Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Before I know what I
’
m doing, I
’
m responding to the kiss, parting her
lips. Before I know, I have her pinned against her bedroom door, and we are
kissing passionately, hungrily. She is moaning into my mouth, as I am growling
into hers.
It
’
s overwhelming, like a sudden sugar rush
for a diabetic. I have to stop it. Yes, stop it before I forget myself. Stop
it, before I succumb to the urge to make her mine, because my life depends on
it.
“
No
“
I say, against her lips,
“
We
’
re not doing this, not like we did before.
Baby, we need to talk first.
”
I pursue, holding her shoulders, pushing her back, as
I breathe heavily, looking straight at her. She bites her plump bottom lip, her
chest is heaving and I can see heat, but also guilt, in her shinning eyes. I
think, we both realize our secret language is still very much at play between
us, filled with looks and touches that usually express what our words don
’
t or can't.
Even tonight.
We stare at each other, our eyes doing the
talking we can
’
t, yet.
Finally, she murmurs softly,
“
Goodnight E.
”
She pushes her door open, and retreats in
her room.
I go to mine, ours actually, as I still
sleep in the same bed, and I pour myself another glass of scotch, I notice my
hand is trembling.
As I catch my reflection in a mirror, I
think,
This is going to be harder than I thought
.
((~~!~~))
She is naked, in front of her bathroom mirror and she
examines her body. She just had a shower. A barely visible bump is starting to
emerge, in a few weeks the pregnancy will become prominent. She caresses her
tummy and thinks of her son,
their
son.
Luca Damien McGregor.
Tomorrow, she will go into his bedroom.
She is pretty sure Ethan hasn
’
t touched a single thing.
This is her home, their home. Still.
Tomorrow she will talk to Ethan.
The way he kissed her tonight, the way she
responded. It
’
s cause for concern. She is not over him.
Her body still wants him. There
’
s no denying it.
She is carrying another man
’
s child. His best
’
s friend child, yet for the first time in
years, she feels alive, and oddly at peace.
She is home
…
…
With her husband.
Yes, this is going to be harder than I
thought
, she thinks.
Julian
I am at home by my pool staring at the water and
wondering exactly at what point my life slipped through my fingers, when I
receive the call.
How I managed to lose both one of my
closet friend, and the woman of my dreams, almost in one breath.
Three months, that
’
s all it took, but depending on when you
ask me, it feels like a few seconds or a few years.
It all boils down to that moment.
That moment that seems to have been
brewing for years and reached completion in that instant.
When I met
her
.
That moment when our paths crossed at LAX.
That
’
s when.
From that moment on, my life would never
be the same.
From that moment, I
’
d never be the same.
Like quicksand, before I knew, I had no
control.
Before I knew, I was down a spiral.
Before I knew, it was over as quickly as
it began, leaving a trail of destruction as proof it ever happened.
I let her go five days ago. I told Ethan
she was his
…
…
And, it
’
s killing me.
((~~!~~))
Vi
She called him. Their first contact since she left LA,
just a few days ago, but it feels like an eternity.
This is her second day in Australia, and she
needs some courage to finally face Ethan, her past, and ultimately move on
…
return to Julian, to the life she wants
with him and their child.
That
’
s why she called him; hoping his voice
would give her the push she needs. Lord knows the man is incentive enough.
They have been on the phone for a mere
three minutes when he asked.
“
Why did you leave Australia Vi? Was it
really because of Ethan
’
s affair and what you did to him to
retaliate or because your son died and you couldn
’
t cope? I mean you told James you were
responsible for his death but
…”
She sighs heavily and in one breath
replies,
“
I left because it hurt too much to stay,
Every piece of this house hurt me, it was unbearable, the affair was really an
excuse people saw as the last straw and I let them think what they wanted. Now,
can you please just accept that I need to do this, but I
’
ll come back to LA as soon as I am done
here?
”
she pleads.
“
How much time?
”
he asks lowly, afraid of her answer,
afraid he
’
d blurt out she needs to be back today,
yesterday, because he misses her and doesn
’
t know if he can bear to know that every
day that passes by is a chance for her to rekindle whatever it is that is still
very present between Ethan and her.
“
One week. Saturday week, I promise. Then I
’
m coming back. We never finished our
conversation
…
There are things I need to tell you face
to face, and they can
’
t wait. One week Julian, that
’
s all I
’
m asking.
”
she replies eyes closed praying that
indeed one week will be enough to let go of Ethan, to let go of her past.
“
Ok. Let me know the time and I
’
ll come to the airport and pick you up.
”
he sighs.
“
I will. I promise.
“
she says, relieved she managed to buy
some time. All is not lost between them.
((~~!~~))
Julian
One week. She asked to wait for her one week. Then she
’
d be back. Then I
’
ll be able to breathe again.
I had been holding my breath for the past
two days now. She had left a message on my blackberry
’
s voicemail telling me she had followed my
wish and was going to Australia to see Ethan. But, she would not be staying,
she was coming back to me and she would ring me in a few days, so we could talk
about our future. Her words had been crystal clear, she understood why I sent
her away, but she loved me and she was coming back. To me.
