Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Ethan is silent, playing with his
wedding band, and thinking of
her
, and suddenly, his shoulders slump,
and he is silently crying.
“
I can help you Ethan. For you mental
health, your sanity, you need to process each event and then deal with
it, not all at once
…
but you
have to let me give you some tools
…”
the Dr. watches his patient cry and he
feels discouraged.
“
Have you spoken to anyone? Are you still
trying to find her?
”
he
tries to deflect the feeling, focusing.
“
Yes,
”
is said in a murmur
“
Ethan, let the professionals take care
of this, for the time being
…
I
’
m going to ask you to focus on coping with the life
without your son, you need to grieve him. What
’
s happened with your wife, we
’
ll determine later if you need to go
through a grieving process
…”
“
I lost my son
…
how is anyone supposed to cope with
that? And in the same breath lost my wife too
…
and my career
…””
“
Ethan, we don
’
t know if you have lost Vic for certain
…”
the therapist tries to infuse some hope
in his discourse, even if he recalls telling his patient just a few weeks ago
that he should face the fact his wife might have left him forever.
“
I
’
ve lost her, she vanished, it
’
s been months, there
’
s no trace of her, she might be dead
…”
Ethan says, sombre.
“
Ethan, I think you crucially need to
first tackle the issue of your son
’
s death
…
your marriage, its demise, is something
that we can deal with much later. I know, it feels as if only pain is surrounding
you, but you need to decide which one you want to face first, and I believe
Luca is
…
if not,
just tell me, and we will start with your wife
…
or what
’
s happening to your career
…”
No answer comes.
“
So Ethan, which one is it?
”
the therapist insists.
“
Vic.
”
he whispers.
“
Have you considered the possibility that
your choice comes not so much from a benevolent desire to keep her memory alive
than from an intense need to shield yourself from your own responsibility in
her departure?
”
the
question is asked in a serious tone and a surprised Ethan looks at his
therapist in shock.
“
Maybe, you want to focus so much on your
wife, so you don
’
t think
about that night
…
the
night, your son was conceived, but also the night he died, you bear a
responsibility in both
…”
the doctor
continues.
“
Look, your hands are trembling, this is
the tip of the iceberg, and the situation will become unsustainable if we don
’
t deal with it.
”
his gaze is fixated on the hands
sitting on his patient
’
s lap.
“
I have watched Luca get lowered into the
ground. And the only thought I had was I would do anything to get him back, so
please don
’
t talk
to me about responsibility. Don
’
t talk to me about letting Vic go. I have no desire to
let it happen, ever.
”
He gets up and walks out.
((~~!~~))
Session 96.
“
It was Anna.
”
he spats, as he sits down on the cushy
chair, facing his therapist.
“
I
’
m sorry?
”
the Dr answers, eyebrows arched at the
state of agitation his patient is displaying.
“
Anna Blaton. My chief of staff
…”
replies Ethan impatiently
The doctor shakes his head, confused. He
doesn
’
t understand what Ethan is saying.
“
Anna Blaton. What about her? I
’
ve never heard you mention her name, and I
’
ve been seeing you for over 18 months
Ethan
…”
he
states.
“
I had affair with her
…”
Ethan flexes his hands.
“
I
’
m sorry? Come again?
”
the Dr. is now utterly confused.
“
I had an affair with her years ago when I
was campaigning for the premiership
…
it ended after a few months, but she
’
s always wanted more, even though I made
it very clear to her that I would never ever leave Vic
…
and she had accepted it! Fuck, I kept her
as chief of staff all this time!
”
Ethan is shaking with anger.
“
Ethan. Let
’
s go back a little bit. I understand you
want to talk about this Anna Blaton, but I need to know exactly her place in
your history, because the only woman you ever mentioned to me, the only woman
who seemed to have all your attention was your wife, so excuse my confusion
…”
Ethan sighs, and says,
”
I
’
m sorry. It
’
s just, I just found out that cunt is
responsible of all my troubles, and I just can
’
t believe I lost it all because of her!
”
The doctor doesn
’
t let slip through his lips the immediate
response that came to his mind upon hearing the statement,-
did you lose it
all because of her? Or, aren
’
t you a least bit responsible?
Instead, he says out loud,
“
All, right. Let
’
s start from the beginning. Tell me about
Anna Blaton, and how she caused you to lose it all
…”
Ethan starts with the first time he fucked
her in his office.
He ends his tale with the conversation
they just had a few hours ago, when Anna casually,-
not so much!
-,
confessed the little chat she had with his wife the day of her departure,
setting in motion his complete demise, from his wife disappearance to watching
his political career go down the drain.
“…
And with what Anna said, I doubt she
’
ll ever come back to me
…
this kind of betrayal, she will never
forgive me
…”
“
This kind of betrayal?
”
are the first words the Dr speaks since
his patient started to recount his history with Anna Blaton.
