Authors: Genevieve Jourdin
Whoa, that sounded a
little vicious. Am I violent now, too? My mind started racing again, just like
it did in the hospital. Maybe I did something crappy to someone and this was my
punishment. I didn’t really know myself, did I? But then, why would Carter want
to be with me? He’s a good guy. He’s helpful in the kitchen, he’s good looking,
and he is a damn good kisser. He already sounded better than anyone else I can
remember dating. Oh, the irony.
Hmm. He
smelled good and he hadn’t even showered yet. He was still wearing his tee
shirt and sweats. That’s something else I should add to the plus column. Nice
smelling. You never really think about how important that is until you date
someone with B.O., but that’s another story.
“Justine, we’ll get
through this. Who knows what you’ll remember next?” He released me to grab a
bowl for the eggs. I took it from him without saying anything. This morning was
really giving my emotions a workout. First the sex dream, then the memory, now
back to square one. It was getting pretty hard to take. We stood there
silently, cooking our breakfast, and when everything was done we sat at the
island and ate it. Well, he ate his while I pushed my food around the plate.
All of this pretty much without talking. Strangely, it didn’t seem weird. It
felt really homey.
I stood to
clean up after we were finished, but Carter stopped me.
“What
would you like to do today?” The question caught me off guard. I had been
planning to look through my pictures and email, but now I was thinking about
getting out of the house. I needed something relax me; I had had a rough couple
of days.
“Um, I
hadn’t really thought about it. What would I usually do on a Monday?” He paused
as if thinking about it.
“I don’t
really know. I’m usually at work.” Well, so much for that avenue of
information.
“Maybe we
could go to the farmer’s market or something. It’s a nice day.” I looked out
the window as I said this and noticed the sun was actually out.
“Sure, we
could do that.” I couldn’t be sure if he was happy about the prospect or not.
“Whatever you want. Today is all about you.” He gathered up the dishes and
started rinsing them off. I would have helped him, but I didn’t really feel
like cleaning. I wanted to be lazy and self-indulgent. At least for today. I
watched as he put everything away and I quickly occupied myself with staring at
my fingernails a second before he turned around.
“I’m going
to take a shower; you decide what you want to do.” He leaned forward like he
was going to kiss me then veered to the side and walked past. What the heck? I
was almost expecting contact now.
Lucy was
hanging around my feet, waiting for her own breakfast, so I got her some food
and watched her while she ate it. Dogs didn’t have these kinds of problems. How
was I supposed to function in society with only a partial knowledge of my life
and even less knowledge of my job?
There was nothing left
for me to do in the kitchen, and the only thing I could think to keep myself
occupied was straightening up my bed. I had never realized how boring life
could get if you didn’t have set plans in place. This wasn’t like a day off or
even a vacation. At least during those times you focused on doing things that
weren’t
part of your everyday routine.
As I couldn’t remember my everyday routine, there wasn’t anything in front of
me but endless stretches of
nothing
. It
made me feel useless.
I heard the shower
running as I passed the bathroom door. It didn’t take much to start imagining
Carter on the other side, naked. It caused a bit of a tingle in my stomach, so
I paused there, like a creepy stalker, listening for any kind of sound. Hey, it
might help nudge my memory or something. After a few seconds, when I didn’t
remember anything helpful, I started to feel slightly dirty, so I went along to
the bedroom, straightening the covers and fluffing up my pillows.
By the time I had
finished I heard the shower go off. I didn’t want to run into him in the
hallway so I sat on the bed, waiting for him to go back out to the kitchen. He
didn’t. He came out of the bathroom in a towel. I took a breath. Oh. My. God.
Literally. We are talking Greek god here. My eyes locked on his chest for the
second time in twelve hours.
How on earth
do I not remember this?
Why would I want to forget? My eyes drifted lower
and I forced myself to look to the side.
“Sorry, I thought you
were still in the kitchen.” He strolled into the completely unconcerned that I
was sitting there gaping at him. It made me wonder if he usually walked around
the house wearing next to nothing. I hoped so. For after I get my memory back,
I mean. Right now I was just a perv.
“No problem, let me get
out of here so you can get dressed.” I hopped up and shot out of the room,
closing the door behind me. I made my way back to the living room. How had I
never noticed how little there was to do in my house? I just went from room to
room without any purpose. I missed being needed at the restaurant. I hadn’t
thought about it much, too many other things to worry about, but now I let the
sadness in. I couldn’t remember all the stuff Cheryl had told me about
happening, but I believed her. It was just hard to realize that I wasn’t
officially a chef anymore, not in the truest sense of the word. I felt lost.
Carter emerged from the
bedroom looking totally put together in a brown pullover, dark wash jeans. “Are
you ready to go? It’s still early.”
I looked at the clock. It
was just after eight. Early for me, anyway. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” I
walked out the door after grabbing my purse and stopped at the driveway. Should
I drive? I didn’t really want to, but I thought I should at least offer. “Would
you like to go in my car?”
Carter
shook his head. “Uh, no that’s okay. I hate your driving.”
I stopped
walking. “Excuse me?”
“Well, you punch the gas
and mash on the brakes constantly. I can’t relax in the car with you.” I wanted
to feel insulted, but this was not the first time I had heard those exact words
to describe my driving. I decided to be the bigger person and let it slide.
“Fine, you
drive. Where are we going?”
“The
farmer’s market. That’s the first thing you said so I figured that’s where you
really wanted to go.” I nodded and waited while he unlocked the car doors.
“I know
you probably think it’s stupid to want to go there, but hey, we can find
something for dinner.” I loved the farmer’s market, all the choices and all the
people. Plus, I couldn’t live without the goat cheese from my favorite seller.
