Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
“
When you left and didn
’
t return, I had the coroner transfer the
autopsy report to a pathologist, a neonatal specialist so he could re-examine
things and find the exact cause of Luca
’
s death. I knew how you felt, I know what
you said...and after your leaving, I wanted to make sure
…
I wanted to have a reason to stop loving
you
…”
his
breath is getting labored,
“
I wanted to have a tangible reason to really hate you
…”
his voice finally falters.
They can only look at each other, no words
can convey what his admission means. She is crying freely now, and his own
throat is getting tighter.
“
I never thought you ever did anything to him,
but I needed to be sure, and when I realized you weren
’
t coming home, I wanted proof one way or
the other. Then his report came and I knew... Finally.
”
he admits.
He watches her, as she closes her eyes.
Her mascara is running along her cheeks onto neck and her blouse, her lips
quivering, her body trembling.
He resists his desperate impulse to go to
her and embrace her, to relieve her distress, and pursues in a low voice,
looking at his son
’
s soccer crib,
“
He
’
s not dead because of you. You don
’
t need to keep punishing yourself for
something you are not responsible for. You didn
’
t smother him. Actually, according to the
report, it
’
s a physical impossibility. Luca just
ceased to breathe. It was SIDS and there
’
s nothing anybody could have done. You,
your body, had nothing to do with it. You didn
’
t kill him...
”
he finishes, his voice just above a
whisper.
She re-opens her eyes, and through the
tears, sees he is now inches away from her. He cups her face and repeats,
“
You didn
’
t kill Luca. He just died. It was no one
’
s fault. Do you understand me?
”
he breathes softly.
He keeps repeating it, until she reacts,
as if her brain could not process the words.
Only when she nods, he engulfs her into
his arms, and they stays on the floor, holding each other tightly for a long
time, until her sobs subside. Eventually, he lifts her into his arms and gets
up. He carries her into his room, their room that is adjacent and shares a door
with the nursery.
He sits her onto the bed. She doesn
’
t resit, she doesn
’
t question it, and she remains silent. He
goes into the bathroom and comes back with a wet cloth in his hand, he cleans
her tear stricken face; the fabric is soft, warm, he can see color coming back
to her face.
He disposes of the cloth and returns from
the bathroom, a glass of water in hand, which he puts on the nightstand.
Without a word, he starts to undress her.
He removes her sandals and pulls her jeans off, moving her body as he needs to,
to accomplish the task. He leaves her panties on, but lifts her arms to remove
her blouse, and bra. He barely grazes her body, and opens the sheet and
comforter, then makes her slide into the bed and covers her. He then presses a
button near the headboard, and all blinds start to shut. When they are in
complete darkness, and he is about to leave the room, he hears her voice for
the first time in the hour, as she says one single word.
“
Stay.
”
He does.
CHAPTER 78
Forget me not
…
because
I sure as hell won
’
t
forget you
…
Frances
Son of a bitch!
Some of the fuck-wits I
’
m paying are so fired
…
I finally met that damn woman! In front of
Julian
’
s place, no less! The nerves! Why was she
even there? I
’
ll never know!
What I do know is that he refused me entry
to the property when I announced myself through the intercom.
Left me standing at the gate, like a
commoner! Claiming he was tired and wasn
’
t up for any company, including mine!
I am Frances Palmers, who the hell does he
think he is? This man is positively driving me crazy!
And I thought I had a handle on him after
our lunch at
Très
.
Evidently not!
((~~!~~))
I need to step up my game. Finding out whom that woman
is was obviously not enough and didn
’
t do damn much! Considering that bitch is
overseas, you
’
d think, I
’
d have more control over Julian
…
.
I really thought by making sure she
’
d stay away, the man would come back home
where he belongs. We all know Julian doesn
’
t do alone too well.
I mean, we
’
ve seen each other six times since
Très
, and things were coming around, or at least, I
thought.
Ari just informed me Julian has left for
Australia, dropping all his projects on a whim and Ari is pissed. I didn
’
t even ask him why, because I knew why!
This impromptu trip had to do with
her
, that witch!
I underestimated the power she holds over
him. What I thought was an infatuation on his part is apparently something else
altogether
…
Shit.
I know for a fact she hasn
’
t shown her face at any US airport, I
would know within the hour if she had, I
’
m paying a handful to be privy of that
specific information.
