Kiss Me Like You Mean It (22 page)

Can you see what’s wrong with this picture? They started well. They had a very good sexual experience. But they did not finish well. Their lovemaking ended with a thud. They missed getting the most out of their sexual passion. The husband also
disregarded
a vital component of sex for his wife: not only is her arousal period almost always considerably longer than his, also unlike him, the “afterglow” for her is
slow
,
gradual
. To walk out on her prematurely leaves her unfulfilled, and he misses something special too.

Celebrating important achievements and basking in the afterglow is a key element in squeezing every ounce of pleasure and significance from life. When mountain climbers scale the mighty Everest, do they immediately start their descent? No! When a basketball player hits the winning shot at the final buzzer, does he or she calmly walk off the court? No! When God answers a critical prayer request and comes through for you, do you say a brief “thank you” and move on?

You know what everyone does—or ought to do—after something special happens. Celebrate!
Talk
about the accomplishment! Relive it! Share personal reflections and get the reactions of the others involved in what happened! Sex is no different. It needs to be celebrated.

20

Solomon and Shulamith’s Spectacular Sex

That’s right. You read that correctly. Spectacular! Solomon and Shulamith enjoy a sex life that is nothing short of amazing. Sadly, their sexual success is something most married couples never achieve. And that is not what God wants. God has planned and made available what Solomon and Shulamith have. That’s why the story of their relationship, including details of their lovemaking, is in the Bible.

Solomon and Shulamith have seven secrets to success in sex. The Song’s solutions to the top seven sexual mistakes will give you the ability to make love as you’ve never made love before.

Solution #1: Build a Love Nest

Solomon and Shulamith make love in a completely private and secure environment. There is no mention of anyone bothering them. Of course, who would have dared disturb the king and his wife? When they are alone in their bedroom, it is off limits to everyone.

You need to make sure your bedroom is as secure as Fort Knox. When you’re in there together to make love, you are in the vault. Nobody leaves—hopefully—and nobody enters. Tell the peasants (your kids) not to bother the King and the Queen (you two).

Buy a solid and sturdy door that blocks much of the noise from either side. This kind of door is good for soundproofing but also adds to the aura of security. Put a dead bolt on the door if that is needed to protect you from disturbances. I’m not kidding. You want to know that no one can enter your bedroom during your most intimate times together. Unless your kids call the fire department and the firemen hack your door down with axes, no one is getting in.

The Song does not specifically describe the lovers’ bedroom, but it’s safe to assume that it is a very romantic setting. We know Solomon is a romantic man who praises Shulamith’s beauty and character in great detail. He knows how to meet her needs and prepare her for sex. He certainly is aware of how important the atmosphere of the bedroom is to his wife.

I believe Solomon makes sure their bedroom is a beautiful and romantic place. He knows the mood is a vital, contributing factor to the experience. I can’t picture Solomon saying to Shulamith: “Hey, honey, let’s go into the bedroom and make love. Wow, sorry this place is such a mess! I told those servants to tidy up, make the bed, and put mints on the pillows. I’ll just throw these sandals and robes into the closet and we can get on with it.”

In that day, there was no electricity, so every room was lit with candles. So, Solomon and Shulamith are likely making love in candlelight. It’s another great idea, because everybody looks better in candlelight! The flickering flames cast a soft, romantic glow in the bedroom. (This is why romantic restaurants use candles. You can’t read the menu, but it isn’t just about the food.)

Prepare your bedroom for the experience. Clean it up. Make the bed. Get shoes and clothes out of sight. Use a beautiful bedspread that your wife picks out. And use no electricity. Take a tip from the Song’s lovers and get out the candles. You’re not having sex in the city dump. You’re making love in a gorgeous, romantic boudoir.

Solomon and Shulamith prepare their bodies for their sexual encounter too. What sense would it make for them to be stinky and nasty in a beautiful, romantic bedroom?

Shulamith (1:3a)
“Your oils have a pleasing fragrance . . .”

It was common in that day to oil your body in preparation for a special occasion. Sex certainly is a special occasion. Shulamith is saying she finds the scent of Solomon’s perfumed oils erotic. Are you getting this, husbands? Your smelly armpits will turn her off. Your clean, scented body will turn her on. Any questions?

Shulamith uses the power of smell to get Solomon’s motor running.

Solomon (4:11b)
“And the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.”

Translation: “You are smelling very, very good to me, baby!” Shulamith uses fragrance to enhance her sexual appeal and get Solomon’s attention. She succeeds.

Without fail, shower before making love. Shower together! There’s room in there for both of you. Brush your teeth. Use toothpaste and a mouthwash that your spouse approves. Husband, shave within a couple of hours before you have sex! (Unless your wife enjoys the stimulation of making love to a porcupine.) Use deodorant, cologne, and perfume that your spouse really likes. Experiment and find scents that turn each of you on.

Solution #2: Getaway Sex Is Great Sex

Solomon and Shulamith love to get away from the palace and have sex on the road. They know that making love away from home keeps a physical relationship fresh, creative, and exciting.