“
Yes, having an affair for years
…
while she was pregnant
…
Vic will never forgive that
…”
his patient responds with a helpless
voice.
“
But you didn
’
t have an affair for years
…”
the therapist gently corrects.
“
I know that, she doesn
’
t!
”
Ethan cries out.
He inhales and exhales to calm himself
down, and says in a collected voice,
“
Well, it seems, I
’
ve hit the trifecta. First my son, then
my wife, and now my career is in shambles.
”
Dr Michaellson asks the only question he
can under the new sets of revelations,
“
What do you intend to do about it?
”
“
The only thing I can do. Push through
until it gets better.
”
((~~!~~))
He
’
s exhausted. Reminiscing is an energy sucker.
Anna Blaton, the woman who changed his
life for the worst. She
’
s with the opposition leader now, in all
meanings of the word
…
There
’
s no loyalty in politics, and when you add
sex to the mix; well, results are generally disastrous
, he can attest to that.
He
’
s grateful, this is all behind him, and he
survived.
He
’
s thinking about what tomorrow will bring.
He weathered worse, much worse.
His wife is home.
That
’
s all that matters.
CHAPTER 77
Vi and Ethan
As soon as he opened the door, Ethan could feel her
sadness rolling off her in waves. In turn, his own shoulders sagged and his
stomach clenched with a feeling of absolute helplessness. He didn't want to
ask; he wanted her to start telling him of what was going on to make her whole
demeanour change from the bright ray of light she'd had been yesterday to this.
He wanted her to trust him.
This was her second day back home, and
looking at her, he feels a sudden chill.
The fact that he found her in this
particular room in the house signals the end of the status quo between them.
Today is the day he
’
s been waiting for
for
over five years.
Today is the day he
’
ll get to tell her the truth.
((~~!~~))
She is in the nursery, seated in the wicker chair, her
eyes closed, and she can
’
t help but think of her son. Unconsciously
she is touching her belly, and whispering to the baby she is carrying.
Ethan is silently watching her, and
realization sweeps across his features, he waits until her eyes open, and rest
on him and he says in a soft voice,
“
Will you stay here to have the baby?
”
She blinks and feels a lump swelling in
her throat. She doesn
’
t give a voiced response, but the silence
is enough. She can
’
t lie to Ethan, never was able to.
He approaches her and kneel in front of
her when, his eyes boring into hers, he says, his voice laced with emotion
making his Australian drawl stand out,
“
Vic, I gather you haven
’
t told him, right? Yes. You haven
’
t or he would never have let you go. I
know Julian, and this one common trait we share, we will do anything for our
children
…”
he stops as
if recollecting some shared memory.
They can
’
t detach their eyes from each other.
He takes her hand in his and finally says,
“
Honey, baby, you have to tell him.
”
He sighs as he sees her shoulders slump.
“
A part of me wants to beg you no to tell
him anything at all, to be honest. I
’
d love nothing more to have you here,
home, having this baby
…
it would be our second chance to have it
all. Not many people get these
…”
he clears his throat, his hand still above hers, on
her stomach.
“
But it wouldn
’
t be right. Julian needs to know. I will
tell him myself if you don
’
t.
”
he says, resigned, and cupping her face, adds,
“
I love you. Still. And there
’
s nothing I wouldn
’
t do for you, even raise this child with
you if you let me, but Julian needs to know.
”
He stands up, gives her a peck on the
cheek and leaves the room.
((~~!~~))
Ethan
It
’
s time for closure, we both desperately
need it
, he thinks as he
’
s been pacing downstairs, wondering how to
approach her with the subject, subjects actually, they need to talk about. Yes,
these two things that were never voiced, never broached between them, yet
define their bond. Their son: how he came to life, and how he died.
Hours later, he comes back and she is
still in the nursery in the same wicker chair, she
’
s reading a book. He asks, with all the
resolve he can muster, if they can talk. She looks around, and says
“
Here? E, maybe
…”
“
Yes, here. It
’
s
the only appropriate place to have the conversation I
have in mind.
”
he replies strongly, even as his heart
start to beat more loudly in his ears, indicating doubt is creeping up on him.
They stare at each other, and suddenly
both pairs of eyes are blazing, one with fear, one with rage.
((~~!~~))
“
At the top of the game, you play by
different rules. I
’
ve always known that, so have you. So
really I wasn
’
t surprised by the leak, I kind of
expected it one day, maybe not from you, but it didn
’
t surprise me, nonetheless.
”
he says, watching her.
He can see; her body is straight, tense.
She still doesn
’
t want to be in this room, for this
conversation.
“
I am not angry with you. Never really was
to tell you the truth. Just a mere few minutes if that
…”
her brows arch in surprise,
“…
Ok, maybe a few days when I found out it
was you...a week at the most
…”
he chuckles,
“
But you always told me to stop doing
things I would regret, so all in all, I had it coming
…”
he smiles sheepishly.
