“
You’re my patient now, Nikolas. I am here to serve you. I want you to think of nothing but what we’re talking about, and what we’re doing. You won’t distract me from my purpose,” he added in gentle reproach. “Now...the questioning?”
Some of this, Seve knew from what the healer at the palace had told them and what he’d seen himself while caring for Nikolas. But...even knowing what Minas was capable of, what he’d done to Jaime and to Seve himself...Seve found himself listening to Nikolas’ broken litany of horrors with rising nausea. Nikolas actually blamed himself for not withstanding this?
Nikolas had stopped speaking. Tears were streaming down his face, and his hands were clenched so hard that Seve thought he must surely break a bone again. The healer was watching him with calm compassion. “Is that all, my friend?”
Nikolas shook his head, eyes tightly shut. “No. When they...broke my hands and feet...it was almost better because...I was sure I would die...and I hoped I would die soon so I would not...b-betray...b-betray....”
“
Betray us?” Seve whispered.
“
Be quiet,” Karel said softly. “Nikolas?”
“
I...I tried. I really tried...but then they...got this...this...oh gods, it hurts...my hands hurt....” He tried to tug them away but the healer would not let him go. Seve slid an arm around Nikolas’ chest from behind, and wished this could be over soon.
“
You must go on, Nikolas. You are safe now. It’s only memory.”
Nikolas heaved in a huge breath. “I...the pain...please....”
“
The pain will pass. Go on.”
“
Sir, can’t you...?”
The healer shot him a narrow look that plainly told Seve to shut up. “Nikolas. Continue. You will come to no harm.”
“
I....” He was shaking now. Seve held him tighter. “A whip...they used a whip...of wire...and it...it was like hellfire...I couldn’t...I tried but I couldn’t...and then I told them. Everything. I betrayed you,” he whispered. Then his head fell forward, and he began to sob, his clenched, agonised hands still held by the healer, as Seve hugged him tight, and tried not to shed tears of weak sympathy when it was not his pain this time. Not like this.
The healer carefully lowered Nikolas’ hands into his lap, then leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss, like a blessing, on Nikolas’ curly blond head. “Rest a moment, my son. I’m so very sorry.”
Nikolas didn’t seem to hear, racked as he was by sobs and shuddering. Seve and the healer exchanged a look of understanding. “He’s lucky to have you as his friend,” Karel said quietly. “Give him comfort. We have plenty of time.”
Seve moved so he could more easily take Nikolas into his arms, and Nikolas clung to him as if Seve was all that could stop him losing his mind. Seve laid his head on Nikolas’ hair, and tried not to weep at the thought of the price that had been paid to set him free. A wire whip was an executioner’s weapon. Why Nikolas had been allowed to live, Seve didn’t know. That he
had
lived at all, was a miracle.
Slowly Nikolas calmed. Seve continued to hold him until Nikolas himself pushed away with a muttered apology, his hands clasped tightly to his chest. He was obviously still in agony. The healer was watching him, assessing, sympathetic. Finally he reached over and touched Nikolas’ arm. “And now, let me help you with that pain. Riki, please bring the uten liniment.”
The lad brought over a jar of strongly-smelling unguent. Nikolas seemed reluctant to let anyone touch his hands, but with a little persuasion, finally allowed Karel to take them and begin to rub the liniment into them. Nikolas wouldn’t look at him, but the healer took no offence, addressing his words to Seve instead. “Look you now, sir, at this. No force should be used—your touch should be gentle and even, and your thoughts must be on your task or you’ll cause an injury. Bring your chair over.”