Solomon (4:8)
“Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
May you come with me from Lebanon.
Journey down from the summit of Amana,
From the summit of Senir and Hermon,
From the dens of lions,
From the mountains of leopards.”

Right in the middle of foreplay in their bedroom in the palace, Solomon invites Shulamith to come with him to the mountains of Lebanon. He wants to take her there and make love to her.

Read this provocative proposal from Shulamith:

Shulamith (7:11–12)
“Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country,
Let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us rise early and go to the vineyards;
Let us see whether the vine has budded
And its blossoms have opened,
And whether the pomegranates have bloomed.
There I will give you my love.”

Shulamith asks Solomon to go with her to the countryside and make love outside! Whew! Now, that’s true getaway sex!

Schedule at least two getaway weekends a year. More, if you can pull it off. The beach. The mountains. A log cabin. A quaint bed-and-breakfast in an interesting city. Have the grandparents watch the kids, or find a couple you know well and trust, and leave the kids with them. You can return the favor and stay with their kids when they have their getaway.

The sex you have in another place will be invigorating. And, of course, absolutely private. With no kids to worry about, you can spend all the time you want in lovemaking. Maybe even more than once a day. It’ll be like the honeymoon all over again. Better, actually, because now you have a clue as to how to please one another in bed.

It can also be a lot of fun to make love in other rooms in your home. Send the kids out on sleepovers, or exploit an opportunity when the kids are involved somewhere, and see what sex is like somewhere else in the house.

Solution #3: Speak Up

In chapters four and seven of the Song, we are given a clear picture of Solomon and Shulamith’s foreplay and intercourse. It’s surprising how much talking the lovers do during sex.

In chapter seven, there is a lot of talking too, and it follows a similar pattern.

Solomon and Shulamith are teaching us not to be afraid to talk during sex. We need to follow their example and talk to express love, to get aroused, to tell each other how we want to be touched, to signal readiness for intercourse, and to reflect on the experience.

Solution #4: Take Your Time in Foreplay

Solomon and Shulamith take their time in foreplay. They are in no hurry. There is no sense of urgency to get to intercourse. In fact, just the opposite. In the two main accounts of their lovemaking (4:1–5:1 and 7:1–9), Solomon and Shulamith go through a progression of steps on their way to intercourse.

First, Solomon verbally praises Shulamith’s beauty and her character as he slowly kisses, caresses, and massages the parts of her beautiful body. In 4:1–5, he follows this path down her body: her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, temples, neck, and breasts. In 7:1–5, he travels the opposite way: her feet, hips, navel, belly, breasts, neck, eyes, nose, head, and hair. There is a slow buildup here of emotional and physical arousal.

Second, Solomon restates his appreciation of Shulamith’s beauty.

Solomon (4:7)
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
And there is no blemish in you.”

(7:6)
“How beautiful and how delightful you are,
My love, with all your charms!”

He tells her she is beautiful, both physically and as a person. This is what every wife longs to hear from her husband. And your wife needs to hear it every time you make love.

Third, Solomon continues to praise her body as their physical activity becomes much more intense.

Solomon (4:11a)
“Your lips, my bride, drip honey;
Honey and milk are under your tongue . . .”

(7:8)
“I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree,
I will take hold of its fruit stalks.’
Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine . . .”

Fourth, Shulamith becomes sexually aroused.

Solomon (4:15)
“You are a garden spring,
A well of fresh water,
And streams flowing from Lebanon.”

Shulamith (4:16)
“Awake, O north wind,
And come, wind of the south;
Make my garden breathe out fragrance,
Let its spices be wafted abroad.
May my beloved come into his garden
And eat its choice fruits!”

Solomon has patiently and lovingly brought her to a state of high physical arousal. Finally, in 5:1, intercourse takes place.

As you see, foreplay is a slow, gentle process. Emotional arousal happens right along with the physical arousal. In the process, you’re not only making a physical connection. That can be done quickly. You are making an emotional connection too. Foreplay continues until you both are emotionally and physically ready for intercourse.

All these steps take time.

Solomon (4:6)
“Until the cool of the day
When the shadows flee away,
I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh
And to the hill of frankincense.”

This guy wants to make love to his wife all night long! Great lovemaking requires time. And, boy, does taking time pay off! It does for Solomon and Shulamith. It will for you and your lover too.

Solution #5: Let Yourself Go

Shulamith loves having sex with Solomon. She doesn’t do it as a service to him. She loves him and wants to please him, but she also is having a wonderful time in bed with him.

Shulamith is French kissing Solomon (4:11), she is very stimulated and sexually aroused (4:15), she eagerly asks Solomon to come inside her (4:16), and she is completely satisfied and fulfilled with their sex (7:9). She’s so happy with her sexual relationship with Solomon that she asks for more (7:10–13).

The question is, wife, how can you feel and respond the way Shulamith does? The answer comes in two parts. First, you and your husband need to carry out Solutions 1–4. These steps will certainly help. Second, you need to follow Shulamith’s example. There are three actions Shulamith does during lovemaking that can help you let yourself go in the bedroom.