Kiss Me Like You Mean It (9 page)

Wife: “Well, this is where it all ends after sixty-five years of marriage. I’ve been yearning for and dreading this moment for most of our married life.”

Husband: “What do you mean, ends? I’m in pretty bad shape, but I’m not dead yet.”

Wife: “You’re very close to death. Closer than you think.” Husband: “What? Do you know something I don’t? And what do you mean by ‘yearning for and dreading this moment’?”

Wife: “I’ve yearned for years to tell you what I really think about you and our marriage. I dread the possibility of going to prison for the rest of my life.”

Husband: “Prison? Why would you go to prison?”

Wife: “Because, after I’ve said what I want to say, I’m going to push you over the edge of this cliff. I’ll keep the wheelchair and sell it for a few bucks. Now, be quiet and listen. When I married you, I dreamed of having a wonderful marriage. I wanted laughter, fun, and passion. I wanted excitement, spontaneity, and sensuality. What I got for most of those sixty-five years was a boring, ho-hum, and passionless marriage. You could say I’m a little bitter. So, this is goodbye.”

As the camera pulls back, the old woman begins to rock her husband’s wheelchair back and forth at the edge of the cliff. His pleas for mercy mingle with her high-pitched, cackling laugh as the screen fades to black. We’re left to wonder if she actually dumped him over the edge.

Well, I guess you’ve figured out no one’s ever made a romantic comedy with this story line. I don’t think it would sell too many tickets. However, it has been my experience that many married couples end up just like this one. Not at the edge of a cliff with murder in mind. But with a mediocre, blah marriage that never realized its potential for passion.

If you want to avoid this metaphorical cliff in your marriage, you must learn how to inject frequent, liberal doses of fun and playfulness into your relationship. Who can teach you? Solomon and Shulamith.

Let’s Play

Solomon and Shulamith are two of the original daters. They love to go out together. And, boy, do they know how to have fun! And the fun they have stokes their passion.

Shulamith (2:10) “My beloved responded and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, And come along.”

Solomon asks Shulamith to leave home and come with him on a date. Take note, husbands: calling your wife “darling” and “beautiful one” increases the chances she’ll want to go out with you.

In 2:11–13, Solomon shares his excitement about being with Shulamith on their outing:

For behold, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
The flowers have already appeared in the land;
The time has arrived for pruning the vines,
And the voice of the turtledove
has been heard in our land.
The fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the vines in blossom
have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!

He compares their love to the coming of spring. It is fresh, new, and beautiful. He wants to go out into this new world and enjoy it with her. He can’t wait to spend time with her.

Solomon (2:14)
“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret place of the steep pathway,
Let me see your form,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your form is lovely.”

Why is Solomon asking Shulamith out? To have fun with her, to get to know her better as a person,
and
eventually to see her beautiful body.

Shulamith is not a passive, demure, little lady. Oh, no! She is attracted to Solomon and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to be with him sexually. Check out her erotic proposal to Solomon:

Shulamith (7:11) “Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country, Let us spend the night in the villages.”

She asks Solomon to explore the countryside and, later that night, to explore her body. She wants sex! She doesn’t have to ask him twice.

Shulamith (7:12)
“Let us rise early and go to the vineyards;
Let us see whether the vine has budded
And its blossoms have opened,
And whether the pomegranates have bloomed.
There I will give you my love.”

One date followed by intercourse isn’t enough for Shulamith. This is a two-day date. It’s a getaway. She wants to play with Solomon in the vineyards and then make love outside!

Solomon and Shulamith love being alone. It’s not what they do that’s important. What excites them is just being in each other’s company. The same progression is evident in both these passages: going out together, being playful and having fun, and capping it off with passionate sex.

It’s important to go out regularly on fun, playful dates. Shoot for once a week. At the bare minimum, go out once every two weeks. No kids. No pets. No family. No friends. Just the two of you.

Don’t do the same old, boring routine of dinner and a movie. You have two brains. Use them! Be creative! Do activities you did back when you were dating. These will bring back great memories and romantic feelings.

You are going out to play. Do what your partner enjoys. Find an activity that you both enjoy. If necessary, alternate the activities on your dates.

Mall Picnic in a Park Trade Show Frisbee Car Show Tennis

Craft Fair Bowling Beach Golf Garage Sale-ing Dancing

The list of possible activities is almost endless. Look for activities that allow you to interact and communicate. Again, it’s not what you do that is the key. It’s being together and having fun.

Another idea is to play practical jokes on your friends. Sandy is a master of this genre. One time several years ago, we toilet-papered the home of Wayne and Denise Hall. They were inside and didn’t have a clue. Sandy and I wore black clothes and pulled off the commando mission with skill and flair. And a lot of laughter. The best part was leaving a note implicating my best friend, Rocky Glisson, as the culprit. It was sweet and a total riot to nail both the Halls and Rocky with one prank!

Loosen up in your home and look for ways to be playful. Silly comments. Good-natured teasing. Crazy board games. Funny little notes left for your spouse. Point out stories in the newspaper about people who do incredibly dumb things. Think goofy and immature, and you’ll be on the right track.

