Anathema (13 page)

"Focus, Elizabeth. Shut down the white.
Smother it with the grey."

The glow at the end of my hands brightens and
spreads up my fingers as it usually does.

"Evan?" I whisper, horrified.

"I'm okay. Focus! That is the only way to
stop it from getting out of control."

"It keeps growing!" I shout. The white heat
is now the size of a cue ball, and I can feel the burning heat
radiating from it, something new.

"Imagine throwing a blanket over it and
smothering the flames,” Evan commands. “It will go out."

From out of nowhere, I feel a sudden tempest
whirl ferociously around me, whipping my hair wildly. The wind
howls and beats at my body as I imagine a huge black, wool blanket
in my other hand that I keep flipping over the glowing orb,
stifling the searing light. For a moment, I see a lightness burning
beneath the fabric’s weave, and part of me worries it will burn
through, but at once the light smoulders away. My vision goes to
gray.

Still, I feel as though my entire body is on
fire; the pain lances my temples, jabbing sharply. I fall over and
collapse to the floor.

"Elizabeth!" I hear Evan scream distantly,
and I want to answer, but worlds slip past me as I drift down a
river of blackness.

"Elizabeth, can you hear me?"

Even with my eyes closed, the world is
swirling around me unpredictably, and I struggle to control the
growing nausea. The voice hurts my head all the more, and I try to
roll away from it, but the hands won't let me go—won’t let me slip
back into the grey haze that seems to have wrapped itself around
me.

I just want to drift to sleep. What's so
wrong with that? I try to push the hands away and murmur, "Go
away."

"You have to snap out of this. It's the magic
in your body. It's rejecting your control and trying to smother you
in return, Elizabeth. You have to fight the lethargy.

"I want to sleep," I mutter, closing my eyes
more tightly, as if that will do the trick. Maybe Evan is just a
part of my dreams, and I can will him to disappear.

"I know you want to sleep, but you can't. Not
right now." His voice is urgent, and he starts shaking me so hard
the peaceful feeling of relaxation completely dissipates.

"Wake up!"

I open my eyes and immediately regret it as
the light from above burns into my eyes. I know they shouldn't
burn; the lights aren't that bright. But I know what I feel. My
eyes water in response, and I start to sit up.

"You might not want to do that," Evan warns,
holding me down.

"I don't understand. You're the one who
wanted me up in the first place."

"Yeah, well, if you sit up too quickly,
you're likely to get dizzy and take a nose-dive right back to the
floor."

Yeah, now that he mentions it, my head is
really spinning, and it hurts like hell, so it’s probably a good
thing I'm still just lying here, waiting for the world to clear up.
I brush my hand over my eyes, trying to clear the haze.

"What happened?" Although my vision is still
cloudy, it's easier to make Evan out, and I can tell he's
frowning.

"You were able to work with the power. I saw
the energy forming in one of your hands."

I look down at the unbandaged one,
remembering the heat surging there. It's creepy, really. "I
didn't...attack you or anything, did I?" I ask, sitting up.

"No. The power was building but you were able
to control it well enough."

I brush the hair from my face. "I wasn't sure
I was going to be able to. It scared me."

"I know. But you did fine."

He reaches out and offers me his hand. I take
it and struggle to my feet. "What happens now?" I ask in a voice a
lot less casual than I feel. As I take my first step, I stagger and
almost lose my balance.

"First, we get you home and let you rest.
This kind of training can be pretty tiring, and if we aren't
careful, that power will overwhelm you if you don't have enough of
a defense in place."

"And then?"

Evan nudges me toward the door. "We'll talk
about tomorrow when tomorrow comes, Elizabeth. There's no sense in
borrowing trouble when we already have more than enough to go
around."

Chapter Nine

Both Evan and I are quiet pretty much the
whole drive home, but I’m willing to bet neither of us can escape
thinking about the Triune and the future. It’s a beautiful, cool
night, and I’ve rolled the window down to let the air touch my
skin. Right now, pretty much everything makes me feel
claustrophobic.

