Seve’s jaw worked, as he fought his nerves. “Claim me.”
“
You’re mine. You belong to me, Severin. No one else.” Jaime held his hand out imperiously. “And I ask you to come sit here and touch me. Because you’re mine.”
It worked. Seve grasped his hand like a lifeline and allowed himself to be dragged onto the bed. Jaime kept a firm hold on his hand. “Now
you
claim me. With this,” he said, holding his hand up. “I want you to touch me. Everywhere. Reclaim me.”
Seve shivered, and for a moment, Jaime thought he might bolt. But then he laid his hand, that big, powerful hand of his, flat on Jaime’s stomach. Jaime sighed, letting out the breath held in fear. “That’s right, Seve. Oh, yes...do that....” Seve had begun to sweep his hand slowly, back and forth, across Jaime’s skin. How he loved to be touched so gently, so carefully. Nikolas....
With a guilty start, he remembered that Seve might have nothing to be forgiven for, but he most certainly did. “Jai? Is something wrong?”
Jaime pushed his guilt and his shame away. He could talk to Seve about this later, when they weren’t both so brittle. Not now, when things were going well. “Nothing. I love this. Keep going. I want your hands on me, Seve.”
Seve continued, eyes still uncertain, while Jaime did his best to encourage him with word and reaction to keep going. Slowly, Seve’s confidence, his enjoyment of the task, grew, though his cock never showed any interest in the matter. Jaime wasn’t surprised. How long had it taken before Nikolas...?
No, don’t think of that,
he told himself. “Will you kiss me?” he asked, holding out his hand to tug Seve down.
Seve stretched out beside him, and without any tension, any fear, brought his lips close and seized Jaime’s mouth in a tender kiss. Quite naturally, their limbs entangled as their mouths and tongues explored, and before long, for the first time in nearly five years, they were lying skin to skin, like real lovers, no barriers, no guards, no bindings and no fears. “Oh, I missed you, my beloved,” Seve whispered.
“
I can feel that in your touch, Seve. It’s true, what the healer said.”
“
I don’t think this is the kind of massage he’d prescribe.”
“
I don’t care,” Jaime said, grinning. “I want you.”
Seve went still, though he didn’t at least pull away. “Jai....”
“
No, this is what I mean,” he quickly corrected. “I want you holding me, touching me. Close. That’s all.”
Seve relaxed. “Good. It’s what I want too.”
Jaime was very careful to encourage that relaxation, and not in any way reveal his lie. He wanted more than this. But they had time now. Seve had come a long way tonight, and they would travel on together until they found their true happiness once more. Seve was in his arms and trusting, when he’d once thought it could never be. He had to remember not to be greedy and risk it all.
~~~~~~~~
For Jaime, the next two weeks were almost like being back in the temple, with the sense of impending doom never quite leaving him. Superficially, things were going well. Nikolas and Seve were getting on, and the massages seemed to be making a real difference to Nikolas’ pain. When Jaime went back to his teaching, he returned home the first day with his heart in his mouth, hoping that his two best friends would not be at each other’s throats. Instead he found them working happily together in the garden, and he heard Seve laughing even before he saw them. He felt the slightest twinge of envy at Nikolas being so easily able to win the sound from Seve, but the jealousy died as Seve swung Jaime around and kissed him heartily, as carefree as he had ever been in his life. That had been a good day, a good thing to come home to.
In the following days, he was given no overt reason to be concerned, but still, he knew there was a deadline approaching they’d have to deal with. He watched Nikolas carefully, knowing that the little cache of drugs, however much he eked them out, would not last more than half a month. When Jaime judged that the supply must be close to gone, he cornered Nikolas in his room as his friend was changing his shirt before dinner.
“
How much do you have left?” he demanded bluntly as soon as he closed the door.
Nikolas winced. “Enough for tonight. Jaime—will you not relent? Please?”
