“
You don’t understand. I have to get up.”
He struggled against the weakness in his body, but all he succeeded in doing was nearly falling off the bed. I caught him and helped him back. “No. Lie still. You’re right, I don’t understand, because you won’t tell me. Now you’re going to tell me what exactly is going on, why you can’t leave, what the bastard has on you, or I’m going to get my cloak and walk straight to the palace and report this entire perverted set up to the king himself!”
He gripped my arms, wincing at the pain his hands were causing him. “No, you can’t. Please, Nikolas...I’d rather you cut my throat than did that.”
“
Why?” He shook his head and leaned back on the pillows. “Jaime, I can’t just watch this happened any more. I’ve seen too much.”
“
You could still leave.”
“
No, I won’t. Not without you.”
“
I can’t go, Nikolas. I just...can’t.”
I really wanted to shake some sense into him. “All right. Then explain why? Start by telling me who or what ‘Seve’ is?”
If I’d thought he’d look terrified when I mentioned the captain, he looked as if he was ready to faint now. “H...how...? You.... how do you...?”
“
You said it last night, in the chamber and in your sleep? Is he someone who’s hurt you? Someone who’s attacked you?” He closed his eyes. “Can you not tell the difference any more between someone trying to help you and someone trying to hurt you?”
“
You’re going to leave anyway in three weeks.”
He had a point—why spill his guts if I was going to leave him to face this on his own? “Not without you. I’ve seen enough. This is wrong, and I don’t care what you’ve promised or agreed, no one deserves this, no one should be raped or beaten for doing nothing wrong. Or at all.”
He still had his eyes closed. “To tell you would endanger you.”
“
I’ll be the judge of that. Tell me, or I go to the palace. I swear it, Jaime. Whatever you think the consequences of that would be, how could it be worse than this?”
He laughed bitterly. “Oh, it can be. So much more than you can imagine.”
“
Then tell me. I’m not giving up, you know. Stubborn as you think you are, I’m worse.”
He sighed, and I recognise the sound. I’d heard it many times in the nights I’d been here. “You’re asking me to trust you. I can’t.”
“
I know. But I’m giving you no choice now. It’s for your own good,” I said firmly.
Then, without any further argument, the tale began to spill from his lips, and all I could do was sit there with my mouth open in pure shock.
He was right. It was so much worse than I imagined.
“
I was given to the temple of Paon as a baby. Not here, in the west, near the Rakig mountains. I don’t know where I came from, who my parents are. Nor did any of the other boys who were raised with me. We were told we were to serve in the temples eventually—some as priests, others as attendants. My particular friend was a year older than me. He was my hero, my brother.... As we got older, became young men, we became...lovers. We did everything together, were punished together, slept together every single night, close as puppies, even before we learned to make love.”
His mouth tightened. “I think it was because we’d become lovers that we were singled out. When I was seventeen, there were four of us taken south to a smaller temple and kept there. We were...encouraged...to become even closer to our lovers. I didn’t understand it at the time, since priests are supposed to be celibate. There were four other boys from other temples there too. It wasn’t a bad life. We continued to participate in rituals and learn the ways of the gods. At the same time, we were still being educated, and allowed access to the excellent library. I became interested in geography and history, he liked natural sciences. He was so much cleverer than me,” he said sadly. “He could have been a professor in any institution of learning anywhere. But all we knew was that we were still to be dedicated to Paon, although we were not to be priests. I didn’t really mind, so long as I could be with my lover. No one indicated that we would ever have to part, and I suppose...after all the time we had been together, I didn’t think they would want to separate us.”
He swallowed. I offered to get him some water, but he refused. “When he was twenty, and I nineteen, we two were taken from that temple and brought to this one in great secrecy. It was there we learned of what the god had planned for us.” He looked me in the eye. “My lover’s name is Severin—Seve. The only way he and I have seen each other in four years is when I perform for him and the priests in that chamber.”
So this was the secret behind the god incarnate. I reached out to touch his hand in sympathy, only remembering in time not to. “Damn, Jaime,” I whispered. “Never to talk to him, nor touch him?”
“
Nor he to be touched by any human hand except that bastard, Minas,” he spat. “I am his surrogate, so I am punished for his failure, which punishes him much more than the pain I feel, I know.”
“
And you make love to him through me?” He nodded, lowering his eyes. “Seve has green eyes and blond hair, right?”
“
The surrogates may choose partners to their taste. If they don’t, they are simply given ones to use. I insist on being able at least...pretend. But....”
“
It’s nothing like the same, I bet.” He shook his head, and still wouldn’t look at me. “But if you ran away, they couldn’t use you against him any more.”
“
You don’t understand. If I die, Seve will kill himself—or they might kill him, I think. I know the minute he dies, I die, not that I would want to live anyway. But I can’t choose to leave and let him be killed. I can’t leave him to suffer this alone.”
“
The king....”
“
Seve is guarded night and day. If the king’s men entered the temple, he would be murdered, his body hidden even before they reached his cell, and no one would know. This place is a maze, you know that.”
I could only stare. The perfection of the trap was horrifying. “But death would be better than this, surely.”
“
I...for me, yes. I won’t kill him. There’s something else. I’ve been told that if we can last until he is thirty, we will be allowed to leave, disappear. It makes sense, he will be most fertile before then. They can’t keep him doing this forever. That’s why.... That’s why I keep trying to be strong, try to...not fail. Keep my mind alive, so that when we’re free, we won’t just be broken wrecks.”
“
And you expect them to keep their promise?”