When we drive up, I park behind Jimmie’s old
truck, and Lev is already on the porch. Part of me wonders if Evan
let him know we were on our way home or if he’s actually been
sitting there most of the day, waiting. He has his hands deep in
his pockets, and the late afternoon sunlight seems to collect in
his skin and glow. Without a doubt, he’s the most beautiful being
I’ve ever seen. I just can’t seem to figure how anyone else could
miss what he really is. It seems so obvious.

Before I can even get out of the Jeep, Lev is
already walking down the steps toward me. His lips are drawn into a
neutral line, and I can feel the tense energy flowing from him with
each step. He almost passes Evan without a sound but Evan reaches
out and grabs his arm.

“There’s no point in worrying. She’s fine.
Nothing happened.”

“Yeah.” Lev’s tone is clipped, and he pulls
away so he can get to me. His gaze sweeps up and down my body,
probably looking for signs something went terribly awry. When none
present themselves, he gently grips my shoulders and takes a deep
cleansing breath that he lets go.

“I’m fine, like Evan said,” I murmur, staring
into his blue eyes.

A small smile tugs at his lips, and he
finally nods. “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” He released his hold
and slips one arm around me. He starts to lead me inside when I
stop and let Evan go pass front of us.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, immediately
tensing.

“Nothing. I just thought it might be nice to
take a
walk
. It’s cool, and the air carries that earthy
smell of autumn I love.” I lean against him and smile, contented by
the feel of his shoulder supporting me.

“A walk,” he muses, watching Evan slip
inside. “I think we can manage that.”

“Good.” Together we head down the street.

“How did it go?” he asks. His voice still
sounds edgy, and I know he’s worried.

“Well, I didn’t injure Evan or myself, so
that has to be a plus.”

“I take it you discovered the power center,
then?” He stares ahead.

“Yeah. It was kind of unsettling, and it made
me think of things I’d rather not, but it was okay. You do what you
have to, right?”

Lev doesn’t answer. I know his take on all
this. He doesn’t agree with any of it, and he’d rather just try to
protect me from the future. Trouble is, the kind of future coming
my way isn’t something he’s going to be able to stop.

Ahead, I see the entrance to the neighborhood
park, a perfect place to unwind and leave the stress behind for a
little while. Right now I’d love nothing more than to be a kid
again, but I’m going to have to settle for the next best
thing—acting like one. And since the place is deserted, it looks
like I have every opportunity.

Lev spots my destination. He shakes his head
and laughs. “Why am I not surprised, Elizabeth?”

“You know me too well,” I retort and slip
away from him. “Race you to the swings.” Knowing a head start is
the only chance I’ve got, I pump my speed into a full run.

“You want a race, you got it!” Lev shouts
from behind me. At first, I can hear him chasing me, as though he
is completely silent—at least until he zips past me in a furious
rush of wind I could never catch, no matter if I had a half a mile
head start. Still, that doesn’t keep me from running as fast as I
can. It only makes me start laughing, which really slows me
down.

By the time I get to the swings, Lev is
already sitting in one, flying well into the air, and I grin,
knowing how much like a kid, he doesn’t look in this body. But his
smile is so filled with joy, I know a kid must be buried in there
somewhere.

“You could have let me win,” I argue between
gasps, leaning against one of the support poles.

“What fun would there be in that? You’d have
known I was pretending and would have hated it. You can’t win
against an angel, Elizabeth.”

You got that right
, I think, shaking
my head as I wait to catch my breath.

“What’s the matter?” he asks in mock concern.
“Can’t stand running?”

I shake my head. “It’s a good thing you’re
swinging because I’d have to hit you for that one,” I grumble,
irritated by his suddenly playful attitude.

“You’d have to catch me first.”

“Nobody likes arrogance!” I snap, finally
able to stand upright and breathe normally so I can get into the
swing. “Just keep that in mind.”

“Will do,” he agrees pleasantly.

I shake my head, aware my grumbling is lost
on him. The frustration probably comes from remembering him as
Scott sometimes—you know, the cop who irritated the hell out of me.
I know when Lev was acting that part, he didn’t mean to anger or
hurt me, but that doesn’t change what I felt. I’ve thought about
how things went a thousand times, and I should have known better,
but I guess it’s always easier to believe what is right in front of
me than what takes time and faith. It all goes back to me not being
a patient person.