So, what gives? Something must have
happened for him to drop everything and fly there. And it must be something
big, because Julian has extensively explained to me why he would never set foot
in that country ever again!
The Belinda episode.
Anyone close to him knows about it all,
and we all know, it
’
ll be a cold day in hell before Julian
even considers any sort of trip down under, for any reason.
Yet, he has left.
Ari tells me he doesn
’
t know when he
’
s returning or if he will be back at work.
But considering the way he left, everyone is pretty much antagonized in the
Hollywood that matters; and his personal fortune notwithstanding, studios are
getting sick of him dropping off project on whims.
And this has happened a lot since he met
her
.
One day he
’
s fine and working, the next he
’
s sick and plays hermit; that is when he
’
s not just dropping everything and jetting
off after
her
…
If he doesn
’
t pull himself together, and sooner rather
than later, Ari tells me Julian
’
s reputation in our business will be as grilled as the
chicken one finds at the
Pollo
Loco, and he
’
ll never be able to work in LA, at least
not for any studio worth its salt.
And, that makes me smile. I feel my
signature grin creep up when I think I won
’
t have to do much more to get Julian back,
because his erratic behaviour is causing his own downfall.
There is one thing every director hates:
an actor they can
’
t rely on.
I know: I give them enough headaches! The
fact that Julian doesn
’
t even need to work makes him even more
uncontrollable. He
’
s
rich as Croesus and can pay any penalty
till kingdom come without even breaking a stride.
At his level, directors and producers need
him, not the opposite, which means if they all blacklist him due to his
unpredictability, he
’
ll have to fund and direct his own movies.
He could, or even get people to do it for
him
…
easily, for the reasons stated above,
money opens unlimited doors
…
But, here
’
s a secret: Julian doesn
’
t love this business that much. Acting,
yes. If a script is handed to him on a platter, but the rest it out of his
interests
’
spectrum. Simple.
The deities are gracing me with a
brilliant idea when I hear Ari rant about all the work he
’
s invested in Julian, only to see him
falter because of some woman
…
I will be Julian
’
s fairy godmother when he returns home. He
will work with me, and that
’
s how I will get him back, only to remind him who
Frances Palmers is when I do!
Because I might not have Julian
’
s fortune, but I yield enough power to be on
a pick and choose basis for any script, director, and studio in this damn town,
and I will set up an irresistible offer to cater to Julian
’
s needs.
((~~!~~))
It
’
s all set. I have an original script, the producers, a
cast, and the director. I am the lead, and I just need a lead partner. Only one
will do: Julian.
I have spoken to Ari, and he tells me
Julian has returned from Sydney this morning but hasn
’
t returned to work since he
’
s been replaced in the feature he was
shooting before his impromptu departure
…
It is my cue. Go see him, and offer him
the lead. I
’
ll present it as an early birthday
present. After all, he
’
s turning 44 in just a few weeks, and
starting out a new year unemployed is not something he needs to experience.
Except when I get to his house, I stumble
across that bitch! Except when I get to his house, he refuses to even let me
pass the gates!
So I call Ari, he will do my bidding for
me. I doubt this time he
’
ll take it lightly, since his agent
’
s fees are involved.
I am Frances Palmers. I get what I want.
He doesn
’
t know it yet, but Julian will be back in
my arms and in my bed before the candles are set on his cake.
Vi and Ethan
Adrian Rich said, every journey into the past is complicated,
by delusions, false memories, false naming of real events.
No truer words have been spoken, and she
feels their meaningful truth as she is looking at the man in front of her.
As she watches him, she knows sheer stupor
is all over her features.
Who is this man?
It can
’
t be Ethan because the Ethan she knows
would never let these words pass his lips, he
’
d rather die
…
What he declared ten minutes ago is
creating turmoil within her that she never anticipated when she left LA.
And now, he proceeds with his intent of
showing her, how serious he is about their relationship.
“
Why did you come back?
”
he asks, eyes shining, head tilted.
“
To confront my fears,
”
she replies, facing him.
“
Of me?
”
he pursues, feeling his throat go dry.
“
No. Of myself.
”
she says, bowing her head.
“
E. I
’
m not the same woman you wooed and
married.
”
she says holding his gaze, but hands
shaking.
“
You are so much more.
”
he replies, noticing the internal
struggle in her eyes.
