Nikolas slapped her bottom. “I thought you only had eyes for me,” he said mournfully. She pouted and gave him a little kiss on the cheek, but grinned at Seve while she did it. He didn’t know what to say or where to look. Was she making some kind of offer to him and he was missing it? What was the polite thing to do in such circumstances?
But she was already moving away, throwing off her apron, and wiping her hands and face with a cloth. “Right, Kera love, that’s me done. See you tomorrow. See you too, Niko—and Seve,
you
can come back anytime.” Seve flushed at the overt invitation in her voice.
Nikolas shook his head as Syere left the kitchen. “She’s a terrible flirt, but kind as they come.”
Kera came over to them, brushing her damp grey hair back from her forehead. “Will your friend be staying tonight, Niko?”
He shot Seve a glance before answering. “Uh...I haven’t talked about....”
“
Yes, mistress,” Seve said quickly, because Nikolas was getting a worried look in his eyes. “If that’s all right.”
“
If you wash the bar room floor tomorrow before you leave.”
“
Of course.”
She nodded curtly. “Done. Well, good night to you both. Thank you, Seve. You made it easier.”
He bowed, surprised to be singled out. “A pleasure, mistress Kera.” She returned the bow quickly, and then left them alone in the cooling kitchen.
Nikolas had wandered off to wash his face and neck under the little pump by the sink. “You made a good impression,” he said, standing up and snagging a cloth to wipe the water off. “You see? People aren’t so scary.”
“
It helped having you near.”
“
I’m glad of that,” he said, his smile warm and genuine. “Do you really want to stay the night? You’ve got a lamp, and the road’s pretty safe.”
“
You could come back. I don’t want to be alone.”
Nikolas clenched his fist. “Seve—Jaime forbade it, and though I know it’s your house too, I don’t want to give him another reason to be angry with you. But if you stay here, there’s only the one bed.”
“
Which will make him angry as well—are you saying I should leave?”
The very idea made his heart thud with panic, and his gut tighten into an agony. Ashamed at his cowardice, he tried to hide his reaction by looking away, but of course Nikolas noticed. He came up and took Seve’s hands in his. “No.” He smiled again, but in a rather strained manner. “Only, it’s not a very big bed, and there’s a lot of you.”
“
I know how to manage. I did in the temple before....” Before he had become a god, he thought.
Nikolas patted his hands in comfort. “Then come upstairs.”
Relieved and then shamed at his relief that he wasn’t going to have to face an empty house on his own, he followed Nikolas back up to his shabby little room.
“
There’s an earth closet at the end of the hall, or the chamber pot. Water in the ewer and...that’s about it,” Nikolas explained, sitting on the bed to pull his boots off. “I only come here to sleep.”
“
Is it really better than your father’s house?” Seve asked.
“
No, but I don’t have to listen to lectures or see him worry about me when there’s not a damn thing he can do to help. Sometimes I’d wish I was an orphan, if I didn’t love the old bastard so much.”
“
The alternative,” Seve said gravely, “doesn’t have much to recommend it.”
“
No. Um—I have no nightshirt.”
He’d been using a spare one of Jaime’s, Seve recalled. “I...find it difficult to be naked.” But sleeping in one’s clothes was tiresome, and the night was hot. He cursed his stupid brain for having such idiotic scruples.
“
I’ve got an idea. Turn around.”
Confused, Seve obeyed. He heard various thumps and shuffling, and then the bed creaked. “All right. I’m in bed, facing away and my eyes are shut. Get undressed, climb in and turn the light off. I won’t look, promise.”
Such a simple solution? And it was only Nikolas, who Seve had seen naked any number of times. Quickly he did as he was told, then got into bed, and turned the lamp down to low. Nikolas was doing his best not to touch him, but the bed was so narrow, it was a pointless exercise. “Neither of us are going to get any sleep like this,” Seve pointed out.
Nikolas turned to him. “What would make you most comfortable?”
Seve drew a deep breath, then put his arm around and hooked Nikolas close. “This,” he whispered.
“
Pretend I’m Jaime?”
“
No. I don’t want to do that.” Hesitantly, he pulled Nikolas closer, then placed his lips carefully on his friend’s forehead. “No more lies.”
“
Seve, I don’t want you hurt,” he murmured, but didn’t pull away.
“
Too late.” Nikolas’ hand slid around his waist, and Seve buried his face in Nikolas’ hair—so very different from Jaime’s, and the thought sent a wave of pain through him. “I don’t want to lose him,” he whispered.
Nikolas’ arm tightened just a little. “Tomorrow, I’ll find him and speak to him, Seve. I’ll tell him there’s nothing between us....”
“
No more lies,” Seve said softly. “You know that’s not true.”
Nikolas went very still. “Maybe not. But...nothing can come of it. He’s your soul, you know that.”
“
I know, and I won’t lie to you and say you mean the same as him, but...you mean something. A lot. I didn’t realise that until today. I never expected it at all.”
“
Nor I,” Nikolas said dryly. “It wasn’t exactly welcome, under the circumstances. I’ll explain to Jaime that nothing’s happened, and nothing will. He can think what he wants of me, but I won’t have him call you unfaithful.”
“
I’m not capable of it anyway. Minas as good as castrated me.”
Nikolas was silent for some time, and Seve feared he’d crossed some hidden line. But then Nikolas tilted his head and looked up, his green eyes huge in the dim light cast by the low-wicked lamp. “Jaime thought the same thing, you know. But I managed to get him to climax.” Seve pushed down the jealousy—he knew Nikolas had to be mentioning it for a reason. “It took a lot of gentleness and time, and convincing him I was you, but he did. I’m sure it would work on you. Time and gentleness, I mean—not me...doing anything to you.”