I love being playful with Sandy in the home. She loves it too. One time, I was home at lunchtime on a weekday. It looked like rain, so I told Sandy I was leaving early to get to work to beat the rain. It was dark, windy, and you could hear the rumbling of thunder.

I walked up to Sandy, took her in my arms, and said, “Baby, it’s going to start pouring any second. But do I care? No. I want—no, I need—one more stolen kiss before I go. This kiss may cost me. I may get soaked, but it’s worth it to taste your ruby red lips.” And I parked a real smoocher on her.

Dumb? Sure. Silly? Certainly. Fun and playful? Oh, yeah.

Another time, Sandy and I were watching a television sitcom with two of our kids. In the show, a guy had expressed romantic interest in a female coworker, and she had turned him down.

After the show ended, Sandy went into the kitchen. I followed her, took her in my arms, kissed her, and said in a loud voice so the kids could hear: “When you expressed interest in me back in college, twenty-eight years ago, what did I do? I guess it’s pretty obvious what I did! And twenty-five years of marriage and four kids later, I’m so glad I did. I would do it again. I love you!”

Sandy laughed and then gave me a big, lip-smacking kiss. The kids made gagging sounds, but we didn’t care. It was a moment of playfulness. Solomon and Shulamith would be proud of us.

“I love you, Sweetie Carkst.” This is one of my many special names for Sandy, and I call her this often. “Sweetie Carkst?” you ask. Carkst is a form of Clarke. Well, it’s hard to explain. All I can tell you is that my calling Sandy a variety of pet names—and vice versa—is a good practice. It’s biblical, and Sandy and I like it.

Solomon and Shulamith use pet names for each other throughout the Song. It’s part of their playfulness. Take a look.

Solomon calls Shulamith “my darling” in:

Shulamith calls Solomon “my beloved” in:

Solomon also calls Shulamith “my dove” (2:14; 5:2; 6:9), “my bride” (4:8, 9, 10, 11, 12; 5:1), and “my perfect one” (5:2; 6:9).

My personal favorites are names Shulamith calls Solomon three times: “gazelle” or “young stag” (2:9, 17; 8:14). In today’s language, this means “stud” or “hunk.” Now, what husband wouldn’t love to hear this as a pet name?

So, “darlings” and “beloveds”: don’t stop using pet names for each other. Be gushy. Be mushy. Be sentimental. Be syrupy sweet. Be lovey-dovey. As Solomon and Shulamith demonstrate, those special endearments add playfulness and a romantic spark to a love relationship.

You Are Such a Flirt!

The lost art of marital flirting is in full, shameless display in the Song. Solomon flirts. You kind of expect that from the guy. But Shulamith is just as big a flirt. And that doesn’t make her a bad girl. Hardly. That makes her a girl madly in love.

Solomon and Shulamith, with the full blessing and approval of God, make all kinds of sexually suggestive comments to each other. They tease. They joke about sex. They describe each other’s bodies in vivid detail. They talk about making love. They talk about various sexual positions. It is not inappropriate. It is not nasty. It is beautiful.

You might want to take a cold shower before you read the following verses. On second thought, forget the cold shower. Let these verses arouse your sexual passion for your spouse.

Shulamith (1:2)
“May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine.”

Right at the beginning of the book, Shulamith is doing some serious flirting. She’s begging Solomon to kiss her! This kind of talk is beyond erotic for a man.

Shulamith (1:4)
“Draw me after you and let us run together!
The king has brought me into his chambers.”

In case he didn’t get the message the first time, she asks Solomon to take her into his bedroom and make love to her.

Shulamith (1:16)
“How handsome you are, my beloved,
And so pleasant!
Indeed, our couch is luxuriant!”

She is not talking about the furniture here. She is referring to their being in bed together. And what do lovers do in bed?

Shulamith (2:6)
“Let his left hand be under my head
And his right hand embrace me.”

She describes an extremely intimate position: the embrace of two lovers.

Shulamith (8:2–3)
“I would lead you and bring you
Into the house of my mother, who used to instruct me;
I would give you spiced wine to drink from the juice of
my pomegranates.
Let his left hand be under my head,
And his right hand embrace me.”

Shulamith gives Solomon an erotic proposal. She offers him her body and asks him to drink in her sensual delights.

Solomon (2:14b)
“Let me see your form,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your form is lovely.”

As we’ve seen before in looking at this verse, Solomon is praising her physical beauty. He is looking forward to seeing her naked.

Solomon (4:9)
“You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride;
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes,
With a single strand of your necklace.”

Solomon tells her, twice, that she sexually excites him like no other woman. She is an absolute babe, and he wants her to know it.

In 4:12–14, Solomon describes in exquiste detail Shulamith’s beautiful body and their lovemaking. He uses the image of a garden. A “garden” filled with all kinds of sexual delights. Then, he really gets personal.

Solomon (4:15)
“You are a garden spring,
A well of fresh water,
And streams flowing from Lebanon.”

Whoa! This is beyond personal. He’s telling Shulamith that she is sexually aroused and prepared for intercourse. No way! Is this in the Bible? Yes!

Solomon (5:1)
“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk . . .”