Authors: Kerry Heavens
To fill the silence, he continues. He stares at me intently.
“We couldn’t pretend to be friends even if we wanted to. It’s still there, and you know it.” He smiles a tiny smile. “I know it’s fast and I know it’s scary, but I can’t be any other way with you. Not when I still…”
My hands leap up, one goes straight to my mouth, the other fleetingly opens palm out imploring him to stop speaking before shakily joining the other at my face.
He presses his lips together, abruptly ending the sentence and looks down at his hands. I feel awful for stopping him, but I can’t hear what I think he was about to say.
“Sorry. Too soon, I know.”
I try to steady myself to speak, still not sure what to say. I have to give him something. Deep down inside, the part of me that secretly still thinks about him all the time, is yelling, TELL HIM YOU FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY! But all the other layers on top…fear, doubt, pain, insecurity…are muffling the scream. I have been cheated on twice, stolen from and I didn’t even trust my own father. I’m not a girl who believes in ‘happily ever afters’ anymore. He is the only guy who has never done a number on me. My main fear is that if he is no longer a myth, he’s here, then he might let me down too.
I force myself to look into his eyes. He looks despondent. This relaxes me slightly; he feels uncertain too.
“I’m scared.”
“Me too.”
“But you can at least entertain the idea. I can’t. Not yet anyway.”
Shaking his head, he sighs. “I won’t say it again, I promise.” He looks at me with hope. My eyes sting with tears and he reaches up and touches my cheek. “We’ll give it some time.”
“Two weeks,” I affirm, my voice strangled. The two magic weeks that now keeps us at arm’s length from the reality of our future. After that, will he stay? Will he finish that sentence? Or will it all be lost? I must build up some defences.
“Okay, two weeks. I won’t say it again…but I’ll show you. I can’t pretend it’s not still there,” he insists, holding out one of his arms to me.
I manage a reluctant smile.
“Okay,” I yield and slide in under his arm as he folds me into a hug.
Eleven.
Liv.
Long-range foreplay.
The bar is heaving. I caught sight of Danny once or twice in between pouring drinks, but we’re slammed and I can’t even tell if he’s still down here now. I wouldn’t blame him for heading upstairs to get away. I wish I could be with him, it feels like such a waste. A hand slides around my backside, and it isn’t Max who is in front of me so I swing round in surprise, wondering which of my staff is groping me. Danny grins and holds up a handful of glasses.
“I can’t just watch; where do I put these?”
I grab his face in my wet hands and kiss him square on the lips. What a sweetie! I point to Josh who is collecting empties on the other side of the bar.
“Talk to Josh, he’ll sort you out,” I yell over the din. “Thank you, so much,” I call as he disappears. I turn back to take the next order, buoyed by his gesture. Shaking my head, I realise that in four years together, Mark didn’t even bring his own glass up to the bar at closing, never mind help out a little, and Danny pitches in on his first night here. I try not to get swept away by his chivalry.
Max sidles up to me whilst waiting for a card payment to authorise and, when I face him, he raises his eyebrows at me.
“Ten out of ten for lover boy!”
“Stop!” I laugh, but I can’t help blushing slightly.
I watch as Danny loads up a basket and heads to the kitchen. Swoon is more the word. It’s like seeing a good-looking guy with a baby. You would have noticed the guy for sure, but the baby is the deal breaker. Helping out in the bar tonight is like an aphrodisiac, as if I needed one! Max catches my eye again and we both fall about laughing. I’m such a sap, he knows it and I know it. Danny may as well have burst in like Patrick Swayze and said, “No one puts Baby in a corner.”
As things settle down slightly, I look for him in the bar. I’m going to take a quick break and I want to see him. He isn’t here, maybe he’s gone upstairs. I pass the kitchen and then have to stop and backtrack. Danny is being shown how the dishwasher works by Josh and they both look up as I enter.
“You should get him on the payroll, Liv,” quips Josh.
“Can he take a break?” I ask Josh, but looking Danny straight in the eye.
“Five minutes!” Josh jokes and takes his leave. I never take my eyes off Danny.
We stand in the kitchen, a counter between us, holding each other’s gaze. His lips curl up in a wry smile and he moves around to me. I meet him and he wraps me in his arms. We just look at each other. I can feel the change in the tension between us, but I’m trying to ignore it.
