101 Nights of Great Sex (34 page)

When you see her later, your tone is more sensual.
Hey, you look gorgeous today. Come here, give me a hug. And you smell great—is that new? Mmm, I think I need a kiss. And by the time you make it to the bedroom, you can be downright uncivilized. You know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking I want you to come. Yes, in my mouth, I want to taste your sweet juices. If I suck right... here... think you could come? You smell so good... I’ve been dreaming about this all day long...

It takes more than words to communicate in the bedroom. You might be having a good time, but if you’re quiet and still, she feels like a failure. So let her know how much you like what she’s doing! Moan, sigh, move, gasp, grab her and whisper y
es Yes YES OH GOD YES!

That’s a powerful reward for all her effort...

And a powerful incentive for her to do the same thing again!

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S
OMETIMES, GETTING A WOMAN TO SUBMIT
to lust is simply a matter of saying the right words. And sometimes—like this time—you don’t have to say any words at all.

Get your sweetie psyched up for this erotic encounter with a text message early in the day:
Been thinking about you.
Follow it up with another one:
Thinking of things I want to do to you!
Then send one more:
Be ready for anything tonight.

Get home before her and set the scene. The first thing she’ll see is an envelope with her name, taped to the outside door. The note inside says:
Go to the bedroom. Don’t say a word. Follow instructions.
The bedroom door has another note:
Close the door behind you. Go to the wall.

The room is dim, lit only by candles. Taped to the wall, about head high, is a hand-drawn sign that looks like this:

You don’t have to say anything. Just approach her from behind and nuzzle her neck. Run your hands down her body. Reach in front and open her pants. Tug them down, and then off. Leave on her panties—for now—and play with her bottom. Slip a hand between her cheeks. Feel the heat. Wrap your fingers around the folds of flesh underneath the fabric, and give her a gentle squeeze.

Now pull your hand away. Wait for a beat. Count one, two, three, then—SMACK! Swat her on the butt.
“That’s what happens if you take your hands down without permission.”
As long as she obeys, give her more massage, more kisses, more fingerplay through the panties.

Let your hands roam further. Feel her nipples turn to pebbles under her bra. Open her shirt and then slide your hand under her bra. Press your body against her backside; let her feel your hard-on jamming up against her. Pull the panties down, just a little, just enough to let your erection slip between her thighs. Now play with it. Stroke yourself. Women almost never admit it, but they get crazy hot when they watch their guy getting off, and here you are, jacking it right against her, just out of reach. She’ll be getting weak at the knees, dying to feel you sliding home.

Finally, it’s time to give her permission—no, to
command
her—to drop her hands, to use them on you, to take your hard-on and rub it against her clit, to guide it inside. Tell her to ride it, legs apart, face against the wall, bottom bouncing against your hips. Order her to come. Order her to make
you
come.

And enjoy giving orders while you can. Because we all know who’s
really
in command here.

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S
OME SAY CHIVALRY IS DEAD.
But tonight, you’re bringing it back to life! Chivalrous dating habits—bringing flowers, holding hands, carrying bags—may sound quaint to a modern, split-the-check guy, but what those traits really are is
respectful
. Women on every part of the planet respond to respect—it never goes out of style. Women also respond to spontaneity, so when you surprise her with your old-fashioned chivalry, she’ll undoubtedly have a huge surprise for you in return.

It’s easy to make fun of old-fashioned behavior. If you spend too many nights watching 70’s and 80’s sitcoms, you’ll start believing the world is full of super-independent, sassy mamas who’ll turn you into a punch line if you dare hold the door for them. Cue the laugh track! But that’s TV. Real women love gentlemen and are impressed by guys who keep doing sweet, thoughtful things
even after sleeping with us
. It makes you irresistible. It makes us, um, horny.

An ultra-romantic date requires both planning and assistance—and the best place to turn for help is
your sweetheart’s best friend
. Explain the following to her:

You’re planning a surprise. You need her help to get your sweetie out of the house Saturday. Your girl needs to get dressed and primped
at the friend’s house
, because you’re picking her up there.

Wow. All three of those things will completely impress the best friend (and make you a hero in your honey’s eyes). If this were a TV sitcom, she would say
awwww,
as would the audience.