Nikolas never begged, and hardly ever asked for the smallest thing or favour. Jaime was very close to giving in, but he knew he had to be firm. The drugs were harmful, and no answer. Even Seve agreed on that point. “Can you try it without? Give it a month....”
“
A week? Jaime, please....”
“
A
month
, Nikolas. We’re here. We can help you.”
“
Another crutch,” Nikolas muttered. “Then if you won’t relent, I need two favours—a lamp with oil for an entire night, and your promise not to come into my room for any reason, no matter what you hear. Well, unless I’ve set fire to the place or something,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“
Of course. But....”
Nikolas held up his hand. “No. Promise me that, Jaime, or I’ll have to leave.”
“
As you wish. Though you’ve seen me at my lowest, so I don’t know why you think I’d be offended.”
“
Leave me with some illusion of pride, Jaime. Now—stop looking so worried. No one ever died from bad dreams. I’m sure it’ll be fine, if Seve keeps helping me. He’s been so kind to me. I can never repay him.”
Jaime stepped closer. “You forget,” he said quietly, “who’s really in debt here. I know he considers it but a small token of gratitude. As do I.”
Nikolas held up his hands. “They don’t shake hardly at all these days. In a month or two, I could go back to work. There’s nothing small about that. Don’t worry about me, Jaime. I’d prefer the drugs because I at least know what they’re like. But you’re right—you two are here. I’m sure that’ll help.”
Jaime wasn’t so sure, and nearly changed his mind, but Nikolas was in determinedly cheerful mood again, and that, Jaime could never penetrate. He would just have to observe, and hope disaster didn’t strike.
It didn’t. Considering how appalling it must have been for Nikolas to be using the drugs in the first place, he made the transition with hardly any difficulty. He slept later than was his habit, and seemed very tired in the morning, but soon perked up. Neither Jaime nor Seve heard anything in the night, and even though several times, Jaime had crept out and stood with his ear to Nikolas’ door, listening, there was no sound. No doubt Nikolas was having trouble sleeping—but it wasn’t causing him the kind of nightmares that would frighten an observer. Jaime felt his firmness on this issue had been well rewarded.
He wished he could feel so satisfied about his relationship with Seve, though he acknowledged to himself that they had come a very long way already, and he had no right to complain. But each night, as Seve comfortably settled himself in Jaime’s arms, or allowed Jaime to nestle against him, as they kissed, and the warm, beloved strength of his lover’s body pressed against his own, he felt urges rise in him that had rarely awoken in the years before this, but now were a constant ache. He wanted. Oh, how he wanted Seve, and he wanted to make love to him, to be taken tenderly as Seve used to. So that he could call Seve his lover and it not be a lie, and so that Nikolas was not the only person to have claimed him in that way in all this time. He wanted, if he was honest with himself, for Seve’s passion to wash away his guilt over Nikolas, so that when he finally told Seve the truth about Nikolas (for he knew he must, to be honourable), Seve would know that the only person Jaime wanted was him.
And in time, that lie would become truth too, he hoped.
Three weeks passed. Nikolas showed no signs of relapse, and Seve was growing happier and more confident every day. So much so, that Jaime began to cautiously plot for the two of them to venture to the city together, so he could introduce Seve to the wonderful library at the Hamer academy, and reawaken, he hoped, Seve’s interest in books and learning. He accepted the garden would always be the main focus of Seve’s attention, but Seve had a fine mind. He could do both easily.
He planned to bring it up on his next day off, but the weather intervened. A seasonal storm raged all night, with lightning and hail and torrential rain, and though the morning brought sun and blue skies, Seve was rueful. “I wonder what kind of mess I’ll find,” he said. “I’ll probably need to spend a day with Nikolas just cleaning up.”
Jaime silently put his proposal aside, and kissed him. “At least our cisterns and rain barrels will be full. And you said the rain was good for the fruit trees.”
“
Make a gardener out of you yet, runt,” Seve said with a grin. “But I need breakfast first. Give me strength to face the disaster.”
