101 Nights of Great Sex (28 page)

-   Change the sheets while she’s bathing

-   Light a few candles in the bedroom

-   Burn some incense to create an exotic atmosphere

-   Change the lightbulbs to Blue

-   Put on some mood music (Try Ravi Shankar, Hearts of Space or Enigma-Principles of Lust)

When she’s done with her bath, meet her in the bathroom wearing only a towel and wrap her in one as well. Take her hand and lead her into the bedroom,
Honey, let’s breathe together for fifteen minutes...
When she sees the scene you’ve set for her—the candles, the incense, the music playing softly—she won’t be able to drop her towel fast enough! Go through the positions in order, staying in each one for 5 minutes.

Position #1: Lean On Me

Lead her to the bed, drop your towels and sit with your back propped against the headboard with some pillows, legs apart. Have her sit between your legs and relax with her back on your chest. Now start synchronizing your breathing. Inhale the smell of her skin and hair as she leans into your chest, feeling your heartbeat.

Position #2: Spoon Me, Baby

Move down so that you’re spooning together on the mattress with her body in front of yours, her body still snuggled into your chest. Continue to breathe together, and move your hips in rhythm with your breath. Your erection is pressed against her, and can slide right between her thighs. So close, so tempting, but you’re still building up to the main event. Stay five minutes here, keeping your breaths together, gently stroking her shoulders, caressing her breasts and resting your hand over her mound as you move your hips in unison.

Position #3: Love in Legoland

Now you’re feeling energized, your Buddha is awake and excited, and you’re ready for five minutes of penetration. Sit against the headboard, with pillows behind your back. With your feet on the mattress, legs apart, pull her into your lap, facing you. Put her hands behind your neck and guide your shaft into her. Nice. And deep.

Don’t move. Hold your lover in your lap, wrap your arms around each other and take a moment to get used to the feeling. You’re stuck together like Legos now; there is no space between your bodies. You’re holding her securely, and the feeling of weightlessness she gets is incredible, trust me. Take a few breaths together, face to face.

Then start to slowly rock yourselves back and forth. Your penis rubs against her G-Spot, while your pubic bone gives her clit something to move against; a magical combination when it comes to female orgasms. It may be a new sensation for your penis to be pulled in different directions while inside her—enjoy it—and her response. The deeper your breathing, the easier it is to relax and let your orgasms rush through your bodies, exploding into a million stars above your heads.

Who’s up for a yoga class?

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E
VERY GUY I KNOW SEEMS TO LIGHT UP
when someone stirs the memory of
couch-cushion forts
.

Do you remember how to build one? Sofa cushions turned on their sides to form the walls. Kitchen chairs used as tent poles. A sheet or blanket draped from the chairs to the couch to create a private indoor fortress. For kids, a couch-cushion fort is a perfect little space in which to play. And for consenting adults, it’s a perfect little space in which to, ahem, play Doctor. I dare you.

If there’s any lesson I hope you take from this book, it’s that
presentation is everything
to a woman. When she sees you go to a little extra trouble to make something special, she gets the message that
she
is special. And that is why this play date starts with a written invitation on a silver platter.

Okay, maybe not silver. Not everyone gets real silver platters as wedding presents any more. But you’re going for true old-school elegance here, the kind of thing they did in the Victorian days, and that requires your finest serving platter. Dig up the one your sweetie uses for Thanksgiving. In the center, place a small white card, folded over and standing up like a tent. When you present the platter to her, she’ll see her name on the outside of the card. When she opens it, she’ll read something like this:

“Go to the bedroom at 9 and put on your nightgown. Wait for my call. And then come find me”.

Wow! She’ll be intrigued and excited, and the night hasn’t even started yet. When she goes to the bedroom at 9:00, you have to head to the living room and break the world record for fastest couch-cushion fort building. (It’s a good idea to scout out all your building materials in advance and know where everything is.) Try to finish in under ten minutes, then pick up your cell phone, call your girl, and tell her to come get you.

Aha! The room lights are out! She’s wandering down the hall in the near-dark, guided only by a single flickering light coming from the living room. It takes a few seconds to make sense of the scene before her, with cushions and pillows and chairs moved about. The white sheet covering everything up is lit from inside. Judging by the shadows,
you
are also under the sheet, holding a flashlight. You’re inviting her inside. It’s cozy. There’s a blanket on the floor, and pillows to sit on.