Now, politely ask your baby for a dinner date. If your usual Saturday night is takeout on the sofa, she’ll be tickled by your invitation. And her sense of curiosity is going to get all twisted up when you explain that you will be picking her up at her friend’s house.
Holy Cow!
When Saturday finally rolls around, here is precisely what the two of them will be doing all day long:
shopping
. Picking out clothes. Getting makeovers. Talking about you.

Here’s what you’ll do. First, a haircut—not a ten-dollar one. Find a salon where they’ll give you a real once-over. They’ll trim the hair off your ears and nostrils. (Yes, you have hair in both. It’s gross.) One more thing:
Get your eyebrows waxed
. I’m not kidding. A decent salon will keep you looking manly but get rid of your strays.

Wash the car. Straighten up the bedroom. Put out candles. Pluck three roses’ petals, sprinkle them across the bed (Make the bed first!), and put two more roses on her pillow. Time to pick her up!

Sound hard? I’ll bet it’s no harder than when you were courting her. That’s the point. Like a true knight in shining armor, you’re putting serious effort into impressing your courtly maiden. And you’re going to succeed the moment she opens the door. There you are, looking better than ever, with your sharp haircut, shined shoes, best jacket, and a rose. Emotion will well up, and it will startle her to discover how much she’s missed you today. This process of arriving in a clean car to pick her up feels good. It feels amazing. It feels like prom night.

Dine with her at a pretty place, in a lovely area, but don’t park too close. Stroll with her. Hold her hand, walk along and let her tell you about her day. Take your time; listen to what she has to say. On the way back to the car, find a spot under a tree and kiss her. Tell her how pretty she is, that you missed her.

When you get home, ask her to wait while you run to the bedroom. Light the candles. Tell her to come in, and just... stand there. Let her soak it in. It’s an awesome sight—you, the flickering light, the roses. She might get teary; she knows you didn’t have to do this.
You had her at “hello.”
She’s already yours, but you’re putting yourself on the line like a high school crush, working your ass off, making her feel desirable, precious, loved.

You are
so
getting laid tonight. Not a gentlemanly way of looking at it, but hey, this ain’t television. Here in real life, you’re fixing to get some action.
Awwww.
Fade to black.

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A
LL TREASURE HUNTS REQUIRE
some advance work. Maybe that’s why women love them so much. There’s great presentation, plus a great present at the end of it all.

This little rendezvous is more of a pleasure hunt, of course. And the coolest thing about it is that you get a lot of bang for the buck. It’s extremely impressive, and it looks like you worked really hard. But, in fact, it’s pretty easy: a couple of phone calls, a little online shopping, a ding on the credit card, and you’re golden. She’ll get a sexy adventure she’ll be telling her friends about for years. And you’re set for an adventure in great sex.

Your first step is to let her know that something’s up. Spontaneity is great, but a girl’s gotta prepare, you know? So early in the week, send her an e-mail: “I know what you like. And you’re gonna get it this Saturday. Don’t make any plans after 4p.m.” (Didn’t I say I’d make this easy?)

Saturday afternoon, hand her favorite magazine and tell her, “Look inside. There’s a secret message waiting for you.” Now give her a kiss and walk out the door. What?! Holy Cow! A secret message in my favorite magazine? She’ll fly through the pages until she comes to your note which is taped inside: “HEY, STELLA, THIS IS IT! There’s a gift hidden in one of the bedrooms. Find it, and follow the instructions”.

Wouldn’t you just love to see her tearing through the house looking for her present? This is where your credit card starts to warm up, because the gift has to be pretty nice—a sexy teddy or lacy camisole. Laura Corn Shopping Tip for Men: A slinky robe is easy to fit, since they only come in small, medium and large. (They’re also easy to return. Just in case.) If lingerie shops make you feel a little uneasy, get something gorgeous from
VictoriasSecret.com
.

Your package must be gift-wrapped, of course. When she finally spots it, the first thing she’ll see is a big note that says:

“DO NOT OPEN! Bring this to the Sheraton on Broadway at 6 p.m. and ask for Woody Johnson. Your next big surprise is waiting there.”

Ohhh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, she’s getting more excited now. She’s got just enough time to get dressed and call all her girlfriends to tell them how cool you are. Once you get to the hotel room, send her a few texts—enticing her as she gets ready.

The hotel clerk will direct her to your room. (Woody Johnson!? I wonder if he’ll be able to keep a straight face.) The clerk will also call to let you know she’s on the way, so you can light the candles, turn up the music, and pop the cork. Now, can you just imagine what she’s got for you in return?