101 Nights of Great Sex (30 page)

E
QUAL
S
CHMEQUAL.
Tonight, you will be Master; she will be your servant. And she will learn the intensely erotic pleasures of sexual submission.

Your roles must be established as soon as she meets you at the bedroom door. As Commander, you are charming and pleasant, but give no more information than she needs. Why did she bring the large pillow, as spelled out in your email? Why the sturdy wooden coat hanger? “Oh, you’ll see,” you say slyly and smoothly. “Or, actually, you won’t see. I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

At this point, you pass a long silk scarf across her eyes and tie it behind her head. Ask her to hold the hanger, gripping the ends, then—while telling her how lovely she is, and how much you’ve been thinking of her—tie her wrists to the hanger.

Gently press her back to the bedroom door. Lift her arms over her head, and then hook the hanger over the top of the door. Caress her; kiss her neck. “Wha... what are you doing?” she’ll undoubtly ask. “Why... whatever I want to. And, oh, there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do about it, does there?” Squeeze her nipple, kiss her face. Tell her to be a good girl, to do exactly as her Master says, and she’ll get a great big surprise. “I have a few things to do... and I want you to stay right here, where I can... mmm, well... play with you.”

Go start the music, light some candles, arrange some pillows. But every time you finish a task, walk up to her and touch her, caress her, kiss her. Unzip this, unbutton that. Lead her, bound and blindfolded, through the slowest and most sensuous strip tease of her life. This time, though, it’s you who is doing the teasing.

Finally, it’s time to free her hands and bring her to your special Altar of Eros: a pile of pillows—including the one she brought, of course—laid on the floor at the foot of the bed. Resting at its center: electric magic. Possibly the greatest invention of the century. A vibrator, charged and ready for action.

Instruct her to kneel, facing the bed and straddling the pillows, and adjust the toy so that it is in just the right place. Sit on the edge of the bed directly in front of her; let her watch, wide-eyed and aroused, as you slowly squeeze and stroke your swelling erection. “And now, you have a very important job to do. It will demand your total concentration and focus. You must take this”—the stiffening erection now rubbing against her face, sliding across her lips—“and make it feel just as good... as that...”

Turn on the vibrator. Set the remote control to slow, at first; it will be more than enough to make her quiver. Now, vary the speed. Slowly notch it up, accelerating the cycle of arousal. Chase that delicious buzz from her lips to your erection to the controller to the toy to her pulsing little clit and straight up her electrified spine, around and around until she explodes, with your own orgasm not far behind.

I have a prediction to make. The next time she’s with her friends and they start to complain about the way their men monopolize the remote control, I bet your sweetheart will simply smile and say, “Maybe, they just don’t know how to use it right...”

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T
ODAY WE COMMEMORATE
D
R.
G
EORGE
T
AYLOR
, the brilliant man who, in the American spirit of efficiency and convenience, forever changed the world with the invention of the vibrator. The year was 1869, and the good doctor was a bit ahead of his time. So long as sex toys were powered by steam and burning coal, they would remain impractical, not to mention slightly dangerous. It would be another twenty years before cheap electricity brought orgasms-on-tap to the bedrooms of average (and deeply contented) women across the country.

You gotta admire the guy for trying, though. Today, vibes are everywhere–in Walgreen’s, Target, even Sears–even if they never say what they’re really used for (they’re “neck massagers,” Ri-i-ight). Anyway, those will do the trick, but for a really great selection of fun shapes and sizes, head to your local adult boutique this week and pick out a new one for your sweetie. Yes, this week’s sex homework is about you taking the time to buy her a new toy. After all, a woman can never have enough vibes. Each vibrator in your seduction toolbox provides a unique sensation (and sound!), so have fun and get creative. But remember Laura’s Rule of Sex Toys: nothing intimidating or scary. There’s a difference between making her wet, and making her wet herself.

Sometime this week, send her an e-mail like this: “Did you hear that sound?” Next day, send another: “I heard it again! It sounded like... sex....”

On the day you spring your surprise, make sure you’ve got the whole house to yourselves and have no pressing appointments. Wander into the kitchen with an innocent look on your face — as innocent as you can manage, given that you’re about to get laid — and ask your honey:

“Can you hear that? That sound, what is it? No, really, it’s like a buzz or something... back this way, down the hall. Now can you hear it? It’s a little louder now... Is it in the bedroom? Can you tell what it is?...”

Now she knows something’s up, for sure, because the bedroom is dim, lit only by candles, and the buzz is coming right from a suspicious lump under the bedspread. Sure, she’ll be laughing at your transparent trick, but her grin will take on a wicked edge when she pulls back the sheets to find a brand new vibrator, humming merrily along and just begging to be used.