If only real camping could be this comfortable. She’s enjoying the treats you provided—
ooh! Hot chocolate with marshmallows, yum!
—and she’s totally impressed by the effort you put into the whole evening. She’s ready to kiss you. She’s ready to re-enact some very old summer camp memories. (“There was this one time, in band camp...”) But this time, she’s ready to take it a little farther; to go from making out to making love. She’s ready to get naked and squirmy and wet between the thighs. She’s ready to lock her legs around your back and take you deep inside her, ready to push back against your thrusting hips, ready to make you pop.

All because you put in a little extra effort and built her a love nest. All because you made her feel special.

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“They are the men of our dreams. The word ‘bad’ doesn’t even begin to describe their wicked ways. With just a look, they can jump-start our deepest desires.”

I Love Bad Boys

L
ORI
F
OSTER
, J
ANELLE
D
ENISON
, D
ONNA
K
AUFFMAN

She wants a bad boy. You know she does. And since the publication of the best-selling book
Fifty Shades of Grey
, she wants one even more.

And it’s not just her. Turns out it’s the number one fantasy among women: That wicked guy who just takes her. Tosses her on the bed, rips off her panties, does her hard. Then does her again. Not exactly politically correct—but it’s hot.

But, as with so many great fantasies, there are a few problems with turning it into reality. For one thing, no woman in her right mind wants a bad boy all the time. They’re bad! And then there’s the problem of scheduling. All that raw, immediate, butt-slapping sex sounds great in theory, but real life has kids and jobs and housework. Not to mention PMS.

So here’s the solution. Plan your spontaneous sex. Pick a time when you know she won’t be wiped out from work. Warm her up early in the week with the Bad To The Boner e-tease from my website. This accomplishes two key things: It gets her aroused, all week long. And it gives her a chance to put on her best undies. Hey, we want to look good when we’re getting ravished. That’s part of the fantasy, too.

On the night when you finally get to be really bad, you need to be really good first. That means eliminating the things that distract her: Bring home a nice dinner, take care of the kids, put clean sheets on the bed. (One of my girlfriends says that the sexiest thing in the world is the sound of a man cleaning up the kitchen. I don’t think she’s kidding.) Give her a chance to relax in a hot bath, and let voice mail do its job for the rest of the night.

As soon as she starts getting ready for bed, it’s show time. Be direct. Grab her as she’s putting on her robe; push her up against the wall. Kiss her hard, and tell her exactly what you intend to do to her. Then carry her over to the bed. Throw her down and yank her panties off, as fast as you can. Start with your tongue, but don’t make her come, not just yet. Women appreciate the incredible difference between the feel of your mouth and the feel of your penis, so give her some of both. Go down on her for a few minutes, then change. Pump her slow and steady, then switch back to using your tongue. A-a-a-annnd repeat.

No one’s keeping score here. But you want a number, don’t you? Guys always want a number. So, six. Six times back and forth. At least.

Then kick it up a notch. Climb on top and grab her wrists, pinning them to the pillow above her head. A simple move, sure, but right now it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire. Keep feeding her fantasy by being totally dominant: Pull her across the sheets, roll her over, let her feel your weight and your strength. Don’t worry about being fair, not tonight. She’s getting exactly what she wants because you’re taking what you want.

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“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few.”

—O
LD
B
UDDHIST
P
ROVERB

Sure, I want you to become an expert in seduction. You and every guy who picks up my books should end up as Undisputed PussMaster Champions, sort of Don Juan and Einstein and Magic Mike all rolled into one.

So here’s an important PussMaster Lesson. When approaching the clitoris — that wonderful, magical little focus of all that is good and your Best Friend For Life — you sometimes need to forget all you know. Learn the clit anew, because each time you see her she is in an entirely different mood. Start your lesson with an e-mail invitation to the owner of your favorite clitoris:

SUBJECT:
Your butt, and how much I love it

MESSAGE:
Do we have some more pillows around the house? I’m building you a Pillow Pedestal. Trust me, you’ll like it. I’ll have it ready by Saturday evening.

The Pedestal is really more like a nest, arranged so that she can lie on her back with her hips elevated on pillows near the edge of the bed. You, of course, are kneeling on the floor, right in front of her open legs. Wow, what a view, huh? And you’ve got the best seat in the house.

She’s expecting you to start working her clitoris, as usual. But you, my little Zen Buddhist PussMaster, will come at her with an intentionally bad sense of direction (I know... a guy with a bad sense of direction? Unheard of!). Just as you zero in on her prime location... get lost again. No, this is not an amateur’s mistake; your lover knows you too well to think that. Instead, you are a clit-teaser. You’re going to spend time getting friendly with everything near the clitoris, and specifically, I want you to concentrate on her labia minora — the inner lips.