Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Almost doesn
’
t
count
…
Vi and Julian
Ethan hands her the phone, saying with a steel voice,
“
Call him. Talk to him.
”
He sits across her, watching her, adding,
“
Baby, you have to tell him. The longer you
wait, the harder it
’
s going to be. Whatever you decide, I
’
m here, but I won
’
t lie to him
…
not about this
…”
Her shoulder slumps, as she dials.
“
Hello?
”
says a feminine voice.
She is shocked, but before she has a
chance to utter a word, she hears his voice say,
“
Hello?
”
She whispers,
“
It
’
s me.
”
He is silent, until he finally says,
“
Hi,
”
She can tell by the silence he is
uncomfortable, but so is she.
And it
’
s no wonder after their last exchange ten
days ago.
“
Hi,
”
she replies, not knowing where to start.
Hearing a female voice answer his cell phone threw her for a loop, she is
feeling the stab in her heart. The idea of him having moved on with someone
else is painful, more than she ever imagined.
His voice brings her back to the present.
“
Where are you? Still in Sydney?
”
his voice full of hope, maybe, just maybe
she calling him to tell him she is coming home, to him,
finally
.
“
Yes.
”
she sighs.
She knows he is disappointed, she can
almost feel his pain. She owes him an explanation.
“
I miss you,
“
she starts, hoping, he
’
ll know, all isn
’
t lost for them, regardless of whoever is
taking up his time these days.
He remains silent, which worries her.
“
Julian, things are
…”
she timidly adds, but he interrupts her,
“…
Complicated. Yes, I figured, since you
have been there for weeks!
”
he almost yells at her. He is angry and bitter.
She cringes as if she could physically
feel the sting of his anger. It would only be worse if she told him why she was
still there, he simply wouldn
’
t understand, but before she can figure out how to
tell him, he says,
“
Vi? Listen, I think it
’
s best if we don
’
t speak anymore. You know, cut our losses
while we still can...
”
he sighs,
”…
To be honest, I
’
m still doing it because I can
’
t help it, hearing your voice
…”
he clears his throat,
”
Every time it pulls me in, but I am
shattered every time the conversation ends, because I know you will never be
mine. I think it
’
s time I face reality, and forget my
friendship with Ethan, as well, as meeting you. It
’
s killing me, slowly but surely. This
little death I can
’
t
cope with it, so we need to cuts ties, it
’
s better for everyone. I thought I was man
enough to accept this situation, but I can
’
t
…”
he exhales loudly,
“
My birthday is coming up, and I want to
turn a new leaf. I need to. The little life I have left in me, I want to
enjoy...
”
his voice trails, his sadness seeping
through.
She remains silent. She wants to tell him
…
tell him what? That she loves him, but
also loves Ethan? That she is carrying his child but yet can
’
t bear to leave behind the man who has
actually given her Luca? That she can
’
t accept things are what they are between
them?
Tears are silently falling on her cheeks,
and Ethan
’
s figure is becoming blurry, she whispers
“
Ok, Julian.
”
and let the receiver fall, as she knows
nothing short of telling him she is on her way back to LA would satisfy him,
and that is the one thing she can
’
t say, yet.
((~~!~~))
Ethan
I have been watching her for the past 48 hours, since
the last phone call, and there is only one conclusion: she will never be mine.
Not as she used to anyway.
Don
’
t get me wrong; she will always have a
part of me, and me of her, this I know for certain. And so does she, this is
why she is still here.
I also know that we love each other, maybe
even more now than we ever have.
Yes, being here with her, I see, it will
be easy for us to fall back into any of our old patterns. We could be happy,
even.
Yes, we could be very happy.
I know it and she knows it.
Her tears dried, and she told me Julian
broke it off completely, so he is officially out of the picture. She told me he
was with another woman and while it surprises me, I am almost thankful, but I
can
’
t be, not really.
She is back being herself, sensual,
sexual, solid, but I see a sadness in her eyes, and I know, no matter what I
do, it
’
ll stay there every time she
’
ll think of him. Only Julian can fix this,
I can
’
t.
I wished for it, and now that it
’
s happening, I should be glad to have my
wife back, but I realize with that one phone call, Julian has a power over her
that I never had.
He can break her.
The very same way she can break me.
I
’
m not sure either of them even knows it,
but I can see it clear as day.