As I slip into the swing, Lev is still
soaring through the air, his long legs ungainly as he flies back
and forth. It doesn’t take long for me to match his pace and height
so we swing side by side. Then again, I know Lev.

“You helped me again, didn’t you?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Maybe a little.”

“Figured.” I glance up at a sky that right
now is on fire with the sun. In a few hours, that brilliance will
simply fall off the edge of the horizon and night will return. With
the dreams. It seems half my life has been measured in dreams. I’d
actually settle for a night of just plain boring sleep from time to
time. Then again, I guess that wouldn’t make me Elizabeth Moon,
would it?

Clouds summersault over each other as they
lazily spin across the sky in a parade of amazing shapes. I used to
love making shapes from them when I was a kid, and even though
Jimmie had a million other things he probably needed to do, he
would always take the time to play with me. It was so cool.

Good memories.

I lean back in the swing and start really
propelling my legs, trying to boost myself higher, without Lev’s
help. I still like to do things myself, you know, and I’ve never
quite outgrown the magic of a swing. I guess that’s why I like the
park so much. It reminds me of all the best parts of my
childhood.

“What are you thinking?” Lev asks, and I open
my eyes to find him slowing down and stopping so he can get out of
the swing.

“How much I used to think swinging was like
flying.” I eye a sparrow overhead as it swiftly wings toward a
nearby tree.

Lev nods. “Yeah, I guess since it’s the
closest thing for humans, I can see that. But you’ve been with me,
Elizabeth. Does it still seem so similar?”

I shrug. “Oh, I don’t remember,” I say in a
coy tone. “I haven’t been in a while, you know?” I stop pumping my
legs, and the swing starts to slow.

Lev grins. “Oh, really? It’s that hard for
you to remember?”

“Well, I am a mortal.” I wink at him. “And we
are prone to forgetting things. What we do remember isn’t always
right, either. Or have you forgotten?” My swing has almost slowed
to a stop, and again I’m thinking Lev has had something to do with
it.

“You’re helping again, aren’t you?”

He nods. “Well, you are a feeble mortal and
all that, right?”

“Feeble?” I jump out. I guess I should’ve
estimated better because I pretty much land on top of him. Lev is,
of course, more prepared than I am; without effort, he reaches out
and catches me.

“See what I mean? You can’t even get out of a
swing without running somebody over,” he says with a wry grin.

I always feel small compared to him. He
towers over me, and I’m not short. Maybe part of it is I know what
he really is, that no matter how long I know him, it doesn’t change
how amazing he is. My skin burns with the feel of his hands on my
arms, and I find myself speechless as we stand here.

“What’s the matter, Elizabeth?” he softly
taunts, stepping closer. “Caught off guard by a wayward angel?”

I can feel my breath getting more and more
shallow. My heart is jack hammering in my chest. “I’m always taken
off guard by you.”

“As I am with you,” he whispers. He strokes
my face with the back of one hand and leans close to kiss me. I
close my eyes, waiting to feel his lips, and when they touch mine,
I’m lost in all he is.

I don’t know how long we linger like that. In
some ways, it feels like an eternity. In others, it’s never long
enough. It’s like we’re only complete when we touch, and I always
want to be near him, and when he pulls back, I open my eyes and
wait for my heart to slow. I find him staring at me, a strange
smile tugging at his lips.

“What are you staring at?” I whisper.

“You, of course.” He brushes my hair back. “I
could look at you all day and never grow tired.

“I think you must be paying for some kind of
mischief. Otherwise, why would you be stuck with me?”

He shakes his head. “God wanted me to learn
how to love humans, remember? You taught me that lesson well,
Elizabeth. It’s your fault.” He winks at me.

“Maybe, but I’ll never be sorry.” I lean
against his chest, my head tucked beneath his chin, my favorite
place in the world. It’s the only place I seem to fit.

“Me, either.” I linger there, in the safety
of his arms, imagining his wings furling around us, cutting off the
rest of the world. I know if I could have any wish, that would be
it—for my world to be simply that inside Lev’s wings. I don’t want
to feel this power inside me or realize the future could mean more
than change; it could mean pain and death, all the things I’ve
tried so hard to avoid.