Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Brother
’
s
keeper
Ethan
They may have slept together a few times,
but I have the home advantage. I
’
ve
known her longer, better, deeper. I keep telling myself that, as I think the
time I will see her is soon.
Julian
is a fool if he thinks for a second that I
’
m just going to join forces with him and
let him touch her again.
She
is my wife, my yang, and when I see her, I will remind her of that. She will
always be mine, as I will always be hers.
I
ring Lily to speak to her, to let her know that the day has finally come, and
why we will meet soon.
She
calls me up after I leave two messages, and we finally talk. For the first time
in years, I am candid with someone about Vic. The fact that it
’
s Lily, makes it somewhat more important,
because she is my wife
’
s
best friend, and I know they share everything, so whatever I say, Lily will be
able to see if I am speaking the truth or not.
We
have been on the phone for over two hours when I ask her why she hasn
’
t hung up on me as promised. She pauses
and says,
“
Because,
against all odds, you do know her and I realize you love her.
”
she sighs and adds, sadly,
“
And I
’
m not certain she is completely over you
or will ever be...
”
“
So, you believe me?
”
I ask, almost incredulous.
“
Yes, I do.
”
she admits.
“
Will you talk to her?
”
I almost plead; not quite believing Lily
is turning to be my biggest ally is this damn mess.
”
I will.
”
she replies.
“
Lily, thank you. We
’
ve had our differences, but at the end of
the day, we do want her happy.
”
I say with sincerity.
“
We do. I will speak to her and tell her
what you said, but the decision is hers. I won
’
t pressure her for you Ethan.
”
she states in a tired voice.
“
That
’
s not what I am asking. Look, you know she
needs to be herself to be truly happy, and even if this thing with Julian is
real. She can
’
t
be her true self with him. Not until she has dealt with me, with us. We both
know I am right. Even if I lose her, she needs to come home
…”
I
wait, and I can almost hear her think, until she replies,
“
Yes, this needs to happen at some point.
”
They
talk a little more until she tells him she needs to go, he suspects Vic has
entered the room.
He
’
s exhausted. It
’
s been a long day, with Julian visit and
his bombshell, then the talk with Lily, but he can
’
t sleep that night. He keeps thinking of her,
of them and Julian. He can tell his friend has genuine feelings for her and
from what he
’
s
told him, so does she, even if apparently she has been very guarded with him.
She doesn
’
t
trust him. She doesn
’
t
trust herself to love again. And I did that to her, he thinks. I am
responsible. He needs to fix it, even if in the end it cost him his everything,
her
.
He
has been watching her from afar for years. She has a good life, ordered,
uncomplicated, almost simple; so very unlike her. He did that to her.
He
meant it when he said to Lily he would let her go after he
’
d help her regain herself, if this is what
she wants. If this is what she truly needs, he corrects himself. He wants her
happy, preferably with him, but he will let her go.
His
heart is already preparing him for the worst.
((~~!~~))
Men don
’
t cry. Men are not supposed to show
weakness. Once they have their heart broken, they move on.
Yes,
they move on to the next woman.
He
hasn
’
t
been able to do that.
There
was his son
’
s
death, then the scandal that ruined his political career, and then of course,
his wife disappearing from the face of the earth and his unrelenting search for
her.
With
all this, who has the time or desire to find the next woman?
That
’
s what he
’
s been telling himself for the past five
years. He hasn
’
t
touched a woman since she has left him. She left him because she thought he
had, that will be his punishment.
He
wants her so much. Still.
He
has been living like a recluse in his home due to being stripped of his
passport and exercising any public office job, as a condition of his plea
bargain sentence. He doesn
’
t
care that he still has some allies, that a vast part of his constituents still
support him in spite of his exposed flaws. After a few months of uproar, things
have returned to normal; after all, traffic of influence is close to patronage
and almost come as a requirement in the public mind. Pulling strings for
friends and supporters is not surprising, a little abuse of power is to be
expected when you elect politicians; they are not saints after all. It all
comes down to the pressure of the function, and it comes with the job. Maybe
one day he will run again for public office. He
’
s only been stripped of that right for
only 5 years after all. He is still young.
He
’
s returned to private practice as a
consultant for his own company, just to keep his mind occupied. To distract him
from his loss, and the emptiness it left in his life, and his heart.
Now,
he just wants her to come home.
He
can
’
t
sleep. He feels his heart ache.
He
thinks about his best friend and his wife. Curiously, he doesn
’
t feel betrayed. The shock and initial
anger have subsided. He feels almost relieved, it
’
s Julian and not some stranger she fell in
bed with for her return amongst the livings.
He
knows Julian will take care of her if she chooses him. The idea makes him sick,
but he
’
ll
still get to have her in his life, by extension. That is better than what he
had just yesterday.
Yes,
he
’
s
not going to fight with Julian, he loves them both. If she chooses him, he
’
ll just be there as a friend.
The
word is almost foreign to him. They have been so much more. So much.
Will
he really be able to distance himself and be her friend? Yes, I will, he tells
himself. I love her that much. I won
’
t lose her completely.
Denial
is powerful.
He
smiles.
((~~!~~))
The next day Julian arrives early in the
morning telling him that he spent a sleepless night thinking of their situation
and has come to tell him he will fight for her. Ethan, openly laughing, tells him
he expected nothing less and advises him to do his worst. He has the home
advantage, he reminds him.
Then
her call comes in, and both of them are left reeling.
They
talk more, and it
’
s
decided, they will remain friends no matter what happens. They are too
important to each other, been through too much and she is too important to
them. Both agree they will inform her of their decision, no matter what
happens, they both love her and it
’
s
time they deal with it as the men they are. They
’
ve all suffered enough, they know better
than to make the same mistakes again. Yes, it
’
s almost certain they will be estranged at
some point when the chip falls, but they
’
ll get past it, and eventually, they will
be in each other
’
s
life,
because of her
. They both remember too well, what their respective
lives are without her in it.
They
part ways, the air cleared, as friends as ever. Almost.
Almost.
((~~!~~))
Until today, he thought he understood
grief, had dealt with it when their son died, but now he sees that losing his
own child causes only one kind of broken heart, he sits in a rear pew of St.
Patrick, after seeing Julian the same morning, after her call. A mass has ended
hours ago. The church is empty.
Grief
and pain so bad, you think you
’
ll
die from it, so horrible you didn
’
t
know it could exist. Pain that hurt without visible wounds, that
’
s what he feels, so acutely.
If
regret is a religion, I am praying, he thinks.
“
God,
”
he says out loud,
“
Keep her safe.
”
Let
her be happy, and safe. What a funny request. Not, bring her back to me. Just
keep her safe. He is protective, always.
“
I
need to leave E. I need time
…”
her voice is still torturing him.
Take
what you need.
How
long is
‘
time
’
?
He
had let her go, almost against his will, but he chose her, her needs, once
again over his own selfishness, not knowing if or when she would return; not
knowing his heart would break.
Five
fucking years.
Now
his heart had broken.
It
wasn
’
t
the news of her sudden involvement with Julian. It wasn
’
t even his talk with Lily. Actually, that
conversation should have given him hope.