“
But I see Minas....”
“
Somehow you need to find a way to fool your mind. Perhaps you and he should talk to healer Karel.”
Seve almost laughed. “I’m pretty certain Jaime would rather die first.”
“
Or lose you first? I doubt it.”
“
You didn’t see him, Nikolas. He was so cold, so unfriendly. Like we were strangers.” Nikolas cuddled closer in comfort, and Seve’s lips brushed his face again. It seemed natural to kiss him when they were like this. Seve did wonder if he was quite in his right mind, that he could contemplate things which a month ago would have thrown him into a tantrum of jealous rage.
“
You know him best, but I knew him when he was at his lowest point. Seve—he had to find a way to survive, and he did it by hiding his pain, and his emotions. The only time he could release them was at night, when he thought I was asleep. Then it all came out and he would cry himself to sleep. Only when he had privacy, only when he knew no one could use his sorrow against him. Did he tell you what the other surrogates did to him?”
Seve wondered if he should hear this. “No.”
Nikolas bit his lip. “Then...perhaps I shouldn’t tell you...but if you use your imagination, and know that they weren’t very nice or kind, and none of them cared about him...you can guess.”
Seve had a sudden, choking nausea at the unbidden memory of Minas’ guards, raping a bound Jaime like a perverted sacrifice, while Seve was trapped and helpless and forced to watch. “You mean...even in his own quarters?”
“
Yes. So he had nowhere to hide, except in himself. I was lucky. I got a glimpse of what he was hiding, and realised that cold exterior wasn’t all there was to him, and after that, I could understand and like him. And, of course, to love him, though you don’t want to hear that.”
“
You have good taste,” Seve said, forcing himself to smile.
“
So does he,” Nikolas said, his lips brushing carefully along Seve’s chin. “His armour worked then, or as well as anything could, so he’s using it again. But armour keeps everyone out, not just the enemy. He must be in pain and very lonely tonight, because I know he loves you, and he thinks he’s losing you to me. I have to prove to him that he’s not.”
“
I thought I was losing him to you.”
“
But you’re not.” He looked into Seve’s eyes again. “I’d never have Jaime at the price of losing you, even if Jaime had the slightest interest in me, because he’d only be half alive if you were dead or gone. And so would you be—only half a man. I don’t know much about love, but I know that much—when two people are as close and bonded as you two, I’d have to be mad to interfere. It’s just a shame my heart doesn’t have any sense,” he added with a shrug and a little self-deprecatory smile.
Seve kissed him again, on the lips this time, and it was no chaste and gentle buss, but a real kiss, with all the passion and affection Seve felt behind it, his whole body afire with urges and needs that he had thought lost to him. Rational thought told him he should feel guilty, but rational thought had no dominion over him as he tasted Nikolas again, let his body overwhelm his companion, the need he had to be close to someone who was so dear to him, washing away his qualms. Nikolas seemed more reluctant, being slow to respond, but when Seve didn’t retreat, then Nikolas met him with equal ardour, his tongue exploring, probing, tasting him and drinking him in.
In the end, it was Nikolas who pulled back, a little breathless. “Well now—for a castrated man, you do pretty well, but you might have mercy on my self-control, Severin.”
Seve swallowed to recover his own breath, and tried to will his body into obedience. He could feel Nikolas’ erection against his leg, yet strangely, it didn’t cause the instinctive panicked reaction that had been such an unwelcome companion to his night times of late. “I’m sorry—I just...I don’t know what it is about you. I used to feel so threatened by you, and now, you’re the safest person for me to be with. Even more than Jaime. You just...feel right. Are you sure you’re not some kind of magician?”
Nikolas laughed. “If I was, I wouldn’t admit it, and if I was, I’d have found some easier way to find myself a lover than to fall in love with a life-bonded couple. I don’t know the reason, Seve. For now, the only important thing is Jaime, and getting him home.”
Seve disagreed but kept silent, because there were two important things here. Nikolas was being fair, and not making any claims. Seve had no right to do so either.
But as they settled down to sleep, the thought kept coming to him—if by a miracle, Jaime came back to him, would Seve be able to keep thoughts of Nikolas out of his mind? And if not...what would that mean for his and Jaime’s future together.
“
Just go to sleep, Seve,” Nikolas murmured. “We’re too tired to think any more. It’ll be all right. Trust me.”
“
With my life,” Seve whispered. For he already had, and Nikolas had played it true. He had to have faith that their friend, with his odd and powerful belief in the two of them, could mend what neither he nor Jaime seemed to have the power to.
~~~~~~~~
Jaime was normally very much in favour of the Jendonese education system, which insisted that even young people training for medicine or engineering had to include as part of their studies, culture and history from all over the world. Apart from anything else, it was what gave him a job, and it meant that generally, there was a much higher level of literacy and awareness among the population than was the case in Gidin.
But today, when he’d had little sleep, and was as heartsick as ever he’d been in the temple, and had a splitting headache from stress and exhaustion, he found it hard not to wish his students—some of whom were displaying more than usual stupidity and obduracy today, as if they knew he had no patience for it—to the deepest pits of the darkest hell of the filthiest gods in the Gidinian pantheon (the Jendonese gods being too mild and kind for the fate Jaime wanted.) It didn’t help that he was doing extra teaching today to make up for the cover that his colleagues had given him the day before. All in all, he wished he hadn’t kept the appointment. He wished he was still in blissful ignorance of the situation at his house, and of Ardin’s offer. Not only had the two equally stressful problems managed to deprive him of sleep, but also rob him of his appetite and his ability to think in the least bit clearly.