’ll need to lean or something. Here, use my pillow.”
He just ignored me, so I ignored him ignoring me, and slid my pillow under his own, raising him up a bit. “Come on, you like this tea, I have no idea why.” I held the cup to his lips, and to my surprise and relief he sipped a little. But then he closed his eyes again as if something hurt him. There were so many things that might have been causing it. “Is there nothing you can take for the pain? Can I ask for something for you?”
“
They won’t give it to you. Not for me.”
I stared at him, and suddenly something he’d said weeks ago made sense. “This is why you’re not allowed to stretch yourself, or oil yourself, or let me fuck you, isn’t it? So if they want to do this, it will hurt more? Those sick, bloody bastards, I could kill them....”
“
Nikolas.” I looked down at him. “You’re making it worse. I know all this. Don’t...talk about it.”
Then I cursed my stupidity. Of course he knew it, and it was just adding humiliation to his injuries to rub his nose in it. “I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again. But please, drink some tea, some of the milk. You can’t recover and not eat.”
I think it was more to shut me up and get me to leave him alone, that he let me help him drink some more, and to eat a little more bread. He was so tired that I left him alone then to sleep. Despite what he’d said, I wondered if there was some way I could get some pain relief for him, pretending it was for me, but then I realised I would probably have to show my ‘injury’. Those bastards, to plan this so carefully. I’m sure there were murderers who were treated with more kindness than Jaime has been.
With him asleep, there wasn’t much I could do for him. I could, however, tend to the chores I’d assiduously neglected over the last few weeks—the laundry, the waste removal and so on. Mia was a little surprised to have me ask about the stores and not Jaime, but she told me there were vegetables and cheese to collect from the cold room.
I felt a little resentful of the kitchen staff, who were laughing and joking amongst themselves, for being so normal and cheerful, when another, just as entitled to be carefree as they were, was lying injured and frightened not very far from them. Their disdain of Jaime now looked rather petty, when I considered what he had to endure.
I got a shock when I came out of the cold room, holding the sack of food. The captain of the guards—the one who had so brutally raped Jaime the night before—was there, talking to Mia. I’d never seen him in the kitchen before, and I wasn’t anxious to talk to him today. However, he was determine to talk to
me
, it seemed. “Hold up, Nikolas.”
How did he know my name?
“Jaime’s still under the weather?”
Like I said, I’m not prone to violence, but I could have punched him for this slyness. “A little,” I said coldly.
And you damn well know why. Wipe that smirk off your horrible face.
“
He’s sick again? He seems to get ill a lot,” Mia said with a sniff. “Personally, I think he’s a malingerer.”
“
Oh, he’s all that,” the captain said. “If he’s not on duty tonight, I think we’ll have to see about his privileges.”
Duty? And what privileges?
“That’s something you’ll have to take up with him,” I said. “Excuse me.”
He let me past, an evil grin on his ugly features. What was all that about? I knew he’d had fun with Jaime’s body, but it was like he had some personal stake in him as well.
I was more determined than ever to get us both away from this place now, but determination gave way to raw irritation when I saw that Jaime, the stupid, stubborn bastard, had somehow managed to get up and was sitting at the table on that hard chair of his. He was barely able to stay upright, and I would have slapped him for his idiocy if he’d not been in so much pain already. I slammed the sack down on the table. ”
What
do you think you are
doing
?” His mouth tightened but he ignored me, his hair falling forward over his face. “Jaime, you’re in no state to be out here. Go back to bed.”
He still ignored me, so I grabbed his arm. I expected him to get angry, but instead he just froze, the way he had when I’d brushed his hair back earlier. Something was wrong.... I crouched down. “Which one of us hurt you?” I said gently.
He pressed his lips tightly together for a moment. “T...two. Different ones.”
“
Is that why you carry the knife?” He nodded. “You know I’m not like that, don’t you?” I kept my voice as quiet, as unthreatening as I could.
“
I can’t.”
“
Don’t want to trust me? Damned if I can blame you. But will you please come back to bed?”
He hesitated, but then he let me help him up and into the other room. I have no idea how he’d got out in the main room on his own—he was walking worse than the night before. His stubbornness was a very powerful thing, I thought, if it could overcome such frailty.
I helped him lie up a little, since he didn’t seem to want to go to sleep. “I ran into that thug of a captain,” I told him. He went very still, staring at me. “He seemed to be making some kind of threat against you.”
“
What did he say? You didn’t...what did
you
say?” He seemed utterly stricken with fear, but I couldn’t understand why.
“
Nothing,” I said, frowning, wondering why he was reacting so badly. “He just said if you couldn’t be on duty, he’d take privileges off you, but since the bastard....”
“
No....no!” He struggled to sit up, and when I tried to gently restrain him, he fought me as best he could. “Let me go, I have to....”
“
What, damn it? Jaime, you can’t walk! Look, he can’t hurt you, you don’t have to work tonight and when you do....”