He headed upstairs and there was a moment of silence. Finally, I spoke, “So, how are you feeling about this?”
She chuckled. “Girl, this shit is crazy.”
“I know.”
“I guess I keep thinking that I can’t believe I’m doing this for Dwight.”
“I think it’s just hard for me, because I’m like the outside coming in on a ready-made family.”
She nodded. “I understand. And in reality, I guess we’re both doing it for our kids and we have to remember that.”
“Do you think the girls understand?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Kids just accept things as-is. We’ll try to figure everything out. They’ll warm up to you.”
“I don’t even know what to say to them.”
“They’re kids. Just talk to them. You don’t have any nieces or nephews?”
I hung my head. “Well, sorta, but I don’t see them.”
“Why?”
“Well they’re my half sisters’ kids. And we’re not close at all.”
She nodded slowly. “Oh. I understand.”
I could tell that she was confused and I wasn’t sure I was ready to explain that I had become part of a vicious cycle of adultery. As far as Dwight and Tracey were concerned, I was an innocent single girl who’d gotten herself into this situation for the first time.
“So I haven’t really been around a lot of kids. You know?”
“They’re just little people. They are good to anyone who’s good to them.”
It seemed that she was making it clear that she hoped I would treat them well. I listened intently because I wanted it to work.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the wine cooler that I’d filled up when I moved in. “Tracey, you like red, right?”
“I would just like a drink.”
I laughed as I grabbed a bottle of Syrah and two wineglasses. After I took them into the family room, I returned to the kitchen to get cheese and crackers.
She asked, “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“You love movies, don’t you?”
“Yeah, girl. I’m a Lifetime fiend.”
I laughed. “Are you?”
“Yes. This shit here”—she pointed to me and her—“this is a damn Lifetime movie.”
We popped in a movie, but it watched us get to know each other. I respected her, as a woman, as a mother, and more important, as a wife. She was as willing as me to make this work.
I would have probably picked her to be a friend anyway. She laughed and chatted and I felt great about our decision. Sure, it wasn’t typical, but we both seemed happy. I was a little bothered when Dwight brought DJ down and they went upstairs to go to sleep, but it seemed easy to just suppress the thought that my man was having sex with her. He was just sleeping in another room. I fell asleep without the slightest hint of jealousy. Tracey was all right with me.
Tracey
E
very day, I pondered whether it was easier to share Dwight blindly or openly. I found benefits in both. The largest benefit in being blind is that you don’t have to witness your man’s feelings for another woman. Somewhere along the line, we decided to go on group dates. When we did things with the kids, it was easier. No one looked at us strange. But when it was the three of us, people seemed to look at us like we were bizarre. I’m not sure if people could just feel that he belonged to both of us, or if I just felt self-conscious. If I said I wasn’t still in competition with Alicia, I would be lying. I make sure Dwight was always sitting next to me when we went out. I usually sat in the front seat of the car, and I always tried to dominate all of our conversations. Sometimes I felt like a child trying to get attention when she was around. Probably out of respect, she never was overly affectionate when I was around and I appreciated it. When they had quality time together, whether they were in the house or out, I stayed busy. Between taking care of my baby—because DJ had become more mine than hers almost immediately—and teaching Destiny to read and staying on top of Jordan in school, I had plenty to do to keep me from thinking about what they were doing. I was becoming a better mother because I wasn’t worried about where Dwight was. I didn’t have to run to cook or make sure he ate. It seemed that he was taking better care of the children and me. Since all of this started, Dwight made sure everyone was okay. Although we were coming along okay I still kept a distance away from Mama Dee and Danny. Me and Dwight agreed that we didn’t need them all up in our business. The same can’t be said for Alicia’s mother, Ms. Dixon. She was a regular at the house. She bought the girls Barbies and dresses. She came over uninvited all the time. I tolerated her pop-up visits because she was a very nice woman and supportive of whatever Alicia did.