I don
’
t know how I
’
ll get through the next 7 days, but
considering I
’
ve waited 40 years to meet her, I have to
believe, somehow, I
’
ll manage.
I just need to distract myself.
Because being in this house, alone, is
simply driving me crazy.
I
’
ve never been a patient man.
I should go back to work.
I should.
As I look at the shimmering water of my
pool. I grab my Blackberry that has been sitting next to me since she rang, and
press the #4, the speed dial number for someone who makes a living at keeping
me busy.
“
Ari?
”
I ask, knowing I
’
m probably waking him, seeing it is past
midnight.
“
Yes Julian,
”
he replies, unfazed.
“
I
’
m back. I need to work. I
’
ll do anything
…”
I say, surprising myself because I
actually mean it.
“
Anything?
”
he asks, and I can almost see the
grin on his face.
“
Yes. As long as it keeps me really busy.
”
I confirm, wondering if I
’
m not overextending myself.
“
Really Julian?
”
he sighs,
“
Because I have something in mind that you
’
ll probably say no to, but it would keep
you extremely busy
…
A blockbuster in fact, everything is ready
from the production team to the director, and the lead, but
…”
“
I
’
ll do it.
”
I interrupt him.
“
Julian, the lead is
…
-
”
he starts in a cautious voice.
“
I
’
ll do it, Ari. Count me in. When does filming
start?
”
I rush, interrupting him.
“
It can start tomorrow at 6 a.m. at
Universal studios, if I make the call, but
…
-
”
he replies hesitantly.
“
Make the call.
”
I say, before hanging up.
Ethan
He is in bed.
Their bed.
Still
.
His wife is home, -
finally!
-,
after five years of absence, and she is in one of the guestrooms.
He
’
s not thinking of the heated kiss they
shared a few minutes ago, and how her mere presence can still affect him so
much
…
He
’
s not thinking about what they will say to
each other tomorrow
…
He
’
s not even thinking about what they said
to each other today
…
No.
As he lies in bed, his eyes shut, praying
for Morpheus to take him into her loving arms, after the day of his wife
’
s return, he
’
s thinking of another period of his life.
When it all fell apart.
((~~!~~))
Some days should never be.
Hell, some weeks should never be! But who
am I kidding, we all have things happen to us we wish didn
’
t. For me, if I had to redo anything in my
life, the one thing I would ask would be for my son to be alive.
Then again, maybe the one thing I would
change was the night he was conceived.
No, definitely, his death would be the one
thing I
’
d change.
He would be almost 6 years old now, and regardless
of his mother and I relationship
’
s, he would be the most important person
in my life.
Vic arrived this morning, and neither of
us has pronounced Luca
’
s name, as if, if we did, all we both have
been holding back since she left, would explode in our faces. And it
’
s just too early for that.
Yet, as I thought of her every single day
since she had left, I also thought of our son, and the night he died.
The night I truly lost it all.
((~~!~~))
When I get to my wife that night I am numb, efficient,
on automated pilot, the rage only comes later.
After all, this is what distinguishes, the
great from the meek, the ability to remain cool under pressure, under the most
horrific set of circumstances. Ask Churchill.
That night, I see her, cold, dispassionate,
scary. She is in shock definitely; when she talked to Marina, when she talked
to the police, even when she talks to me. It
’
s frightening. I can see she is scared,
when she tells me what she
’
s done. I ask her to talk to me. She looks at me and
after a long silence, questions,
“
Attorney to Attorney? Wife to husband?
Parent to parent? How do you want me to talk to you E.?
”
I am stunned by the question and I reply
with the only thing that makes sense,
“
Vic, talk to me, as you always would. I
’
m your husband, and if there is something
you haven
’
t said about what happened to our son here
tonight, now would be the time. I know you haven
’
t told the police everything, I know you.
Please, baby, talk to me, I can tell something is
…
-
”
She cuts in, cold,
“
I killed him Ethan.
”
I feel a buzz in my ears, I feel myself
getting hot, and my eyes become blurry.
What did she say?
She looks at me, and I can see she just
doesn
’
t care, she
’
s not all there. I repeat her words,
almost on autopilot because my brain doesn
’
t seem to register their meaning, and say,
”
You killed Luca?
”
She nods, waiting. I think she is bracing
herself; she thinks I
’
m going to hurt her, almost wants it, if
the look she is giving me is an indication.
So I go to the fireplace, so I don
’
t have to look at her, and ask lowly,
”
How?
”
And she tells me how she ended up in bed
with Luca while reading, then explains how she woke up hours later, with him
against her body, dead, and already blue, the logical conclusion being she
smothered him while asleep.
She recaps how she sang to him and put him
back in his crib. How she went to Marina asking her to call me, and then how
she went to the pool almost deciding to drown herself in it before I got back
to the house, because she knew once I was there, not only the police would
come, but I would probably kill her anyway. How she didn
’
t want me to end up in jail for the
horrible crime she had done on her own. And that
’
s why she didn
’
t tell the entire and complete truth to
the police, to protect herself of course, but also me. But she is willing to
accept any punishment from me because she knows my son is everything and she is
nothing.