It seemed Seve’s training was to begin now, as the healer put Nikolas’ hands into his care. He felt rather awkward manhandling Nikolas when Nikolas so clearly wanted to be elsewhere, but he applied his thoughts to the job, and used the liniment to ease the path of his fingers over Nikolas’ skin. The healer explained the technique in a low, calm voice, and Seve tried to concentrate on that and that alone. “Be mindful that it’s not your touch alone which eases the pain, sir. Your thoughts, your emotions, will be imparted to your patient, so you must never do this when angry or resentful, or distressed yourself. Do this task with love, or not at all, for anything else is worse than nothing at all.” Karel’s sharp eyes bored into him the whole time as he spoke. “Feel Nikolas’ pain, draw it into yourself, then dismiss it. You have the strength to do this, I know. Use this gift, and heal him.”
Seve blinked at this. “I have no special powers.”
“
Indeed you do. We all do, but in you, I sense it very clearly. You have a more than usually powerful ability. Nikolas? Do they hurt still?”
“
No,” he said, staring at Seve and then the healer with wonder in his eyes. “They feel fine. Am I cured?” His voice was still thick with his emotion, and tears still glistened on his cheeks, but his hesitant smile didn’t seem false.
“
Not...exactly,” the healer said, before turning to Seve. “Sir, please be good enough to keep up the massage, as the pain may reoccur while I explain.” Riki silently placed another blob of liniment on the back of Nikolas’ right hand, in clear invitation to Seve to obey the instruction. Karel continued. “Nikolas, there is no physical injury remaining—you’ve healed well.”
Nikolas jerked. “But....”
Karel raised his hand to forestall Nikolas’ protest that
something
had to be causing this pain. Seve was confused too, but kept quiet. “No
physical
injury. There’s some scarring, of course, and ligaments have been sadly abused, but not enough to cause such severe torment. But as you told me your unfortunate tale, I could feel your joints swelling, your tendons tightening like wires, and a number of other changes which all cause the very real pain you are feeling. The difference is, it’s your mind, your memories, which is causing these changes, not a lingering injury.”
Nikolas tried to tug his hands away. Seve wouldn’t let him. Karel gave him a slight nod and approving look of that. “Are you saying I’m just making this happen? Malingering?”
“
Goodness no, my son. What you’re feeling is real, what’s happening to your hands is real. But I must treat the true cause. You’ve been through a terrible event. You have my deepest sympathy for that ordeal. But pity alone cannot cure you, Nikolas. For that, you need your friends.” He smiled at Seve. “And fortunately, friends you have. Even more fortunately, the very person you’re feeling such guilt towards can be the key to absolving you.”
He sat back. Seve kept up the massage. He thought he knew what Karel was getting at, but still he kept silent, letting healer and patient come to an understanding. Nikolas was staring at Seve’s hands on his own. Seve tried to impart calmness and healing strength, not that he really had any idea what that felt like. But when Nikolas lifted his head, Seve gave him the warmest smile he was capable of. An answering smile flitted briefly across Nikolas’ sad features, before being replaced with a frown. “What do I have to do?”
“
You? Allow this young man to give you massages as often as you both can bear it. And talk, if you can, with your friends about this awful experience. Endeavour to stay calm, but be honest. I know from my discussion with master Jaime that he’s very far from bearing you ill will, and I venture to say young sir here is equally devoid of hate. Nikolas—hear me. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve treated many people in severe pain, and it makes cowards of everyone. Humans can’t sustain that kind of agony. We’re not built that way.”
“
But I betrayed them.”
Karel put his hand on Nikolas’ arm again, and his sharp eyes were kind. “You could do no other. No one could have done more, my son. From what you’ve told me, you bore it as long—no, longer—as anyone could ever conceivably do. Your scars tell me that your pain was atrocious. You didn’t betray anyone for a trivial reason. Your mind’s creating a punishment for a nonexistent crime, my son. We, and your friends who care for you, must convince it to exercise the mercy which our merciful gods ask of all of us, and give you peace.” He smiled. “I believe, in time, and with love and patience, we will persuade it.”
He sat up, and clapped his hands lightly. “For now, I’ll give you a script for a large supply of that liniment, which you,” he said, looking at Seve, “shall use in our battle for mercy. Oil would do, but the uten liniment’s more pleasant, and persuades the tendons to slacken when they would persist in their tension.”