Four months in, and Alicia had become a part of our family and she practically had moved in. She was living on the first floor in the in-law suite. I stayed in our bedroom, the girls had their rooms, and Dwight and DJ occupied the back bedroom. Alicia was a nice woman and she was very persistent. She literally made herself my friend. She would call me during the day, like she was my man. And then she would say, “I just wanted to say hi.” Jordan and Destiny really took to her, mainly because she bribed them with candy and toys. She braided their hair and even took them to the movies and the aquarium to give me and Dwight alone time. Every now and then we got into little verbal spats when she crossed her boundary. Like, she tried to tell me I eat too much fried food and red meat. She made suggestions on our dinner menu, but I always ignored them. She knew that although she is tolerated, I am number one and the only queen bee.
Tracey
T
here were only about twelve people in the real estate class and they all seemed rather friendly. There were six parts to the test and one night, someone suggested we meet for a study session. I was the anxious one saying, “Yes, we really all should get together.”
That is until someone suggested meeting at my house.
No, ma’am. Not at my house
. The thought of Alicia being there and me having to explain her existence was unthinkable. So I quietly said never mind and went home.
When I walked into the house, Alicia was resting her head on Dwight’s lap. She quickly jumped up. “What’s going on, lady?” Alicia yawned.
“Don’t get up,” I said.
I was exhausted and it was nights like this that I was glad he had someone else to hump on and not bother me.
“How was class?” Dwight asked.
“It was good. I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow. I’m really tired.”
I headed upstairs because I didn’t want to bother them on their night. I knew that during my time, I wanted no interruption. I turned the shower on and closed my door. I reviewed my notes from class. It wasn’t going to be as easy as I imagined.
“How was class?” Dwight came into the bathroom behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“Good. It was all right.”
“That’s cool. I just want to remind you that we’re going out tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I mean we’ve all been so busy that it’s just been easier to stay home.”
“Alright, baby girl. Have a good night,” he said as he kissed my cheek.
“Good night, Dwight.”
We ate at an Italian restaurant in Georgetown named Filomena. We were seated and I just grabbed Dwight’s hand and kissed it. It felt as if it had been forever since we had been together by ourselves. It felt like someone was always home. If it wasn’t Alicia, it was the girls and DJ. At dinner I had the best seafood linguine I’d ever tasted, but more than that, I just enjoyed being with Dwight all alone. It felt good, like old times.
Our dinner date night ended in a hotel room a few blocks away. He called Alicia to tell her we wouldn’t be in. I heard her say, “Okay, good night.” It always bothered me leaving the kids at home with her. She was a complete wreck when it came to parenting skills. So that meant we’d have to be home bright and early in the morning.
Dwight murmured, “I love you, too.” As soon as he hung up, I began to absorb every moment I was with my man. I attacked Dwight’s body with sloppy kisses while undressing him. He took my hair and pulled it up as I knelt down and looked up at him seductively. His eyes were closed, anticipating my next lick. He leaned his hips closer to my mouth. I slowly circled the tip of his brown, pulsating, vein-engorged dick with my tongue. Then I went in faster, swallowing his entire manhood into the depth of my throat for several moments. He then laid flat on the bed as I rode him in reverse, my back facing his chest, with his body still in full strength. He grabbed and cuddled my breasts, and held on tightly. Moments later, his body released all its energy into me. When it was all over, I realized how much I missed his undivided attention.
Alicia
W
e had it down to a science. Everyone was happy. We had practically isolated ourselves from the outside world. My mother had something to say here and there, but I told her to keep her thoughts to herself. I don’t know why I thought I could hide from my friends, but I did. I ignored their e-mails and phone calls, because I needed to sift through this mess with a clear head filled with only my personal thoughts. They gave me a few months of freedom before they called me out. I logged on to my computer at work and there was a message from Gina and everyone else was carbon copied. It was titled: bitch, stop playing. The message read: “We’ve been through too much for you not to trust us. We love you no matter what your crazy ass is doing. You don’t have to call me, but call somebody.”
