Playing Well With Others (15 page)

Cons make for great eye candy! I love the variety of body shapes and sizes I see at events, and have been wowed at the costumes . . . and of course the spectacle scenes! Nothing says WTF like walking into a play space where there is a bishop spanking a schoolgirl, seven human dogs wrestling, four women in matching ball gowns having a quiet conversation in a corner, and someone hanging from ropes in midair. All in one space! I feel like there is room for everyone’s desires.

Cons, conferences, gatherings, festivals, and extravaganzas are great places to people watch, feel safety in numbers, connect with new people, and re-connect with friends you might only see once a year
atjour
event. For those who build a strong connection to a specific event, the loss of such an event can be traumatic, and changes to the event may be taken personally. Remember that events are run by people, and that the loss of that one presenter who got sick, or the cancellation of that panel discussion which you were so eagerly awaiting, doesn’t have to “ruin” your whole time. There are other things to choose from: make the best of this new opportunity to explore.

Remember — you can help make the event even more fabulous than the pre-set programming! For example, if you are a joyous exhibitionist, the con is a great place to show off. Craft your performance-based, high-production or theatrical scenes in advance, and have it become the scene others will enjoy and talk about year after year. Putting on a show can help create a sense of excitement for everyone at the event.

Kinky Camping, Runs and Retreats

Concept:
A kink event in the great outdoors. They often have a communal, immersive environment conducive to flying our freak flags and being our kinky selves away from the eyes of the non-kinky world.

What You May See:
Tent camping, cabin camping, folks having late-night conversations by the fire, outdoor dungeons, bondage in swimming pools, fucking on the grass, and slings hanging from trees.

What to Wear:
Sunblock and bug spray. Beyond that, the culture varies dramatically from leather and Levis camps to nudist to latex lovers’ retreats to full Gorean fantasy events . . . or just folks in shorts and tank tops. You may dress to impress, or you may end up dressing for the humidity.

Hints, Tips and Tricks:

• LOOk at the Weather report,
  but pack for all contingencies. Better to have packed that heavy sweater and rain tarp and not need them, than to be caught in a flood with only two leather jock straps and a collection of dildos.
  

• Ask What kind of Camping event it is.
  Is this solo cabins, tenting, shared cabins? Is it a fifteen-person family-of-choice gathering with light play in someone’s large back yard, or a huge affair with indoor theme spaces, programming, and hundreds of acres of land? Asking in advance will help you prep for success and also not be let down by a “rural, rustic and roughing-it” gathering when you were thinking “spa retreat.”
  

• Theme parties?
  Pack that extra toga, animal mascot costume, or dress leathers so that you can play along and make memories with everyone else!
  

• Consider making your Cabin
  feel like your home. A bit of decor can go a long way . . . but remember that whatever you pack in, you have to pack out. Coffee maker and air mattress — sure. Inflatable hot tub, fold-out dance floor, four sling frames and a complete light kit? Sure. if you are ready to do the work at the end of the week too.
  

• Please Note:
  Bug spray is helpful in the wilderness. But licking insect-repellent-laced flesh is not a great move. Consider a quick shower before that body worship scene.
  

  Some kinky camping events have programming that may not appeal to everyone, such as kidnappings/abductions, age play scout events, human pony festivities, and more. Study the program in advance, and if there are things you will not enjoy, see if you can be somewhere else when they happen. This may not be possible at all events (e.g. if the entire group does a big main ritual on Saturday night), and thus may help you decide if the event is good for you.
  

  Ask what spaces at the campout have specific rules, such as the dungeons, meal hall, or pool. Sex in the pool may seem sexy, but it is contrary to good pool hygiene in a group environment. And those chemicals can kill your friendly body flora. Consider having sex next to the pool instead!
  

Shopping and Swap Meets

Concept:
Shopping events, spaces or stores for kinky stuff, or with other kinky people.

What You May See:
Vendors hawking their wares, while folks representing all levels of alternative lifestyle involvement peruse, try out items (with clothes on), enjoy the eye candy, gather inspiration and shop the day away.

What to Wear:
Whatever you normally wear to go shopping! If the shopping space is at a kink conference or a fetish pride event, fetish wear may be encouraged. but otherwise, you are going into a shop, so wear street-appropriate clothing for coming and going from the shop or venue.