And that
’
s why she
’
d never be truly mine again.
I
’
ve put her though hell, and she survived.
Not that I ever doubted it. I
’
ve always known Vic was strong, stronger than me
anyway, and because of this knowledge, I wanted her to be completely mine because
I knew the minute she would decide to leave me, there wouldn
’
t be anything in this world that could
stop her. History as proven me right.
She always said to me,
“
Loving you is a choice Ethan, and I always
assume the choices I make. Until I make new ones.
”
Such rationality in face of my passionate
and incontrollable need of her. Yes, the Yin and Yang theory perfectly applied
to us.
I see it also applies to her and Julian.
Loving him is not a choice she is making, it just is, the same way loving her was
for me, and like me, she has no control over it, and this is what will allow
Julian to break her.
Knowing Julian as I do, I know he is
making a rational decision here, leaving her or loving her, it is a
controllable choice for him. Not so much for her.
In their story, she is me, and Julian is
her. She is my One, and he is hers.
The situation would be laughable if we
weren
’
t the active protagonists.
But we will survive it all.
And, survivors, we all are.
((~~!~~))
Ethan and Vi
They are on the large daybed by the pool, interlaced,
watching the sunset.
Ethan asked her to join him; he wants to
talk to her. They had a heated argument the very same afternoon, and have been
avoiding each other ever since. But he is calmer now, and his mind is clear
about what needs to happen next between them. He
’
s been dancing around it for two weeks,
but it simply can
’
t be postponed further.
When he takes her into his arms on the
large chaise longue, he holds her tightly, caressing her hair, thinking this
might be the last time they
’
ll ever share this intimacy. The heated words they had
this afternoon, just prove to him he
’
s reached the right decision.
They lay together enjoying the breeze of
the beautiful evening, just enjoying their closeness, the silence comforting.
Finally Ethan starts,
”
I will always love you but you need to
leave.
”
He feels her body become stiff, and adds,
“
It
’
s
the only way you are going to be truly happy. With
him.
”
He sighs,
“
Love is about what you do, not what you
say, so I am doing: I have to let you go, let you be. You love him, we both
know you do, and he is the one you need to be with. Not to mention you are
carrying his heir
…“
he
chuckles, picturing in his mind Julian
’
s surprise at her condition.
But his smile dies when he sees the tears
in her eyes. He knows she is thinking of him,
of them
. He holds her
closer to him, and as his hand rests on her stomach, he says against her
forehead,
“
We lost a child, we
’
ll never really get over it, but we got
through it, we survived. I can
’
t deny you the chance to love again. To be a mother. I
want that for you. You could do it here with me, but I can
’
t do this to Julian. I can
’
t do this to you. This is the best for the
three of us. He needs you, and you need him, so I am going to be the better
man, and let you two be
…”
She felt the sadness in his voice, and his
tears slipping on her forehead falling onto her own face as she looked up
trying to meet his gaze, but he wouldn
’
t look down and his eyes were fixated on some
distant point above her head.
He kissed her forehead and pursued,
“
As long as you somehow allow me to be in
your life. I think I can cope with seeing you with Julian and knowing you are
his.
”
This time, she lifts herself up. She wants
to see his eyes, she needs to; and when she does, as he is holding her on top
of him, their eyes locked onto each other, their faces less than a few inches
apart, she realizes Ethan loves her, more than she
’
d ever known him able to, and is giving
her the most generous gift he ever could.
“
You really mean this.
”
she says, more as a statement than a
question.
“
Yes, I do.
”
he says, adding sheepishly,
“
Oscar Wilde said,
“
To have become a deeper man is the
privilege of those who have suffered
”
I want to be believe I have grown as a
man, Lord knows I have suffered
…”
his voice trails off in a sadder tone.
She kisses him. She knows she shouldn
’
t, but doesn
’
t care. She loves him,
too
.
The kiss isn
’
t tentative. It
’
s loving, passionate, languorous and
demanding, and unrelenting, a testament to their relationship.
Soon her blouse is unbuttoned and he is
unclasping her bra, while her hands are fumbling with his belt, their mouths
never parting.
"Vic
…”
he pants. Gasping for air, his voice is
thin, weak, and yet full of desire. He hates the sound of it. He might as well
be begging her. He doesn
’
t think he can stop, not when she is
kissing him like this. She is as intoxicating as ever
…