And with her words, it hits me: she didn
’
t kill Luca, but thinks she did.
((~~!~~))
Session 71.
“
My condolences Ethan
…”
starts Dr. Michaellson, but his patient,
whom he hasn
’
t seen in two months,
interrupts him with a single word,
“
Don
’
t.
”
as he lies down on the recliner, shutting
his eyes.
At least ten long minutes pass before
either men says a word, and just as the psychiatrist is about to get up and
check his patient hasn
’
t fallen asleep, Ethan whispers,
“
She killed him.
”
“
Excuse me?
”
asks the doctor, suddenly vividly alert.
“
She says she killed him.
”
Ethan says louder, opening his eyes, and
watching the man
’
s reaction to his words.
Dr. Michaellson
’
s eyes are wide, and his face is
displaying a palor that wasn
’
t there a few seconds ago, as he asks,
”
Ethan, first off, can you repeat what you
just said, just to make sure my ears are not deceiving me
…”
Ethan sits upright, his eyes not leaving
the doctor
’
s, as he repeats,
“
She said she killed Luca.
”
He can see the man in front of him swallow
a lump before he says, incredulously,
“
Your wife told you she killed your son?
”
“
Yes.
”
Ethan confirms in a strangled
voice.
“
Ethan, what are you saying? I mean, I read
the newspapers, as all of Sydney has, and natural causes were mentioned. Are
you saying
…”
the
psychiatrist starts, his voice still uncertain.
“
I had the coroner expedite the report.
”
Ethan interrupts him.
The two men look at each other, a range of
emotions displayed on both their features, until the doctor sighs, and says,
”
Ethan, you buried your son only three days
ago, obviously emotions are running high, maybe you
…”
The doctor says in a shooting voice, but
once again, his patient cuts in, saying flatly,
“
She told me the night he died. She said
she smothered him with her body when she fell asleep
…”
Ethan adds in a mechanical voice.
Dr. Michaellson is silent for a minute to
organize his thoughts. He clears his throat, and then speaks up.
”
Ethan, I think your wife visibly feels
guilty, responsible of your baby
’
s passing, but if she had smothered him,
there would be physical, forensic evidence and the coroner
…”
“
I told her
…
that night
…
to never say these words again to anyone.
I refuse to believe she could have hurt Luca
…”
Ethan blurts out, his voice steady but
far away, as if he didn
’
t hear the doctor speak.
“
She did not kill him. I
’
m not sure what happened that night, but
this I know. She didn
’
t kill him. She couldn
’
t have
…”
“
You weren
’
t there when it happened?
”
The doctor is surprised by this new piece
of information.
“
No. I was in the city. Emergency cabinet
meeting.
”
He states, shutting his eye for a moment
as he thinks of
the what if.
“
So basically, you only have her version of
the event
…
and the coroner
’
s report?
”
the Dr presses on.
“
She didn
’
t kill him. My baby died in his mother
’
s arms
…
while I was away, working
…”
Ethan says, unresponsive.
The doctor is wondering how his patient
can be so calm and detached about all this. Ethan reaction is way too
collected, and he seems to be protecting his wife, a killer, according to her
own words!
It dawns on the medical professional,
Ethan is not experiencing anger yet because the shock of the event hasn
’
t worn off yet, and he is in complete
denial.
The doctor tries a new angle, asking,
“
Since that night, what has she said? Does
she maintain
…”
“
She is not talking. Not to me, not anyone.
It
’
s like she died with him. Her family and
friends have been here. They left this morning, and she hasn
’
t said a word
…
No one can get her to talk
…
She hasn
’
t said anything since that night
…
I just don
’
t know how we are going to get through
this...
”
Ethan
’
s voice finally cracks.
The psychiatrist ponders for a while as his
patient peculiar situation really dawns on him, as he must take into account
the complex history of the two main protagonists, until he says in a soft
voice,
“
Ethan, you said she hasn
’
t talked ever since the event, but have
you spoken to her since that night? I mean, have you told her what you just
told me, what you believe, how you feel, anything really that would maybe help
you both reconnect as grieving parents
…
?
”
“
Well, I told her that night, I didn
’
t believe she harmed him, and that I never
would, but nothing since.
”
He sighs heavily, adding,
“
I had to take care of the police, the
coroner, the funeral, and she wouldn
’
t say a word to me or anyone
…
she is so cold, it scares me
…
I
’
m exhausted...I-I
…”
his voice is stumbling.
“
Ethan, evidently you are in dire need of
resting your body and your mind. I would suggest you do just that for next
couple of days. Then maybe, you
’
ll be able to find words for your wife
…”
the doctor sighs, a feeling of
hopelessness overwhelming him, he adds,
“
Take care of yourself first. This is an
extraordinarily hard time for you, and you will not be of any help to anyone,
least of your wife, if you can
’
t hold yourself together. Resting will help you. Call
me in a few days when you have given yourself a break from what
’
s been happening. It
’
s apparent, you haven
’
t had a minute to yourself since
…
and you need to breathe, even if only for
24 hours Ethan.
”
he says as gently as he can.