Hints, Tips and Tricks:

• Ask the vendor
  how a toy works, or if they have that hot outfit in your size. They are usually happy to help! This is a great way to actually feel how powerful a Sybian machine is, before you spend thousands of dollars on a high-tech industrial-strength vibrator.
  

• Get measured in person
  for special-ord er items (like chastity belts and corsets). Even if you can’t afford it today, if you know for sure you will be buying it soon, make sure it will be a good fit and work for you.
  

• Support
  your local and community vendors. Yes, you can buy that book online for fifty cents less, but shopping it “in the family” is a great way to build community.
  

• Check out the free table.
  Many kink shopping events have give-away areas that may be as simple as a table with condoms and flyers for local events, or far grander affairs.
  

• Bring your own shopping bag
  or toy case with you. Not all shopping events (especially kink swap meets) have bags to take home your newfound goodies, and you may not want to walk through the street carrying a whip.
  

• Please Note:
  Budget in advance. It’s easy to get carried away and convince yourself that you “really need” that inflatable rubber suit. Perhaps you do. But can you still make this month’s rent afterward?
  

  Check for quality. Is that item hand-crafted by a kinky artisan, acquired by a kink vendor who knows what it is going to be used for, or mass-made overseas with little to no quality control?
  

Pride Parades and Street Festivals

Concept:
Taking to the streets to celebrate pride in sexual identities, and conduct political activism and outreach through public exposure.

What You May See:
People on floats, riding motorcycles, or marching down Main Street, spectators cheering along, and often a big gathering with vendors and info booths at the end of the parade route.

What to Wear:
Dress to your level of “out.” You will see wardrobe varying from drag queens and dominatrices in elaborate regalia to folks wearing pride message shirts — and, of course, spectators in jeans and tank tops.

Hints, Tips and Tricks:

• Wear sunscreen and drink water!
  Pride parad es are usually held during the summer, and no one wants a sunburn or dehydration.
  

• Marching?
  Consider comfortable shoes, or at least a fabulous pair of boots that will enable you to march the entire length of the circuit and still be functional the next day.
  

• Spectator?
  Some really large pride parades are such productions that sometimes spectators show up the night before to set out lawn chairs, blankets, or arrive early to set up their pop-up tent, camera equipment and snack area. Others are much lower-key, with people making sure to show up early enough to have a good view of the parade and beat the rush.
  

• Please Note:
  Pictures will be taken. by random spectators and the media alike. If you are uncomfortable having your image out there, consider investing in a nice mask or fun makeup. Or dress casually and, if asked, feel free to underscore that you were there to support friends.
  

  Individuals of all ages may be there.
  All
  ages, from one month to a hundred years old. For many, this is an outing for both family of choice and family of origin. If you are bringing your child with you to a pride parade or street festival, be prepared to answer questions in their language and to their level of understanding. If you are uncomfortable being your fully authentic sexual self in front of random individuals, this may be a chance for self-reflection concerning public behavior. Opinions abound on this topic, and only you can decide what is best for you and yours.
  

  Party safe. Though many cities are more lenient around public nudity laws during pride parades and street festivals, this is not the case everywhere. Please think twice before engaging in activities that are not normally legal in your jurisdiction. it can be easy to get swept up in the energy of the celebration. This also includes, in areas where prejudice and injustice are part of the cultural environment, to consider attending pride parades as a group — the parade may have been so amazing that we forget not everyone everywhere is as inclusive and welcoming.
  

Most pride parades are for the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) community, but often have a kink, BDSM, or leather contingent (including heterosexual kinky individuals marching). There are a handful of kink-focused pride events, such as Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco — which in 2010 had over 400,000 individuals through the gates, huge vendor areas, parties in the city during the entire month beforehand, leather pride banners on the street lights of the city for a full mile, and dance parties that lasted late into the night.

Other kinds of street action take place as well. There are street sex-ed clinics, block parties, information booths on kink and alt sex at other types of festivals, and, occasionally, large political activism activities (such as marching on Washington, or protesting at state capitols).

It is very easy, while at a huge event like the Folsom Street Fair, to forget the entire city isn’t your pervy playground. SFPD will let a whole lot slide while people are on the fairgrounds. As the fair winds down at the end of the day, it is fascinating to hang out about a block away from the fair’s gated exits and watch the police handing out tickets the guy who forgot that a cockring and a pair of engineer’s boots just won’t cut it for the walk back to the hotel and the gal who just can’t understand why her labia piercings need to be covered up. Pace yourself, stay aware, and bring a change of clothes!