Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
He sees his patient nod, and adds,
“
Rest, and please try to come in next week,
so we can discuss what you said about your son
’
s death, and how to cope with the
implications.
”
(~~!~~))
Session 72.
42 hours later.
The doctor is surprised.
Not at seeing his patent return less than
two days later,- after all, he is going through an emotional crisis-, but by the
reason causing his return.
Ethan is angry. And that, is surprising.
He rang the doctor two hours prior,
stating,
“
I
’
m angry. I need to speak to someone or I
’
m going to explode. I can be there in an
hour.
”
The therapist has made an allowance for him,
because albeit his desire to help his patient in any way he could, truth be
told, he is also curious.
For the first time since they started
their sessions, when Ethan arrives, he asks if he can smoke, and the doctor
indulges him. He can see, the man in front of him needs to hang on to just
about anything he can at this point, so if a cigarette helps him, Dr.
Michaellson is all for it. He pulls an ashtray from his desk drawer and hands
it to his patient.
After inhaling, Ethan says,
“
She wants to leave.
“
he exhales, and adds, in a furious tone,
“
Can you actually believe this?!
”
but before the doctor can answer, he
pursues,
“
Luca is dead. She says she killed him. We
buried him last week. Last week! She doesn
’
t utter a single word for 10 days, and
now, she wants to leave! Un-fucking-believable!
”
“
Ethan, I can see that makes you angry. Can
you tell me what happened?
”
asks the therapist, as he watches his patient remove
his jacket and tie, and then lit another cigarette.
Ethan doesn
’
t respond. He just smokes. He is sitting
on a cushy chair today, right across the doctor
’
s desk, not the usual recliner he usually
favors. The two men just look at each other.
“
I cried yesterday,
”
he suddenly says with a trembling voice,
“
For the first time since that night
…”
Dr. Michaellson waits, but nothing else
comes.
After a long silence, Ethan whispers,
“
I fucked her,
”
The doctor raises his eyebrows,
“
You what?
”
completely blindsided by the calm tone of
his patient, and the words he just pronounced. The session is going in a direction
he didn
’
t anticipate.
“
I fucked her. She asked me to fuck her, so
I did.
”
Ethan affirms, in a clear, but low tone.
“
Ethan
…”
the doctor starts, but Ethan goes
further, describing the scene, the act, in a near clinical tone.
“
It wasn
’
t tender, it wasn
’
t about love, she asked me to fuck her, so
I took her on our bedroom hardwood floor. She still had a skirt on, and I had
my suit. She removed her panties herself. She begged me to fuck her. She used
the word, kept using it
…
I pounded in her. Hard. She kept
whispering
“
harder E, harder
…”
I couldn
’
t stop
…
I was so angry with her
…”
“
Ethan
…”
the doctor murmurs, as he is thinking of
the specific event that lead NSW Premier to consult him in the first place.
“
And I cried again when I was spent.
”
his voice is monotone, dissociated.
“
We were on the floor
…
and I looked into her eyes, and there was
nothing there
…
as if she was a mannequin
…
and I cried...
”
“
I didn
’
t even realize I was crying until I saw
her face get wet with my tears
…
Then I got up, and left her there
…”
The doctor clears his throat, before
saying in a shooting voice,
“
Ethan, it is painfully clear you are exhausted, your
mind, your body
…
maybe some time away to mourn your son in
peace without emotional constraints will enable you to regain some footing
…”
“
I can
’
t leave her. I can
’
t crumble now
…
she needs me
…
I
…”
is replied in a shaky voice.
“
Ethan, you said, she wanted to leave
…
maybe a few days apart will do you both a
world of good,
”
he sighs, as he sees his patient pale
under his tan.
“
Because from what you just described, both
you and she have internalised your grief, and it seems only anger is seeping
through, whether it is verbal or sexual
…
In any case, it isn
’
t healthy and I believe will only make the
situation worse than it already is
…
if that
’
s even possible.
”
the Dr. punctuates.
He watches his patient, his face showing
without artifice the helplessness he feels.
“
Ethan, I understand you want to be there
for your wife, evidently
…
but it seems to me you are not helping
her or yourself at all
…
Hmm, if you don
’
t get any rest, physical and mental
…
you
’
re going to crash down, and what good will
that be to anyone? You must rest.