It had become their habit to make a more bountiful breakfast on the days when he didn’t have to go into town early, and it was often a time when the three of them had their most enjoyable conversations. Or...it had been until Nikolas had stopped taking the drug to sleep. Lately, he was often rather tired and a little grumpy in the mornings, though he soon cheered up. Seve said he often took a little nap in the sun after lunch, which seemed to revive him. Only to be expected, Jaime thought, though he hoped, in time, Nikolas would start sleeping more normally.
But this morning Nikolas didn’t emerge at all, not even after they had cleared up, and Seve had gone out to survey the damage. It wasn’t as bad as he’d feared, but one bed of seedlings was washed out, and a limb had come off an old tree. “That one was due to come down,” Seve said, shaking his head. “I was going to do it today. Couldn’t wait for me, eh, old thing?” he said, patting the trunk. “I could do with Nikolas’ help, but I don’t want to wake him.”
Jaime looked at the sun, already high in the sky. “I will. He’d be annoyed to find you working on your own.”
Seve nodded, and walked off towards his tool room, presumably to get a saw. Jaime went back to the house, and knocked on Nikolas’ door. No answer. “Nikolas, it’s Jaime. Are you sick?” He tried the door handle—locked. “Nikolas! It’s very late, and Seve needs assistance!”
When another knock failed to get an answer, he began to get worried, and was just about to go around to the window to see if he could tell what was going on, when the door was unlocked, and it swung open, revealing a tousled—and very pale—Nikolas, dressed only in a nightgown. “Nikolas! Are you sick?”
Nikolas put his hand to his throat. “A cold,” he rasped. “Don’t come close.”
“
Nonsense,” Jaime said, putting his hand to his friend’s cheek. “You’re fevered! Go back to bed.”
“
Don’t fuss,” Nikolas snapped, though he obeyed anyway.
Once he was safely back under the blankets, what little energy he’d summoned seemed to desert him, and he closed his eyes in obvious weariness. Jaime checked his skin again—yes, much too hot. “When did this start?”
“
I woke with it. I’ll be fine.” But then he coughed, the harsh sound making a liar of him.
“
Maybe, but I’m not taking the chance.” Jaime went to the window and called out to Seve to come in, then drew the curtains as the sunlight seemed to be hurting Nikolas’ eyes. His hand brushed clothes sitting on a chair near the window—they were sodden. “How did these get wet?”
“
Rain. In the night.”
It must have blown in—Nikolas must have been very unwell not to have noticed. Jaime scooped the wet things up. “I’ll put these out to dry. You, stay in bed.”
Nikolas’ eyes opened in a slit, but that was enough to convey his annoyance.
“
Jai, what’s going on?”
Seve, at the doorway. “Nikolas is ill. A cold, he said.” Jaime lowered his voice. “But his temperature is very high. I’ll fetch some water, and then could you sit with him while I fetch the farmer’s wife?”
“
Of course.”
Jaime nodded, and then walked out. He set the wet clothes before the stove, poured out some cool, fresh water into a jug, then took it and a tin mug back to the bedroom. Seve was sitting in a chair by Nikolas’ bed. Their patient seemed to be asleep. “Is it serious?” Seve whispered.
“
Don’t know,” he whispered back. He leaned in and kissed Seve. “Don’t let him get up, and have him drink the water as soon as he wakes again. I won’t be long.”
The track up to the main farm was muddy and sodden, and more than unpleasant to walk upon, but the difficulty wasn’t what was occupying his thoughts. A cold could be dangerous, he knew, but he had no experience of treating anything serious of this kind. He and Seve hadn’t yet had need of the farmer’s spouse, who was a well-known wisewife, one who was much in demand to deliver babies and treat the ailments of the farm workers and the locals. Jaime knew she and Seve had had several conversations about herbs—she was one of the very few people in Jendon who hadn’t terrified him—and she was always pleasant when Jaime encountered her, coming to the farm to buy supplies. He could only hope her expertise was up to this—or that Nikolas was suffering something more trivial than it seemed.