“We have a no-sex-in-the-kitchen policy here.”
“Hmm, the boss is a real ballbuster, I’ve heard.”
He leans forward and kisses the end of my nose. It’s a tiny kiss, very chaste but intimate, and it lights a fire in me. Apart from him before, I haven’t really had this sort of intimacy with anyone else. The men in my past have all been selfish. I’ve forgotten how it can be. I’d even begun to find it annoying in other couples, like it was some kind of weakness. I’d have scoffed if I’d witnessed us as a bystander.
Suddenly, I see what I’ve become, a bit hard around the edges and dismissive of romance, but only because I haven’t had it. At heart, I’m a serious romantic, but I’ve separated that from reality and learned to live with the type of romance the men in my life delivered. I’m forced to admit, Danny has the moves, I’m not sure he realises it though. He really doesn’t seem to be overly trying to impress me, it just comes naturally. But he is good! Flying here, great sex, dinner, more great sex, flowers, ice skating, lunch, a walk in the park and now helping out in the bar. Not bad for twenty-four hours!
I swallow my pride and go weak at the knees, like I’m supposed to. It can’t hurt can it?
“What are you smiling at?” he asks, bringing me back to him.
“You and your moves.”
“My moves?”
“Helping out tonight.”
His eyes widen.
“That’s not a move!...I’m hurt.” He reels back, clutching his chest in mock agony.
I laugh and pull him back to me. “It’s okay, I’m impressed.”
“I couldn’t just sit there, you were so busy. I can’t believe you would think that I had ulterior motives.”
“Well motives or not, thank you.”
“What else can I do? I don’t want to go upstairs yet. I want to be near you…and I want to earn my keep.”
“Do you have any experience?” I question, suggestively.
“Actually, yes. I worked in a bar for four years.”
“Well then, there’s loads you can do. Now kiss me, before my break’s over.”
He places his hand over my hair and draws me in to a deep kiss. I know I shouldn’t be doing this here, but I don’t care. Everyone will just have to get used to the new me if Danny is around.
I lead Danny behind the bar and over to Max.
“A new recruit for you, apparently he has bar experience,” I tell him. Max looks surprised.
“Well then, let’s see what we can do with you,” he provocatively muses and I leave them to it. I’m sure Max will be gentle with him and I’m hopeful Danny can take it if he’s not. Either way, I can’t have anything to do with it if we want to get anything done tonight. I look back and Danny smiles at me. God, he’s handsome.
I try very hard to get back to work. The lull doesn’t last and we’re busy right until the end. I keep my head down and just keep serving. Danny passes back and forth behind me, restocking drinks, collecting empties and such. Occasionally, he brushes me as he goes by, reminding me he’s there. I can’t believe how happy I am that he’s here. He seems to get into it and it looks like he’s really helping. Max gives me the thumbs up, and he’s notoriously hard to impress, so he must be doing okay.
I’m excited about this weekend. I grabbed five minutes with Max earlier and he’s got me covered, so I can take the weekend off. I feel bad, but when do I take time off? It wasn’t that hard to cover, Max hasn’t got to work any extra, which makes it easier. But I live and breathe this place; it’s hard to step away. I’m thinking of taking Danny to Brighton. We can see my parents and relax. I still have to run this by him.
After closing, Danny helps me bottle up for tomorrow. We let the staff go as we are almost done and Max makes us all a rum and Coke, we take them to sit in the garden so we can cool off while we drink.
“Thanks for letting me pitch in tonight,” Danny says enthusiastically. He obviously still has adrenaline pumping. The Bacardi will sort him out. It’s our routine.
“Well you have a job here any time. We could do with the help,” replies Max with a smile.
“Wow, you must have really impressed Max, he isn’t usually so enthusiastic about newbies.”
Danny stretches out. “I’d forgotten what a buzz it can be. I sit and stare at a screen all day, it’s nothing compared to this.”
“Are you tired?” I ask.
“Exhausted, but my brain hasn’t taken the hint.” He rolls his head round on his shoulders.
“Drink up, it’ll help you sleep,” says Max.
We all sip our drinks.
I look at my phone; it’s 1:45am. I sigh; I’m tired from my eventful day. Danny looks shattered, but he’s here, I’m here and I’m not tense for the first time in a week.
