Authors: Genevieve Jourdin
“Thanks
for cleaning up and for saving lunch.”
He nodded.
“No problem. I’m sorry about earlier. I promised myself that I would give you
time, but you leaned into me and I … well, I’m sorry.” He remained standing
where he was so I went back to measuring out my rice. I wanted to pretend
everything was normal, but inside I was in turmoil. When were things going to
be right?
I put the lid on the pot
and turned on the burner. He didn’t move. I guess he was waiting for me to say
something else, but I had nothing. I looked at the clock on the stove, twelve
thirty. Cheryl would be here soon. That would take some of the pressure off, I
hoped.
“I hope
Cheryl is hungry.”
“She is.
She called me while you were resting.” I appreciated the fact that he said
resting as opposed to hiding. “She wanted to know how you were doing and to ask
if you wanted her to come alone or to bring Paulo. He’s worried about you too.
I told her you’d let her know when you got up.”
“Oh, of course she should
bring Paulo. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. I’ll call her now.”
I went over to the table and dug my phone out of my purse. She picked up on the
first ring.
“Justine?” she questioned
happily.
“Hey
Cheryl. Carter just told me you called. Of course bring Paulo; I’d love to see
him. I made tomatilla enchiladas, I know he loves them.”
“Have you
remembered anything?” she asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure what the whole
Carter’s mouth thing was earlier, so I just told her no.
“Well,
I’ll be leaving here in about five minutes. I’m just making sure everything is
in order before I go. We’ll be there in about half an hour, okay?”
“That
sounds great. See you soon.” I disconnected the call and felt better. Spending
time with Cheryl and Paulo was something normal. I could remember that. Maybe everything
would be okay after all.
“Can I
help you with anything?” For a moment I had forgotten Carter was standing
behind me.
“I’m good,
thanks. Cheryl and Paulo will be here in about half an hour.” I didn’t know
what else to say. We obviously needed to talk. We had a lot of things to
discuss, not the least of which was where he would be staying tonight, but now
was not the time, I was about to have lunch with my friends.
I set the timer for the rice before I made my way back to the
living room. Lucy was still on the couch, rolled up in a little ball so I sat
down beside her and stroked her soft fur. She shifted under my hand and I felt
a bit better.
I looked over at the
bookshelves again. I had just given them a cursory glance when I got home, but
now I took the time to notice the changes. Small metal figures were placed in
random areas, interspersed with books. I got up to look more closely. They were
beautiful. Some were shaped like people, alone and entwined. One looked like it
was made of liquid. I had to put my hand out and touch it, almost surprised
when I encountered a solid object. I knew they belonged to Carter, were made by
him, even though I had no recollection of them. I had seen other, similar
pieces in Cheryl’s parents’ house. They added a nice touch to my living room. I
had never been much into decoration, in fact, my home was pretty minimalist.
Not utilitarian, just simple. That’s the way I had always liked things. Simple.
I moved along the wall
and came to what I thought was a lamp. It wasn’t, well, maybe it was, but the
base was a large glass bowl, and inside were two angel fish, a white and yellow
one and a black and blue one. I had never felt the need to own fish. They
didn’t give you love, not like a dog or even a cat. They just stayed in their
bowl, swimming in circles. I touched the glass and the black one zipped to
where my finger was. It was like it was trying to say “Hi”. A second later it
swam off and I remembered that fish only have a three second memory. I could
relate.
I wanted
to scream. Perhaps that would loosen something in my mind. Without a second
thought I opened my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs. It felt
liberating until Carter flew into the room with a look of terror on his face.
“What
happened?” He took hold of me and gathered me to him as he looked around.
“Nothing,” I responded,
ashamed of myself for giving in to such a childish desire. “I was just
frustrated.” He released me slowly, but not before I felt his heart pounding. I
felt bad for frightening him and for forgetting I wasn’t alone. Lucy was
standing up on the couch looking around in confusion and it made me feel even
worse.
“You
scared the shit out of me, Justine.” He ran a hand through his already
disheveled looking hair.
“Sorry,” I
whispered. I seemed to be feeling that a lot today. We stood there for what
seemed like a long time, but really was only a few seconds. I was happy to hear
the timer on the stove start beeping.
“I need to
get that.” I made my way around him, leaving him standing beside the couch. He
looked lost, too. At least it wasn’t just me feeling this way. I turned off the
burner and looked around. On closer inspection I could see that there were some
changes in here as well. There were orange and brown woven placemats on the table
and some kind of ceramic napkin rings holding real napkins. I was used to paper
napkins, it was less of a bother and I’m a busy woman. But, the look worked, it
was warm and inviting. I approved.
The
doorbell chimes jolted me out of my thoughts. Yay! Cheryl was here and I don’t
think I’d ever been happier to see her.
Chapter Seven
My smile was one of
happiness as well as relief. I could relax, if only for a little while. I made
my way out to the living room as Carter was opening the door. My smile got
wider as I saw Paulo’s dark head behind Cheryl.
“Cheryl,
Paulo, I’m so glad you’re here.” They couldn’t possibly know how glad I was
right then. I was still feeling foolish about screaming a minute ago. Just
thinking about that made me cringe. Great, now I was blushing, too. I met them
in the middle of the room as Carter took their jackets. Just like he lived
here. I reached out and gave Cheryl a hug and then Paulo pulled me in for
another.
“You doing
okay, honey?” he asked me in his Portuguese accent. Cheryl had met Paulo our
senior year while he was here on a student visa. They fell in love and he never
went back.
“I’m good.
A little freaked out, though.” I shrugged as I stepped back and motioned them
to come in farther. “Are you hungry? I just finished the rice. We can eat
anytime.”
