Off the Cuff (13 page)

Read Off the Cuff Online

Authors: Carson Kressley

Let's start, for example, with a charcoal gray suit. Add one accent color in the dress shirt like pink, light blue, or lavender. (White is so boring!) The shirt could also have pattern, like a small gridlike windowpane, a faint herringbone, a tone-on-tone design, or it could be a stripe.
 
The tie adds pattern and dimension. When mixing patterns, it's all about complementary scale. The scale of the tie pattern should be bolder than the scale of the shirt pattern and should pick up color references from both the suit (charcoal gray) and the shirt (lavender, pink, or blue). It's as easy as e = mc
2
. You do the math! Now just add a white pocket square for a dash of formality, or choose one that coordinates with—but doesn't match—the necktie. It's a little too “I work at Avis” when it all matches.
Suits and Ties
Pastel suits.
They've gone the way of
Miami Vice
and Don Johnson's career
Shiny suits.
You never want to look like a walking baked potato.
Leisure suits.
It's an oxymoron, people.
 
Double breasted blue blazers with anchors on the buttons.
You are not the captain of the Good Ship Lollipop. Your blue blazer should be single breasted.
 
Bow ties with suits.
Just a little too Orville Redenbacher.
 
Cravats and ascots.
Unless you're trying out for the part of Thurston Howell III or are a member of a royal imperial court.
 
Novelty ties
 
Bolo ties
CHAPTER
6
It's a Wrap
JACKETS, SCARVES, GLOVES, AND HATS
YOUR OUTERWEAR (OR A GIGANTIC ZIT, SEE CHAPTER NINE) IS THE FIRST THING PEOPLE SEE WHEN THEY MEET YOU, SO PAY
attention. You could be wearing a barrel with suspenders underneath—hell, you could be
naked
underneath—but if you have a nice-looking jacket on, people are only going to say, “Heeeeey! Looking good!” On the flip side, an inappropriate jacket—like a casual barn coat over a beautiful custom-made suit—can shut you down like a bad Ferris wheel. You could be wearing the most gorgeous suit in the world, and if you throw on a bad coat, game over. It's like putting t-tops and fuzzy dice on a Rolls. To make it even easier for you, I, your personal fashion life coach, will now tell you the seven coats I think you need to own. It's that simple.
1.
A denim jacket. Why? Because it's an American icon. A legend. It's rugged, cool, and stylish. It's James Dean. It adds a nice twist to your wardrobe, and you can wear it six months out of the year. If you're a little dressed up and you throw the denim jacket on, instant cool. Plus—bonus, kids!—it's affordable because it's cotton: the fabric of our lives. The denim jacket is an amazing layering piece. It looks fantastic over a sweater or under a blazer. You've probably never done anything as crazy as wear a denim jacket under a
blazer, but it works. Just trust me. Sometimes you need to try the unconventional and just see what it looks like. If you hate it, you can put your Cliff Huxtable collectible Coogi sweater back on, but you might be pleasantly surprised.
 
Note to self (you, not me); You don't want to pair a denim jacket with matching denim pants, or you'll look like a denim-peddling ice cream man. But with just about everything else it looks fantastic.
 
Just like we talked about with jeans, you want to avoid the fashion denim jacket and steer toward something like a classic Levi's jacket. Anything that's shiny, coated, or anything that's been Be-Dazzled is to be avoided. And I know. I was addicted to Be-Dazzling for seven years. It's the great enabler—worse than crack cocaine. I don't even have any Be-Dazzled creations left to share. It's like dumping all the booze down the drain when you get sober: You have to get rid of it all.
 
Ah, but I digress. Back to your jean jacket. You should buy them basically true to fit, maybe a smidge larger than you'd normally wear because you might want to layer with a sweater. The armholes should be high, and the jacket should button snugly in the front. People tend to buy denim jackets oversized, but that's to be avoided, unless you want to look like an extra from
Saved By the Bell
or
Sixteen Candles
.
2.
A peacoat. Every man should have a peacoat in his closet. It's a classic, born of a great military tradition that's stood the test of time. And in my book, anything that manages to get from the military to the gay man's wardrobe has got to be good. Don't ask, I'll tell.
 