“Oh, my gosh; how did THAT get there?! What a surprise! Well, I guess we might as well see what that baby can do...”

What it can do, of course, is make her come faster than you would think humanly possible, so don’t rush right into toy-time. Start with deep, long kisses. Undress, then kiss some more. A little vibe, then more kisses, then vibe, then kiss, then massage, then kiss, then vibe vibe vibe vibe vibevibe v-v-v-vvv-vv-vibevibevibe woo-hoo VIBE!

Then break out a fresh pack of batteries. And say a word of thanks to Dr. Taylor. He’s my hero.

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I
T DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES
you tell her that you love her. And that she is gorgeous. And that she turns you on. Deep down inside, she still has a tiny bit of insecurity. When she looks in the mirror, she sees flaws. She can’t help it. She sees the stars and celebrities who glow on our screens, and she can’t help but feel...
ordinary
.

If only she could see herself through your eyes. Oh, wait—she
can
. You can show her exactly how hot she is. No video, no Internet, no technology required. All you need is a mirror.

Early in the day, leave a message for her. Text, voicemail, sticky note; it doesn’t matter. Just tell her that you have something you want to show her tonight, something hot. When evening comes around, crank up her sense of anticipation:
Chase her out of the bedroom
while you set up her surprise. I guarantee she’ll be pacing on the other side of the door, like a cat in heat, waiting to get back in.

She’ll expect a romantic setting in the room, and sure enough, you have candles lit and music playing. Plus there’s a new addition—a good-sized mirror, propped up against the wall or the dresser. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, but tall enough so that you can see most of yourself in the reflection. Ignore it at first. Kiss her and caress her; tug her clothes off and roll around on the bed with her. Tell her how much she means to you. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her that you fall in love with her all over again every time you see her.
Do not be embarrassed to praise her.
She longs to hear those words. If you’re like most men, you probably don’t say them enough. She will want to believe them.

But to completely convince her—to give her indisputable proof of how amazingly sexy she is—you’ve got to show her. Ask her to join you on the floor,
right in front of the mirror
. Pile some pillows on the floor for comfort, and bring the candles closer for better light. Sit down and lean against the bed for support, then ask her to sit between your legs, with her back against your chest. Make sure you can both see your reflections. Now tell her to look at herself, naked in the mirror. Rave about her body. Make her understand that this image—her, undressed, legs apart—is what you dream about. It’s the most beautiful thing you know. It’s the vision you have when you are making love to her, and you wanted her to see for herself just what a powerful, erotic,
perfect
sight it is. Then tell her to play with herself.

You can reach around to help her get started. If you like, you can bring out a vibrator. Run your hands over her skin. Kiss her neck. Cup her breasts while she unfolds her lips and slips her fingers between them. Soon, her fingertips will be circling faster, and she will be hypnotized by the view. And soon, because she can see
your
eyes in the mirror—because she can see the truth in them—she will come to believe you are right. She really is hot. And this is sexy, crazy sexy, like watching another couple doing it. Like
being watched by another couple
while she masturbates. And, hello, she’s feeling you get aroused behind her, too. Shift a little to one side so you can join her in self-pleasure. Stroke yourself, while she does the same, side by side. Can you time it just right? Can you watch yourselves come together? You can.

And I have a surprise for you. You’ll discover it the next time you join her in the bedroom. Because you have removed much of her self-doubt,
you have made her a better lover
. And that is the real magic of the mirror.

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T
HERE’S A SECRET THAT ALL MAGICIANS KNOW.
The human mind can be steered. With the lightest of touches, the smallest of hints and the subtlest shift in light, a good magician can direct your thoughts. They can enhance your senses, or block them; they can make you see and feel things that aren’t even there. They can spin a fantasy and make you live it.

This week I challenge you to use a little trickery to help your lover hit new highs. All you need for this performance is a chair, five candles, and a sheet of paper. She’ll find the paper taped to the dashboard of her car, with this cryptic message:
Bedroom, 7 pm. Wear only five articles of clothing.

Already, she’s mystified, and that’s the first step in any magic trick. That night she’ll enter the room at seven to see all five candles burning, and the chair placed in the middle of the floor. Tell her to sit, eyes closed, facing away from the door. Now make her wait. Just for a minute or two. Let her sense of anticipation build. Then, as quietly as you can, sneak up behind her, bring your lips close to her ear, and in a whisper, tell her to remove one item of clothing.