“
Will I...be able to smith again?” Nikolas asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
“
You’re a smith? Like your father?”
“
Lock and silversmith. I can’t...my hands shake.”
“
Ah.” Karel nodded. “That’s also a lack of mercy. Yes, I believe in time that too should improve. You should have come to me when you first returned to Hamer, young man. You’d be three months advanced towards your recovery.”
Nikolas looked down, colour coming to his cheeks. Seve said quickly, “That wasn’t his fault, sir. There was...not as much help as there could have been.”
“
Ah. Well, no harm done.” The healer scribbled something on a sheet of paper, folded it and handed it to Seve. “There’s a herbalist’s shop in the street that runs behind this building. They’ll make that up for you, and give you more when it runs out. Nikolas—I want to see you in a month. Sooner if you feel you need it.”
“
Yes, sir,” he said faintly.
“
Now take him out, young sir. Riki can show you somewhere quiet to rest before you go out again, Nikolas, if you need...?”
“
I’m fine,” he said more firmly, getting to his feet. “Thank you, Karel. And...Seve. I’m sorry to impose.”
“
My privilege. You made it possible to be here at all, Nikolas.”
Nikolas avoided his eyes. “We can find our way out, thank you.”
He seemed desperate not to just leave the room, but the building, and took a deep breath as they got outside in the sunshine. “Are you all right? You look a bit pale,” Seve asked.
“
I...give me the script, I know this herbalist.”
Seve did so, and Nikolas walked off quickly, not even waiting to see if Seve was behind him. He caught up with him and let Nikolas lead the way to a small, crowded, overwhelmingly smelly little shop in a long row of eccentric buildings and stalls. Nikolas disappeared inside. Seve decided to wait for him. He was so curious about his surroundings, he forgot to be fearful of the press of people. It was a very busy little lane, but one of the most colourful he had known in his short experience of such things.
He had little time to increase that store of experience, because Nikolas was back very quickly. “It’ll take an hour for them to make it. I need a drink. A
real
drink.” He stalked off again. Seve followed, not sure what to make of his mood.
They went a short distance, just around the corner, to a building that proclaimed itself an inn. Seve made to go in, but Nikolas raised his hand. “I’ll bring us a tankard each. Wait.”
Puzzled, Seve could only do as he was told. This errand took a little longer, but soon enough Nikolas reappeared with two large wooden beer mugs in his hands. He handed one to Seve, then took a long draught from his own, with every sign of pleasure. “Ahhhh. I needed that. Come on, I know where we can take our ease.”
It turned out to be a little garden, just a couple of trees and some stone benches, with a flower bed to one side. “It’s here for children and their families so they don’t have to play in the street,” Nikolas explained. “We used to play here, my brothers and I. Before Father let out the shop and we moved south.”
“
It’s nice,” Seve said politely, wary of Nikolas’ overbright manner.
They sat down on a sun-warmed bench and Nikolas lifted his mug again, took another long drink. “I wasn’t expecting any of that,” he said after a time. “I’m sorry.”
“
I’m not. I’m glad.” Nikolas gave him a sidelong look. “We can help you, and there’s an answer. I was horribly afraid there wouldn’t be.”
Nikolas looked away, apparently fascinated by a bird pecking at fallen leaves on the ground nearby. “Before...you do this...I have a confession to make. When I’ve made it, you can feel free not to give me these massages. I can ask...someone else,” he said, waving his hand vaguely as the mysterious unnamed ‘someone’ whose existence Seve highly doubted.
“
It won’t be....”
Nikolas turned, his expression fierce. “Listen to me
first
, damn you! I didn’t regret betraying both of you.
You
,” he said, jabbing his finger towards Seve, “weren’t in my thoughts. It was only Jaime. I bore it as long as I could for him, not you. So you don’t have to feel guilty. This isn’t about you, Seve.” He took another drink from his mug, and stared out over the garden, his mouth pressed tight.