”
the therapist adds gently.
((~~!~~))
Session 77.
“
She
’
s gone to London
”
he declares, slumping on the cushy chair.
“
Oh?
”
says, the doctor, eyebrows arched.
From the last three sessions, it appeared
his patient and his spouse haven
’
t exchanged anything but bodily fluids,
and he wonders how this sudden turn of event came about to breach the status
quo they seemed to have reached.
“
Yes. Last night, when I went home she was
packing her bags. She left today.
”
Ethan replies calmly.
“
And, you are okay with her leaving? No
anger this time?
”
the therapist asks, quite surprised.
“
Well, it
’
s been a month now since the funeral, and
it
’
s not like she
’
s not coming back, she just needs a little
bit of time
…
We talked, and agreed, spending some time
with her brother might be what she needs at this point, because all we do is
fuck ever since
…
Anyway, she is not herself. Being away for
a while might be the best and only option
…”
“
You talked and agreed?
”
the doctor repeats, still amazed at his
patient
’
s calmness.
“
Well, at first I was shocked to see her
packing when I arrived home, but yes we talked. She still loves me
…
she just need some time
…
.
”
he sighs.
“
Truth be told, I am glad she actually said
something after all these weeks of silence
…
if she needs to be alone for a while to
get her bearings back, I have no choice but to accept it
…
it might be the only thing that saves us
…”
“
All right, so what
’
s next for you?
”
“
Well, I will keep on working, maybe rest a
little more as you recommended
…
Yes, her leaving might be the best thing. I don
’
t know why I resisted it so much at first
…
Fear I guess
…”
“
And, you are no longer afraid?
”
“
I think, my focus has changed. I
’
m really trying to put myself in her
shoes. I see being here as we are is just not going to do much good
…
she needs to find herself again, and I
know we still love each other so, we will find our way back to some sort of
normalcy when she returns. We
’
ll both be more rested and able to deal with Luca
’
s absence.
”
The therapist is simply shocked by Ethan
’
s clarity, and his patient is now laughing
as he says,
”
You should look at your face! I guess,
after all this time talking, I
’
ve finally reached a breakthrough!
”
“
Yes indeed, yes indeed.
”
The Dr. replies with a small smile,
adding,
“
but the work is never just done Ethan. I
think you know that?
”
“
Yes. I know when she returns, it
’
s going to be something else
…”
his patient states, aware of what lies
ahead.
((~~!~~))
Session 81.
“
When she
’
s away, it
’
s like a part of me is missing. She is a
part of me, the better part.
”
he says with an eerie voice.
“
Ethan your wife has left you, she is not
just away
…”
say the
physician.
As of the previous week, Ethan has
established his wife has vanished in Europe and obviously doesn
’
t wish to be found. He
’
s hired investigators to track her down to
no avail so far. And to top it all, she is apparently ill according to the
medical reports he has received.
“
I will find her, or she will come back to
me when she
’
s ready. I haven
’
t lost her
…”
his patient declares with determination.
“
Ethan denial is powerful,
”
the doctor says, trying to infuse to his patient
a sense of what his happening to him.
“
She might never come back at all. Her
disappearance was obviously very well planned since your own investigators are
employing the term
‘
vanished
’
. It
’
s a powerful word Ethan. I really think
you should admit to yourself that your wife has left your life and your
marriage.
”
“
Never,
“
Ethan says, as he gets up, and walks out
of his doctor office.
((~~!~~))
Session 86.
“
My life is spiralling out of control
…
First my son, then my wife, now this
…
.my heart is empty
…”
He sighs.
“
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
”
he asks, his voice filled with anguish.
"Ethan, this is a safe place. Do
not hold back
…”
the Dr.
sighs,
“
The loss
you suffered is enormous
…
I
’
m not here to judge, but to help you
…
first your son, and in the following
weeks your wife, that
’
s a
double loss in a very short period of time
…
and now with the scandal, your career
seems to be in tatters
…
you are
barely hanging on, when anyone else would already been shattered
…
so you are allowed to let yourself be
vulnerable in this office, it will stay here
…”
says Dr. Michaellson.