101 Nights of Great Sex (24 page)

G
UYS LIVE IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
world than we do. It’s a world where shoes are worn for comfort, not beauty. A place where remote controls are friendly, and tight jars surrender with ease. A world where magazines don’t smell like the cosmetics counter at Nordstrom’s.

Mars? Venus? Nah. More like Hooters. Welcome to Guy-World. This week your erotic encounter is going to take place there. You’re going to create a little slice of paradise for your man, gathering together all the primal ingredients of male life. That’s right, I’m talking about the basic elements, the very building blocks of what a guy truly appreciates:

Beer, pizza, and porn.

Whoa! Laura Corn, did you say porn?? Why yes, I did, and I said it with a wink and a smile. (Check below for some specific recommendations suitable for couples.)

First things first, you need to send him a text so he gets a hint of what you’ve got in store for him. Tell him, “Honey, instead of going out with the boys this Friday night, you’re going to have a Boy’s Night In with me. Don’t worry, all three of your favorite things will be there—and
you know
what they are...”

Even with this heads up, he’ll still be shocked when he sees the slice of heaven you’ve created for him. Cushions on the floor, pizza on the table, beer on ice. All phones have been confiscated. And you — well, you look sexy, but not in that Victoria’s Secret way. No, you’re wearing the Guy-World classic: a white t-shirt and cutoff jeans. (I’m not making that up. It’s the number-one response from more than a thousand interviews I’ve had with men. They love that look.) Make him comfortable. Feed him. It’s okay to let him watch some regular TV while you eat. Pizza, Pabst and ESPN... mmm, it’s Guy-World bliss!

Slowly turn up the heat. Kiss him after each bite. Climb on him for a nonstop make-out session during the commercials. When you get up for a bathroom break—flash him. Better yet, lift your shirt and press your breasts right into his face just for a few seconds before you leave the room.

Once that first show is over, unveil your special surprise: a couple of DVDs full of hot, serious, uncut sex. And as the onscreen action gets wilder, you get bolder. Let him see you roll your nipples through your shirt. Wriggle out of your shorts and play with yourself, legs wide apart, and don’t be shy about it—he’ll get as big a rush from watching your fingers as watching the screen. Sit sideways to him so that you can keep one bare foot in his lap, gently massaging his erection while he watches the movie.

The rest of your script writes itself. Just follow the action on the screen. Take him in your mouth. Sit on his lap. Stroke him with your hand. Tonight, you are the hottest thing in all of Guy-World: His own personal porn star, with an insatiable appetite and a full bottle of lubricant. And tonight, you’re going to discover the coolest thing about watching adult videos with your lover: As long as the scenes are hot, he’ll be able to go again, and again, and again.

And in Girl-World, that means you’ll be walking funny the next day.

L
AURA
’
S
F
AVORITE
S
KIN
F
LICKS FOR
C
OUPLES

(You can buy or rent any of these online at
goodvibes.com
or
www.sugardvd.com
.)

Life Love Lust
and
Cabaret Desire
: Both films are directed by Award-winning indie director Erika Lust, one of Europe’s most innovative and important directors.

Matinee
: Directed by US-born, Amsterdam-based filmmaker Jennifer Lyon Bell. It features real actors performing their first-ever explicit scene, not porn performers, and the result is smart, nuanced, and oh-so-sexy.

Exstasy:
Most adult films can’t hold a candle to this masterpiece—the acting, complex storyline and sexual chemistry earn my highest ratings. Tyfanny Million hopes marriage will curb her promiscuous habits, but she ends up leading a double life in an underground sex club. Features a cast (mostly) free of surgical enhancement, plus a riveting female ejaculation scene.

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S
EX SHOULD BE ANYTHING BUT BORING
.
When passion starts to give way to routine, I always turn to the Erotic Equation, as described by
best-selling author
Jack Morin in his terrific book,
The Erotic Mind.

“Sexual arousal, whether it involves romance or pure lust, is highest when there is a tension between the attraction pulling us toward the partner, and one or more barriers standing in the way. The formula for hot sex is:

Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement.

The obstacles necessary for high excitement may be external or internal, conscious or unconscious. They can arouse us whenever something makes it difficult to get together. Or the chemistry between something makes it difficult to get together. Or the chemistry between the partners can bring its own obstacles into the encounter. Overcoming barriers is a testament to the strength of the attraction.”

Men love challenges because they love to win. (Even when we let them! And isn’t that usually the way it goes?) So challenge your guy. Put up a resistance — and make sure he comes out on top... uh, so to speak.

One weekend afternoon start puttering around the house dressed only in a bra, panties, and one of his dress shirts. Believe me, he’ll think you look grrreat! There’s such a casual sexiness about a woman in a oversized shirt that just barely covers her backside.

You want him to start chasing you, and you’ll have to goad him into it. Snap a dishtowel at his butt. Or flick a spray of water in his face—whatever it takes to get his attention. Then issue your challenge: I bet you can’t catch me! And take off, with your laughing lover in hot pursuit. Run circles around the table; run upstairs, downstairs, outside and back in. If he catches you, wrestle your way to freedom and run again. Sure, it’s all in fun, but your squeals, your defiance, and all that sheer physical exertion will awaken one of his most primal instincts—the thrill of the chase.

When he finally has you cornered, tease him by saying, “I bet you can’t get my clothes off!” Fall to the floor and cross your legs, yelping and squirming. If the shirt’s big enough, he’ll just pull it over your head, but don’t make it easy. Wrap yourself up in a ball. Fight him! The harder he works to pin your arms, the more he will savor the triumph. Make him struggle to pry apart your knees, and the victory celebration will be... exquisitely intense. For both of you. Recall the Equation—the obstacles you’re creating are a powerful aphrodisiac.