She smiles too, relaxing. Yeah, this is her
husband, and they are playing the same games they used to. It
’
s not as bad as she thought it would be.
“
So, no chance of you taking me out then,
huh?
”
she ask, lips pursed.
He laughs,
“
You got too good at hiding!
”
“
In spite of the level of devastation I
caused?
”
she states, almost afraid, the question
totally rhetorical, because they both know the truth cannot be denied.
She ruined his career, killed his son, and
fled; leaving it all behind her. How can he not hate her, or at least want to
hurt her?
They stare at each other before he replies
softly,
“
Vic. Things have happened and we can
’
t change that, but baby, you need to know,
the only reason why we need to revisit this dark Chapter in our history is not
to assert and dispense blame but so we can both move forward into the future.
It
’
s been five years. Long enough time
has passed for both us to be cool headed, talk about it, and be done with it,
once and for all
…”
She barely hears him and doesn
’
t reply, as she is lost in her own
thoughts about their past.
((~~!~~))
Vi
Ethan is so great at compartmentalizing, so no one can
see his wounds, his suffering. Yes, this man in front of her is still the E.
she knew and loved.
Loved, or still love?
, she thinks.
What Ethan and I had is a great love; intense,
complicated, all consuming. That
’
s her main thought, as she studies his
face, but still doesn
’
t hear him.
So much pain, yet so much love between
them.
He loved her, raped her, gave her Luca,
saved her life. She loved him, she hated him, killed his son and ruined his
career. Do their wrongs cancel each other out? No, not even close, she thinks.
He definitely has more grounds to hate me.
She knows he had been angry, Kevin had
made a point of relaying to her what he read in press, and while she claimed
she didn
’
t care, she had used it to explain why she
needed to hide from Ethan.
She kept the promise she made the night
Luca died, she would not voice what happened to anyone. She still hadn
’
t.
Kevin didn
’
t know what she did to Luca, Lily either.
No one knew why she left Ethan so abruptly after their son
’
s death, why she couldn
’
t bear to even think of him, much less
face him ever again, when she knew she had killed his son, the apple of his
eyes, his hope in the future.
Everyone assumed she was just depressed
and broken over the ordeal. She wasn
’
t. She just knew better, that
’
s all.
She knew it was only a matter of time
before Ethan turned on her, when his shock and denial wore off, then he would
utterly hate her, and no amount of sex could or would prevent the inevitable.
She simply didn
’
t have it in her to fight for him, for
them, not after what she
’
s done.
If Luca
’
s death had been natural, then maybe they
would have survived it together, but knowing what she did, and how Ethan would
reject her once the truth was out, she knew her marriage had died the same
night her son had.
So, she left. Anna giving her an
unexpected way out. Yes, timing was everything in this life.
Her thoughts had wandered so deep into
their past she doesn
’
t hear what Ethan is saying, except when
he mentions
his
name.
“
I need to talk to you about Luca. We need
to talk about him.
”
he says, making her snap back into the
present.
“
No.
”
she utters, coming out of her thoughts,
her eyes hardening.
“
Vic. You are here, in his nursery
…”
he makes a sweeping gesture showing
the room, as his eyes narrow back on her,
”
We are talking about Lu, Vic
…”
he states with a voice cold as steel.
But as he sees her recoil, he adds softly,
“
First off, I truly am sorry for what I did
to you that night. I could blame it on the alcohol, the frustration
…
whatever, it wouldn
’
t change It.
”
he sees her pale, and holds his hand up,
so he can finish uninterrupted,
“
I love you, this hasn
’
t changed one bit. We never discussed it,
but Luca was the best thing that ever happened to us, and I will never regret
having him, even if it was for
…”
He sees her wince, as she cuts him and
says with an icy voice,
“
Please Ethan. I am asking you to not do
this. I do not want to talk about Luca. Not to you, not here, not to anyone!
“
She screams at him, as she gets up from
the rocking chair, throwing Mephisto away, and she is about to leave the
nursery, when he says as steadily as he can,
“
You did not kill him.
”
She stops and turns around looking at her
husband, angrily.
He repeats,
“
You didn
’
t kill Luca.
”
he sits downs in the wicker chair she
occupied a mere minute ago and stares at her, hard.
Her face shows a range of emotions, and
her mouth is open, but no words come out. She closes her eyes, but when she
finally reopens them, tears are streaming down her face, and he can see her
body is starting to shake.
“
You didn
’
t kill him Vic. I know you think you did.
I know you probably tortured yourself for years because you think you did, but
the truth is, you didn
’
t. Our son
…
-
“
he doesn
’
t finish when he sees her hand hold the
wall, her legs barely able to support her, and he
’
s afraid she is going to faint.
She holds herself against the wall, then
lets her body sink down onto the hardwood floor, and looks at Ethan, unable to
utter a word or make another move.
“
It was SIDS,
”
he says calmly.
She is too stupefied to even ask what SIDS
is.