“
I don’t know,” he said. “It’s all I have. I don’t know if any other incarnation has lived so long, but it’s the only hope I have.”
So a faint hope, such an unlikely one. But so fiercely did this stubborn man’s will burn, I almost believed he might do it.
Almost. “Tell me how the captain fits in.”
“
Haven’t I told you enough?” he asked wearily. “Do you wish to humiliate me further?”
“
You’re only humiliated if I look down upon you for what you’ve told me. I don’t. I admire you for it.” His head jerked up. “Damn it, Jaime, if you’d just told me this when I came here....”
“
You’d what, Nikolas? What can you do? What could you do then?”
He had me there. What could I have done? I could have been nicer to him, I supposed. But when his situation was so appalling, so hopeless, it probably would have made little difference. I could see why he hated to get close to people, especially those in my role. Did those who had attacked him know anything of this? Had they hurt him, knowing how much pain they were adding to an overburdened soul?
But there was still the question left unanswered. “The captain?”
His mouth tightened. “Bekin is new. Came here five months ago, and...made me an offer. If I...cooperated with him, he would occasionally pass notes to Seve for me. But if I refuse to cooperate, he will withdraw the privilege.” He looked up at me with despairing eyes. “That’s why I have to go to him tonight. It’s the only means I have of contacting Seve. The only thing that...gives him hope.”
“
You mean you’ve been servicing that ugly bastard for five months? Is that where you go every night?” He nodded, looking ashamed. “Does he really pass on the notes?”
“
I...I think so. The first note came back with certain words scratched out, words that I would understand the meaning of—he’s not allowed pens or paper, so it’s the only thing he can do. I have to believe he gets them, Nikolas. I have to.”
Even so, it was probably just a huge deception, and my heart ached with pity for him. “Yes, I know you do. Don’t the priests care that he’s doing this?”
“
They don’t know. It would be death for both of us if they did. But he knows I would never expose him. He has all the power,” he added bitterly.
“
Maybe so, but if you go to him tonight, he’ll have your life. Your arse is raw meat, Jaime. Even if you could crawl there, if he fucks you, you’ll bleed to death.”
He shrugged a little. “He prefers my mouth, it’s all right.”
“
No, you can’t be serious. Look at you, your hands, your feet....”
He hid his hands against himself—he couldn’t curl them, I noticed. “I’ve suffered worse,” he said in a dull voice. “I dare not risk it. I can’t. I won’t let Seve’s only contact with me be to see me...fucking other men, or being.... Bekin takes him books from me too, sometimes. I can’t take that contact away from him again.” He hunched up then and hid his face in the pillow.
I didn’t know what to do. He was right. I couldn’t have imagined anything like this. But that just made me more determined than ever to help him. What exquisite torture Minas had devised for these two lovers.
I brushed Jaime’s hair from his face and this time he didn’t protest. I think he was just too tired and too distressed to care any more. “If you are determined to go to this bastard, then let me help you.” He turned his head a little towards me. “Let me try and ease your bruising and the tearing. You must eat and rest all day, otherwise I’ll just make you stay here because you’ll never make it. Seve wouldn’t want contact at such a price. How could anyone who loved you, want that?”
He blinked. “You...you’d help me?”
“
Yes. I’ve been saying that all along, you bloody idiot. Not everyone wants to exploit and abuse you.”
“
Why?”
I smiled, though it was an effort. “I’m just a romantic, I guess. I’m going to keep looking for an answer, Jaime. I won’t do anything without talking to you. But I swear, I won’t leave until you and Seve can.”
“
You’re insane.”
“
Maybe. Now, that’s the condition, my friend. You let me help and we’ll beat this bastard, or you give up. Which is it?”
He had to think about it, but finally he said, “I want to do it. I...accept your help.”
I could tell it cost him. He had gone so long without anyone he could depend on, that I could see he believed I would betray him too. But there was also that steel core, the thing that kept him sane, that kept him from crumbling under so much pain. If anyone could go to the captain and be his fucktoy after what he’d suffered, it was Jaime. But he needed my help, and he would get it.
I couldn’t beat the drought, but I could damn well beat a few evil priests. I would make part of my world a happier place, if it killed me.
~~~~~~~~
I did what I could for him. We soaked his feet in cold towels, and his hands. His back and buttocks were bad but he said he could tolerate them. His arse was the worse, both from the rapes and the caning, but the ointment soothed it a little. At least the bleeding had stopped. He ate a little, not much, but that was only practical since shitting would be painful for a couple of days at least. But he let me feed him tea and milk, and some of the colour came back into his face. He slept most of the time, and didn’t want to talk the rest of it. I took no offence at that. His situation was such that having to talk about it at all must have hurt like Minas’ blows.
I stayed with him, though, to show him he wasn’t alone, and so I could attend to anything he might need without him exerting himself. While he slept, there wasn’t anything to distract me from turning over the strange tale in my mind. I’d overheard two men talking in the market one day, complaining about how hard it was to find the temple fee for the daughter of one of them so that she could have the god’s child. He was saying he might have to risk the bad luck because he just couldn’t find fifty silver coins for the temple of Paon, twenty for the temple of Neku for lodging his daughter and verifying her virginity, and another ten if she actually got pregnant. His friend told him that even so, the bad luck could cost him more, giving him a litany of events that had happened to other men who’d decided it cost too much to have the god’s blessing. Stable fires, suddenly lame animals, mysterious illnesses...in my cynicism, I wondered how much of this ‘bad luck’ was driven by human hands. The men had talked for a little while longer but then noticed me, and my temple clothes. They had shut up and moved off after that.