Maybe I had been waiting for them to reach out to me and tell me they understood, because I was anxious to dial Gina’s number. She picked up. “Ho, don’t you ever just go MIA and not tell us what the hell is going on. The last time we didn’t hear from you, your ass was in jail.”
I laughed. “Stop playing. Speaking of jail, why did Deshaun call my mother’s house collect?”
“You know he’s going to be on your doorstep when he gets out, but don’t try to get on another topic.”
“I need to write him and tell him I’m married.”
“So, are you still married? What the hell is going on? The last you shared with us was that Dwight was confused.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, he’s not confused anymore, because . . .”
“Did she go back?”
“No . . .”
“Well, what happened? Are y’all back together?”
I snickered. “Well, Tracey and I agreed to share him.”
“Bitch, don’t play with me.”
“I’m not. I’ve been living in the same house with them for months.”
She linked Tammy and Andrea in on the line. I had to explain everything to them. I was missing steps and they sat on the line stunned. They couldn’t believe that I’d stooped so low. It had been wise of me not to discuss it with them until it was carved in stone, because they weren’t half as judgmental as they would have been had it been in the deciding stage. They missed me and despite being in tri-marital bliss, I missed them.
We agreed to meet for drinks after work. They needed to see me and make sure I hadn’t been drugged. On my way to meet them, I called Tracey and pretended it was a last-minute decision, since she’d picked DJ up from my mother’s house early.
“Hey, you.”
“Where are you?”
“I was on my way home, but I think I’m going to have drinks with my friends. Is that cool?”
“Go ahead, Dwight came home early.”
My eyebrows wrinkled. When I spoke to him last, he said he was working late. I paused. She said, “Yeah, he said he was stressed and decided to fight fires in the morning.”
“Oh.”
Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to go home, but I resisted the urge. She said, “Well, we’ll see you when you get home.”
“Okay. I should be there no later than ten.”
“You know I’ll be up.”
As soon as I hung up with her, I called Gina. I could tell she was already feeling nice. “It’s our long lost girlfriend.”
I could hear everyone in the background shouting, “
Where is she? Is she coming? Tell her to c’mon. We still love her
.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
I was speeding and it became immediately apparent that I hadn’t been true to me. I’d been so caught up in this relationship that I forgot what used to make me happy.
When I walked into the restaurant, they cheered me on. By the time I reached the table, I was giggling. “Y’all are crazy.”
“Ho, I can’t believe you didn’t return any of our phone calls in a month of Sundays.”
I took a deep breath. “I just didn’t feel like being judged.”
“Now that you’re living the polygamous shit, what can we say?”
I pouted. “It’s not polygamy.”
In unison, they said, “Bitch, please.”
“Y’all make me sick. It’s not polygamy. It’s . . .”
Tammy passed me a drink. “Here, have a drink, ’cause your ass is in a polygamous relationship.”
Andrea said, “Who gives a damn? Are you happy?”
“Actually, I am.”
Tammy asked, “Well, how is his wife handling it?”
“His other wife.”
She waved her head as if to say
whatever, just tell us about her
. “She’s actually really cool. She’s been very helpful with teaching me how to be a mother. She likes to have wine in the evening. It’s like having a homegirl living with you. It’s kinda like living in a dorm.”
They all seemed to momentarily imagine how fun that could be. I added, “She cooks her ass off.”
Gina said, “I was going to say you look like you’re having a hard time getting that baby weight off.”
“Forget you. Shit! I’m trying. I still run three miles a day.”
“If she’s cooking every day, you better start running five miles.”
“Well, if she does all of that, what the hell do you do?”
“Shit, I work. I pay for extracurricular activities.”
Andrea said, “You got it made.”
“Well, what can I say? Shit. I recommend everyone try it.”
“So when are we going to meet her?” Gina asked.
My eyes shifted from side to side. “Uh . . . um . . . y’all are too rough.”
“Nah, we want to meet her,” Tammy said.
“Okay, I’ll invite her out on another night.”
“Isn’t Dwight home tonight?”
“Yeah, but—”