“I can smell my favorite
enchiladas, Justine. You know I’m ready.” Paulo put me at ease immediately. I
was glad he had come along and I was also glad I had made the enchiladas.
Suddenly I felt that maybe everything
was
going to be okay. I took a deep breath as Carter turned back from the coat
closet and sent me a smile. A real one. Not one like he’s just humoring the
weirdo who screams out loud for no reason. I felt warm inside.
“Let’s
eat, I haven’t had anything since lunch yesterday,” Carter said this as we
walked into the kitchen, and I felt a tug on my heart. Even I had eaten and I
was the one who was in the hospital.
We all busied ourselves
with various tasks. Cheryl got drinks for everyone while Carter and Paulo set
the table. Once everyone was seated we started serving ourselves. I was glad
they were here. It just felt like family. Not like my family, which consisted
of only Gloria since my father had ditched her before I was born, but a close,
normal family that actually liked to be around each other. The family I had
always craved.
“So
Justine, any breakthroughs since you’ve been home?” Paulo asked.
“Uh no,
nothing.” I was embarrassed to admit to no improvement.
“She’s
only been home for a few hours, give her a break.” Carter was speaking to Paulo
but looking at me. I hurriedly looked back down at my plate and scooped up some
rice, shoving it into my mouth so quickly that some of the grains went down my
throat. I started coughing and grabbed for my water, gulping it down. I looked
up and everyone was staring at me.
“Sorry, it
went down the wrong way,” I croaked out. Why couldn’t I just be smooth for
once? I slowly brought a bite of enchilada to my mouth and daintily started to
chew. Everybody else went back to eating so I turned to Cheryl.
“How was
the christening?”
“Fine. The
parents went all out on this thing. There were almost as many guests as my
wedding. I hope they call me to plan his first birthday party.” The mention of
her wedding made me feel bad again. I didn’t know how many people came to her
wedding. That was something a best friend should know.
“How are
you coming with the cookbook?” Paulo asked between bites.
“I don’t
know,” I said stupidly. I looked at Carter and waited for him to answer. He was
probably the only one of us that knew.
“It’s
coming along. She’s pretty much figured out what she’s putting in there. We
were just talking about if she was going to make the food for the pictures or
hire a food stylist.”
Hire a food stylist for
my own book? I don’t
think
so. Then
again, I didn’t even know what recipes were in there so maybe I shouldn’t jump
to conclusions.
“Either way, my pictures
will make them fabulous.” Paulo was an excellent photographer whose work was
often featured in magazines, even so Cheryl groaned at his statement. “What?”
Paulo’s confidence was something that I was familiar with and that made me
happy. Things felt kind of normal in a weird “time moved forward two years
overnight” way.
Lunch
progressed without further incident and before I realized it most of the
afternoon had gone by in idle chatter about nothing in particular. It’s not
like I would be up-to-date on anything recent. That would have been cool on a
regular day, but I kept waiting for something to clue me in to the present. Nothing
happened and by four Cheryl and Paulo were getting ready to go home. I couldn’t
let Cheryl leave without having an important talk.
“Cheryl,
can I talk to you for a second?” I motioned toward my bedroom. “In my room.”
“Sure.” She followed me
and shut the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything’s wrong, but
I just needed to talk to you about Carter. What am I supposed to do?” I sat
down on the bed.
“Do about what?” She
looked confused.
“Well, I
mean, I don’t know where he’s going to sleep or anything. What am I supposed to
do with him tonight? I’ve never spent this much time alone with him before. I’m
running out of things to talk about.”
She looked at me and
didn’t say anything for a beat. “I don’t know what to say to you about this,
you
love
being around him. You guys
spend all your time together. You’re always laughing at some inside joke or
whispering between yourselves. I would feel left out if I didn’t have Paulo.”
I took a moment to absorb
that. We were one of
those
couples. I
couldn’t get my mind around it. I had
never
been like that in any relationship, not even in high school. It seemed like I
was a completely different person.
“But what am I supposed
to do with him
tonight
?” It didn’t
appear that Cheryl was getting the import of what I was saying.
“Have him
sleep on the couch. It’s okay, he won’t be mad at you, he’ll understand. Don’t
get yourself worked up over it.” She rubbed my upper arm. “Do you want us to
stay a while longer?”
“No,
that’s okay. I’ll be okay.” I said this more for myself than for her.
We sat there for a few
more seconds and then she stood up and walked back out to the living room. The
guys were sitting on the couch playing with Lucy who was burning around the
living room in tight circles with her toy gripped in her teeth. Carter looked
up when we came in but didn’t say anything. Paulo stood up and handed Cheryl
her jacket.
We hugged
goodbye and they were gone. It was just the two of us again. We hadn’t cleaned
the kitchen after lunch, just set the dishes on the counter, so I made my way
to put everything in the dishwasher. Carter followed me and pulled out a clean
dishrag as I started rinsing off the plates and utensils. I was nervous about
being alone in the kitchen with him after what happened earlier, but the dishes
had to get done and I couldn’t avoid him forever.
He wet the
rag and squeezed a bit of dish soap on it, and I thought he would be all anal
and pre-wash the plates or something, but he walked over to the table and wiped
it down instead. I put everything in the dishwasher and Carter put the
leftovers into plastic containers. I noticed we were a good team as far as
working in the kitchen. For some reason that made me extremely happy. We were
done in only a few minutes and I was stressing about how to spend the rest of the
evening, but Carter was ahead of me on that one, too.
“Want to
watch a movie?” he asked as I turned on the dishwasher.