Be sure to leave him with enough strength to finally take you — on the floor, the sofa, wherever you end up. Your battle, of course, becomes sweet surrender as you submit to his “conquest.” By now, who can remember which of you really started the chase?

The Erotic Equation. It’s not exactly higher math. In fact, it’s lower... much lower!

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I
F YOU
’
RE LIKE MOST COUPLES
,
you’ve got lots of photos of you and your man in various settings. Hanging out at home. Laughing around the Thanksgiving table. Relaxing on vacation. Maybe even kissing at your wedding. These photos remind you of your great experiences together—and the emotions that come with them.

But have you captured that other experience, that emotion, that moment of lust and desire that is most erotically essential to your relationship? That moment of lust and desire. It isn’t something we normally take photos of, but why not? What better way to keep the memories of your romantic days and nights alive than with pictures?

The photos in this lovers’ album won’t be shots of your butt and legs for him to drool over (although he’d definitely be into that, too). Instead, these pictures are going to truly capture the lustful emotions that he feels for you. You are going to do an incredibly audacious thing: you are going to take pictures of him looking at you while you undress slowly, one button at a time.

Set up is easy: just place a stool or chair in a room that has good light. There should be a place for him to sit or stand where he can see you well, and where there’s a plain wall or uncluttered background behind him. You’re going to wear a short skirt with no panties, and a button-down shirt. It’s best if you can use a point-and-shoot camera that you can hold with one hand, because your other hand is likely to be a bit busy!

Tell him you want to take some sexy pix of the two of you. Nothing too risqué, but something that you can look at in the future as a reminder of your great sex life. He’s going to think he’s the one in control, that he’s going to get to take sexy pictures of you.

But when you lead him into your photo studio—surprise!—the tables are turned. Position him across from you, and sit on your stool with your legs crossed, a camera in one hand.

Uncross your legs. See that look that’s a combination of sheepishness (O
h my god, she just flashed me
) and arousal (
Oh my god, that was so hot!
)? That’s the look you want to capture. Flash him a few more times. You might even run your free hand along the insides of your thighs and push your skirt up just a little. Keep shooting the whole time.

Start to unbutton your shirt. One slow button at a time, so that he sees just a bit of skin, a hint of your lacy bra, and finally, the curve of your breasts. Make sure you get the shot of him when you finally open your shirt. Is he drooling yet? Running his tongue along his lips? Yes, he is. Make sure you capture all of those lustful looks.

As you continue to undress, remember, you don’t just have to take photos of his facial expressions. How else does he show his desire for you? Do his muscles tense up when he’s aroused? What do his hands do? Can you see his hard-on pressing through his pants? Take a couple of shots of that.

Keep shooting until you’ve completed the strip tease. Don’t be surprised if he’s naked by this time, too. You’ve worked him up by turning the tables on him and exposing yourself. So much so that he won’t even care about seeing the photos yet. He’s just going to want to lay you down and take his turn giving you his best shot.

When you’re done “clicking” with your man, you’ll want to take the photos you like best and turn them into the wallpaper on your (and his) computer. Every time you want to remember how much he wants you—all you have to do is take a look. And he can do the same.

Talk about a true photo finish...

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W
HY ARE MEN SO FASCINATED BY BAD GIRLS
?
A woman who’s exceptionally secure in her sexuality, who clearly relishes hot, sweaty flesh-to-flesh contact, whose very attitude says, “Just do me” — this woman will never lack for attention.

Your own mate, of course, is a gentleman and respects you too much to even look at another woman, no matter how naughty her behavior. Right? Right? And no doubt he loves the fact that you’re always a perfect lady. Still, there’s a part of him — and I think you know which part — that would like to see you act like those other women. Just a little... a smidgen... a teensy bit... nasty.

This is the week you’re going to do it! The best way to warm him up for it is to catch him in public — at his job, or with a group of friends — and whisper, so close that he feels your hot breath on his neck,
“You look really good today. And I have this incredible urge to fuck you.”

He will blush the deepest shade of crimson. “I just touched myself, and guess what? My panties are all wet.” His pulse just went off the charts. “Meet me at home. I want to see how many times I can make you come tonight.” Ohhhh, yes.

Don’t be shy. Remember, you share a bed with this man — you’re allowed to get down and dirty with him. And just wait until you see how aroused he gets when you do. As soon as he gets home, jump his bones. Tell him exactly what you want, in a language any sailor would understand.

“Oh, God, I nearly came in the car on the way home. Can you feel how wet I am? Oooh, that’s nice... Stick your fingers in me... Oh! Yes, just like that... I don’t know what got into me, but I just kept thinking about your cock all day. How it feels deep inside me. Oooh, and your fingers on my clit... Oh yeah, keep your hand right there, ohh just a little harder... yes... I think I’m going to come, ohhhh, I’m coming...”

His blood is now boiling. He might actually be speechless, but don’t let that stop you from talking – dirty, of course. Just like the secretly nasty woman you are.

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go eeeeverywhere!

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T
ONIGHT YOU
’
RE TAKING HIM ON THE ROAD
to
Great Sex
—Highway 101! You’ll be, uh, getting off at Teaserville....

Do you have some kind of countdown clock? A kitchen timer is ideal. Put it right in the middle of the bed, where your lover can’t miss it when he gets home from work. (After all, that’s where he throws his dirty clothes, isn’t it?
Men!!
)