Off the Cuff (14 page)

5.
Tell me about leather, daddy. (The leather jacket.) A leather jacket is an important addition to your closet because it adds just a little bit of ruggedness and flair to your look. It takes things from being just a little wimpy and adds a real toughness to them, which I love. And just like Asian women, good-quality leather will age beautifully.

6.
Nylon sports jacket or parka.
You should definitely have a warm, three-quar
ter-length sports-inspired jacket in a luxury nylon—something that resists the elements and can be dressed up or dressed down. This is the jacket you'll wear when you're casually dressed and the weather's truly inclement, and you might not want to wear suede or wool or leather.

7.
Trenchcoats
. Just because it's raining outside doesn't mean that you have to ruin a perfectly good outfit with a horrible trenchcoat. There's no need to look like a flasher or McGruff the Crime Dog. Invest in one good quality raincoat that's chic and sophisticated, not one in that horrible putty color that every insurance adjuster from here to Des Moines has on. And for God's sake don't let me catch you with the belts flapping in the breeze. It's just a sad, sad commuter look that is always the wrong answer.

If you can dream it, you can crochet it. And unfortunately, that's exactly what your great-aunt Tillie from Milwaukee did on her Knitaway—available from Ronco, free with the Be-Dazzler, circa 1979—when she gave you that multicolored scarf now hanging in your closet. (I have a storage unit full of Knitaways because I bought so many Be-Dazzlers, by the way. Hello? eBay?)

 

Great-aunt Tillie seems to be the source for most men's scarves. Scarves just seem to come into our lives. You don't realize how you get them, you just get them. They're like moles.

 

But just like everything else, you need to
buy
scarves. You need to have a classic, basic scarf. I recommend a black or gray
cashmere
scarf—it's a great introduction to cashmere at about $75. They're warm, chic, and sophisticated, and they look great with everything. You can wear them with a suit, with a casual sweater, or even jeans and a T-shirt. Those crazy multicolored scarves that you get from great-aunt Tillie? Those don't look good with
anything
.

 

The scarf is a big holiday gift, but inevitably you get the one you don't want. Time to go shopping! After the holidays there are vast quantities of scarves on sale, although selection might be slightly limited. But in most climates, that's just when you're going to need one, and you might hit a great deal.

 

If you can't do cashmere, look for merino wool or superfine lambswool. But whatever you do, keep the fibers real, just like everything else. Avoid scarves made of things like “cashmayre” or “cashmink” or “cashmina.” It's a plot to trick you. But alas, dear reader, you've got me on your side, and you shan't be duped.

 

Watch out for novelty scarves, too. If it lights up, plays music, is decorated with a keyboard, or is adorned with any Disney characters whatsoever, just keep looking.

Let's just come right out and say it: Mittens are for preschoolers. Yes, they keep you the warmest, but who really needs to be
that
warm? They also make you unable to do anything. Wearing mittens is a great excuse for never doing a thing. Witness the following.

 

“Could you get that for me?”

 

“Nope! Got mittens on!”

 

“Could you answer the phone?”

 

“No, sorry, mittens.”

 

“Could you drive tonight?”

 

“I'd love to, but I'm wearing mittens.”

As with all things, your best bet is to keep your gloves simple. If you find one classic pair you can wear with anything, you'll be set. If you work at a job where you wear work gloves to protect your hands, that's great, but those are not the gloves I'm talking about. For going out on a date or going out with friends on a weekend, what you want is a simple, real leather glove—ideally with a thin lining of wool or cashmere to add extra insulation without being bulky and lumberjack-y.

 

Gloves should be either brown or black. Think about your outerwear. If your coats are mostly black, get black gloves. If they're mostly brown, do brown. Now, was that so difficult?

 

For the record, matching your gloves and your coat does not mean you need to match your hat, scarf, and shoes, unless you're also carrying a handbag or you want to look like Lana Turner. In that case, it's fine, and don't forget to wear a mink stole. Otherwise, don't be so worried. It doesn't have to match. Coordinated, yes. Matching, no.

 

And we certainly hope you aren't using those clips that attach your gloves to your coat. If you need those, you're worse off than you thought.

Let's face it. The reason most men wear hats is not to look suave, and not to look sophisticated, but because they're having a BHD, the inevitable bad hair day. But look on the bright side. It's better than the no hair day. Still, hats shouldn't be worn just as a cover-up. Hats add so much
style
and flair, and they keep your noggin warm. I will warn you to proceed with caution: Hats can make you look absolutely fabulous or like a complete jackass. You can never go wrong with the basics, but I don't want you getting mixed up with designer fashion hats. The next thing you know you'll be subscribing to
Playgirl
.

 

Here's my list of some good hats…and some to avoid.

1.
Ballcaps. A ballcap can provide a cute sporty look in the right situation—say, it's the weekend or you're going to the movies. But please—puh-leeze—take it off when indoors. Just be careful that they're not overly logoed or gigantic,
with a huge rise. The closer your baseball cap is to a beanie, the better off you probably are. (See foam truckers under “Bad Hats.”)