“
I
’
m damaged.
”
she whispers.
“
Baby, you always were.
”
He smiles saying gently,
”
If you think about it, so was I
…
That
’
s why we worked.
”
He
’
s right,
of course.
“
Vic
…”
“
E
…”
they say at the same time and both smile.
They hold hands and he says,
“
It hasn
’
t always been easy
…”
she smiles as her heart swell, and
she replies,
“
No, but it
’
s never been boring
”
he grins.
Yes, in that instant, he knows, he will
love this woman till the day he dies.
((~~!~~))
“
This ought to be good!
”
she had said with an Australian twang,
when her on 3
rd
day back, he had approached her saying he wanted to
tell her a few things about the man he had become while she was away, the
clarity he now possessed, as opposed to the blindness that characterized him in
the past.
He had grinned broadly.
Does she even
notice she
’
s
speaking Australian now
…
“
I won
’
t stand in your way
…
I just want you to know you are the love
of my life. You will always be.
”
She had looked at him, utterly amazed he
would voice his feelings with such force and indeed clarity.
”
You will always be mine as I
’
ll always be yours because, Vic, you are a
part of me. We had a child together, that
’
s not something one forgets, and of course
there
’
s just you and me
…”
his voice had trailed as they watched
each other, both remembering all too well what they once had.
”
I love you, I always will, but I am not
what you need right this moment. I can see that. And your needs are what matter
here, you need Julian, and if not him, a man that doesn
’
t drive you crazy, a man who doesn
’
t know you inside and out as I do, a man
you can coexist with, and not be absorbed by, and we both know, this man isn
’
t me. It would be so easy for me to
welcome you back, and soon you
’
d disappear again, but you wouldn
’
t truly be happy. It would just be easy to
fall back into our patterns.
”
he had explained, as she had been stunned.
"I
’
ve finally understood what true love
means...love means that you care for another person's happiness more than your
own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be." he had concluded.
“
You
’
ll never be out of my life, just out of
our marriage.
”
he had stated as he handed her the
divorce papers, signed and ready for registration.
She was a free woman.
But, did she really want to be freed of
E.?
And, what he was saying now, in such a
calm and collected voice, was disturbing her even more.
“
We will be friends,
”
he stated, as if it was the most natural
thing in the world.
Friends? With E?
Her automatic, instinctive reaction had
been to nip the idea in the bud.
“
I appreciate you trying to be my friend,
but this will never work for either of us. Let
’
s be honest here, don
’
t tell me you can handle just being my
friend
…
it isn
’
t you Ethan, friendship isn
’
t us, never was
…”
she had replied, her heartbeat almost
incontrollable in her chest.
This was going too fast, this was too
reasonable. This was not what she had expected
…
This wasn
’
t them
…
“
Oh, but it was, and already is,
”
she heard him say.
“
What makes you say that?
”
she asked, focusing her attention back to
the man in front of her, instead of her screaming thoughts.
He had replied seriously,
“
Isn
’
t it what you came for? What you want?
”
“
I am confused E. Look at me, I
’
ve been here less than a week, and it
’
s taking everything in me, not to just
fall back into your arms. The idea feels good for a few minutes, a few hours
even, but then I am forced to think about all the things we have lost, and I
don
’
t know what I want
…”
she had admitted in a small voice.
“
I know you
’
re overwhelmed. It
’
s only been a few days. But I want to make
it easy for you. I
’
m here. Anything you need. Whether it
’
s crying onto my arms, or being the one
you vent to about Julian. I love you. And you are wrong. Yes, we were lovers,
husband and wife even, but none of that could have happened if we didn
’
t have each other best interest at heart,
and this is what friends do. I can be your friend, actually a better friend
than most because of who we are to each other. I love you. More than you know,
and I will always be there for you when you need me.
”
he had said adamantly.
“
I was never good at letting you go in the
past. I want to think, I am a better man now.
”
he had finished, holding her gaze so she
could read into him, so she
’
d knew his words were truer than they had ever been.
((~~!~~))
Friends.
Only friends.
Ethan seems determined to make it work.
The question is, can she? Does she even want it?
Can they have this reduced relationship
after what they had?
What happened to being in and out of Sydney
in a flash? Letting go of Ethan to go back to Julian?
This is so much harder than I thought
, she thinks.