The classic peacoat comes in dark-as-midnight navy blue wool and is military inspired. You can buy the real thing from an army navy surplus store. Or you can buy a fashion version from a designer. The fashion version might be a little cuddlier and more comfortable, and might be leaner in cut. But it's your choice—either's fine.
Peacoats are warm and sophisticated, and look great with anything from jeans to a suit. They can be very dressed up or very casual. Guys look hot in them. Think of Marlon Brando in
On the Waterfront
. Hello! I came
this
close to joining the navy because of that look. I found myself at the recruiting office, only to learn that fashion options are somewhat limited in the military. “What is all this white after Labor Day?” I politely inquired. “It's the uniform,” the recruiter answered. “As in, dressed like everybody else?” I asked in horror. “No, thank you!” So I marched right out of there and over to Saks Fifth Avenue, where, lucky for you and our national security, I began a career in neckwear instead.
 
You might occasionally see peacoats out there in different fabrics and colors beyond basic navy wool. That's the thing about fashion; it's always reinventing itself. It's the designer's job to innovate—to dream up new interpretations.
 
You'll see peacoats in cashmere or leather or nylon. Those are all great options if you're going to invest in more than one. If you're just getting one, make it classic. Because after wearing that orange-nylon-and-corduroy peacoat you thought was such a fun twist on a fashion basic just a couple of times, you might get sick of it and long for a simple navy wool one.
3.
A windbreaker. You need to have the right outerwear for the right season, and for spring and fall, a windbreaker is a nice, light jacket that's going to do the job for you. One thing I hate to see is someone suffering from seasonal dyslexia—you know, wearing a fur coat and earmuffs when it's 55 degrees out. Now, I love sheared beaver as much as the next guy, but there is a time and a place for everything. (For more on that, see chapter nine.) A jacket is meant to keep you warm and dry and comfortable, and those needs will change from season to season. Your jacket shouldn't make you sweat like Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker at tax time.
 
I know I sound like a broken record, but when it comes to the windbreaker, it's really important to keep it simple. It should be light and lean and mean, and should do its job of chill chasing without detracting from
the rest of your look. A good windbreaker should be made of a lightweight luxury nylon—yes there is such a thing as luxury nylon, just ask your friendly sales associate—or coated cotton twill. I like a short, plain-front zip-up that's not too fussy, maybe with two slash pockets. (Those are pockets without flaps, people.)
 
While it's very tempting, especially in spring, to buy an orange or bright blue windbreaker, take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize that neutral-colored windbreakers are always going to serve you best. Remember that they have to work in both spring and fall. Navy, black, and khaki are all good choic
es. Avoid white because you can only use it for spring, unless you're planning on enrolling in a shuffleboard league in Boca.
4.
A topcoat.
This is the fancy overcoat you'll wear over a suit. Think about
Cary Grant and those classic suits he would wear. He
always
had a topcoat and he
always
looked cool. A topcoat is made to fit like a suit, because it
is
a suit. It's the third piece to a suit. (Or the fourth if you're Uncle Wiggly.)
 
You want to look for an overcoat made of natural fibers: wool, camel hair or—chaching!—cashmere if you dare, in a simple, conservative charcoal gray, navy, or camel. Beyond that, consider the exact same things you would look for in choosing a suit. (See chapter five.) A topcoat is just like a long suit coat made of thicker wool material. Inspect the buttonholes, the lining, the shoulder construction, the stitching. Just like on a suit jacket, the buttons on a good overcoat should be a natural material like horn, not plastic.
 
The sleeves of a topcoat need to be longer than your suit and your shirt, because they're meant to protect them. Ideally, your coat should extend about a half inch beyond your suit sleeves. As for the length, three-quarter length topcoats, which come to the knee, are acceptable only if you're on the shorter side, because a full-length coat will drown you. Men who are average height or taller should invest in a full-length topcoat, which hits from just below the knee to halfway down the calf. It shouldn't be so long that it restricts you in walking or makes you look like a friar going to vespers. Speaking of friars, you might want to avoid brown topcoats, so that nobody asks you for directions to the local monastery or for a spot of Frangelico.
Take Off the Labels, People!
If you are wearing an overcoat or a suit jacket that comes with an outer label stitched onto the forearm or wrist area, please put down this book and go clip it off. And for God's sake use a nail clipper and not scissors, so you don't cut a hole in your fabulous new coat.

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