“Not at
all. I like going there, too. It’s full of happy memories.” Huh? He has happy
memories of the farmer’s market? Weirdo.
We sat in
silence as he drove down my street and onto busier roads. Everything looked
perfectly familiar to me. I felt like my old self. “Thanks. I really needed
this.” I felt about the farmer’s market like other women felt about the spa.
Utter relaxation and happiness.
“My
pleasure.” He smiled back at me and for the first time in days I felt really
good. We walked around, looking at what was on offer, which wasn’t much since
it was a weekday. I walked to a table with an enormous pumpkin in front of it.
I had forgotten that it was already autumn, which meant it was closer to
Thanksgiving and piles of food. My mood was getting lighter by the minute.
“What
would you like me to make tonight? Pick anything here.” I was feeling
magnanimous as I stretched my arms out to encompass the entire market.
Carter
thought for a moment. “Asparagus risotto?”
I nodded
and backtracked to the longhaired guy who had the super-thin asparagus that was
out of season. “Five pounds, please.” It was much more than I needed, but they
looked so good I wanted to have some on hand. My mind was already trying to
formulate a recipe for the extras. Carter pulled out his wallet to pay for them
before I had a chance to and took the bag.
“Thanks.”
I remembered I only had about fourteen dollars in cash and I wasn’t sure if I
had anything in the bank. That might have been an embarrassing situation just
now. I needed to check out my bank account when we got home.
We walked a little more,
but my cheese guy wasn’t there, so I made do with the asparagus and we headed
back to the car. I was happier than I had felt in days. I reached out for
Carter’s hand. He looked surprised but took it. I felt an electrical shock run
up my arm and I also saw a picture of Carter in my head and I was telling him
that I loved him. Oh my god. I was telling Carter I loved him. At the farmer’s
market.
I stopped walking. “Carter.
I just remembered something.”
“What?”
“I told
you I loved you here.” His eyes got wide. He started squeezing my hand almost
painfully.
“Yes. It
was the first time you ever said it to me. Right over there.” He pointed down a
few more spaces. My breathing was coming fast.
I told him
I loved him for the first time at the farmer’s market? Aren’t I the romantic
fool? I felt slightly embarrassed, but that feeling was far outweighed by the
excitement of my memory.
“Let’s go
home, I want to look at pictures and see if I remember anything else.” I tugged
him along to the car, and when we got there he paused before opening my door
for me.
“One thing first.” He
paused and pulled his hand from mine and moved it up to my face. “I love you,
Justine.” He didn’t try to kiss me, but I was too happy to care. I was
remembering
.
I didn’t know if I was
supposed to say it back. Technically, I wasn’t feeling
romantic
love toward him right now. I felt grateful, even extra
friendly, but I don’t think the lust from this morning would really count as
love. I stood there mute. He opened my door still smiling. I guess he wasn’t
feeling too slighted.
He went
around to his side while I sat there trying to dredge up something else.
Dammit, I couldn’t remember on demand. That’s okay, though. I had already
remembered two things today and it wasn’t even noon. He put the bag on the
floor in the small backseat area and got in. He looked happy. Really happy.
“I’m glad we came here,”
I said as we pulled out. Not only did I spend some time perusing the offerings,
but I had to admit I had a good time with Carter. He didn’t even complain once
at all the time I spent fondling vegetables.
“Me too. I
told you I had good memories from here.” That’s right, he had. I’m glad I
didn’t know what they were earlier; the pressure probably would have prevented
me from remembering a thing.
We drove home without
talking, just like before, but this time I was feeling much more positive.
Chapter Eleven
I sat in happy silence. I
was happy because, well duh, I was finally remembering some things. Carter was
happy, I could only assume, because I remembered where I had told him I loved
him for the first time. I wasn’t entirely sure how I was feeling about that. I
remembered saying the words, but I couldn’t feel the emotion behind it. That
really sucked. On the plus side, though, I hadn’t remembered anything else
about my life, but I had already remembered two things regarding Carter.
For the first time since
waking up in the hospital, I really wanted to remember my relationship with
him. I wanted to remember
being
with
him. Age really wasn’t coming in to play as the deal breaker I thought it would
be. He didn’t seem that young to me anymore. He wasn’t too young unless you’re
like fifty. Shoot, even someone fifty years old would find Carter hot. I hadn’t
thought of him as Cheryl’s brother, either, which helped matters immensely.
“Do you want to stop for
some lunch?” His voice interrupted my thoughts. Did I want to eat? Hell yes,
remembering was hungry work.
For the first time since
I woke in the hospital, I didn’t feel a moment’s hesitation about spending time
with Carter. I would be a liar if I said that it had nothing to do with
thinking about sex with him. I had been thinking about it quite a lot since I
woke up this morning. It was unusual. I really didn’t think about sex all that
much. I mean, I liked having it and all; it just wasn’t something I spent too
much time worrying about. I had a feeling sex with Carter was going to be
something worth thinking about.
“Well?”
Carter’s impatient voice broke into my musings. I realized that I hadn’t
answered him out loud.
“Oh, yeah.
I could eat something.” I wanted to scarf down a few tacos or some French
fries, that usually made me feel good, but I didn’t want to look like a pig in
front of Carter. For some twisted reason I wanted to appear dainty. I saw a
Wendy’s up ahead—they served salads! “Why don’t we just drive through at
Wendy’s?”
“Uh,
okay.” I guess Carter had somewhere else in mind, but I was anxious to get home
and look through my pictures. He pulled in and got in line. I looked at the
menu board. Mmm, the burgers and fries were calling me, because even though I
mostly avoided beef, sometimes the lure of a cheeseburger was just too strong.
But I wasn’t weak.