“This is bliss,” I say, almost to myself.
“I could get used to it,” agrees Danny.
Max shoots me a look that says did-you-hear-that? I haven’t had time to tell him all of Danny's revelations from today; I think if I had, he would be out hat shopping right now. I make a mental note to fill him in when I get him to myself, for now I settle with rolling my eyes at him.
“Well I think I’ll leave you kids to it,” he smirks, draining his drink. “I’ll lock up.”
“Thanks,” I wink at him.
“Night,” adds Danny and we watch him walk away.
I put my feet up on the arm of Danny's chair, and a few moments later Max comes back into view at the front door. He locks it and then pulls the gate closed, locking us in for the night. He waves as he walks away. I look back to Danny.
“Did you have a good night?”
“Great. Just to be with you was great…. Are we doing it again tomorrow?”
“Well, I thought I’d take the weekend off.” His face lights up. “We could go somewhere, maybe Brighton?” I add, with a hint of apprehension. I don’t want him to think I’m pushing it.
“Liv, are you going to introduce me to your parents?” he teases.
“Well…”
“As your old friend, or something more?”
I think for a moment.
“It’ll have to be as something more. I’m not having you sleeping in the spare room. Or we could stay in a hotel if you’d rather keep it quiet?”
His eyes widen and a huge smile spreads across his face.
“I think I like your first suggestion.”
“What? Stay at my parents, over a hotel?”
“If you’re going to tell them about us and sleep in the same bed with me at their house…sure!”
“Why?”
“Because telling them makes it real,” he says shyly. "If you’re prepared to do that, it means you’re giving us a chance.”
I look down at my hands to avoid his intense gaze. I’m trying to give us a chance, I'm just afraid. Telling my parents didn't seem like a huge deal, but I suppose it does make it real. I’ve no intention of hiding it though, whatever it is we have going on.
“It’ll be great to see them again,” he says, taking my feet into his lap. “What will they say?”
“About us? Fuck knows! I don’t even know what to say!” I laugh. “Did you tell your parents you were coming?”
“No, they’re on vacation, but I’ll call them when they get home. Jen knows where I am.”
“You’ll tell them why you came?”
“I’ll tell them I came to find you and I can’t leave."
“Just like that? Won’t they be worried you've gone mad?”
He laughs. “No, I think they’ll be relieved actually.” I furrow my brow and he answers my unspoken question. “You have been the unfinished business in my life for twelve years, Liv. They saw it. Jen saw it. I just refused to see it. They’ll be glad I’m doing something about it.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?” This is my biggest question.
“Then I’ll know…but I refuse to think like that." He can see my doubt. "Two weeks, remember?”
I offer him a tiny smile and then shiver.
“Are you cold?”
I nod. He puts my legs down on the floor and pulls himself up out of his chair. Holding out his hand, he stands over me. I place my hand in his and he lifts me up onto my aching feet. He collects our glasses from the table in his free hand and we drift back into the bar together. I check the doors and switch off the lights; he puts the glasses away in the kitchen. We head back out into the garden and I lock the back door.
As I turn, he’s right there and I bump into him. I laugh until I see the intense look in his eyes; he pulls me close, his lips hovering over mine. Somewhere within the aching exhaustion I feel, I have a desire to be touched…I inhale sharply, hoping the chilly air will wake my body up enough to find the energy. He looks deep into my eyes and brushes his lips against mine.
“I’m going to take you upstairs,” he whispers, “lie down beside you and hold you while we both fall asleep.”
Oh. My. God! That may just be the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me.
“You know just what to say to a girl.” I grin into his lips and they press against mine. It’s a passionate kiss, but I can surrender to it because I know he doesn’t intend to take it further. I give my all, pouring the last of today’s energy into my connection with him. When we break away from each other, my eyelids are heavy.
He leads me across the garden, tucked safely under his arm. I rest my head on his chest as I allow him to guide me. Inside, I summon enough energy to secure the door and enter the code. Behind me, he places his hands on my bottom and pushes slightly, propelling me up the stairs. I giggle sleepily. Once inside, I drop my keys, missing the table and dragging my feet, pour a glass of water and head into the bedroom. Danny picks out a couple of things from his case and I quickly use the bathroom.